Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Wellness Wednesday - Food Addiction

Onward, and downward.
The scale is moving in the right direction, I see muscles popping out in fun places.
I'm pretty much right on track to meet my January 2012 goal.
Am I perfect?

Far from it.

Am I working on it?

I was called 'skinny' by two different people yesterday.
Trust me - I'm far from it - but compared to a year ago?  Ya - I'm skinny.
Aaron wanted to take my picture to show me how skinny I was...ha.
Love that BoyChild.
He keeps looking at me and asking me 'where did you go?'.

Within this post are some pics - I need you guys to vote on my hair color.
I've been a blond for a long time, and everyone tells me I look best as a blond - I feel the most like myself as a blond - if that makes a lick of sense - but here are a few pics of other hair colors I've had - interspersed with the text.

me with flaming red hair - very hard to maintain!
So here it is already - Wednesday.
And that means it's Wellness Wednesday.

Today I wanted to talk about food addiction.
This will be a rather short post - cause I'm no expert, I'm just a food addict - in recovery.
If you want to delve more into it - all ya'd have to do is Google it.

I still fight that title at times, I think they call that denial.
I'm coming to terms with it - some days better than others, some days - not at all.

I no longer hide to eat.
That was a big one for me.
Hiding in the corner of the pantry - stuffing my face with whatever came loose.
Baking chips, coconut, peanut butter, crackers, etc.
Going through drive-thrus alone - where the only people that knew of my devilment were me and 'Trish' at the DQ drive-thru - all evidence destroyed before I ever got home.

Now - if I do eat - I do it openly.

I ate nearly a half a bag of marshmallows on Saturday night.
I struggled to eat them openly - everything in me wanted to hide.

Why did I eat the marshmallows?
Well - it was the only thing in the house that would give me that feeling I was looking for.
An apple wouldn't have cut it.
My beloved broccoli (I made a special trip to the grocery store today cause I was out of broccoli - and I kissed it as I put it in the fridge - I've plum lost my mind.) wouldn't have cut it.

I needed sugar mainlined into my veins.
I needed bacon.
I needed pizza and bowls of ice cream.
I needed a feeling.
I needed a warm hug.
I needed chocolate and butter.

Or 'it'?
The addiction.

I think 'it' needed it.
I try to separate myself from the addiction - because "I" want to be healthy, make healthy choices, and break free from the pull of food.
"It" doesn't.
It wants to be soothed like a baby when I'm feeling down.
It wants what it wants when it wants it.
It would have me sitting in a size 20 jeans again.

Blond hair gone wrong -
One of the things that helps me the most is to see myself in third person when I'm about ready to make a stupid move - like go to the Tastee Top and order a large cone dipped in Cotton Candy crunch topping.

It's almost like I'm watching a hidden video camera - of someone that's an addict - and I'm shouting 'no!  don't do it!'

There are still places that are hard for me to be alone.
Walgreen's is one.
Alllllll thaaatttt cannnndddyyy!
Driving alone - seeing McDonald's signs that say
"try our new mango smoothie" - I hear a voice in my head say 'Ok!'.
I still at times envision myself on an LSD type high - floating through space where food, especially pulled pork sandwiches float with me and I'm just eating and eating.
I still dream of swimming in the nude in pools filled with Sugar Babies and battered, deep fried cauliflower.

Brunette Jayme - weird huh? Rather hankering for dark hair again - maybe it's the weather...

But it's getting so much better - and the cleaner I stay, the quieter the voice in my head gets, and the calmer the cravings are.

It's not just about being a size 8 to me - it's about being free.
It's about nothing holding me back from being who I was created to be.
It's about not tripping over the same old tangled up roots in the yard of my life, but continuing on - growing, changing, evolving into the best Jayme there is.
It's about not digging my own grave with my fork.
It's about choosing foods that promote life and vitality.

I don't know what color this is!
It's about living for God's sake.

Food addiction is real.
I do believe that the very nature of foods most people consume on a regular basis are addictive.
Sugar, wheat, preservatives, etc.

