The Journey Continues

The journey continues gals -

My goal?

I did.

Not.

Make it.

I made the goal the Coach set for me, and then some - which is fantastic and I actually finished and graduated bootcamp - but I missed my own personal goal by just under 2lbs.

I could blame alot of things like my swollen pendulous bosoms, my impending period, my skipped workout, not enough water for a day or two, or the fact that I may or may not have licked that cinnamon roll -

but I'm not going to.

It is what it is - and I continue on.

I'm in a bit of a daze now - and will take a few days to decompress from the intensity of bootcamp - and then I'll start thinking about wall colors, weeds, the ant invasion in the camper, my broody hen, the fact that all the paint is falling off the outside of the house, and my bursting email account.

It's all happening perfectly.

I love my life.

THANK you for all of your thoughts, prayers, good vibes and fun comments.

To Nancy - yes - I do pick my nose in the car - but only on deserted, rural roads.

photos by www.doulosphotography.com

Sneak Peek Before and After

Hey hey!

I'm just on my way to bed, but wanted to share a before and after with you.

I had my 'official' after (I still call them during) pictures taken today, and I can't wait to see how they turned out.

Girls - I feel like a winner.
I'm not sure I have a chance at the $10,000 - but the feeling I have right now is worth more than that!

Here's a full disclosure before picture.

I can't even talk about it right now -

but I will soon

Four months and one week later....

Now, I've still got some junk in my trunk - and my goal is to lose another 45 lbs - and I will be what my "BMI" deems a healthy weight.  Trust me - I've got it to lose.

And yes, I'm wearing the bombshell bra!

This is more me though -

Thank you a MILLION times over for all of your funny, kind, encouraging, motivating comments!

I'm woefully behind in emailing - but I will get to them...

I must get to bed!

I swell when I stay up!



If It Were Just This Easy....

Did you really think I was done making goofy videos?

I think the lack of calories has gone to my head.

2.2 to go baby.

Feeling like a million bucks.

Looking like $750,000

You really are what you eat, and I'm not just talking about how you look -

it's about how you feel!

Are you tired?

Anxious?

Depressed?

Frustrated?

Look to your food.

Amen.

3.2 and counting....

There's a lot on my mind this morning, and I'm feeling quite random.

After viewing this, you may think I have too much time on my hands -

nay - you may think me crazy.

You'd be right about one of them - and I'll let you choose.

3.2 to go baby.

I might make it.

I might not.

I just know I'll try my best.

I found a calf muscle in my leg yesterday.

I'm pretty excited about it - I mean I have to really work it for it to show, but I KNOW it's there - and that leads me to this thought....

Losing weight takes a lot of faith.

Faith in the process.

I had to lose a good solid 30lbs before people started noticing, and I realized I had a skeleton.

I'm down 45 and I'm just starting to see muscle definition - still under layers of fat.

Today, sitting in my chair having my coffee - I felt small.

I am realizing that I have a tiny frame - and all the while I used to feel like an Amazon woman.

I'm planning a full disclosure post hopefully sometime next week.

The dreaded before pictures.

Plenty of drivel.

I might even tell you how much I weigh.

After pictures - which are really during pictures, cause I'm only half done with my action phase of weight loss.

I want my weight struggle to help somebody if it can, and me not being completely open - is useless.

(I have received several emails from a few of you - and I will answer them soon - promise)

Here's a crazy video - showing you what I dream about....

The Dash

I had the pleasure of camping recently at Potato Creek State Park in North Liberty, Indiana.

I love their bike trail!

If you don't know about my OCD camping ways - have a gander at THIS (in fact, you may want to read it after you've read this rather morbid post-I have tears rolling down my cheeks from laughter after reading it - that's one of the things I love about blogging - going back and reading where I was a year ago)

I'm happy to report, that no citations were issued for excessive foil usage, and I didn't even notice too many messy towel violations.

I've discovered that Benadryl helps me sleep through any serial killer fears.

It was a good trip.

I even got to meet a blog friend!

M and I have been corresponding back and forth for about a year - I knew she didn't live too far from the campground and asked her if she'd like to stop by for a visit.

