Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Someone's Gone Broody

It's me.
I'm just in a mood.

RIP Sweet FiFi 2010
Not a bad mood, not a good mood.
Not an 'eh' mood - just a mood.

It's 100 degrees outside.
It's been unseasonably warm for quite some time now - and there's a drought up here in Indiana.
One match could eliminate the entire garden at this point.

I can guarantee you that the garden does not look like this, and yet I keep posting this picture - much like a woman would do on Match.com - take the best photo from a few years ago - and keep posting it like it's current.

Uncle Joe is moving kinda slow.
I do declare I nearly fainted dead away by the time I hung up an entire load of delicates on the clothesline.
I do believe it was dry by the time I finished hanging it.

A year without Roundup is visibly evident now, and the weeds have won the war my friend.
I'm about ready to put little white flags all over the yard.
The zinnias surrender!

I think Scarlett and Aunt Jemima were trying to break it to Buddy gently, that they just 'aren't in the mood' in this hot weather - and would appreciate being left alone.

The chickens are cranky.
One hen was so irritated that she attacked me when I went to take her egg.
Whenever a hen gets agitated and I'm near by - Buddy, the rooster takes it personally and comes to show me who's boss.
Sadly, he is always reminded that I'm the boss.
You can't let roosters sense fear.
They will hunt you down and peck your eyes out.
Not really, but it sure seems like it sometimes.

I did not, and do not cotton to this behavior - and I gave them all a loud lecture threatening to 'put their asses on Craig's List' or in the next pen over where the meat birds are housed,  that I call "Aushwitz'.
"Well maybe I'll just leave the roost door open tonight!  Take your chances with the coons!"
Is this menopause?

The carrying on of the hens when they lay an egg is normally music to my ears - but it's been annoying me lately.
"Shut up already!  So you laid an egg!  Whooptie do!"
Then I realized if I gave birth to something bigger than my head on a daily basis, I suppose I should have some bragging rights as well.

I want to sell everything.
I mean everything.
I want a microhouse and three hens and one beehive.
Maybe two tomato plants.
And a bicycle.
Well, OK - one rooster.
That's it.

I've become obsessed with yard sales.
More so than I was before.
I'm buying up clothes like I'm related to the Duggar's.
This goes against everything I just mentioned in the last paragraph.

I cobbled up a list the other day and felt better, more in control.
Then I took a nap.

I don't know if I'm coming or going.

I am going.
Camping - this weekend.
Returning The Squirrel to it's natural habitat.
Severe storms predicted for our first day there.
Of course there are.

Sunday on the way to get my BBQ splurge meal I lost my $500 trifocals.

We were on the motorcycle and I had my prescription sunglasses on my face, and my trifocals in my shirt.

Doesn't my grape salad look like a monkey face?  Or maybe it does to me cause I can't see anything since I've lost my trifocals.

After I ate, I realized I didn't have them anymore.
We retraced our steps and drove slowly but didn't see them.
Even took the car out - driving ten miles an hour all the way there with the flashers on and me hanging out of the passenger side door looking for them - but no luck.
All I got was car sick.
I would have walked the whole thing - but it's 100 degrees out and it was 10 miles.
There's a possum some where out there rejoicing that he can finally see.
I tried in vain to get this picture to fit right. : -/

Summer honey extraction is complete - email me if you are interested!  I have a few pints extra.
I got stung in the ankle, took two Benadryl and slept for 10 hours while Glenco cleaned honey off of the cat's head and kitchen light fixtures.

I keep thinking I should close the blog up for good, that I've plum run out of things to talk about.
But now, after ranting - I feel better.
So, now I'll go put away the groceries that I brought in an hour ago when I decided to sit down and do this blog post.



  1. Oh my goodness...first time visiting your blog...you just have to be my new best friend! Good gracious, I've only read one post and love it. I have splatters of apricot jam all over my shirt and took time to sit down to cool--no AC. Crazy canning...and this post has made my day! Loved it.

  2. Its the heat! It makes all of us a little off. Or out-house rat crazy-just take your pick. The heat makes me want to rip off all my clothes and stand in the cold well water, but that would scare the children, as well as the chickens, so I just soldier on and complain to the next person about the heat. I don't know why I am surprised by it-I have lived here in AL for 39 years. But every summer it is wham!

