Worry

We are supposed to get nine inches of glorious snow today.

I'm having breakfast with a dear friend and marketing guru.

We are going to talk about bring Spring Chicken Serum to the masses.

After that - I'm coming home to hunker in my chair with Acai Berry tea and answer emails.

I'll watch the snow fall from my western window.

I can think of nothing that will give me greater pleasure!

Hot tea, snow, quilts and cats - and a clean inbox.

Amen.

In case I computer myself out today and don't blog for a few days - I wanted to tell you - the burger remains the same.  It's harder - but there are no signs of mold or spoilage.

The scariest part to me is that there is absolutely no odor.

No odor. 

Nada. 

It doesn't smell like anything.

Today's post is about worry.

I don't do it anymore.

I gave it up in December of 2010.

I made up the acronym:

W hen

O bstacles

R eally

R uffle

Y ou

I was a champion worrier - and in fact, one of my very first blog posts were written about how much I worry.

I felt like being a worrier was being a responsible adult.

I worried about money, the lack of it, the health of my loved ones, what I'd make for supper, what I'd eat for supper, what I'd wear.

Are the chickens cold?  What if the bees don't overwinter?  What if Aaron grows up to be a bum?  What if Glen dies before me?  What if I get cancer?

What if I never find the right fabric for those curtains I want?

Who's going to take care of us when we are old?

You get the idea.

I realized that I was spending all of today's energy on tomorrow's fears.

And strangely enough - those fears never really materialized.

What pushed me over the edge worrying was when Aaron - a straight A home school student went to high school and nearly flunked out.

I was on his school web account numerous times a day.

Emailing his teachers.

Sending Aaron messages about missing assignments.

Talking to Aaron everyday -

"I see you are missing three Algebra assignments - make sure you catch up on them".

I was driving myself insane as well as him!

On December 2, 2010 - I was physically sick with worry.

Doubled over - I'm being honest.

I felt completely out of control.

I put my foot down and decided to never worry again.

I realized that if I were truly minding my own danged business - I'd have precious little to actually worry about.

For three months I fought thoughts on a minute by minute basis.

I imagined a bouncer being at the door of my brain - he was a big beefy fellow too - and I'd think something - and he'd have to see if 'it was on the list' of acceptable thoughts.

The dude was working overtime.

Some thoughts tried over and over and over to get in.

They finally gave up.

Once in a while - they come around again - but are quickly 'bounced'.

I have to say I'm pretty carefree.

I haven't looked at Aaron's grades in over a year.

You know what?

I don't care.

This may come as a terrible shock to many of you - and many of you may think I'm completely wrong - but it's what I had to do.

I ask him things like -

"Are you doing your best?"

"Do you need any help with anything?"

"Have you been suspended?"

And if he's NOT doing his best?

How in the sam hill can I do anything about that?

Can I force his hand to his paper?

Can I force him to study?

That's the thing - what can you truly control?

You.

You can control what you eat - when you go to bed - how you spend your time, and you can control your thoughts.

And I'm tellin' ya sister - you start getting your thoughts under control - you are going to cultivate one beautiful life for yourself!

I tell myself what I'm going to think now - I don't let random, negative thoughts fall from the sky and control me. 

Thoughts control emotions, and thoughts will eventually become your actions.

The  MOMENT I start to lose my peace anymore - it alerts me that I'm thinking something I shouldn't be.

And doesn't life continually dole out situations that make you lose your peace?

Amen.

The last 'test' I had was right after Christmas.

I had bought a rug for the living room - it was on clearance and I adored it.

Thought it was going to be perfect.

I used some Christmas money I had received as a gift.

Opened a store credit card to purchase the rug because I would save even more, with the plan on closing the account the moment I got the bill and paid it.

Just wanted to interject this here -

I had a huge spending problem in years past.

I overate - I overspent.

I hid credit card bills.

What do I have to show for it?

Nothing.

I have no idea where the money went.

Are you surprised?

I bet you are.

Y'all thought I was so perfect.

I'm sorry.

I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it.

I paid all credit cards off - and cut them all to bits.

I have no credit cards.

At all.

None.