I'm so glad she said yes.

What a doll!

I absolutely love meeting you guys - and so does the BoyChild.

What a smile, eh?

What I found most profound about this camping trip, and I thought today was a good day to talk about it - since it was 9 years ago today that I was preparing for my own mother's funeral - was the fact that there's a cemetery smack down in this state park.

I'm just gonna say this -

I love cemeteries.

I love walking around and seeing the old headstones.

I like imagining their life's story.

I like figuring out how old they were when they passed.

I loved that Aaron was as into it as I was.

There was so much heartache in this cemetery.

Look at the ages of these children if you can -

And these - all from the same parents -

Leaving the cemetery I was struck by the fact that I haven't really experienced heartache.

Yes - I've lost my parents -

yes, I've lost friends and have had 'normal' heartaches -

but my heartaches seemed to pale in comparison to this poor woman who lost all of her children, three at birth.

I realized how incredibly blessed my life has been.

Relatively easy.

More joy than heartache - which perhaps has something to do with my perspective of things.

I didn't want to forget - so I took a cutting of this rose from the grave.

Why do I like cemeteries so much?

They remind me that there is an end.

They remind me that I'm alive now.

That's it's not too late.

It's not too late to change, it's not to late to make amends, it's not to late to speak a kind word, and show love to the people in your life.

If you are reading this blog, you've been given a great gift -

(no - not reading my drivel!)

You have breath in your nostrils.

You are alive.

You are living your " - ".

One day, there will be a date after that dash.

Jayme Goffin

1962 - ?

Make the most of your dash today.

It's not too late.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsY6UrFIsNs

And the Drivel Goes On....

Here's a bad picture of my hair, taken in my antique dresser mirror....

I just got a tiny trim and some low lights.

I'm lovin' it.

I look so much like my mother in this pic, it's not even funny!

The red wall is no more.

Get this - I felt sad painting over it.

*rolling eyes*

Law. 

It's the same color as the other walls now, and I'm going to glaze it -

stay tuned...

Here's some more Boot Camp drivel.

Last night I had a bout of nerves over getting my pictures taken today -

and then the weather was horrible, and we cancelled until tomorrow morning.

And, more Boot Camp drivel.

I can't tell you how much your encouraging comments have meant to me.

I'm beginning to doubt that I'll make my goal - and I'm OK with it - not that I'll quit trying - but I have to keep this in a positive light - I've rocked this Boot Camp!

Disclaimer - my head does is really not shaped this way in real life -

there's something about holding the camera in front of your face that distorts things....

ya..that's it.

More Bootcamp Drivel...

I think it's so funny how we all have such different opinions on that wall.

Now that it's good and dry, and in different lighting, it's not that bad.
Parts of me love it red, other parts of me hate it red.

Love all your suggestions, but I do know I shan't go with blue.

I tried painting my bathroom robin's egg blue a few years ago, and the house rejected it.

I know that sounds crazy - but it blue just looks so out of place in this house!

I'm thinking of sanding it down some, and the art work is really going to cover quite a bit.

I think the color of the chairs are throwing me a lot.

I'm just not going to be in a hurry with it.

If anything, I'm just painting it the same as the other walls and calling it a day.

I really shouldn't be thinking about it at all - I'm so mentally preoccupied with other things.

You should see the state of my garden.

It's shameful.

Bootcamp is over a week from today.

I still have just over four pounds to go.

I'm fighting thoughts of being a loser if I don't make it.

I have a tendency to throw the baby out with the bathwater - heck, I'm known to through the tub and towels out too.

The fact that I've lost 44 lbs in 4.5 months is pretty darn good - and if I'm not careful I'll discount it all for not reaching my goal.

Here's a little video montage I did - getting ready for the end of Bootcamp -

Today I get my hair done, (I haven't had a haircut since January!) and tomorrow at 7am I meet my photographer friend for photos on railroad tracks with vintage suitcases as props.

I wanted photos that symbolize that I'm not done - that there is still a journey ahead of me.

I've made myself crazy trying to pick out clothes.  What I want to wear - still doesn't look 'right' on a gal my size.