    So sorry about your glasses. I don't know how to make one of those sad face thingys or I would make one for you.

    For Mercy's sake... now that we're addicted you threaten to stop the supply of wordly, visual valium! What would we do without your blog?! Seriously! I'm too far away to stalk you. LOL

  4. You'll feel better after a camping trip in the rain and cooler temps...promise!

  5. Well now, maybe a visit from me would help? Unfortunately I don't think I can get over that way...my mama is under hospice care at home now, liver cancer eating her from the inside out. :( Don't think it will be much longer.

    I'm in a good place for the most part, but miss you like the dickens, seeing as I have no friends over here in NE Indiana. Maybe when the weather relents I'll mosey on by your camper and sit a spell. Much love.

  6. I love your blog! Today for the first time I made your breakfast sausage....I never would have without your blog. Thank you!!!

  7. I so look forward to reading your blog posts. Once again, you made my day!

  8. Totally looks like a monkey face.

    And this is why you blog... to share pictures of salads that look like monkeys, and chickens in brazieres... because that kind of funny just can't be done alone.

  9. Don't you even entertain a thought about quitting your blog. Yours is my favorite and it is so fun to see a new one from you. We are all suffering depression from this heat and drought. We so look forward to summer with green grass and flowers and look what we got this year. It is sooo disappointing.
    Hang in there.

  10. Aw...girl...it's the heat- the dad-blamed heat that is making you owly and out of sorts. It will pass. You will get rain, the gardens will restore for Fall...your spirit will rise and, once again, your zest for life will re-awaken. Either that or get some drugs- your choice!;) xo Diana

  11. you share whatever photos you wish to do ... we love you. we love you no matter how we get you. your humor gets me through the days & nights. you are too funny! i'm giggling as i type. big hugs. love ya girl! (:

  12. I think it's the heat too. I've haven't blogged in a coons age.

  13. I don't know....you sounded perfectly normal to me! Hmmmm.....???? :)

  14. Menopause bites, but maybe not as hard as a one of your chickens or that rooster. If I was a chicken I'd be laying hard-boiled eggs because my hot flashes last for an hour, it seems!

  15. no way can you close your blog... take a small break but you write from the heart.. with humor... things we are likely thinking and you give them voice....

    Love you!

  16. Hi Jayme, I'm Joy. You know, the Joy that asks that you PLEASE put the note at the top that says you may wet your pants from laughter: proceed with caution? That Joy?

    Yep, it's me.

    I think you may have accidentally taken in some dairy and maybe that has you off your rocker.

    Eat more tomorrow, because off your rocker is slap funny, I don't care who you are!


  17. Yup... I see the monkey!

    Please... stay alive. Don't close this "joy to my soul" down.

    Then I'd be the one with the mood. For SURE!!!

    I think I've just figured something out. I think your "neighbors" to my Mennonite cousin (and her family) who lives where you live. It's the same town mailing address... I think. ;)

    That would really warm my soul to come and visit all you all.

  18. It's the heat, don't quit what you are doing. You are such an inspiration to us.

  19. Menopause isn't for sissies. I am glad I am through it.
    Sorry about your glasses. But just because you are blind don't go getting mute on us. I love your ranting and raving and everything in between.
    I wish I were hanging in the squirrel with ya. It has been squelching here too. We actually had 3/10's of rain today. It wasn't nearly enough but I was so happy to see it that I done went and stood in it.
    When can you and the boychild visit? I miss thee. Plus I have all the Mad Men episodes taped for ya.
    I think I should have emailed.
    I am considering shutting down my blog too.
    I may wait until after Cliff's born but then I think it is a possibility. I am boring even myself these days and usually I am my greatest audience. I crack myself up but even I am now over me. I am shutting up now. xoxo

  20. I agree with all those saying it's the heat and drought. My garden is hanging on by a thread and I can hardly go out to look at it. Blah...!