Not even 'an emergency' card.

I found it so easy to 'trust' in those credit cards - you know?

Oh, we are short on money this month - no worries - we have credit darling!

Pfft.

I live on a cash only basis now.

Anyhow - the rug wasn't 'right' and I wanted to return it.

It was $150 rug.

When I got to the store to return it - I didn't have the receipt.  I had the 'opened a charge account receipt thing' - and I was denied returning the rug.

I could feel my peace leaving.

: -)

I was also denied returning it for a store credit - I was quite perplexed about that one.

I left with the rug - and very little peace.

I sat in the Heep for a few moments - and tried to find a way of thinking that brought my peace back.

I decided to think this 'Well Jayme - you lost the receipt - you have to keep the rug - looks like you are going to have to redecorate a room in order to use the rug."

That was the ONLY way that I had peace.

Isn't that crazy?

I truly adored the rug.

It was a $300 rug that I got for a good price.

I had to keep telling myself that over and over again.

Then I decided to try one more time to return the rug.

The next time I went to the store, there was a different associate that looked up my receipt - returned the full price of the rug back onto my store card, and did the whole thing with a smile.

And ain't it the way that most things go?

It seems that things always work out.

And if they don't - and you really have no control over the situation?

Let it go.

Let.

It.

Go.

You are only hurting yourself.

You have to find your peace girls.

You can find it - you can keep it - you can live a beauty full life.

I guarantee.

Monday Yammerings

I did my walk this morning and met who I do believe may be my new best friend.

I don't know her name yet - but was she adorable.

She looks about 75 and has had knee replacements.

She kept feeling bad every time I passed her, remarking "I wish I could walk that fast"

 - so I walked with her a bit and encouraged her.

I told her she's walking faster than everyone else that's just sitting on the couch.

I just know we'll be best buds one day.

She'll invite me over and teach me a new crochet stitch as we eat sandwiches with the crusts cut off and talk about 'the good ole days'.

Had my yearly mammogram.

YEOUCH!

It hurt much worse since I've lost weight.

She kept taking films - do they take films? - well whatever it was they were doing - they kept doing it to my left boobie.  It concerns me because that's the one I had the biopsy on years ago.

As I was getting dressed again - I thought of all my friends - six to be precise - that have been battling breast cancer in the last few years.

I've never been the person to say 'why me?' - but more often I'm the person that says 'why not me?'

Every time I get a clean mammogram - I'm so extremely thankful.

It makes you realize how quickly what you call life could change.

On the way down in the elevator I met the most adorable old man and his mentally handicapped son.

We struck up a conversation and I immediately wondered if the lady I met earlier was married, and if this old guy was married and if not ......

: -)

But mention his wife he did -

He was the kind of man that just made you happy to look at his face.

I know first hand the challenge that it is as you are aging to take care of a handicapped adult.

My mom struggled so - as she was elderly to keep my sister Vivian home.

So I've just been up in here doing laundry, mopping floors and thinking.

My very favorite kind of days.

Ordinary ones.

The ones with routines, chores, peace and order.

Planning a nice spaghetti dinner.

You heard me! 

Spaghetti baby!

I haven't had a noodle in nearly a year.

I found Tinkayada brown rice noodles at the grocery this morning.

I'm not wanting to make it a regular part of my nutrition - but once in a while for a splurge.

Picked up such a beautiful head of romaine lettuce today that it was almost pornographic!

I've been thinking about life again - and I know I'm not the only one that thinks this way - perhaps I think it more than the normal person - because I've cultivated a life that gives me a lot of time to think

.

I always want to know that I'm doing 'the right thing'.

Doing what I've been put here to do.

Making a difference somehow - somewhere.

Until I figure out what it is that THAT is -

I will mop the floor.

I will do the dishes.

I will plan a spaghetti dinner.

I'll text Aaron and tell him I love him.

I'll call Glen during his lunch and chat.

I'll take care of myself.

I'll feed the chickens and pet the cat.

I'll continue to blog here about my flatulence, gaggy healthy recipes and my search for life's meaning.

Such are all the things that make me happy.

