Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Wed - Part Two

Healthy Pizza - Fast

Still can't believe I made the goal. I seriously drug my heels to the scale this morning.

I really hate the way the scale can dictate your day.
I'm working on it not being that way.

As Helen so wisely pointed out, an all or nothing attitude will sabotage you.

So it is with 'diets'.

It's a word I won't be using here. I won't tell you the 'diet' I'm following, but I will tell you what I'm incorporating into my life.

If you want me to.

I figure I'd spill the whole beans next Wednesday.

Promise me this.
You aren't going to 'start your diet' on January 1st.

You aren't going to 'start' on Monday.

You won't have 'your last supper' before you do 'start'.

Has that EVER worked?

Now, please, if you've left me a comment about 'starting' or 'dieting', please don't feel bad!

What I wanted to talk about today is 'why'.

Why do you want to lose weight/make life changes/etc?

As you've come to know me on the blog here (or if you do in real life) you will realize that I'm kinda a 'tell it all' kinda girl.

I'm going to share my 'Why' with you.

It's very personal, but here it goes:

It's now time to put in elusive words the feeling in my heart and spirit about my body transformation. Why do I want to do it? The reasons are many, some pure vanity, some you could say are almost 'spiritual' reasons. Many are based on the knowledge of being at a 'healthy' weight and eating good whole foods will prolong my days, and the life in those days. Some of the reasons are to make a few people jealous! There I said it. :-)

I want to wear my Banana Republic Green Corduroy Pants! When I look at those pants, that fit me so well a couple of short years ago, there are many emotional ties to those pants. I bought those pants in Branson MO. ME in a Banana Republic? It felt so good to be 'normal' and to shop and find clothes that fit. I have so many happy memories of those pants. I know I looked good in them! I loved how my stomach looked. I remember that trip to MO, when my aunt was so proud of my accomplishments, and beamed with pride for me. When my cousin Jim was able to pick me up and carry me around. I'd never been picked up by ANYONE since I was a child. That was a crazy good feeling! I felt light on the inside as well. Lightened from the burden of failure and shame and self loathing, old friends that have come to visit again in the last year. I have those pants hanging in the bedroom now, with that little orange shirt that I used to wear with it, that I swear would fit a preteen girl now. It seems so far away, so long ago in the past, yet I KNOW in less than a year, I could be wearing my Banana Republic Pants AGAIN. :-) That thought makes me smile. I associate being happy and carefree when I see those pants.

I want to lose weight so I can move around the garden again and not feel old and sore and stiff and achy. I want to dream of the gardens I can plant and tend, and not think 'oh, I just couldn't handle that'. I want my vegetable garden to brim with organic veggies, and all the while, there I am, in my tanned toned glory, beaming in the garden, working the soil, working my soul.

I want to lose weight so I don't see the looks on my friends faces, almost apologetic that I've gained the weight back 'again'. It seems like the same looks those friends give to other friends whose husband has left them, or some other 'unmentionable' tragedy has befallen them.

I want to lose weight so that I will see my beloved nephew grow to be the man that he is, and to bear children, and I want to see his children's children. I want to be there for him, and be a blessing to him and his children, not the sick 'old Marmie' that they need to take care of, because I was never able to tame the demons that plague me, my addictions to food, be they for emotional reasons, or purely because I'm a spoiled brat that wants her cake and to eat it to. LITERALLY!

I want to lose weight so that I feel that the outside that the world sees will reflect what I feel inside. Strong, beautiful, caring, compassionate, funny, intelligent. I don't want to 'hide' anymore behind this curtain of fat.

I want to lose weight so that my example will hopefully encourage my sisters to start a path towards a healthier and happier lifestyle.

I want to live. To the fullest. I want to be full and fat on life, and joy, and friendship, and all that life has to offer.

To think that my fork and my hand are keeping me from experiencing all the above, quite frankly angers me, saddens me, and puts a fire in my belly that right now seems that it won't ever be quenched, but history has proven that it is quenched, and at times often.

My goal now, to learn to keep that fire burning.

I do believe if you will think about 'your why', it will help you to make the daily choices you need to make. It helps me, most oftentimes. Sometimes I'm beyond help!

The pizza pictured above is one of my favorite lunches. It's not gourmet, or anything fancy, but it tastes good and it's good for you! I take a whole wheat pita bread and slice it half, so I have two whole rounds. Then I 'smear' (proper culinary term) some canned pizza sauce on that pita (my favorite brand is Pastorelli). I put on about 4 oz. of cooked chicken (I like sauteing it the least bit of olive oil you can manage, and adding some italian seasonings.) Then I top it with a half of a cup of fat free mozzarella plastic cheese. :-) Bake it until it resembles a pizza. This is also delicious when fresh tomatoes and basil are available from the garden. I sometimes load it up with veggies too.

This is getting to be an incredibly loooong post.....

Here's Aaron's review of 'Pioneer Woman's Marmalade Muffins'

I just loved how he had all the ingredients ready to go. My little chef.

