Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Is This What It's Like?

Is this what it's like?
To be a mother?

When I see this face, I feel -
 the deepest, most selfless love I've ever known.
I feel scared.
I feel hopeful.
I feel worried.
I feel overjoyed.
I feel proud.
I feel inadequate.
I feel wise.
I feel joy.
I feel peace.
I feel fear.
I feel grateful.
I feel.
All the time.
I feel things.
Deep things.
Good things.
Bad things.

Is that what it's like?

If you're the prayin' kind - keep the boy child in your prayers.  He's struggling with the structure of public school.  He's a square peg in a round hole.


  1. Jayme, you don't have to give birth to be a mama. YOU are a mommy, heart and soul. It is sooo hard to watch your kids struggle in the social/school setting. I know, I do it with mine. Prayers and hugs.

  2. Yes dear Jayme...that is JUST what it's like!

    That boy Aaron, he will do fine. He must face's part of life. And you must let him wrestle with it. If you don't, he'll always struggle, at work, at home, with family dynamics, with church, etc. It's learning to give up control and give God the control. And I'm the prayin' kind...and I will be doing that for him right along side ya! "Trust the Lord and do not lean on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight."
    Big 'ol hugs to you!

  3. Yup. You nailed it. All of it.
    And since I am the prayin' sort, I will most definitely keep him in my prayers.
    Blessings to you, dear friend,

  4. This prayin' kind of girl will be doin' just that for this Aaron child of yours...thanks for askin' that we do are a great kind of momma.


  5. You hit the nail on the head. Its wonderful and terrible at the same time. Its delight and fear at the same time. It's too much for the heart to handle all at one time. But its good. You feel it. You know it.

  6. you know we are praying for y'all. we love Aaron, becuz he's family to us, blood or no blood. You b praying for the 4 loves that fill my heart. Your sooooo a mom and a great sister to me and aunt to Ta. love you so much. Horrible punc. and grammar. lovin it. lol

  7. That's exactly what it's like. Wonderful and horribly scarey at the same time...

    Public school isn't for everyone.. perhaps there is an alternative that would bring more joy to his and your life.

    Hang in there -

  8. Even the round pegs find it hard to get through school. The school years are never easy.

  9. yep...that is exactly what is've captured it perfectly.

  10. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes...

    All of the above. Mama Chicken Whisperer... you got it.

    And you think when they grow up that it won't be so hard...they are responsible and able to keep learning.....not so....still very very hard. Letting one of mine to into the badlands of Afghanistan and stand amonst the enemy fire and hear about what all was happening and injuries....Oh...Heart how much can you take....God knows...

    Jayme. Square peg in a round hole is why I pulled mine out of school....but at a certain age, if they really need to experience something to find out some things they are wondering about ...questioning....we have to let go. and pray. And hopefully with love and guidance and being there when THEY have questions or need to vent or ask advice...we will help them to learn wisdom and what is their perfect fit...and they will be the wiser. It is our experiences in life...not necessarily our education and booklearning that make us strong and wise and able to really help others one day...
    I'll be asayin' a little prayer, and you know that. Aaron has two mamas. what a blessed man/child.

    Struggle (like that example of the butterfly struggling to get out of the cocoon) leaves us exhausted for the moment, but boy oh boy does it give us strength to fly later in life. We are able to soar above those trials next time. We have a better world view and we know what to do!!!!

    Hugs to you Bloggy sis!!

  11. THAT'S not drivel. That's poetry. You nailed it. Prayers to you Marmie and that boy Aaron. I dread junior high n high school years to come. Preschool's about all I can manage. Stickers n sharing n snack time are nice. Please let us know what you learn.

  12. This here prayin momma will keep him in my prayers.

    Hope all gets better for him soon. HOpe you survived our wicked weather yesterday with out any harm to you or your little animals.



  13. Mom, Grandma or Aunt you are feeling maternal. You have a lot invested in this boy, many sleepless nights and countless prayers sent up. He's not grown yet dear Jayme, you have time to mold him. Wings spread wide, then clipped, then spread wider. Saying a little prayer for him today and knowing that he will feel God's guiding hand.