If you, your true self really doesn't want to do something - something that you know is detrimental to your health - and you hear yourself saying 'I really shouldn't' - and you do it anyway -
wouldn't you call that addiction?


  1. I think you look best with dark hair. I'm very, very proud of you! You talk about food. Today on my blog is a discussion on vibrators...

  2. Good addiction is so real and not many understand the struggle of it. Re hair: Well if Brunette is pulling at you, why not a compromise of going darker for the winter and lightening up in spring thru summer? I used to do that and it gave me just enough different a look to satisfy me!

  3. Good post. I love red hair. Even on me! I think I'm getting ready to go red, again. at the beginning of summer my gal put me back to my "natural" brown.
    Now I'm off to read the post about vibrators! Buh-bye! xo, Cheryl

  4. I love you with any hair color. I say go brunette for the cooler months and lighten up in the Spring. My name is Janie and I am a food addict.

  5. Thanks SO much! You've given me the courage as of late to openly come out of the closet...oops, I mean pantry! ;)
    Hi. I'm Rebecca & I'm a food addict!!!
    For a time, I was even rethinking my decision to widen the door way between the dining room & living room, because then the hubs would be able to 'see' into the kitchen from the living room! Then I would have been forced into the pantry for good! Thankfully it's SUPER tiny-ness would not allow for me to get to BIG in there!!!
    BUT, but, but, butt ~ it's getting smaller! 10.2lbs down and I haven't even been starving or having cravings (yet)! What's up with that? I always gear up to starve when I diet! I'm thinking it must be something to do with blood sugar levels! Who knows?!

    Much LOVE! can't be helped!

    from outside the pantry

  6. Hey Jayme!!! Good for you on still making progress. As for the hair, I'm partial to that dirty blond color, frankly because that's MY hair color, interspersed more and more with gray these days!!

    Also wanted to let you know that I made a honking big batch of those yummy turkey burger/sausage things this morning and had one with my canteloupe. Wonderful breakfast. I make them ahead of time and put them in the frig. So easy to take one out and heat it up a little. This time I also put some in the freezer to have on our RV trip next week.

    I put red bell peppers, onion, sage, thyme and Tony Cachere creole seasoning in mine, along with the other stuff. Boy, are they good. DH even uses them to make a sandwich.

    I'm down about seven pounds which isn't as much as it could be 'cause of falling of the wagon sometimes. BUT, it does get easier as time goes by. And you are right about the sugar and carbs. The more you eat, the more you want. Now, to work on injecting exercise into the routine every day!!!

  7. Well, I like the blonde the best. One thing about getting older is we can be who we want to be, the color sometimes changes our personality a little. It's the stuff deep inside that matters though. Mom used to say "When you look in the mirror, you need to love the person looking back at you!" Good advice!

  8. That last picture? Whatever the color is, it's awesome. That one.

  9. Hey if you're gonna go chemical free in your food, why not your hair too? It might be liberating?! I do have to say, your posts have been more enjoyable since the food change. More stream lined, you seem happier, less chaotic. It's kind of nice to know you are the same you though. Not completely perfect with no inclination to touch those evil foods again. Still fun, and silly, and making decisions that you feel are best for you and your family. Just in a calmer way now.

  10. good post.

    About the hair. I think you look awesome in all of them. So- I'm going to answer from a purely practical point. do you have any gray? I've been a redhead for 17-18 years (?). My 'natural' roots are both much darker- and- much lighter (the gray) than I remember. The red is now requiring a very expensive assistant (the hair stylist) to maintain (actually, it grows so fast that I need it done every 4 weeks but I'm cheap so I cringe my way to 6 weeks). The home coloring just wasn't covering well anymore. So, I think in the blondish range (like the last photo) it would be easier to maintain. Does that make sense? Besides, it looks great. Hope it helps.

  11. Join my band wagon-go natural! I'm 35, with dark blondish hair and a whole lotta gray peaking through. I think it's liberating to let my hair be in it's natural state. And it's funny, I get many comments about my "highlights". ha!
    Thanks for the pep talk. You've inspired me to eat much more consciously than I have been. I've lost a few pounds to boot!