So Aaron? Thumbs up or down? Did you like them? Would you make them again?
Ease of instructions?

"Thumbs up. I would make them again. I still can't get used to the directions (pictures) going up and down (vertically) instead of side to side (horizontally). The glaze was slightly grainy, but I'm not sure if it was my error or not."


  1. oh Jayme I couldn't have said this better myself.It is like you read my mind (which by the way I have a whole other world going on in there you know) Your writing inspires me so.Now you know you have done tons of great things just look at the chef you have created there!That Aaron is something else. I think we all need a code word to get us back on track keep it around the house and when we are falling behind then it should pop up and remind us to get back on track with our lives. nancy

  2. Jayme I think I am leaving a note but not sure with this blasted computer today, lets just see what happens here. nancy

  3. Jayme,

    Keep up the good work. You are very encouraging to your readers. Anyone with emotional attachments to food, and weight problems can relate to what your are saying. We are all in the same boat.

    I put on all of my weight with my first child at 30. Before that I was thin and had a great metabolism.

    However, I have had horrible eating habits through the years and have really wreaked havoc on my metabolism.

    I am only 48 and have horrible arthritis, a bad knee, and now my back is giving out with all the weight on my small 5'4 frame. I am basically an old woman in my late forties.
    The real wake up call for me was when I saw myself on television not long ago( too long to explain) Anyway, I wondered who that fat, bloated, sickly person was- oh that was me!! YuKK... I used to consider myself an attractive person. Not any more!

    I am also tired of shopping in big ladies stores. I have done that for the last 18 years and fed up!!!

    I am giving the Swarzbein Principle a try. I am a carb fanatic and I need to get control of this. Her program makes sense to me. I am also refraining from sugar and alcohol for a while.

    Good luck to you Jayme, you have already achieved some weight loss success- I look forward to that soon.


  4. Journaling and going full speed all the way to success! Aaron, your young unadulterated taste buds have detected that dangerous substance called "too sweet!"

  5. Hey, girl, don't give up. I totally understand about feeling better and wanting to wear favorite things again. If you fall down, just get back up.


  6. Dear Jayme,
    Please don't get angry with yourself, you are doing your very best and you will acheive your goal.
    I just know it.

  7. Wow lots of anonymous comments. I applaud your honesty and congratulate you for maintaining over the holidays!

  8. You rock. And we are twins separated at birth. And the kind of mindset you are going for is success no matter what the scale says.

    You know this. I know this. We are wicked smart. And girl, we've got a Banana Republic Date happening in the not too distant future!

  9. Ok, it was the pizza that drew me into this post. What does that say about me?!?

    We celebrate food with everything we do. It's so hard to not indulge. It's a part of our society to go here and eat or go there and drink. We're always shoveling something in at a friend's place.

    One thing that snaps my mindset in proper place is to get out and walk. And I mean, like for a good half hour to an hour. I'll be starting up again once the kiddos are back in school. I miss them. They help me think, sort out my day, and above all else, the endorphins help motivate me to make better choices throughout the entire day thereafter. I take my dog and we walk along the riverbank after I drop my son off at school. It's an amazing way to start the day.

    I've missed some of your journey on this weight loss project, so not sure if you've instigated any reg excercise yet. But I highly encourage you to start walking if you haven't already. It's something we can ALL do at one's given pace that currently works for them, costs nothing, and gets you outdoors. Away from food! (total bonus)

    I'm still loving that pizza picture... gaaaa...


  10. So proud of you girly girl! Maybe you can borrow my GREEN JACKET when you wear your GREEN BR PANTS!! How healthy will we be this summer?!

    You've inspired me to look deeper into the 'why' part of this get healthy thing.

    I also hate the word DIET. Cause for pity sakes, the first three letters aren't that encouraging.

  11. Your Canadian FriendDecember 31, 2009 at 8:08 AM

    I hate to say it (and you will hate that I "DID" say it) but that was a very strong "why" and you-know-who would be proud :) We'll get there again Jaym, and we'll rock Rockford!!


  12. Aarons muffins look so yummy. I tried to grab one off my computer but with no luck!

    Thank you so much for your honesty.

  13. I hope that fire keeps burning strong. A lot of food for thought for me in this post. I deal with 'creep' every year and try my best to lose it over the spring/summer. It didn't happen this year and with a family history of heart disease, I know I have to take charge and be in control, if I don't, no one else will.


  14. Surely I'm not the first person who noticed that you wrote "I want to see Aaron....bear children..."
    Is that going to be physically possible for him? I mean, maybe his wife will have to bear them? You do notice that I'm gently teasing, don't you?

  15. Aaron is such a cutie! My daughters are baking out of the same cookbook [I received it as a gift and haven't been able to get near it since Christmas. HELLO! Mine!]

    But my daughter said the same thing Aaron did - the way the pics and directions go is a little discombobulating - but I am sure they will get used to it.


Thanks so much for leaving a comment!