  21. Don't stop!!! I get so much joy out of this and I know you don't want to disappoint!
    I think I hit the menopause button today too...sweating to beat the band...while standing still...dripping, embarrassingly so! Decided to cool off in the pond, and then to pick berries, which made me sweat again, so I took a shower. But then I had to hurry to work and there I was sweating again! Heavens!
    I am a garage sale junkie too...but I actually get junk! Time to have one of my own!

    Stay in front of the fan my friend!!

  22. Hilarious post. All of us feel this way from time to time, ( well okay most of the time) but could never storytell like this. Keep going Jayne. We love to read about everything and see the great pics!
    Have a great time camping : )

  23. See I cant even see to type!
    I meant to type Jayme!

  24. well my dear it appears you don't know weather to scratch your watch or wind you butt. nancy

  25. I wish your garden really did look like that. I wish mine did too. This heat/drought is really ticking me off.

  26. I just about spit my morning coffee on the computer! You are too funny Jayme. Aushwitz! Craigs List! I needed that this a.m. Chickens act alike the world around. You should definitely do your writing while in a mood. I am sorry about your glasses and do hope they turn up. We are in a serious drought here too. We are in a heat advisory until Saturday I think because it can't just be 100 degrees, it has to 100 degrees and 70% humidity. Ugh. Hang in there.

  27. Don't close your blog. Please. This post is the reason I've been following you for the last year +. I love this kind of writing about the everyday stuff.

  28. Hi Jayme,
    Your post cracked me up!
    Seriously, so sorry about your glasses.
    Michigan is sharing in the drought and I think it's making everyone cranky. Had to put one of my hens in the basement to recover from Tuesday's oppressive heat. No fun outside at all.
    Praying for rain.

  29. please don't close down your blog....you are the "bee" balm to my soul....:)

  30. My heart skipped a beat when you mentioned closing your blog, its the heat, menopause, whatever it is it will pass. I look for your title on MY FAVORITES that you have posted and I stop what Im doing and I read it first! I too am in a somewhat FUNK but it too will pass. Enjoy camping and tell us all about it!

  31. Please do not close your blog. This blog and your writing are the reason I signed up for honors. I enjoy your ramblings and such. I will have to hop over to Janies blog too and beg her to keep blogging as well. I found her blog through yours.
    -julia (seattle)

  32. Made an otherwise funky morning laugh out loud funny- thanks for the ramblings!!

  33. If you ever close your blog I will be forced to drive from Colorado and come have a nice "chat" with you girlfriend!!! You always tell it like it is and say what the rest of us are thinking. I get so weary sometimes of blogs that sugar coat everything. "Aren't I clever? Isn't this pretty? Aren't my kids the best?" You are a breath of fresh air and sunshine, sweety.

    My folks had an hornery rooster at one time. You couldn't go outside without a broom (or a 12 gauge) in your hands!) Go to KFC (I know you don't eat there) and see if they will give you an empty bucket. Take it home and mount it on a stick and put it in the yard where Mr. Rooster can see it! Subliminal message!!!!

  34. SMACK!!! SMACK!!! SMACK!!!

    I'm sew sorry Jaymster, really I am, I'm not a violent person, but somebody had to smack that crazy idea out of you. . .

    I drink my water bottle for a long period of time to get as much water as possible in one sip. . .and there's your face

    I make my laundry detergent and sausage patties and you's with me there too girlie. . .

    I'm way too attached. . . I have separation anxiety just thinking about it. . . and I can't afford therapy

    Don't make me have to smack you again. . .

  35. Its the weather. I am on vacation this week and spending it inside. Not a terrible waste because I have canned a batch of relish and painted some walls but I so wanted beach time and 90-100 degrees is even too hot for the beach. Did go away for a couple of days, north by the lake. Two hours north and still just as hot. The beach we stopped at was all rock could hardly walk on it. It is just a crazy hot summer.

  36. Oh please don't stop blogging. That honey looks so darn good!.. and OMG your three years ago garden is just absolutely stunning, really.

    That sucks about the glasses, but just think how you've improved the life of that possum. :-)

    Do you have any suggestions on how I can find someone willing to sell me five or six pullets.. you know.. approximately six month old chickens that I don't have to raise from scratch because I don't have a separate coop to house them in so they don't get attacked by my five chickens until they're big enough to all live happily together? Here in Connecticut, it seems almost impossible to find someone who will sell me six month olders!!!... is that true everywhere? *sigh* All the hatcheries only sell chicks, I guess for the obvious reason that chicks fit in mailing boxes much easier than CHICKENS.