  14. Praying for ya'll Jayme. You are a mother! Aaron is lucking to have you as a mother too. School is hard for everyone. I homeschooled my daugther. She is 28 with two children now. I know she missed some of the social parts of public school but she received a great education at home and she is a smart young lady. Praying for Aaron. This may just be a bump in the road.... It will get better.

  15. YES, you described the emotional rollercoaster of parenting just about perfectly.

    I am praying for all of you ...for Aaron as he wrestles with the new environment, for you because your heartstrings are so raw and sore, and for his mom because I am sure her heart aches for the both of you. Special prayers for Glenco because I know he is your comfort and your strength when the worries overwhelm you.

    I agree with another who said that public school is not for everyone. Just as homeschool and even private school are not for everyone. Let Aaron know that his decision to go back to public school does not have to be final and that changing that decision ...whether coming back to homeschool or finding a compromise ...does not mean failure or defeat.

    Our children are not sugar cookies ...all rolled from the same dough, all cut to fit predetermined shapes and sizes. He is a bright, handsome, intelligent, talented young man. He blossomed during his years as your homeschool student. He wanted to try public school. He's tried it. If he finds it is what he wants, needs and was looking for ...fine. If he finds it lacking, there are still alternatives. Including figuring out that where he came from (homeschool) is the best place of all. Sometimes realizing the decisions we make today are not etched in stone helps us to be wiser about the decisions we make for tomorrow.

    Prayers and hugs!

  16. yes is how you feel.
    I know the feeling to watch it happen to your child. My girl offspring had a horrible time, i felt helpless and out of control....If I could have changed it I would have, but she is a stronger woman because of her challenges...She is tough but still has hurt inside that she uses for life lessons

  17. Goodness those are beautiful words! Your boy will be fine cause he's got you in his life and tons of prayers being said for him. High school is a very difficult and mean place at times. My best advice is to teach him over and over again how to keep things in perspective. When he's 30, this high school stuff won't matter AT ALL!
    He's such a handsome boy - by the way!

    Renee W.
    Austin, TX

  18. I be a prayin' Jayme! I feel your pain. You know I do. I'm sorry he is struggling. 3 out of 4 bees can relate! ;)

  19. If he can be challenged without his spirit being crushed, the struggle is worth it. Our son (much younger) didn't fit in so easily with classroom structure, and our guiding principle was if it is hard that's okay, but if it crosses the line into damaging his feelings of self-worth and really discourages him, we'd take him out.
    After a challenging time, it did all work out wonderfully, and he's stronger for it.

    Saying a prayer for him right now.

  20. Bless your heart... praying for you and your boy child...

  21. Yup, you got it just right. Mothers love (and as others have said you don't have to be a biological mother to have it).

    My "square peg" ended up being just fine. Sometimes it was painful but have faith. He's a awesome boy!


  22. Mama, that is exactly what it's like. I feel your pain. I will take some time, don't lose heart.

  23. "IT" will take some time. Whoops!

  24. All of that...and more.

    Praying for you and for Aaron!

  25. Prayers for Aaron right now...I have a ninth grader also...and it really is hormone year and we are still home schooling, but feeling it!
    I bet by Christmas he will start to get the swing of it...praying!
    Great spoke my heart!

  26. Jayme and Aaron,
    Aaron, you'll find your place so keep searching within yourself not outside yourself. I find having a small compass on a chain or in my pocket helpful and when I feel like I am getting lost or off track I hold it. It helps to reorient me to my true north. Teenage years are challenging but the rest of life is too, so if you can navigate these challenges with Mama Jayme's help you'll be able to navigate other challenges that you will face. Growing and learning is never about the challenges themselves but the way you handle them. That is the true measure of a person, how you handle what life puts in front of you. You have the guide you need in Mama Jayme.
    Jayme your instincts are spot on and you will know what to do and when it has to be done.
    I am the praying kind. You will both be in my prayers.