  12. Jayme - you hit me where I live! I don't miss the wheat but I do miss sugar. It has been 6 weeks and I have lost 18lbs. I still admit to being an addict. Friday is baked goods day at my office and ignoring that stuff is just so hard. I pray a lot. Some days that is the only thing that keeps me from hitting the drive thru at Arby's and loading up on a large Jamocha shake and a bag full of curly fries. Your posts help to reassure me that someone else experiences the same things that I do!!

  13. I can identify 100%. I've done all the above...secretly eating and yes the drive thrus. Check. Only satan can take something that we need to survive and twist it in our minds. He's doing a pretty good job. Thanks for sharing. I prefer you as a blonde and I'm not a gentleman. ;)

  14. My name is Deb and I'm addicted to food. We are so alike re the hiding to eat and the drive thru business we could be sisters.

  15. Ok, I'm posting my first link-up/contest/giveaway on Oct. 1st. It's going to be called the Hair Scare n Share. I'm so excited. I've already pulled out all my fun hair photos.

    Now, none of the above photos of you are scary-hair photos, but I know that you know you have some. You have to. So I can't wait to see them.

    I wore size 14s, yesterday, b/c I could. They were a little snug, and I peeled them off when I got home and put sweats on. But I think I'm down about 15 lbs. since Aug 1. I'd like to be down 10 more by halloween. We'll see. Trying to exercise a little more.

    I'm a brunette (and a food addict) and rather think you look lovely no matter what your hair color, but especially as a brunette.

  16. The last picture... that's the best one! Makes you look stinkin' young. My motherinlaw is in her 60's and is still holding on to blonde, but it ages her and makes her look pasty. My opinion is you gotta be a natural blonde to do blonde successfully after 40, and then it's iffy.
    I'm a natural blonde but plan on darkening my hair a bit when I'm 50 to that last picture of yours just to give my old mug some color!
    Love your blog

  17. I am so proud of you and your accomplishments and the best is you are feeling great, you are learning how to control your thoughts. Its all in the mind... when I want something I look at it as thought is has doggie poop on it and that helps.

    I have gotten rid of all sugar in my life and no longer crave it. I did have a craving for some fries from Wendy's, got them, ate them, then got sick from the grease. We have eliminated frying stuff too. I am eating better but the weight is hanging on. I need to ramp up my activity more I guess. Seems my body is not willing to let go of its fluffiness.

    Rooting you onward and upward to your goal and I know you can do it!

    Hair! I love the color it is when you had your Boot Camp professional shots. Perfect color for your complexion.

  18. I think you were writing about my life. Hair and food. Seriously! Thank you for your open honesty. Food addiction is real, and it totally sucks. Totally.

    I made the decision to go natural hair colour a few years ago. Yes, there's grey. But no more trying to maintain.

    Good luck on your continued food addiction journey. I'm fighting the same battle. You can overcome!

  19. Whatever that color is... it works for you.

    I like it the best.

  20. I love this post and identify with EVERY single point you have made. The sad part of this whole affair is that I don't think there is a cure for it. I had bariatric surgery and have lost over 100 lbs and I STILL struggle with those old food urges. Makes me want to cry.

  21. p.s. I like your the hair color you sport which has blonde highlights over the reddish blonde. Really makes your blue eyes sparkle!

  22. Wow! I am with you. I have not had any sugar, flour or wheat products since July 18th and I feel like a different person. Soon, I plan on like looking like a different person. You said it- You GET it! Food addiction- worse than a crack addict for those that suffer with it- A crack addict can put it down and never have to pick it up again. A food addict has to de4al with it every day-all day-not an easy chore.