Because - as a wise old bird once told me -

"When you feel that you don't know what your purpose is - do the work that's at your hand."

Actually, no bird told me that - I just made it up - but didn't it sound better to say that a wise old bird told me?

I think you might be surprised when you find out -

that could be your very purpose.

So when you go up to roost tonight...

Ask yourself this question.

Am I being the best me I can be?

Sunday Drivel....

A few things I need to get off my very sore chest.

The yoga class kicked my butt.

My chest and shoulders are so sore - I can barely move.

I go back today at 1pm.

I swear I was in a Downward Dog for over an hour.

It's 7:57am and I just got back from Pier One.

I mistakenly read the schedule.

I thought I was working from 7am to 11:45am.

I sat there for a half an hour in my car alone - waiting for someone to show up.

Gave up - came home - only to see that I'm on the schedule for 7PM to 11:45PM.

The scary thing is that I checked the schedule like FOUR times in the last week.

I've also been leaving lights on in rooms that I leave - which has always been a pet peeve of mine in the past - and even more alarming - I've left for the day leaving the stove top burner going - three times now!

I stayed up late last night watching the Green Mile - which tore my heart up so, that I spent an hour in bed crying over Jinksie - wishing that John Coffey were here the day Jinksie dropped dead - cause he could have 'helped him' the way he helped Mr. Jangles.

And then the thought of Mr. Jangles made me cry.

Oh for a pet mouse that could roll spools around the house!

Oh yes.

I'm ovulating too.

So I've already got a sleep deficit going and now I'll work til midnight and I've promised my friend that we'd walk tomorrow at 6am.

I have a mammogram at 8am.

Law.

I got a call from Pier One yesterday asking me if I wanted to stay on - not just be holiday help.

After this morning - I've decided "no".

It's no fault of theirs that I misread the schedule - it's just working such piddly hours - for such piddly pay is much too disruptive to my life.

I do not want to work more hours - I thought just a day or two a month - something different to do - you know?  Come to find out it's quite disruptive - I find out that I have to work on days that I've already planned things - etc.

I've actually had to cancel on the BoyChild because of work.

I don't cotton to that.

Then the guilt sets in - and I think -" Lord Jayme - just get a full time job - you know you should - you are living in a fantasy world"

 - but we've been around that block a few times now, haven't we?

I sacrifice so I can stay home.

I'm cool with that.

86% of the time.

So today I'll at least make what I spent in gas today driving back and forth.

Onward.

or...

Downward-

 Facing Dog.

I wanted to apologize for a few things.

Did I mention I'm ovulating?

I'm sorry for posting a gag worthy recipe.

I forget that perhaps I'm in a very different place than many of you when it comes to food - I'm in more of a 'this is what my body needs so just eat it' mode - and I realize that many of you aren't.

I certainly wasn't there when I first started - so I'll try to share a few more palatable recipes in the future!  I apologize if at any time I've come off as preachy - or that

 'you should be doing what I'm doing'.

K?

K.

I'm also sorry that it's been taking me so long to get back to some of you.

When working on my 'Random Acts of Kindness' list last night - (I'm running out of ideas here!) - I saw on one website where it said 'answer your emails promptly' - stating that it made the other person feel valued when you did that.

Oh my - I'm pretty bad about saving emails for 'when I feel like it' - 'when I have time' - and so - here's an I'm sorry - I hope I've never made any of you feel that I don't value you!

Again - I'm smack dab in the middle of my cycle -

:-)

And now - just for a good laugh-

Here's a snippet of what I wrote on the forum at the Leanness Lifestyle about my yoga class experience.

Ok. I have to. I'm bristling to tell you all about my adventures in hot yoga today.

I've done a Downward Facing Dog a time or two. I know what Child's Pose is. I've been known to meditate and I love saying 'Namaste'.

My neighbor gave me a gift certificate to one month's worth of classes at the local 'Yoga Room'. She also gave me a list of classes they hold - Beginners Yoga, Gentle Yoga, Pre-natal Yoga - etc. Then - I see that they are having a Bikram Power Hot Yoga Bootcamp the entire month of January. Score! Go big or go home has always been a motto of mine. Do I sign up for the Beginners? Nah. Let's do a Bootcamp. 3 classes a week - 90 minutes a shot in a hot room. I imagine it a very sultry experience where I'm going to feel limber, sexy, and focused.

