It's about 11am on a gloomy, snowy Wednesday afternoon.
The last Wednesday of February 2013.
Already - this year seems on fast forward, doesn't it?
I'm sitting in my 'studio' looking out the East window - I love this spot.
I'm about ready to sew some aprons for my Spring Open House to be held here on March 16th.
I do hope you will come!
I find my mind wandering from what breeds of chicks I will get this Spring, to what size vegetable garden to have - a realistic one, or a stressful one, whether or not to raise any meats birds, and if I choose to, how many. I also keep reminding myself not to get ducks.
Soon the work of Spring will be in full swing.
My mind expects great things of my body.
My body never gets the memo.
I've been pushing thoughts of disappointment from my mind that I didn't cook enough soup,
knit enough or 'get enough done' in general this winter.
I'm gonna be real with you guys right now and just share my thoughts and feelings.
I feel scared.
I miss Aaron.
Aaron was up on my couch for a solid week.
The BoyChild is finally well enough to go back to school, but dad gum it, I'm missing him today big time.
There is no one to wait on or dote over.
I never did get sick sick - and I like to think that my immune system is strong from
eating such a nutrient rich diet.
Stop the presses - there's a robin outside my window at this very moment!
|photo from Duncraft Wild Bird Blog
Flat out made my day!
Earliest one I've ever seen - it's always the first week in March before they arrive!
OK - back to me.
So my bones are aching for the boy.
I also feel scared today.
The lack of it.
I'm embracing my self imposed poverty - my voluntary simplicity the best I can.
I think the fridge threw me for a loop.
Perhaps I should have just bought an old used one off of Craig's List.
Does being frugal mean we can't have nice things?
Am I living in a fantasy land to think that I can stay home full time?
My cleaning jobs are getting sporadic, and Glen's hours seem to be whittling away as he gets home earlier and earlier each day.
I hate that feeling of fear that settles in your physical body somewhere in between your
esophagus and upper intestine.
Let's just be real and say if I were to drop dead at the moment, there wouldn't be money to bury my corpse in any splendid manner. Nay, I would be cremated, and I'm not even sure we could afford that.
OK..now I'm chuckling.
I have a brand new fridge chock full of food, my house is paid off, everyone I love is happy and healthy, and I have a warm kitty on my lap. What more could a girl want?
I'm sure we'll be fine - but I have to say - when I get this scared feeling, the first thing I want to do is to run off to Starbucks and beg them to hire me for the 5 to 10 am shift. It makes me think that I could still have a life if I worked those hours. I could still be there for Aaron, Glen and have the life I want here.
Funny thing - I am only willing to work at Starbucks.
I have no idea why.
Perhaps it's my inordinate affection with coffee houses, and the deep down belief that a good cup of coffee can make anything better.
Money is such a false sense of security, and I'm almost embarrassed to say that I'm giving into it right now.
All the very most important things in life - money can't buy.
Health and love.
Love and health.
In whichever order you prefer.
I am blessed beyond measure with both.
I could have a bank account full of money, and a pancreas full of cancer.
I could have all the luxuries the world has to offer, and no one to share them with, or wipe my fevered brow if I were sick, which I wouldn't be - because I take such good care of myself.
So you see - I am rich.
This too shall pass.
OK - really really - next post - a giveaway of two fabulous Storey Publishing books!
Thanks for listening guys.