Aaron will take my two piece pictures on Friday - I don't want to traumatize anyone else with them.

It's funny that I have my mind set that I can breathe a sigh of relief in one week, because truly nothing will change - it's not like I'll be eating pizza and laying on the couch.

I want to reach my ultimate weight loss goal by my 50th birthday in January.

I can slow things down a little after bootcamp is over.

I'm going to continue working with my Coach until my final goal is reached and beyond.

I'm in this for good.

I shan't put this weight back on again.

It's my time to shine.

Speaking of shining - look at the girls in this shot.

I didn't end up shoe shopping yesterday - I invested in Victoria's Secret Bombshell bra.

This is some serious armor, y'all.

I feel bullet proof in it.

It can double as pin cushions when I sew.

No need for air bags in the car now -

It's all smoke and mirrors.

Not

Welcome to La Carreta

Your table for four is ready.

Not!

Back to the drawing board.

I tried red first because I was afraid of red.

There's no creativity in fear.

I can't abide with the red.

Next!

It's Always Something.....

It's always something....I do declare.

My oven quit working.

Aaron has a 102 fever, and has missed the last two days of school.

Tomorrow is his last day of school.

Will his locker get cleaned out!?

My computer crashed today.

My throat is sore and I feel faint.

The porch is still unpainted.

We lost a banty hen to a predator last night.

The basement is semi-flooded.

I have one pair of jeans left that fit.

My breasts are MIA.

I'm here at the library logging my Bootcamp essentials so I don't get fined.

Oh ya - it's hardcore like that.

I brought Aaron a Moolatte.

I avoid foods with tthe words 'Moo' in them.

The oven repair man is at my house as I type.

I'll take the computer to Best Buy - it's still under warranty.

See, it's not all bad.

Except for my boobs and the dead chicken.

Amen.

Bootcamp Countdown

Hurray!

This morning I hit the almost 42 lb loss mark since the first of February.

I know I haven't talked much about the Boot camp -

and there has been a reason for that.

I've had so many failed attempts at weight loss, I really wanted to feel that I had some success (and loose skin) under my belt before I talked about it.

Guess what?

I'm not really going to talk about it today either!

It's without question the best gift I've ever given myself.

Boot camp is over on June 29th.

I am in high gear right now - wanting to see an even 50lbs lost before it's said and done.

I will continue working with my Coach for years to come.

I have 8lbs to go.

I'm not sure that it will be enough to make me the 'winner' of Boot camp, but if I can say that I lost 50lbs in the last six months, in my own mind and heart - I will be a winner.

If you are the praying kind, pray.

Send a good vibe.

Light a candle.

Steam some broccoli.

Grill a chicken.

I'm going to put a little countdown on the sidebar so you can keep abreast of my progress, I'll update it daily...

.I'll tell you this today, before I end my drivel.

This is what I know for sure:

I feel fantastic.

I can't get seem to get enough cauliflower.

I adore it.

My breasts resemble hacky sacks.

There is no doubt that I have skeleton.

I have no clothes that fit me right - and look even more homeless than normal.

It's worth every drop of sweat.

It's worth every 'no thank you'.

It's way more than 'eat less and exercise more'.

It's about being excellent in spirit - and I feel it creeping in every area of my life.

It's about believing in yourself, controlling your thoughts and realizing that life is a limitless opportunity.

Am I 'fixed'?

Absolutely not.

It's hard...

but...

so is being fat.

Emotionally.

Mentally.

Physically.

It's painful, and it's stressful, and if you struggle with your weight, I think you would agree with me - you think about it almost constantly.

I think being fat hurts more than pushing weights around and doing cardio.

It was a cancer in my spirit.

If I get the gumption, I'll share with you a photo of me at 287lbs. my highest weight ever.

It was about 20 years ago.

Law.

We Don't Need No Education...

That's the song that keeps rolling through my mind since I'm OCD obsessed over a brick wall at the moment.

I adored all of your ideas!

THANK YOU.

Now I'm in more of a pickle, cause it just adds more to my brain...

I'm still thinking.