  27. Jayme, I'm glad your back I missed my daily dose of "drivel" you keep us smiling

  28. You've got it exactly! You are a mother and more to that boy. Praying for you and yours.

  29. Yes, exactly!!! All day, all night,seven days a week, three hundred-sixty- five days a year. Exhausting and wonderful all at the same time.

  30. Praying!! For his "momma"and him!

  31. Yup that's the feeling(s) all balled up in to that space we call our heart <3.
    My son has been one of those square pegs, free spirit, etc. I love him for it...much braver than I was at that age.
    He will be a responsible, upstanding adult and so will Aaron.
    Praying for all of you!
    Big Hugs,

  32. Jayme, You have definitely nailed Motherhood and Grammahood! I had a square peg in a round hole too...He is perfect-just perfect-now that he is grown...but it was a rough go for a few years. Your boy is probably WAY too smart for the kids his own age...that's what we found in our case anyway. Hugs--and saying a prayer for all of you- Diana

  33. He is beautiful!
    And yes all of those thing are what it feels like to be a Mother!!
    May this sweet young man persevere in school!
    It is a tough scary world out there!

  34. That picture is beautiful!
    Both of my children were square pegs and they made it through.
    Hugs to you and the square. I love squares!
    xo, Cheryl

  35. I suspect that the "structure" of school also includes some pretty mean kids. Aaron has had so much support from you and Glenco. He will be fine. College and really being able to be himself aren't so far away.
    Another prayin' Mom is prayin' for you and Aaron. I've had lots of practice with my daughters. What's a few more to care about?

  36. You know I be prayin'. That boy made such an impression on me, Min.

  37. I will keep you -both- in my prayers. I, too, have a 15 year old son who would rather be at the beach than at high school. I know it is hard for the parents as well as the kids-we are all in this together! You are such a kind woman to express your feelings and ask for prayer for Aaron. This is
    going to be the hardest 4 years of my life-high school isn't for everyone is right! That is why I count my blessings every day when things are going well! I try to make time to have fun every day-it reduced my stress when I let go and let God take over, too!

  38. Great Picture! Will be thinking of him. He is sooo lucky that if he decides it does not work he can come "home." jan

  39. Good gracious is he ever handsome!
    High school if such a short part of a full life - it's a shame it has to be so rough. I be the prayin' kind and you and family are in my prayers.

  40. Wow! You nailed it! I will keep him in my prayers. I have a 15 year old son, so I relate to all these feelings. I think we should pray for all our teens! They need it! Thanks for a lovely post~

  41. Just remember, Jayme, the square pegs in the round holes are usually more successful, well rounded creative individuals. I could give hundreds of examples, but you know what I mean!

  42. Yes, that's what it's like. And someone that can summarize it so succinctly is, indeed, a mother.

  43. I have one of these creative kids too and I feel all those same feelings every day. Yep, that's exactly what it's like to be a mother!

  44. I think he's a free-form peg in a square hold...

    My god, he's so beautiful.

  45. I'm thinking you are BOTH at a turning point...encourage, encourage and encourage Aaron to work things out for the first the end of this school year and things are still not right then he can explore other options....change takes time but I fear if he quits now just because he is not "happy" that will be a pattern...take care..

  46. I think the feelings (good and bad) we feel for the kids in our lives are so much stronger than anything we feel on our own behalf, Jayme. We feel their pain and struggles as if they were our own.....what a lucky boy to have you in his life. You are shaping each other more than you'll ever know.

  47. Well tell him those long eyelashes outta count for something. I'll pray for your boy...and hope someone is praying for mine (3 of them) too.

  48. all those feeling are so true of a caring mom! he will find his path.

    enjoy your weekend.

  49. and then our kids have kids and we do it all again! The praying and the worry never stops! But .... thankfully we have a God in Heaven who hears our prayers! Praying for Aaron right now!

  50. That's what it's like. I'm saying a prayer for your beautiful boy.


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