I'll preface this with the fact that I zealously overconsumed some dried kalamata figs. Again. They are on the list of 'do not buy'. I can't stay out of them. I didn't know they caused such gastric distress. I've been extremely gassy AGAIN. The kind of gas that's just spontaneous - like you aren't even aware that it's happening, and then it happens and you had no chance to politely excuse yourself, or at the very least turn your hind end in a different direction.

I'll also tell you that I wore a long sleeved fleece pullover. I have no idea why. I guess I thought if hot is good - hotter was better.

I've never done a yoga class.

The room is dark. And. HOT. The instructor shows up and she's well - she's gorgeous. She has the most beautiful female body I've ever seen in person. My first thought was to put some BBQ sauce on her and bite her. I mean - seriously? That's beautiful. Muscles. And just the way she carried herself was so lovely. Then she started talking - and she literally sounded like a character from a SNL skit. It was almost comical - she was so ....relaxed.

For someone that's never done a Yoga class before - I think I did pretty good. I've never been twisted around like that in my life. The soreness is actually settling in as I type this. I almost vomited twice. Many of the positions were quite painful as my rear end was so tightly clenched trying not to pass gas. I may or may not have seen Buddha.

We ended in Corpse pose. I nailed it.

And with that - I bid you adieu for the day -

Please think of me at midnight tonight - driving home in the cold, dark night, sleep deprived, sore and hormonal.

Amen.

The Big Fig Newton

Two posts in one day!

Ha!

I just had to share this - I find it so funny - and so typical Jayme.

(Sorry to make some of you gag on that last recipe - that just cracked me up - it's really good!  No - really it is!)

I've been in the figs again.

I really thought that I could buy them and control myself - but I've proven twice now that I can't. 

If they are here.

I will eat them.

Like all of them.

Like the whole package in one day.

I'm that way with nuts and raisins too. 

It just is, and I'm just realizing that my compulsive food behavior is not fully worked through yet - and I'm OK with that.



So - I'm extremely gassy again.

In fact, I feel like I look like the Big Fig Newton guy.

I'm having spontaneous sphincter eruptions.

There's absolutely no controlling it.

And...

As soon as I post this, I'm leaving to go to an hour and a half hot yoga class for the first time.

God help us all.

Another Great Breakfast Idea...

I was surprised and delighted to find out that most of you do not consume fast food on a regular basis!

Hurrah!

This was my go to breakfast before I found out that dairy bloated me like a tick and caused a severe hole in the ozone layer in Northwest Indiana.  Now, I just stick with my turkey sausage and fruit.  I do try to have this once in a while as a change - but I get so danged gassy!

It's quick - it's inexpensive - it's filling - and it's balanced with carbs and protein.

It's also versatile.

This might sound gross to you at first - mixing oatmeal and cottage cheese together - but trust me on this one. 

I'm a real texture kinda girl - and if I don't like the texture of something in my mouth - no matter how much I love the taste - I just won't eat it.

This - I really like.

1/4 cup of old fashioned oatmeal

3/4 cup of water

Cook the oatmeal in the water - and add your choice of fruit.  I like apples or blueberries - bananas are good too - but if you choose those - add them after cooking.  Use about a 1/2 cup of fruit.

Add a dash of cinnamon, almond or vanilla extract (depends on what fruit you are using).

Add 3/4 cup of lowfat cottage cheese.

I usually put the pot back on the stove at this point and warm the whole thing up again.

Now - the sweetener - I used agave nectar - I really frown upon the artificial sweeteners - perhaps you could use honey - again - I'll leave the sweetener up to you - it's personal preference.

Some nuts would be delicious on there, wouldn't it?

I'd refrain from doing that - even though 'it's a good fat' - it's a fat nonetheless - and with the amount of carbohydrates in this dish - you want to avoid any extra fat.

Let me know what you think!

Start your day out right girls - get protein in your craw first thing in the morning.

