Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Total and 'Udder' Discombulation

Ever have those days when you feel like you've got it all together? Like nothing can stop you and you are truly Superwoman? I've been having a month like that! Up at 4am, housework and chores done by 5, workout finished, dressed and ready for the day by 7. You feel like nothing can stop you....

and then you AND your spouse come down with a cold.

The next thing you know there are Kleenex's (well toilet paper, cause I'm too cheap to BUY Kleenex!) all over the house. The bed goes unmade, cause there's always someone in it. The house doesn't get it's daily vacuum and you are all discombobulated.

You're sleeping til 7am all the while you toss and turn realizing that the chickens need out, the cats need fed, and the bunny is dying of thirst.

Then you laugh at yourself saying 'and you wanna get a cow'.
On mornings like this I'm sure her teets would have burst before I'd
have the gumption to go out a milkin'.

You lie in bed realizing that this is the day school resumes after a nice three week break.
You've forgotten how to divide fractions and break down sentences.

You hear a chicken in the kitchen, ya, the one that you gave a bath and a blow
dry to last night, cackling for her breakfast.
Helen's hungry, and she wants company.

I didn't tell you Helen was in the house?
Oh yes. I've made her a diaper (she hates it).
She's had a bath and a blow dry.
She's on antibiotics.
I heard her 'rattling' a little in the coop over the weekend.
Seems she has a cold too.

We've had some good talks over hot tea.
She wants to start an advice column.

"Dear Helen"

Would you take advice from a chicken?


  1. I am so sorry that you and Glen are sick. I think that the way the house gets is worse for me than the way I feel when I am sick. It does just make your whole rhythm sort of take a nose dive. But you get to have a chicken in your house so I am sure that will make you feel much better! LOL :) Smiles to you today.

  2. Yes, a Dear Helen column would be a fabulous idea! :) I am sorry you are all sick. :( Get lots of rest and drink lots of fluids! See, back in the day when people had milk cows they also had a dozen kids and close knit communities...so when one was down, the work still got done. Maybe you should start a chicken lovers commune so you will have back up on hand? :) LOL

  3. I believe I would, but only a very special sort of chicken.

    Hope you are feeling better. And Helen too.

  4. I would absolutely take advice from YOUR chicken. And in fact, DID absorb advice from your conversation with Helen last week. She is wise beyond her feathers.

  5. oh yes I would take advice of Helen anyday of the week. She is quiet a babe you know. Speaking of which how about Helen do a calander for next year? You could make her outfits for Miss Jan., Feb. etc. kind of like a Playboy calander only much cuter. nancy

  6. Daily vacuum? That nanny idea of yours, she would have to keep up with some serious standards ;)
    I am sorry to hear that you are under the weather.
    Having Helen around to visit with you indoors will surely keep your spirits up despite having a cold.
    Stock up on Elderberry syrup, echinacea, zinc, Emergen-C, maybe even a probiotic to keep your intestinal track all evened out.
    If the nearest natural foods store is too far, my second piece of advice is this: A HUGE cup of hot tea, a small spoonful of honey, a decent size wedge of lemon, and a healthy shot of Jamieson's Irish Whisky. Works like a charm!
    ~Andrea in NH

  7. One request...
    I'd like to see photo of Helen in a diaper. We have 5 hens that may have to move in because if the cold gets colder.

    I dont' think I'd call it Playboy if you go along with the calendar idea. I'd call it "Hot Chicks" calendar.:)

  8. So sorry about the icky colds...for all three of you! Please take care of yourself! Yes, I would take advice from Helen anyday...she is so wise! The comment above me really gets the whole ball rollin, lol! I love the idea...but she may need her own blog...

  9. Oh...one more thing... Hope you and Glen get much better soon.

  10. Jayme - So sorry you and your hubby are under the weather. Take care and hope you're both feeling much better soon. As for taking advice from a chicken. I would have no problem listening to her advice. Helen has continued to show much wisdom. In fact all your hens show an amazing talent for cutting through the scratch and getting to the point of any problem. You're lucky to have each other. Looking forward to hearing more from Helen. Will she be having her own blog, or will she be sharing space with you?
    By the way, I second Andrea's suggestion for the Hot Toddy. Try it, it'll work wonders.

  11. Jayme, so sorry you and hubby are under the weather. Stay warm, get some extra rest and have a big bowl of chicken soup... ooops...sorry Helen, I mean vegetable soup! She's a pretty smart chickie to be at the "spa" while the other girlies are braving the coldest weather yet!

  12. Jayme, I hope you and hubby and Helen will be all better soon.
    Who wouldn't take advice from Helen? She's such a smart chick...

  13. I'm still reeling from two words in your post: "daily vacuum." I'm very proud of myself when I manage to vacuum twice a month, instead of once a month. I always knew your house was WAY cleaner than mine, but now I realize yours is in a whole 'nother dimension. WOW.

  14. Well ain't that the 'pewps'.. being sick isn't fun as I just can't seem to rid myself of this dratted viral thingie too. I did break down with a coupon and the sale of puff with vicks I got 2 boxes (high end there.. heehee) for a whopping 89 cents .. not bad I'd say.
    I'm glad Helen is inside and let's hope she gets better, hate to see her down and out.. grab a heating pad while she rests and enjoy a cup of peppermint tea.. then daydream about the warmer months to come.

    with love,

  15. Helen may have some thoughts worth sharing! Let her give it a try!!!

  16. Most definitely I would take advice from Ms. Helen! I'm so glad you snuck one of the chickens in. Though by now I'm sure the secret is out. Well, I think she fits right in and looks like she belongs there. A diaper on a chicken. Now I've heard it all.

  17. I hope you feel better soon. I would love to see Helen in her diaper. How did you make it. I might need the info. if I need to nurse one of my girls. One did spend the night in the feed barrel the other night. The barn door was open and she got in the barrel. Hubby closed the coop that night. It was pretty much empty. Now I count fuzzy butts when I close the coop.

  18. Ummm I'm not seeing a diaper pictures...what happen?

  19. Reeeeling here. Not from chicken IN the house. Not from bathing a chicken. Not from blow drying a chicken. Nor from chicken diapers. Not freaked out 'bout forgetting how to divide and multiply fractions(whatever that means). TOTALLY wiggin bout the vacuum every day thing. AAAGGGHHHH. You'll never want to stay at my house!! My rabid dustbunnies will scare you outa here forever. Oh nooooooo.

    Uh,guess that means the nanny position is out?

  20. Jayme,

    I knew you had Helen, Fifi, Aunt Jemima, Scarlett, cats and Aaron...but I didn't know you had a husband!

    I hope you are soon feeling better. When you said Helen was in the kitchen, I thought you were getting ready to make some chicken soup! (I wonder if she's thinking that.)

    Make sure you get some rest and take your vitamin D!

  21. Boy...that cold is sure going around the states like wildfire! So many people are sick right now. Take good care of yourself and you family. Kleenex, kleenex where is the kleenex...


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