  37. Don't "close up" your blog!!! I love reading rants, and yours in particular. Especially because they include chickens, bountiful gardens, bees, honey, menopause and the art of growing older. Especially because they don't include summer school, football practice, impending senior year, impending 8th grade year, husbands who work two jobs to make ends meet, a wife (ME) that works two jobs (at home THANK GOD!) to make ends meet, impolite neighbors, car alarms and the other hazards of living in a suburb in Cali. I love you Coop Keeper! Hang in there for me!!!!!! Lisa

  38. Do not close up the Blog, this blog is honest and true, your blog doesn't just show us a perpetual rosy glow on life that other bloggers do. It shows the faults and the corrections we can make in life, it gives encouragement ,unlike others blogs that make you want to stick your head in the oven, even if you don't have a gas oven, because their lives are so perfect.
    We love your rants and your lifestyle and everything you have achieved , you can't leave all your friends .Because you know we would come and visit you and honestly do want a pile of people showing up in your yard calling your name ???????

  39. I've read you for a long time and have commented maybe once, but....

    this whole post made me smile.

    (except for the bee sting. I'm not sadistic or anything...)

  40. "I'm buying up clothes like I'm related to the Duggar's" almost made me wet my pants. Jayme you're such a love. It's the damn weather we're having that's got everyone's undies in a bunch. I can assure you that you are not the only one feeling this way. It's sad when 85 degrees make me start looking around of a sweatshirt.

    Also, your grape salad did look like an adorable monkey face.

    ok bye!


  41. Oh my gosh, you gave me such a good laugh, all the way through, please don't close up the blog for good, please! It doesn't matter what you talk about, I always enjoy it, wish I could say I came everyday to read your witty banter but with 2 part time jobs, 4 kids, 2 dogs 3 cats and a partridge in a pear tree I don't get here very often but when I do I read everything your wrote since the last time I stopped by. God bless your sweet menapausal heart!

  42. J, I feel the same as you! Hope I can send this comment it's my first one! I too have a vintage travel trailer! Please don't close up your blog!
    Liberty ind

  43. The other Nancy said it best. NO closing up the blog! (Unless you really have to and then I guess we'll understand. But we'll be sad. Really, really sad.)

  44. Jayme Girl -- you HAVE to keep the blog open just to keep me entertained -- okay, maybe that is selfish, lol. I know the pain of lost glasses -- I can't see without mine -- at least nothing up close. My arm is no longer long enough. The heat and draught has every critter -- me included grumpy. I think I have about given up on my yard and potted plants -- crispy, every last one of em. I keep throwing water on my tomatoes and basil in hope that they hang in there -- probably won't.

    Enjoy your weekend camping :)


  45. I shall nevah, evah tire of your rants. They are a true window into your soul and it's lovely in there.

    Can I come along when you visit Janie and watch Mad Men? It's settled then.

  46. Please don't stop....I need you...I love your rants and raves...I would do them but I just wait for you...thanks.

  47. You have gots to keep writing girl!! You pure plum fiesty talented!!
    After a week of meno-ing myself....reading your blog just now has totally got me looking at myself in a more normal fashion!!
    It seems to me....You git life out of anyone I met this week!!!
    You're truly a Bloggin Soul Sista who deserves to be nationally known!!!
    Take care dear girl!!

  48. Oh my Lord, you have the worst luck. Well, look at it like this... you will look uber cute in those new glasses and you would have NEVER bought new ones to match your new body and your new life if you hadn't lost the ones you have. Did that make any sense? I haven't had but two sips of coffee this morning! Our yard is burnt up too, sad sad. This is the hottest summer, it's like when we lived in Texas but we don't, we live in the Ozark Mountains and somehow that makes it wrong, just wrong! I wish we lived close so we could rant and rave together....

  49. Your garden looks fantastic. And your salad does look like a monkey face to me too. Add some more light into the picture and it will become clearer.


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