Friday, June 14, 2013

Stick a Fork in Me

No, really do it.
I think it would feel good, and then I could use the fork to scratch myself.

I am so done.

Have you ever come to the end of your rope?
I am there.
The knot is slipping out too.

I just got back from Express Care and got a weeks worth of steroids for this blasted poison ivy.
As of yesterday - it wasn't 'too' terrible.  I mean, I looked like I've been horsewhipped, but it was manageable.

I do something odd, or at least maybe you'll think it's odd, I look in the mirror every night before bed and just look at my face and tell myself - "well girl - you are one day closer to meeting your Maker" - and then I look at my face, and realize that this is as young as I'll ever be.  
Last night, I noticed that the poison ivy patches around my eyes looked worse.  I could see more coming up around my ear and neck.

I slipped into the coolness of the percale sheets donned only in my birthday suit, and the coolness eased my itch.
I thought I felt something moving on my buttocks.
I certainly did.
I had a tick stuck to my rump.

Entering level one of doneness.
My 600 sq foot garden apartment in Chicago surrounded by cement is looking good right about now.

Somewhere around 1am while I was still awake, my body decided to have a hot flash.
Have you ever had a hot flash while covered in poison ivy and a tanning bed sunburn, on top of a sunburn from riding the mower with shorts and a tank top?
I'm just going to let you know - it's not for the faint of heart.
I felt like I was working in the steel mills again near the blast furnace.

Entering level two of doneness
Why don't I go out and roll around in the beehives for good measure?

I woke up about 7:15 this morning to the phone ringing.
It was Glenco calling to check on me.
I was so confused I couldn't find the phone - it was right there on the charger, but I couldn't find it.  I was walking around the living room hunkered down trying to track the ringing - oh, and I was naked, and sunburnt, and covered in poison ivy.

After I found the phone, talked to Glenco for a minute, I woke up.  My face felt really odd, my eyes, they felt burning, itching - it hurt to blink, but felt good to blink at the same time.
My face was on fire.
I looked in the mirror.  
Lord have mercy on my soul.

My face is covered.
I'm hideous, look away.

I just wanted to cry. 
I just wanted to go back to bed.
I just wanted a lot of things that involved wheat and sugar.

That's when I realized I would go on to the Express care.
I'm so doggoned tired.
My neighbor and dear friend, whom I clean for on Fridays told me to take the day off and rest, and she said such other nice stuff, it made me cry right there in the doctor's office as I sat on the paper lined bench.  Luckily, you couldn't detect they were tears since my eyes are so swollen and red from the poison ivy.

I worried about losing the money that I would make today, and on top of it all have to pay the Dr. and prescriptions.

Enter level three of doneness.
This is when lights start flashing and warning sirens are going off.

I start scolding myself for being the biggest idiot in Lake County Indiana.
A Master Gardener, covered in poison ivy.  I know better.  I sure never do better.  

As I drove home, I started realizing that I really don't think I can keep up the pace I'm on.  I'm tired.  Life, my hormones, my body, my mind - everything is changing.  I keep fighting the change, but it's winning.  I need to slow down a little ( a lot ).  Why I 'go big or go home' I don't know.  Why I can't be happy with one or two hives, I don't know.  Why I can't just have a handful of chickens?  I don't know.  Who in the sam hill made me plant a 2000 sq foot vegetable garden!?

I do know that I'm spending the day curled up with a back scratcher, a handful of Zyrtec and steriods and my cats.  I pity the fool that comes between me and that scratch stick.


  1. Oh, Jayme.. I'm so sorry you are suffering with this poison ivy. Take a day off and rest.

  2. I don't know why it has such a semi cute name like Poison Ivy....well poison is not cute but Ivy?...sounds so harmless. It should be named like what it is......Devils Torture Plant, Scratch your skin off Plant, or Touch me and you die Plant. Don't feel bad I do the same thing.....every.....single.....year. So sorry that you are hurting...hope you feel better soon.

    1. I vote for Scratch your skin off Plant, though any of them would work better than Poison Ivy! Ivy is cute sounding, Poison Plant would work as well but isn't as descriptive.
      Hate that plant so much, I might get a sympathy rash after reading your horror story!

  3. Oh bless you Jayme. Take it easy girl and keep that scratch stick close!

  4. Been there, would not wish that on anybody. I am so sorry. Hope you get better soon.

  5. Oh you poor girl! I hope the steroids kick in quick and you get some relief. (I was bracing myself for your head shot at the end but you spared us!) Get well! And SLOW.DOWN....

