Wednesday, May 30, 2012

A Lilies State of Mind

I be up in here considerin' the lilies y'all.

And can we just talk about the lilies for a minute?
Why are they already blooming?
Why are my black eyed susans in bud already?
It's a weird year - everything is so ahead.
My strawberries are about done already.

That reminds me of a story that I haven't told you yet.
It's a gruesome story of horror and woe and banty chicken heads.
I'll save it for another day - it's too lovely out to speak of such things.

as you can see, I like my beds FULL.  When I originally planted the garden - I put things much closer than they suggested, so that things would fill in faster.  I think this bed is about 8 years old now - I can't tell you how much I've thinned and given away - gardens, like most wonderful things - take time.  I like full beds cause you don't need to weed or mulch much!  I call it 'Square INCH Gardening'!

That's how I felt when I awoke this morning.
So looking forward to the day.

I don't even know what to say first - this post may not make a lick of sense.

Day six of a life without lists.

Guess what?
The house is clean - the laundry is done - the yard is coming along - I haven't missed any appointments and we are well fed.
And most importantly - we are all happy.
When Marmie is happy - everybody is happy.

Imagine that.

I realized yesterday how much I did things that really just didn't need doing.
How trapped my lists made me.
Grocery shopping on Thursdays.
What if I needed food on Tuesday?
I'd be so mad and frustrated that I had to go to the store on on 'off day'.
If I didn't mop the kitchen floor on Monday's - I felt a failure.
That sounds so ridiculous to me now.
Forcing myself to do sections of the garden each day - and then getting frustrated if the weather didn't cooperate and then 'I was behind!'.
Guess what?
All of my containers aren't even planted and I just don't give a hoot!

Lord have mercy.
I was one frustrated Coop Keeper most of the time.
I do want to interject here that my lists did serve me well years ago - when I was in utter chaos and never had food on the table or clean underwear in the drawer. My lists did train me - and got order up in here - now that order is a habit. The lists are no longer necessary.

I'll tell you a truth that my eyeball did twitch one time yesterday - and I almost got out the pen and paper.

But instead, I took my life in my own hands and answered a Freecycle ad for a box of size six and medium clothing that a gal was giving away.

I answered it "I'd love to have these clothes!  I've lost a hundred pounds and I need them!"

She responded kindly and gave me her address.
I was to be there at noon.

On the way there I realized that I could be going to pick up a box of cigarette smoke soaked, dog hair covered,
Walmart polyester mumus - but I was feeling reckless.

I picked up my box - thanked her - chatted a bit - and ran a few other errands on the way home.
Like groceries on a Tuesday.
Finally stopped and got my glasses tightened up - something I never felt I had time to do before.
All of the sudden - I feel like I have all the time in the world.
What's changed?
My mind.

Got the clothes home - and girls - I hit the JACKPOT!
Gorgeous, expensive brand jeans - awesome tops - every season - super cute dresses.
A conservative estimate is about $900 worth of clothes.

What a gift that was.

I like adding garden ornaments (but not too many) and I like to use smaller, flowering shrubs to anchor the beds and fill things up.  I just planted those petunias in front of the goose cause there was a 12 x 24 inch patch of bare dirt.
Can't have that!
I think I'll end this post now by saying this -
If you feel frustrated alot - overwhelmed - I truly believe it's your spirit trying to tell you something isn't right.
Just like your stomach or your head hurts when you are physically not well, your spirit manifests pain by frustration, guilt, shame, anger and depression.
Sometimes - it's so easy to be blind to behaviors, attitudes and thought processes that do not serve us - but hinder us, and even destroy us.

Life is way to short for that foolishness.
You can change.
It's hard - but it's worth it.


  1. This reminds me of the one time of the year I feel the most anxious. In the spring when I need to clean up and plant the garden beds, I just go nuts! I want everything perfect right now! This year I had to take it easy because I'm working part time. It was hard, but the world didn't end:) And now things look pretty good, not perfect.
    Thanks for sharing your journey with us. So many of us can relate.

  2. I was like you with my lists Jayme. I started making them during a time in my life when I was in chaos and just plain lazy. But like human nature most always does, I went overboard with it and then becamse a slave to it. Now that I have the fibro, I can't do lists because I might feel OK to do a long list when I get up in the morning, but by mid-day I might have a flareup and then need to quit. I now use the "ooo yuck" method of taking care of my house. I let whatever go, like cleaning the bathrooms, moping the kitchen, organizing the basement, anything, until it gets so bad that I look at it and go "ooo yuck" and then I take care of it. Some weeks when I feel better and have more energy it doesn't take a lot to make me go "oooo yuck" but on days when I am feeling rotten there isn't much that can make me say "ooo yuck" enough for me to actually do it. Hope this helps! :)

  3. Thanks for the reminder that I have a lot of items/clothing to go to Goodwill that I have been putting off.... not size 6 though.

