Monday, September 3, 2012

Anonymously Yours

I'm not sure how to start this post.
Thank you all for coming to my defense - it meant so very much to me.
The anonymous comment:
You! Judging someone for weight! That has to be the most sickening
 self righteous thing I have ever heard.
This broke my heart up in a million pieces.  I really wasn't prepared for it - I had just sat down at the computer for the first time on Friday morning, had my tea - and was pretty much punched in the stomach when I read it.  In all the time I've blogged, everyone has been really nice.
Thank you.
I'm not saying that the person that wrote that comment isn't nice - she or he is just stating what they think and believe, and I won't fault them for that.
I wasn't going to delete the comment just to make things 'all nice' here - that's not being authentic.
I thought about making it impossible to leave anonymous comments here - but I don't want anyone that doesn't know how to set up an account to feel left out and not be able to comment.
I can say that I cried on and off  about three times over it.
Cried when I mopped the floor, cried when I vacuumed, and cried when I got comments defending me.
I felt sickish to my stomach most of the day.
I really wish I didn't let things like this bother me - but I do.
My first thought was to go to Dairy Queen.
My second thought was to write a blog right away defending myself.
Explaining myself.
I don't think innocent people need to defend, or explain themselves.  I did nothing wrong - just shared a raw thought, and we all have those.  Why I share so much, I have no idea!  I wish I could just share decorating ideas and recipes and be done with it - but life is about so much more than all of that - and I feel the need to talk about it.
Hopefully - you feel the need to read about it.
For those of you that really do know me, or can get a real sense of what I truly am like by reading my blog - you know that I'm not being all high and mighty since I lost weight.  On the contrary - I have this sense of humility and wonderment over the whole thing - I feel like I've survived the Holocaust or something, and I think 'how did I survive?  How did I escape?' 
I'm seriously humbled by the whole experience.
Would the lady at the school get around easier if she lost weight?  Yes.  True statement.
The fact that I assumed it was her weight causing her to limp was what bothered me about myself - it's like assuming someone that falls asleep in church doesn't love God as much as I do - when perhaps they've been up all night on a bedside vigil of a sick child.
Do you see what I'm getting at?
Did I just defend and explain m'self?
: -)
Good things have come from this though - I feel like my skin has thickened a little - and it needs to - I felt incredibly loved by so many people - I got texts, emails and awesome comments.
To anonymous - if you are reading this - I just want to thank you for speaking your mind - I want to thank you for reading my blog - I'd love to give you a big hug.
Now let's lighten up around here.


  1. Moron just doesn't know you. Ra

  2. Oh Jayme...we love to hear your raw thoughts as well as your thoughtful ones...Please don't change because we love you just the way you are!!!!!

  3. you is kind. you is smart. you is important. and i got your back. amen.


  4. You are one of the most honest, down-to-earth, salt of the earth, brave, beautiful people I've ever come to -read-. That poor anonymous soul has pain you can't heal, and it's pouring out of her. She needs that hug, but the odds are she won't come back to collect it in any way that you'll be aware. Perhaps she'll read this post though.. and move forward with a little less pain, a little more understanding. You done good.

  5. PS.. I'm throwing my chickens in together at Midnight on the 6th. If it doesn't go well, I'll be knocking on your e-mail step :-)

  6. Thank goodness we never quit growing and changing and becoming who we are supposed to be. Good job, Jayme.

  7. Thank goodness we never quit growing and changing and becoming who we are supposed to be. Good job, Jayme.

  8. How many people are in the world? We cannot possibly understand each and every one. Just not possible. Some people are not capable of kind words for whatever reasons their life story may have created. And that may seem sad or unfortunate, but it is true.
    Since I have new honey, I have opened my last jar from last year. Yummy!! You are keeping those bees happy:-).

  9. UMMMM...Is that you in the middle? I hear you- we all make judgments sometimes and some are wrong and some are right- that is what makes us human. At least you "Get It" and I know you are a good hearted soul. What others say doesn't really matter when we know where our heart is- xo Diana

  10. Ma Kettle, I was just up in my sleep room pining away for that elusive Squirrel stay and a big, ol' dose of you.

    You know I understand all of this anonymous comment business, right? I get it. You are dear. You are loved. We are all misunderstood at times. And it stinks. But I like the way your heart works, Aibie. I truly do.

