Thursday, June 2, 2011

My Heart is a Wreck

Let me preface this post by saying -

I think I have PMS, and I ate a little wheat and dairy yesterday.
(one day soon I'll tell you my wheat and dairy woes)

That could be the reason my heart feels so raw -
or
it could be due to the fact that day before yesterday, in the wee hours of the garden work I completely surrendered my heart to the working of the One greater than us.

"Have at it" might have been my exact words.


If you think those 5am times of yard work are all about beating the heat, you'd be mostly right, but I find as I dig in the dirt, in the quiet cool hours of the morning, there's often a lot of digging going on in the garden of my very own soul.

Aaron spent the night last night, as he usually does on Wednesdays, and I tell you I just couldn't give him enough love or acceptance.  I just couldn't cuddle him enough or encourage him enough, or kiss him hard enough, all the while telling him how great his life was going to be, and how the world was his oyster.


The love I feel for him has absolutely no end.

When I was making the bed this morning, I realized that it would indeed have an end one day- that there will be a day when I will no longer be here for him, and by God you'd better believe I'm going to use everyday that I have here now, loving on him and letting him know he's the greatest thing in the world.

I dropped him off at school, and headed to the post office to ship a batch of serum orders (thank you!).
I stopped at a yard sale - where there was this boy - this sweet boy with big brown eyes, about Aaron's age.  I'm assuming he was home schooled because he wasn't in school, but here having a yard sale to raise money for a teen camp he wanted to go to.


There was absolutely nothing that I wanted at the sale, but I overheard a woman not much older than me haggling with the child over the price of a DVD.  I guess she wanted a 'lot' price.

In the sweetest voice, he said 'Well, what would you be willing to pay?" as he looked over her pile of books and that blasted DVD.

"a dollar?", was her reply.

I left.
I cried.
I kept thinking how the child would never raise enough money for camp, and how discouraged he could become.
I went back.

I gave the boy with the big brown eyes a $10 bill for nothing.
I told him to have fun at camp.
The look on his face was worth at least $20, but I had just given my last $20 to the postman.
I wish I had a million dollars.

Today, I really want to encourage you to give hope.
There's a desperate shortage at the moment.
Be generous.
Love ridiculously.
Make a fool of yourself.
Be kinder than anyone you know.

Why?

Because it feels good, and it feels right.
And Lord knows we can all use a little more of it in the world.



56 comments:

  1. Oh, you made me cry...and I couldn't even say why.

    You're right though...it does feel good to make someone else feel good, important, loved.

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  2. You are an amazing soul. Your posts are like joy and balm to me. I look forward to reading your blog everyday.
    Think I will get up early tomorrow morning.

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  3. You are so right Jayme....give those kids, and everyone else, HOPE. I'm so tired of the nay-sayers and the negative peeps. Tired of it I tell ya. I'm so glad you went back and gave that kid money for camp. You will be rewarded for it ten-fold (or is it seven-fold...I forget...doesn't matter...YOU will be rewarded) I hope he gets to go.

    Cindy Bee

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  4. Tears in my eyes. I love this post.
    I try. I try every day. We can be a postive influence or a negative influence. I want to be a positive influence! I leave tomorrow to be with my grandbaby. You'd better believe I am going to LOVE, LOVE, LOVE on her!
    xo, Cheryl

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  5. Jaymes . . . you made me cry too. Thanks for the simple reminders.

    I needed it today.

    Love you lots.

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  6. It's so much fun to make someone's day when they are least expecting it. Lucky kid to have had you wander into his yard sale.

    Di

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  7. You're a beautiful, caring person Jayme and Aaron is so very lucky to have you in his life!

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  8. Wow! In a way you made us all want to "pay it forward". Thanks for this encouraging word this morning.

    Thanks for sharing. ;)

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  9. I love that you offered your heart up. I love it. Love it. LOVE it.

    xxoo

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  10. What a lovely post, brought tears to my eyes! It's a sad world we live in with so many folks being so selfish and without compassion, you did a wonderful thing, most of all you brought hope to that boys heart:)

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  11. Crying and typing are two things I cant do so if this comment is goofy... you know why.