This recipe has been approved by Scarlett - she has often been the lucky chicken that gets little bits of it leftover.

The McDonalds Experiment

The last few days I've had some odd gastrointestinal problems.

I gained four pounds suddenly -

and I'll spare you the rest of the details - but suffice it to say - the symptoms were troublesome enough to get me up on the Web MD and study the contents of my toilet bowl closely.

After diagnosing myself with pancreatic issues and malabsorption, I've come to the conclusion that my symptoms may just be due to an over zealous consumption of Greek Kalamata Figs.

Amen.

But this post is about McDonalds -

I'm a food snob.  It's true.  I'm also a coffee snob.

With that said - let me tell you how much I enjoyed the Dollar Menu at McDonalds and gas station cappuccinos before embarking on 'The Great Change of 2011'.

I've watched 'Supersize Me'.

I know there are 70 ingredients in the McRib.

I remember finding a chicken hip socket in one of my chicken nuggets.

No lie.

I've read in places that one McDonalds cheeseburger can represent up to 100 cows.

And yet - sometimes I'm able to shut my mind off and eat the danged things.

It's been months and months since I've had a burger there - and honestly - I don't think I COULD shut my mind off and eat one anymore.  The meat freaks me out.

I haven't ingested a nugget since the hip socket incident.

Please don't let your babies eat McDonalds.

I heard about this a week or two ago - and I'm so intrigued by it - I have to do it.

A woman supposedly has had a McDonalds hamburger sitting on her counter for one year and it has remained unchanged.

Now sisters, that's something I gotta see to believe.

I've heard it true of Twinkies - but a meat product?

I was hoping that if I did this experiment - that it would keep Glen and the BoyChild off them for good.

So today - I get the burger.

Plain cheeseburger.

Several reasons why I think I may fail this experiment -

1.  I don't know that I can stand the smell of it - even fresh now - the burgers turn my stomach.

2.  What if the cat jumps up and eats it while I'm gone?

and actually - this reason should have been first -

3.  I don't think my OCD will allow a rogue cheeseburger to sit out of place in the kitchen for a year.

In fact, I'm going to be surprised if I make it two days.

A cheeseburger shouldn't be sitting somewhere like that - it's just disgusting and it's not tidy at all.

I might have to make a special spot in the basement for it to sit, so I don't have to look at it.

I'll keep you posted with weekly updates and photos of the burger.

I'd like to challenge you today -

Do you think you could make it ONE week without fast food?

Discuss.

It's Almost Time....

I'd planned on talking about my dental excursion today - but I've slept in a little since I have to work til midnight again at the Pier tonight!

It seems too late in the day to be up on the computer much - it seems kinda wrong to me - like watching tv during daylight hours.

I have no idea where I got that it was wrong to watch daytime TV unless you have the flu - but it's just how me brain works.

Last week I had a 'Success Interview' with my Coach, David Greenwalt.

I'd love it if you'd give it a listen.

If you are interested in doing the Bootcamp at all - it's getting down to the wire girls!

There's absolutely no obligation for signing up on the Early Bird Notification email list - and if you'd like a remote chance of getting into the Bootcamp - ya need to do that here:

SIGN UP FOR EMAIL HERE!

I couldn't wish this for you any harder.

A year from now - this could be you - having a success interview and feeling like a million bucks!

Being healthy isn't just the absence of illness - nay - it's energy, it's joy, it's vibrancy and exuberance.

http://www.leannesslifestyle.com/podcast/success_story_jayme_goffin.mp3

Give this a listen and let me know what you think.

I was awfully nervous and completely forgot to mention my chickens, bees and blogs when asked what I do...oy!

If you sign up for the Bootcamp Early Notification Email through the link I gave you above - Coach will track it - and I will be able to assist you through the process of the Bootcamp!

Bootcamp begins on February 8th - sign ups begin near the end of January.

Last year it sold out within a day.

If you happened to do the Turkey Challenge this past fall - it is absolutely nothing like that.