  11. Strange how the negative pulls us in . . . and we find ourselves caught up in all that "stuff.".

    That is what anonymous "dished out", just "stuff"
    and since she/he dished it out with out the respect of identity . . . It is a WASH OUT!

    You are so real, authentic, and so profoundly caring . . . I hope you won't take this personally!

  12. Dont let those words get you down, you have served yourself well here lifting up other and are a FINE example that we can do and feel better. LORD knows you struck a cord in me to lose weight and am down 31 pounds. I feel so much better and want others to know they can too. When I see someone that is rather large in stature eating something they should not and having a difficult time walking. I WANT to run to them and hug them and tell them what I have found. ITS like when you accect the Lord and start to get to know all HE has done for us, we want to tell others as we care for them.
    That is what you were feeling in your heart for this lady and know just what she is going through.

    Look gal, there are going to be some folks that just do not understand your heart and how you meant for what you said to come across. As you can tell, we all knew what you were saying. It was just one out of the many that understand, you care deeply.

    DONT let this get to you, YOU were put here on this earth for a reason and you have helped so many in many ways... from laughter when we need it to rooting us on in our challenges. We are better people for knowing you. GOD knows I am.....


  13. Just let it roll off you like water off a duck's back. Forgive her, and let it go. Not because SHE is nice, but because YOU are!!!!

  14. I don't often comment but I thought I would tonight! Ive been following along for about a year now and I just love ya! Your heart, your humor...all of it! Your blog is a sunshiney part of my day :) I just thought you should know!

    Angie from Ohio

  15. this is my first time visiting your blog and I already feel the connection. I lost over 120 lbs. these past 2 years. I can completely agree with you that ANYONE's life would be easier -if they are heavy- when the weight comes down. I have also become a little 'fanatic' (that's what people tell me) about food, but it's because I know the suffering I went through when I fed myself badly so I'm passionate about feeding myself properly now.
    I admire you for saying what you think. People can like it or not, can agree or disagree...and that's okay.
    As for me, I love your posts!
    Your newest follower :-)

  16. That devil just shows his ugly head whenever he thinks we are most vulnerable. But, I'm so glad you are who you are and I so enjoy reading and cheering and crying with you as you are making this journey of life. Gold Bless You. Thanks for sharing. Keep on doing what you're doing and keep the positive in mind. Hugs.

  17. Well, I missed all this... will have to go back and read. I've had ugly comments too, the first time I boo hooed for a couple days. They said things must always be sunny on Granny Mountain, no bad days ever.... It's not, of course. I visit Mom at the nursing home and she can no longer speak to me, her dementia/alzhiemers has robbed her of the ability to recognize me and walk. My father in law is now in nursing care too, dementia came on after his stroke. We have heartache on Granny Mountain and worries and dark days. But to that reader who looked at my pretty header picture and saw nothing but sunny days, to them it was disturbing that it appeared to be a perfect existence. I grieve for those who suffer, who's lives are stressed and discontent. It's hard to face each day when life is complicated with the many struggles of job, health issues or just plain disappointment. But struggles are a part of life, our whole life. All we can do is be true to ourselves and use the blog as our witness to the world, for me it's a daily therapy session and along the way I've made friends and prayed for you and you've prayed for me. I love that! You give so much of yourself Jayme, that's who you are. One of these days, if that person comes back and reads a few more posts... they will see how far you've come, your struggles. We grow when we open our hearts, it's the best thing about blogging! Just keep putting down the words sweetie, we are listening!

  18. You are human Jayme and so often say things that here that many of us think or feel. That is part of your gift. The power is in what we DO with those thoughts. You didn't condemn or hurt anyone with your thought. You helped a lady and learned about her and THAT is what was important. THAT is another of your gifts. AND, I feel like I am a day late and a dollar short in defending you...I didn't read the comments! :-) Blessings!

  19. I miss everything!

    So I went back and read the last post. Oh..I remember now.