I was surprised by all the suggestions for blue - because Aaron told me blue, and I looked at him like he was purple - I still 'don't get it'.

My matchy matchy mind can't wrap around it.

Oh how I wish I could think out the box!

As you can see - the Boychild does.

fake lip ring!

Yesterday, the BoyChild's back was out and I took him to the Chiropractor, by the time we got out of there, I needed to eat - hence - I needed to come home.

I just knew if I stopped to get paint, the next thing I'd be doing is eating out - or coming home a raving lunatic.

I chose the safe route and came home and ate a proper lunch, albeit paintless.

All I know now is that I will be purchasing this print as a 'good job girl' reward for Bootcamp.

I've loved it for a long time, and I think it will work out there....

do you?  I plan on putting it on that brick wall, and moving the four pictures in a two over two formation elsewhere on the porch.

I'm really not sure what style I'm going for out there - but sorta like a coffeehouse, PotteryBarn, country, modern, shabby, serene feel.

Got it?

this picture still flat out cracks me up!

Speaking of Bootcamp - it's almost over. 

Three more weeks, and I'm aimin' to lose 10.4 more pounds.

Light a candle, say a prayer, send a good vibe.

Thank you and amen.

Help!

Trust me, I'm all done whining.

I realize now, I could be homeless - or worse - Glenco-less or Boychild-less.

All in all - the only things I've lost permanently is a patio table and a nice oak leaf hydrangea.

Y'all were right, the perennials are bouncing back.

The tree peonies were demolished, and I do declare they are so fleeting anyhow that next year, I'm putting a lawn chair there and I will sit and look at them from the minute they bloom to the minute they are gone.

I wanted to clarify - the tree that fell did not belong to me. It belongs to the neighbor to the west of me, an elderly man.  That's why I was calling the county, because I was hoping that they would consider the tree in the county easement and take care of it.  They agreed with me that it was a hazard, but said it was too big for them to handle.

Moving on.....

This is what I was working on when the storm hit.

I painted my front porch, and now I need your help.

Seriously - like now - because in about an hour, I'm leaving to buy a paint color, and I need to know what color to buy!

Ok, see the paint color on the clapboard part of the wall?  That's what I just painted.  The brick wall is the old color.  I love that color - and I'm realizing that I'm much too close to my menstrual cycle to be doing things like this.  I'm still having a hate/love relationship with the color I just painted the walls.

So NOW - I want to paint the brick wall an accent color.

I'm thinking burnt orange, cause I can't seem to get enough orange lately.

I know it's just an hour's work and a quart of paint - but I don't want to make a mistake.

I thought of chocolate brown, but that doesn't excite me, other than the name.

Then I have to do something with the chair color, cause that's not right, and then that old crappy table needs something too.

And of course, I'm painting the floor, but I don't know what color that will be either.

I do have a nice statement piece on the other side of the porch - and old buffet I picked up on Craig's List for a song, repainted - you guessed it - orange.

 So this is what I need to know right now...

What color do I paint the brick wall?  I thought of red - but that frightens me.

The table?

The chairs?

ANYthing y'all got - let's have it.

I need this space done.

I'll keep you posted with what I do!

Carnage Cam

 

We just had a bad storm roll through.

You can still hear the thunder rumbling in the background in this video.

 

It's a mess here!

Our old apple tree has been uprooted.

Our patio table is destroyed.

My back yard perennials seem destroyed - I'm hoping they'll spring back.

 

Carnage every where.

Traumatized chickens.

 

We are all safe.

We are all thankful.

 

My heart is still broken over my garden - but I guess I take this lesson from it all -

Things that I think are really important, really aren't.

They can be taken in a minute.

In the wake of Joplin, I hate to complain.

 

Lesson taken, but I'm still whining like a two year old over the state of my garden, and I shall for the days to come.

Out Among the English

How did I meet Shannan?

Google.

I kid you not.

When I first started my blog, I was looking for other blogs that were similiar.

Crazy gals like myself that hankered to milk cows and can green beans, but still embraced Starbucks.

I Googled 'wannabe farmgirl blogs'.