    I always pictured you as quite tall, so size 6 sounds teeny... I'll settle for a size 10 to be happy, but then, I'm a tall gal.

  4. I don't even look at how to space plants any more, I love them cuddled together . . . All the better to dig up and share with others. YOUR gardens are gorgeous!

  5. Just gorgeous. I am having the best time going over your blog. Such fun!!

  6. YOU are a jewel. I am soaking all of this in. Every word.

    I love thee.


  7. Good advice today. Love the sayings I find on Pinterest but especially one that said, "It's Never Too Late To Change Your Life." So true and you are living proof. :) Your flower beds are lovely and what a score on the clothes!! =D

  8. Nature was not completed in a day. In fact, nature is never complete and keeps on changing according to mother nature. If it isn't perfect, it's mother nature. Thanks for sharing. Lists are for people who can't remember and I'm not one of those. Thanks for sharing all of your stuff. It is so enlightening. Have a great day.

  9. Yes! Lists... After years of following and feeling guilty when not following them I had a Mom Moment. My dear, nearly 80 year old mother who is European, quirky and blunt, looked at my Binder so crammed with schedules and lists, flipped through the endless reminders and to-do's all broken down into hours, days, weeks, months, etc... and she said, very calmly, "Um, sweetie? When do you fart?"
    "Yes, when did you schedule time to fart? This is insanity in a three ring binder. It's called a BINDER for a reason. Now throw this thing away and live your life, honey. Don't schedule it!"


    Now, I do have a very simple calendar and a mental to-do list, but nothing more detailed than that. You know what? It has never been so freeing to toss out the stupid binder!

    Hugs to you on your Freedom Journey!

  10. Jayme, I can't tell you how far you have come since I have been following you. Amazing. I think that when you took your physical health in hand and started working towards a "I am well" goal that your mind started following suit. You are so much more much clearer..
    AND you are still funny! THAT is your gift you know, the gift of humor...that is what has always drawn me in. Take good care- you are doing a great job. If you have a tad of time pop by my blog-go back a day or so and look at our fairy garden. I think you will get a charge out of it- xo Diana

  11. Only two things to say:
    Beautiful flower beds!!

  12. You're oh-so right. I think a lot of stress that people are under these days are totally self-induced. And then, it becomes a pattern and difficult to overcome. You go girl for getting out from under the stress you've put yourself in and especially for actually enjoying yourself and yet still getting everything done with time left over... awesome!

    Your garden beds are Better Homes and Gardens gorgeous! I wish you lived nearby, I'd be havin' ya' help me with mine!

    Also, sounds like you hit the mother-lode in the clothes department!

  13. So worth it... that breathing thing! I just had my bun in a knot over an email from Holiday Inn "customer support," but since I didn't expect much out of them~ I'm not gonna let it ruin my day. I'm going shoe shopping. I don't do that very often so I'm a little excited. You keep doing what your doing, esp. the gardening cause you have that down pat and I'll try to forgive Holiday Inn for their injustice. We can do it!

  14. I need to go back and read this again and again - lots of wisdom packed between the gorgeous photos of your yard. Loved it all!!

  15. Your gardens are gorgeous Jayme! Congrats on hitting the jackpot with the clothes. That is so cool!

  16. It's May 31 and my JUNE berry bush is finished. I'd say we're about a month ahead of schedule. I'm a little afraid to see what the end of the summer is going to look like.
    I'm glad you've been liberated from your lists. I'm also glad that you mentioned that you needed them at one point because I think I'm at that point. There seems so much to do, why bother doing any of it, it's all so overwhelming? But a reasonable list, with the expectation that SOME but not all get done would probably help me.

  17. I think you may be on to something.

  18. Jayme
    This is what my garden looks like my dog has some paths through . I call it my birds and butterfly garden

  19. Jayme, it's like you are looking directly in my heart and head. I have said several times lately that every day I put more on my to do list than I can possibly accomplish and every day day I feel like a failure. I know some things around here need to change. The daily living by the list is one of them. I'm inspired to try it!

  20. Wow...I am a list maker for sure and
    have been for years. In fact if I
    forgot to put something on the list and do it...I write it on the list so
    I can scratch it off. I don't know if I could ever give up my lists...I
    love the feeling of being organized.
    I don't know if I CAN function without a list...might be worth a try. Thanks for your
    has given me alot to consider. My
    husband suggests I relax more but I am always busy with the next project. Yes, I am going to give
    your ideas much thought. Naps are
    more enjoyable than they used to be! :-)

  21. sister's name is Jayme!


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