    Well I did have a thought when I read that post, cause I limp too.
    And currently sitting at about 178 pounds ( 25lb loss since June)but lets face it,still fat. The reason I limp is because I had a bad broken ankle 2 years ago ( rod/screws etc)but I bet people think the same thing about me..that it is weight related.

    So I didnt think it was a bad statement or a good one. Just an observation. We all live in this world, and just try to get by making life a little sweeter everyday. I hope you keep blogging,cause we enjoy the posts.
    We all learn. When we quit learning... it is over.

  20. It is weird how people take things so differently. I had the thought that you were more concerned for her than anything. Don't let the haters get to you.

    Jenny L.

    (I am one of those people who can't get her google account to work when I want to leave a comment).

  21. I think Jayme owned what she said and explained herself very well. Now before we beat up anonymous and call him or her hateful step back and think of the self rightous ex smoker or the person that has discovered exercise or diet and thinks they have found Nirvana and that's all they want to talk about blah, blah, and more blah. It gets old if that is all they talk about and honestly who doesn't take a little joy when some of those boobs backslide. Jayme did the work and if she wants to preen and talk about how she did it (as long as we don't have to look at a picture of that oatmeal she took the one time ;) I think she's entitled and if she mispoke who among us hasn't? I enjoy your blog Jayme!!! More about the chickens please. My husband won't even consider me having them so I have to live vicoreously through you.

  22. Vicariously. Man I butchered that word. Sorry.

  23. I have to say, I thought everyone had "those" thoughts from time to time and it's everyday life that we misunderstand or make our own incorrect assumptions a time or two. Who's kidding themself? Go on blogging the same way you've been. The blog-o-sphere loves you just the same and we love it that you're being real.

  24. I went back and re-read your post and although you mentioned the lady was overweight, it wasn't said as a criticism. You were being empathetic because her weight was adding to her discomfort in what she was doing. You noticed she was struggling and wanted to help. Some people, like my husband, have weight issues due to medical problems that are beyond their control. My hubs had a stroke and has diabetes and because of the physical impairment he was left with, it is impossible for him to walk for any length of time, let alone exercise. I'm sure when some people see him struggle with his cane they wonder why he doesn't "just lose weight". I'm just waiting for the day when someone says something. Oh, that poor person!

    You are a kind and caring person with no ego. You are loved by many of us! Keep up the good work and give yourself a hug!!

  25. I think you explained yourself well. Even though you didn't have to. ;) I think we have all had those types of thoughts and after all this talk I will certainly think more about it. :) I don't know you personally but feel like I get a true sense of what you are like from reading your blog and I like you...really like you!! ;) Write from your heart because that is who you are and that is why I keep reading :) Oh, I happened across this recently on Young House Love about dealing with critisism. Thought it was relevant and you might want to read it too. :)

  26. Seriously?!! Don't pay any attention to people like that. If I had to bet, she'd think the same thing you did (I would have and no I'm not proud of it either). We are human and we are not perfect (there was only One who was, and they crucified Him so...).

    It's one thing to not agree with someone's blog but to write a mean comment because you're anonymous and don't have to own up to it, just says alot about a person.

    Our pastor says "Hurt people, hurt people" so there you go.

    Shake it off. At least you're honest, but you're not mean : )

    Southern Maryland

  27. YOu know what.... the anonymous person who left that nasty comment about you is probably very overweight and VERY unhappy. For some reason she has not learned from reading your blog over the past year... life is about learning you know. We all judge at times for different reasons. Somehow we just don't always have control over our thoughts and we judge harshly... you were just being honest and I'm sorry she couldn't see that.

  28. I read your blog regularly, although have never commented . . . I don't need to know you to understand a blog is to be ones expression of themself. Your honesty, struggles and imperfections (add your wicked sense of humor to that list) are what make you so enjoyable and relatable. I am a Mom of four boys, I have found myself many a time judging other Mom's thinking "she's really talking to them poorly, or how selfish of her etc. etc." only knowing in my heart of hearts I have lost it on my own kids . . . oh yes, they have seen a touch of crazy in my eyes :) and I have not always been the ever loving, always sacrificing, kind Mother with endless patience . . . and you know what . . . it is what makes us all human, it is what makes forgiveness possible (forgiveness offered to others and to ourselves). My six year old asked me the other day if bullies were in college . . . I told him, there are bullies everywhere, and they are all ages . . . unfortunately long distance "computer" comments that can be anonymous and done without being face to face allow "bullying" type behavior free of consequence. Remember, it is a reflection of them and not you. Marianne from WI - I don't have an account on google :)