I found Shannan, or Shabby, Minnie, Shabbadabbado-whatever I happen to call her at the time.

I fell in love right away, and thankfully she seemed to, too.

She seemed to get my negro-irish dialect.

If you read one of our emails, you'd probably not understand a word of it.

It's filled with the same kind of words we both loving blogging with:

'Shan't'

'Gone be'

'whilst'

'nary'

'law'

'I can't abide'

'I don't cotton'

and one my personal favorites -

'out among the English' from my beloved movie Witness.

If you've never seen that movie - get it promptly - the scene in which Harrison Ford drinks a glass of lemonade is worth the rental price.

Be warned.

It's steamy.

You do know that movie is the reason I live in this old house, right?

(Click on the This Old House label if you want to read all that drivel)

Minnie lives up in the hood of the Amish.

(Pronounced Ah-mish - please please don't be saying "A" mish.)

We didn't get one single picture of our faces, let alone our faces together.

Homegirl is serious with her camera - and it shows.

Me?  I think I might accidentally press the picture taker button at random times.

Proof here:

I have a hard time looking at this picture.

It makes me want to pinch something.

Oh my gosh, was he a charmer that day.

Stole my heart and put rocks in my pockets.

He didn't cotton to the pinching, but still seemed to take a shine to me.

Caption for this photo -

"Shannan - I'm really hungry - Shan - Minnie? Shabs?-can I eat now?

Shannnnnaaannnn??"

Law.

She made me a delicious picnic lunch, and on her blog today she's posted the recipe.

Also on her blog, you can read how she threw a fork at me, and sat and watched me put salt in my tea, nary saying a word.

I don't think she gets out among the English much anymore either.

And, that's ok.

She done be gone and made herself up a right nice place in me heart.

My Heart is a Wreck

Let me preface this post by saying -

I think I have PMS, and I ate a little wheat and dairy yesterday.

(one day soon I'll tell you my wheat and dairy woes)

That could be the reason my heart feels so raw -

or

it could be due to the fact that day before yesterday, in the wee hours of the garden work I completely surrendered my heart to the working of the One greater than us.

"Have at it" might have been my exact words.

If you think those 5am times of yard work are all about beating the heat, you'd be mostly right, but I find as I dig in the dirt, in the quiet cool hours of the morning, there's often a lot of digging going on in the garden of my very own soul.

Aaron spent the night last night, as he usually does on Wednesdays, and I tell you I just couldn't give him enough love or acceptance.  I just couldn't cuddle him enough or encourage him enough, or kiss him hard enough, all the while telling him how great his life was going to be, and how the world was his oyster.

The love I feel for him has absolutely no end.

When I was making the bed this morning, I realized that it would indeed have an end one day- that there will be a day when I will no longer be here for him, and by God you'd better believe I'm going to use everyday that I have here now, loving on him and letting him know he's the greatest thing in the world.

I dropped him off at school, and headed to the post office to ship a batch of serum orders (thank you!).

I stopped at a yard sale - where there was this boy - this sweet boy with big brown eyes, about Aaron's age.  I'm assuming he was home schooled because he wasn't in school, but here having a yard sale to raise money for a teen camp he wanted to go to.

There was absolutely nothing that I wanted at the sale, but I overheard a woman not much older than me haggling with the child over the price of a DVD.  I guess she wanted a 'lot' price.

In the sweetest voice, he said 'Well, what would you be willing to pay?" as he looked over her pile of books and that blasted DVD.

"a dollar?", was her reply.

I left.

I cried.

I kept thinking how the child would never raise enough money for camp, and how discouraged he could become.

I went back.

I gave the boy with the big brown eyes a $10 bill for nothing.

I told him to have fun at camp.

The look on his face was worth at least $20, but I had just given my last $20 to the postman.

I wish I had a million dollars.

Today, I really want to encourage you to give hope.

There's a desperate shortage at the moment.

Be generous.

Love ridiculously.

Make a fool of yourself.

Be kinder than anyone you know.

Why?

Because it feels good, and it feels right.

And Lord knows we can all use a little more of it in the world.