    GOD BLESS YOU and your LOVELY HEART~~~ for being the super aunt to Aaron and the love you pour out on him. We all would be better people if we all had that CHRIST kinda' love in us. Then your heart is filled with the love of the lord and you bless everyone even this sweet young child trying to raise money. You blessed him and he will remember that... I bet you made his day.

    Its what we have don't too. When the kids come to the door selling candy, my hubby and I tell them to keep the candy and we give them money. They just look at us strange and then smile. Guess they do not have this to happen around here.

    Aaron is such a handsome young man and is growing so tall too fast... slow that boy down girl. I guess its all that good lovin', its like food that nourishes his soul and body. Guess you need to put him on a love free diet so you can slow him down from growin'.

    God bless your day.

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  12. You are so right. When you give, you get twice as much back. I have a quote hanging on my computer room wall...by T.H.Thompson. "Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." I think they are good words to live by. God Bless, Jayme.

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  13. I usually don't comment, but I just have to say that what you did was wonderful. You just made me want to do go out and do the same.

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  14. You made me cry. I have 3 biracial grandchildren and living in Southeast TN, there is still quite a bit of racism. My daughter got pregnant when a senior in high school & I worried so much that I wouldn't be able to accept the baby. I had no idea I could love someone so much. We had custody of her for about 4 years while my daughter was in the Army and it was probably the most joyous time of my life. I remember rocking her to sleep & bawling my eyes out worrying that someone would be cruel to her. She will be a freshman in high school in August and I can't believe the time has passed so quickly. Her sisters are 6 and 10 and I am so proud of them all.

    Thank you for your post.

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  15. Oh, my goodness!! Did I need this post, or what???? Thank you for reminding me of something very important. Got some fence mending to do.

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  16. What a kind heart you have Jayme. You just gave some hope today as well. I'm so encouraged here when I visit.

    Jackie

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  17. Jayme, The biggest lessons I have learned in life is appreciate everyone. The kindess of others is a treat. You did what were suppose to do.You left an imprint on that child.Hugs Cheri

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  18. A very good post. You are a caring person. I often leave stores (or restaurants in tears hearing other talk to their children. It makes me cringe..(same goes for how some people talk to husbands too)

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  19. i must have pms because you just wrecked my heart too! between you and FPFGs post today i'm all a mess!

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  20. oh my gosh...I don't even have wheat or dairy issues and I am dropping tears all of the ding dang key board. You are just an amazing person. So full of heart + love.

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  21. One of the best I have read.

    GIVE HOPE

    There are givers and takers . . .

    GIVE HOPE

    Amen

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  22. Wow! ♥ I never know how you are going to inspire me when I pop in to visit, but today is beyond the best! You are truly a wonderful person Jayme. Everyone needs a person like you in their life :) ♥

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  23. You will always be one of that boys' favorite memories. Have a great day, Jayme. Hugs, Deb=^..^=x4

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  24. You are wonderful Jayme. Your heart isn't raw, it is full of compassion and love. It hurts cause it's growing everyday. No, not like the Grinch...LOL!

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  25. Beautiful example of what I mentioned to you earlier today...I'm sitting here sobbing...just so you know. I love you, Jaymers.

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  26. Precious, beautiful words, Jayme! You are such a good soul. That Aaron hit the jackpot with you in his corner. Bless you for making that young boy's day.
    Brenda

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  27. Jayme,

    You know me. As I was reading this, I wanted to stop and email you for this boy's address so I could send a donation.

    It is only when we let go of what we are holding on so tightly to -- even if it is the last thing we own -- that we are able to open our hands to receive.

    From one morning Gardner to another,
    Deborah

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  28. Dang that wheat and dairy! I tried to stop you.

    I love this post and your heart. It's interesting to me that we walked away from the same day with the same kind of thoughts.

    xo

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  29. Lovely. You are simply lovely.