  29. I went back and re-read your post again as well. To me, I just took it as a "been there done that" thing. I in no way felt you were being self-righteous. I felt you "felt" this woman's pain and wanted to shout to her that you knew a way she could be in less pain, a way she could have a more struggle free life. I think we all do this, and really when you think of it, it is a compassionate thing. If you didn't care about others you would not have given it a second thought.
    Funny how different people take things. To each their own I guess. As for me, you have inspired me to loose 15 lbs over the summer! And I thank you for that.
    PS you have also inspired me to want chickens. Now to get my city folk neighbors to be on the same page with me...

  30. Loved the post- love you! Have a wonderful rest of your day and a brighter week!!

  31. I'm a lurker and admirer of you blog. I loved your 'cluttered' post.
    I think if someone is going to leave a negative comment, they at least should have the nerve to leave their name.
    I, at one time, used to put video's of my scrapbooking crafts on youtube. Until someone 'disliked' one of my mini albums. Even though 35 people liked it, all I could see was the one 'dislike'. It hurt. I say if you don't like what someone put on their OWN blog, don't read it anymore. If it's not constructive critisism and you are too ashamed to leave your name, move on to a different blog.
    I happen to be a very happy follower here :)

  32. The decorating blogs are a dime a dozen. I've only found a few blogs where someone is brave enough to be real about who they are, what they think, and what their life is truly like. Yours is one of them. It has been a true pleasure to follow your life for the past year, to be touched by your joys and your challenges. I am sure there is no one who has read your blog for any length of time and not been touched in a positive way, Jayme. I'm sorry for the pain of that comment, sorry for someone who hurts so much (whether they know it or not) that they have to hurt others. Let's send that person healing thoughts of compassion. Please don't try to be perfect on here, or edit your true thoughts. And thanks for not dismissing us poor, challenged anonymous people!


  33. To get you to think of differently about the comment you made about the overweight woman and possibly see it in a different light than what 'Anonymous' displayed: When I read it I couldn't help but think, I should lose my extra weight like Jayme did because I bet she knows all to well how carrying around extra poundage wrecks havoc with the knees.
    My knees are painful and I know it's because of the weight I have gained. Some people, maybe that woman, doesn't know where to start. Maybe she has so much to lose that it is overwhelming to her.
    I also would bet that 'Anonymous' also has a weight problem and possibly is dealing with the issues I mentioned and your comment hit a nerve. For me, it set me on the path to losing my extra weight. AND last but surely not least, a comment such as yours coming from someone who has been there is much better than coming from some model perfect bodied person.

  34. You have made me laugh so much through your writings. I still go back and watch you walking in the blizzard! We are only human and we all stumble. So what! That's how we change and learn. I can't imaginge that anonymous never judged anyone. Stay you! Love ya!

  35. i love ya! i must have been mia on the post this regaurds, but i don't even have to read it to kow that your heart was in the right place.

  36. Jayme~~~your blog is on my favorites window. Enjoy reading it each time you write something new. You're so earthy and funny! I read your blog for *YOU* and not for what the comments are. Keep up the wonderful posts.
    Looking forward to your next.....


  37. I have no patience with 'anonymous' commenters who say things like that and don't SIGN their name.
    That's sickening.

  38. Lady you add so much goodness to the world .... You inspire me

    I think your honesty and your courage to share all your stories and challenges with a lot of folk you don't know is courageous

    Keep encouraging us


  39. Oh Jamie-been away from internet all summer-to come back to this post-and not knowing anything about what was said--I do know you well enough to know how you've tortured over your weight loss and what a struggle you've had-you are by far one of the kindest-most sincere women I know-Bravo to you and all you give so many women out there! And while it is true-we all often say or think things without knowing all the facts-hey we all dear friend is extremely overweight....what people don't realize is she was born without a knee cap-spent a year in shiners hosp for children with multiple operations when she was 8 and never got to see her family because it was too far to travel and she still has one leg 4 inches shorter then the other-people always assume she limps because of her weight.....but such is life.......we all are human and you share so much of your pain as well as happy times Jamie. Don't let someones careless, anger-at-themselves- words strike you too hard. You are a wonderful person.
    P.S.and I'm thankful for knowing you!!
    Rain :)

  40. What a wonderful tender hearted writer you are!!
    PLEASE try and not let this rude "anonymous" commentor disturb your talent or your peace.
    You are well loved, well adored, and have so very much to offer the world! Don't let one "turkey" keep you down from flying with those Majestic Eagles you were so meant to soar great heights with!!