If you are on the fence about this - you want to - but you want more information - please send me an email.  I'd be happy to talk to you on the phone about it.
The cost of the Bootcamp is $97 a month - February - August.
Girls - you know I'm a Pink Chicken - I'm not sure how to express to you how SCARY it was for me to put that money out - I need to be UBER frugal to stay home - but I put it out there - and honestly - what I was spending in butter every month paid for half of it.
I almost wish I were kidding about that.
It was the best money I ever spent and I'm doing it again this February!
I'd like to lose another 20 in order to get my weight at a really healthy level and get my legs thinned out.

2012.

It's your year.

I feel it in me bones.

Meet Calvin Carmichael Jones



I was awakened this morning by a full bladder, and a bad dream.

It was 3:18.

After emptying my bladder, I snuggled back in bed and thought about my dream - it was an odd one - I was going to Home Depot for batteries. 

I was with Aaron - we were in the Heep.

There was an epic storm brewing, and we were taking our life in our hands just to go out at all - it was like an end of the world ice storm - there were no cashiers at Home Depot to check us out - the store was abandoned, and people were looting.

I looted some Snickers bars.

I can still hear the brown paper crinkling in my hands.

Then someone stole the Heep and Aaron and I were in dire straights -

really dire straights - so I woke myself up.

At 3:18.

I layed there til the alarm went off at 4.

Is layed there right?

Did I lie there?

That always confuses me.

Thank you so much for all of your kind words yesterday.

It meant so much to me - truly it did.

Glenco and I read them all - and teared up thinking about that sweet Jinksie.

It also helped me get through the dental trauma.

I'll share that with you tomorrow.

I'd like to introduce you to CC Jones.

I have no idea why I like giving my cats middle and last names.

I just do.

Calvin was procured at the same time we bought our little vintage camper.

"What's that you say?"

"You have a little kitten who's mother has been killed?"

"It needs a home?"

Say no more.

:-)

Calvin is sitting on my arms now, making it nearly impossitble to type.

Yes - it's almost IMPOSSTIBLE!

You'd think I'd move him?

Not a chance.

While of course he isn't replacing Jinksie - he sure is soothing the ache.

At first he just made me miss Jinks more - and I constantly called him 'Jinks' which was just terrible to me.  I've come to the conclusion that I just can't live without something furry in the house.

Glenco was a bit surprised at how quickly I embraced another cat - perhaps he fears that he'll be replaced that quickly!

He's so different.

He's calm.

He's quiet.

He's just what the Dr. ordered.

I was concerned that he wouldn't want to stay in, and would break my heart further by rejecting my obsessive cat love - but alas -

this feline has become quite taken with the life of an indoor cat.

He's the quintessential lap cat.

Where I am - there goes he.

As I type this, he's on his back, massaging my face.

Oh dear.

I'm smitten with this danged kitten!

An Epic Tale of Woe

I would imagine that most blogs are talking about diets, decluttering, and other fabulous ways to change your life for the better - but I've decided to talk about my dead cat today.

.

Move along if you need to.

I needed to tell y'all the details before I feel I can move on emotionally.

That and I feel anxiety about leaving for the dentist in an hour - and I need to think about something else.

Meet J. T. Peppers.

Jinksie TarTar Peppers.

His nickname was Drinksie - because we'd never seen a cat that drank so much water.  In retrospect, I wonder if that was some indication that there was something wrong with him.

My most favorite cat in the history of all cats.

I rescued him from a hoarder's house in October of 2009.

I remember the day vividly - Glen was off on a fishing trip with some buddies and I was left to my own devices.  I'd gone to visit a friend when I saw a 'Free Kittens' sign posted - and just thought I'd go take a look.  It had been some time since I'd seen kittens.

I noticed the house in a state of disrepair as I rang the bell.

I was greeted by a teenage girl smoking a cigar.

She happily welcomed me in - where there was about a 1 square foot clear space on the floor for me to stand.

The urine smell was overwhelming.

It must have been 85 degrees in there.

My first thought - 'I'm taking them all - I'll find good homes for them'.

I was informed they only had one left.  She found it (which to me was a feat in itself!) and handed it over to me.  Without missing a beat - I tucked it in my coat and said 'Thanks - I'll take it'.

Jinksie never moved.  He just nestled right in my coat and I drove home with him.