    Thank you for the reminder to offer kindness.

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  30. This was a perfect read at the beginning of my shift. I've been so discouraged lately. Nursing has not been the love it once was lately. Perhaps it has something to do with being assaulted twice ion one month. Maybe it's the tightening of budgets and protocols rendering me seemingly helpless to help. your words this morning have refreshed why I do what I do....I love you Jayme Mae!

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  31. I love what you did for that fellow... he will always remember your kindness. THose little kindness's can change a person's outlook on life.

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  32. Jayme- You are a woman after my own heart! I would much rather give than I would receive. You will be blessed beyond belief because you gave what you had. Yes, indeedy- you will.

    I am trying desperately to use up what I have on hand so I can order some of your "serum". I just don't want to throw away product...and I can't wait because I want MY skin to look like YOURS! Well, my own will have a few more wrinkles but I want that luminious glow you have! Hmmmm...now that I think about it- I'll bet that comes from inside.

    ps...you just keep loving on that boy and after he goes through late teenhood and goes away-he will come back loving you stronger than ever- been there! Hugs- Diana

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  33. Beautiful post. Very very true. We are to be the hands and feet of our Lord. Be kind. Smile. Encourage. That is what He would do!

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  34. You are a very wise woman :) Beautiful post!! And great reminder to us all. -Tammy

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  35. You are a lovely soul and I feel like crying for that boy too.

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  36. "Random Acts of Kindness" have always been my donation of choice!

    ~~HUGS~~
    http://blessingtheelements-mi.blogspot.com

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  37. There's not enough money in the world to fix what's wrong right now, but there's so much more we can give. And with a child, that trip to camp may be the life changing event that will stand out as a turning point. You have one big heart and God has a way of driving your car where you're needed.

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  38. You cease to amaze me...lovely post..

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  39. Jayme, I'm tearing up! Beautifully said!

    P.S. I know exactly how you feel... two days and my baby goes half way around the world to a third world country for weeks on end! I confess... I was a depressed this week. I miss her and she hasn't even left yet!

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  40. Amen Sista! I love how you went back and gave what you had to help the boy out! Awesome post!

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  41. Couldn't have said it better myself.
    Way to go.

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  42. God Blesses you Jayme. Your post made my heart feel open and loved too.

    Thanks
    Bridgemor

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  43. Wonderful post...made me cry! You are such a special person. We need more people in the world like you! Thank you!

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  44. That surrendered heart is in good hands, Jaymes.
    Love ridiculously....I love that! You're right, this world needs it more now than ever.
    I love ya, Keeper!

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  45. The best blessing is being able to give to others. You are a real gem. Love ya!

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  46. What a sweet soul you are. Thank you for this.

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  47. You are precious! And I just love how you are so kind-hearted. One day I will give you a great big Louisiana hug! Thank you for reminding me of the important things in life.
    Becky C

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  48. I've had a difficult day today and you've just put everything into perspective for me. Thank-YOU!

    Donna

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  49. Wise words that make us all stop and think. There's nothing I can add to what's already been said...you're a good, kind soul. Our kids are almost out of school...another year flown by, it makes me teary. I love how they snuggle, want to hold hands, and still call me Mama. Oh, I'm crying already...all we can do is hold on to each moment and make it special, make sweet memories for them, and hug & kiss on them as much as possible! Great post...-Mary

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  50. Seriously, how do you keep putting out these great posts one after another!
    I wish you were my neighbor...or better yet...sister! (maybe we were twins at birth but split up since I am 49 also!)
    Love your view on life Jayme!

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  51. Man - you said it so well. Be generous and love our youth. They NEED it.

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  52. How sweet, thoughtful and inspiring to us all out here. Find myself feeling like the sad lady with the wailing wall in The Secret Life of Bees. Doing something positive an d blessing another is so much better. You have a great life.

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  53. Amen, Jayme. We need more folks like you in this world. Have a blessed day.

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