  41. Well, quite the hubbub, huh lady? You are you and I love that. I think you might remember my own go round with mean anonymous comments? You just can't let it have the power!

  42. Haha! Love that first picture :) don't cry Jayme. It's probably what they want.

  43. Goodness. You are a sweetie who has given encouragement to other by the way you share your true feelings. Chin up! Wouldn't it be nice if we used our words to lift others up instead of put them down?

  44. I wouldn't let the comment from ONE person who obviously doesn't know you ruin your days... We love you and know your heart is not to be mean or gloat. Kudos to you for the hard work which has accomplished your weight loss are one phenomenal woman to do that!!

  45. Ok...Coop..I felt compelled to comment.
    I have been coming to your blog for several years now.
    I have watched your progress and your journey...
    Heck.....I remember when you loved a good casserole.
    However....I am proud of you for the life change, and it has been inspirational to watch you grow and move toward your place of peace.
    I dont know if you come to my blog ...You used to, when it was called The Palace Post...The reason I ended up changing my blog....was because of blog trolls and mean comments from people, when i tried to defend another blogger.....
    I am not known for my candy coated take on life, and i am sure i have my haters
    The blog world can be mean and an open book for people to take what you think, and who you are, and use it to hurt you.
    With that said....
    As a fairly thin person, that never had to battle a weight problem....I will say this...If i would have made a comment such as the little comment that i know you meant no harm in saying....It prob. would have been thought of as judgemental..and a snooty
    Ya see, when you do get to your weight goal and are fairly healthy ....It can cause some to judge you as well.
    I know you meant nothing by it...but as you get to your place, remember that some havent even started to think they want to change their path.
    Hey...I like your new you
    You seem happy, secure , and very confident.
    Do i miss your cassarole pics? Uhhh yeah
    Did you used to talk more about the Squirrel, your gardens, and your chickens?
    Uhhh yeah.
    Are people allowed to change and transform......YES
    Blogs are fun and a great forum to express yourself and put yourself out there.
    I think you have a lovely blog and that your growth and change is worth reading.....Dont let one little snippy comment get ya down...
    Which i know after your workout ...that you are feeling better already.

  46. I love your blog. You always make me smile, or think, or consider some new way to improve my life. Please continue to express yourself just like you're doing. I visit often but always sign in under Anonymous cause I don't know what or how those other choises work. Yes,I'm dumb when it comes to computers but love to visit your blog. Thank you for being YOU. (my real name is Deanna, not Anonymous)

  47. i think we all deserve the right to our own opinion but i think you can say it nicely without hurting others feelings. you know!! i hope who ever said it ... had a bad miss moment?!! we can agree to disagree & still be friends. get along and all. i've been on a camping adventure so i am back to commenting now. i have sure missed your posts ... reading back into the past to catch up on it all. love you!! thank you for being so honest, raw, out there, & just being you. WE LOVE YOU!! big big hugs. (:

  48. Some people just like to be "debbie-downers". You're a sweet chicken, lovin' honey. Keep your chin up! To end on a humorous note: A few years ago I would have had to say...keep your chins up!

  49. I just think that Mr/Ms simply doesn't *get* you. I don't know that any of us *gets* others but as someone who has lost a large amount of weight I know I've snapped quickly to make judgement of others and their weight -- not that I feel high and mighty or haughty about my weightloss but because if feel humbly IF I CAN, than so can someone else. Like you though I always try to put myself into that other person's life -- I've no idea the road they have been required to walk.

    All that to say, keep sharing -- you are a compassionate, loving soul.



Thanks so much for leaving a comment!