    I really like you with the richer colored hair. It looks wonderful with the darker undertones (I even LOVED the red)..but I think you have to pick what feels RIGHT to you- and you know what that is. I think you are beautiful no matter WHAT color hair you have- just beautiful~ inside and out! xo Diana

  23. You look mahhvelous! I went o'natural in my hair and found I love it! You look great in any color!

  24. I vote blonde. Is this the wrong time to tell you about a little cookie giveaway I'm having over on my blog?

    You could always give them to your hubby, your sister, Aaron, a neighbor, or friend, or your imaginary dog if you win.

  25. What's truly that you look great in all!
    Food addiction of any sort is just the pits...I fight it too..I think a lot of it is hormone related but when you get older, like me...a lot of things are about

  26. Great post!!

    You look terrific in every hair color, lucky you! My vote is for brunette, we have just as much fun as everyone else!

  27. Blonde - that's my vote. Not solid blonde, darker undertones with 2 or 3 different cool blonde highlites on top. There you have my professional opinion, for whatever it's worth.
    Jayme - you are beautiful inside and out!

    You are doing SO GREAT!!!

  28. On the program I"m following they stress "progress not perfection". I've finally understood that I don't have to 'white knuckle' it thru getting healthy.

    I have a food addiction too. Some days are awesome, some days...all I do is think about what I 'can't' have. some days I have it anyway. But NOW I understand that getting back to the healthy way to eat...right away will save me. WHY DIDN'T WE UNDERSTAND THIS IS OUR 30'S!! UGH!

    Oh well, now I do. Lordy I could talk about this all dang day.

    So you look wonderful in all your colors! That's the beauty of Clariol! haha

  29. The red was hot!!! Too bad the red is soooo much work. Years ago I was a You are amazing. Letting go of the old things that drag you down, hold you back. I am working on that everyday. You are such a help. Thank you. jan

  30. I'm new to your blog, and now I'm hooked!! I like you best as a blonde--think it makes you look young! I have recently lost 30 lbs., and have never felt the book "Women, Food and God", which has really helped me realize WHY I eat when I'm not even hungry...we are all hiding from our real feelings, and once we let ourselves FEEL our FEELINGS, the weight magically falls right off! Anyways, great blog...check mine out sometime, when you're really bored, at

  31. Jaime you are a beautiful womanwith any hair color you choose! I can't believe the transformation you have done! You have a lot to be proud of! Keep it u[! Traci

  32. Wow! Thanks for the insight. I'm going give using the 3rd person in regards to my food choices a try, and maybe give using the 3rd person to look like a pompous a** a rest. Jamie's public will thank you. Ha! Seriously, truth spoke to me when I read this & I thank you for that.
    My thoughts on hair color are we all have a color best suited to's usually the one we feel best in...unless you have total taste for crap :). I'm a total deep down dyed in the wool blonde at heart. I think mixing it up from time to time is fun, so when I do I always make sure I have some blond highlights framing my face. Jamie also thinks blond highlights framing her face have an angelic affect. :) Last time, I promise.

  33. Gosh Golly Miss Molly you are gorgeous. Thoroughly enjoyed that post. I too had red hair for a while and agree it is a pain in the bottom to maintain.

    In the UK recently there is a FAB sitcom thing called Miranda. Do you know it. I feel sure you would LOVE it.

    Try it here:

  34. Gosh! Just watched that Miranda video... slightly more risque than I remember... sorry English humour. xx

  35. Great post! Also, I think you have the spirit of a redhead :) Though I'm a bit biased~

  36. Okay, here's my vote. I know how important it is that I cast one. Don't know why you didn't just email me and save yourself the!!!
    I'm going with a little darker than the last color on the post. Some rich, but subtle highlights. Yep, that's the one. Can't wait to see my choice on your head!!

  37. I like the color in your profile photo,medium blonde for winter with a little lighter highlights.. youthful and that's what were going for,isn't it !!

  38. I love the last looks really good on you. Whenever I drop by for a visit here I am always amazed at your gut wrenching honesty. You are a very courageous woman and it makes me happy to 'know' you.

  39. I especially like the last photo - the darker blonde with some highlights. Actually, though, you looked great in all of them!

  40. Dark hair is what Im voting for, you look great!

  41. I love, love the dark hair, it looks very natural and pretty!


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