I remember calling Aaron immediately and telling him what I'd done - and he was gleeful.  He loved cats - I remember telling him about the state of the house that I got Jinksie in and saying in disbelief 'They had a human baby in that house!'.

We still laugh about that.

The thing was that I had three cats up in the house already.  I didn't think Glen was going to cotton to another one.

But this one was temporary.

: -)

My other three cats were inside/out cats.

It was a constant revolving door around here - and I didn't like it much.

After Jinksie arrived, the inside/outside cats became outside cats.

They seemed quite content to be out.

Jinksie was the cat that everyone dreams about.

Loaded with personality, little silly quirks and so affectionate it was obnoxious at times.

He had a 'lair' under my bed.  He'd collect things.  He'd go in the basement and bring up a paint roller - or a ball of steel wool.  He had a blanket he'd carry around the house.

He was beloved.

Still is.

Fast forward to December 23rd.

I was sitting on the couch early in the morning reading emails.

I heard a terrible noise in the hall - and jumped up thinking that Aaron had fallen down the stairs.

(The BoyChild stayed here for most of his winter break).

It wasn't Aaron.

It was Jinksie.

He lay at the bottom of the stairs -

I picked him up - and he was completely limp.

His eyes were completely dilated.

You know that moment where you just aren't believing what you are seeing, and you are just a bit paralyzed?

I started kinda shaking him - and then I started screaming.

"Aaron!!!  Jinksie is dead!!"

Aaron bolted out of bed and we were both just crying inconsolably - and wondering 'is he really dead?'

I had crazy thoughts like - 'maybe he's in a coma' and 'he'll wake up in a minute'.

I tried CPR.

I was massaging him, praying for him - begging God to bring him back -

it was horrific.

It was too early in the am to run him to the local vet, and the emergency vet was so far away that it would have been pointless to take him there - and I really did 'know' in my heart - he was gone.

Aaron and I sat in the floor, taking turns holding him - just crying our eyes out for well over an hour.

I had to go to one of my cleaning jobs - so I had to get ready to leave. 
I just kept going back to Jinks - picking him up - crying - checking for a heartbeat.

(this is getting long, eh?)

We wrapped him up and put him in the bathtub.  I have no idea why.  I just didn't know what to do with him.  I had the thought 'where would he be if he were alive?' and that would have been on my bed - but when I picked him up - he had urinated and I thought that it wouldn't be a good idea to lay him on the bed.

That night - we (me, Glenco and Aaron) took turns going in and saying our final goodbyes.

Aaron doted on me the entire day - waiting on me hand and foot - petting me every time I started crying.

My best friend and cousin Jim - stayed home so he could talk to me.

My Leanness Lifestyle friends were texting me that "Love is better than Dairy Queen" because they knew I might seek solace in a Peanut Buster Parfait.

I felt incredibly loved that day.

I was an utter wreck until late Christmas Eve.

In fact, I cancelled my big Christmas Eve dinner.

For real.

I'm telling you a truth.

That cat is missed.

There is an ache in my heart that no other feline will fill.

I have brought Calvin back in the house.

We'll talk about him tomorrow.

Hi, my name is Jayme - and I'm a crazy cat lady.

One Grateful Chick

It's a fresh, shiny new year!

It's like a freshly baked, uncut cake!

It's like freshly fallen snow!

I feel like 'I don't want to mess it up!'

I'm giving myself to noon before I do something stupid, for sure.

I wanted to pop on over here and wish you all a truly Happy New Year.

Leave all the crap from last year behind.

Embrace the New Year.

It's OK to be imperfect.

We all are.

And for goodness sake - make no 'resolutions'.

Change your mind about some things - and make some commitments.

I also wanted to thank you for sticking with me this last year - as I faced my bad habits -

Whined a lot about big changes in my life.

And more times than I'd like to admit - didn't really know who I was anymore.

You are still here, and I'm so grateful.

I'm still here.

I'm grateful for that too.

: -)

I'm really not sure what I would have done without your support, your encouragement and the daily laughs that you all give me.

Here's to 2012!

I proclaim it the year of the chicken!