  6. You poor girl. I can't tell you anything you haven't already told yourself. Just feel better soon and stay away from that poison ivy!!!!!

  7. Does Calamine lotion help with Poison Ivy as it does with Poison Oak? I have never had either but it's worth a try. I hope the steroids work soon and you are back to normal quickly.

  8. Sorry for all that stuff you are having to deal with ALL at one time! I've experienced all the above, but only one event at a time. Have you ever heard of the jewelweed plant? Check it out. Suppose to be good to apply the plant juices BEFORE getting into poison ivy. You may even find it growing wild in your area. On a side note...I am ready and looking forward to Tuesday. I've been low on energy big time lately and need to change my eating habits.

  9. Jayme,
    I am so sorry for all that you are going thru! How awful! I hope that the steroids help. Just so you don't feel all alone, I will share (just don't tell my son) Last summer my teenage son had to go to the bathroom while on a hike in the woods with no tp. You can guess what he used for toilet paper. Before he figured out what had happened he had begun scratching and spread it all around. He sat on an ice pack for a week with another ice pack on his lap. He definitely felt your pain :(
    Hang in there! Each day will be a bit better!
    Blessings, Patti

  10. I'm sorry you are so miserable with poison ivy but I hear what you are saying on a deeper level. No, you can't "do it all." Recognizing it is the first step but you are the only one who can get off the merry go round. :) Praying for you. :)

  11. girl! I am soo soooo soooo sorry. Please get some rest, you're 1000 percent amazing when you relax, don't try to be Wonder Woman! You really are amazing, even when you're "taking it slow" which, to the rest of the planet, means fast.

  12. The hormone horrors! It gets better, Jayme!

  13. Now this is sad, sad indeed, you need for me to make you some browines, Chocolate always makes things better and prayer. So I got you covered on the prayer but I am in HOT GA... and the brownies will not make it there in good condition. I feel for you as I too had posion ivy on my face and its not pretty but let me tell you, the steriods..... they make you feel better and full of energy so dont go do something foolish. I was on them for a week and went to the pound and got a dog... so step away from the door, go back to your bed and keep cool....this too shall pass.

  14. I hope you feel better soon! I could not help but laugh at the levels of doneness ! Keep calm and carry on

  15. I really hope you show "Ivy" whose boss on that thar piece o' land for her assault on you.....kill her off for good....and all her relatives too. I've heard there is some stuff you can spray on it to kill it once and for all. Feel better soon and I hope you know that you can get "re-infected" if some of the oil from the itchy patches on your skin gets on your clothing or blankets and then touches you. So be careful. Ugh. Nasty stuff, that Ivy.

  16. Oh, Jayme, I am so sorry that you are suffering!! Get better and stay out of the sun, poison ivy, grass where the ticks grow, and rest, my friend! Get yourself some over the counter soy based hot flash meds. I took estroven for 3 yrs. It gave me alot of relief, it does take about 3 weeks to work, so give it time!

  17. Oh, Jayme, I'm so sorry. That is a miserable situation you are in. I had poison ivy like that once as a kid after making mud pies with PI berries. My skin burns for you my friend. Please allow yourself some rest. Naked on cool sheets is my best advise. Let the meds work their magic. I had to get several steroid shots myself. But, and I hate to say this...I learned to keep my distance from the horrid weed. Take good care, dear, I would shower in ice cold water to beat my hot flashes, as I remember.

  18. Oh Jayme this is just awful. As if the dreaded "M" wasn't enough to contend with, then the bees and now this. Here you are with another dreadful "M" word of the poison ivy "MISERY" kind. It sounds so horrible. You are going to have several weeks ahead of you til it simmers down. I say surrender for a short while my friend. Its ok. I gave myself permission last summer. I was bummed that I had taken myself into physical therapy for a knee injury due to my overzelous ways. Turning myself into a exercise and Salsa Zumba Mad Woman. How does that saying go?.."The old gray mare just ain't what she use to be". It was so frustrating, let alone depressing. I knew what I wanted to be and do, but my body just wouldn't go along with the plan. Be kind to yourself. I surrendered last year about this time and hate to admit that I am just now taking baby steps to find my new groove. Hello, 58 next month. Yow! Ouch! There are alot more worst things that we could be dealing with so like I said, be kind to yourself. Pull back, cause some days will be better than others. I'm sitting here right now with the fan on me at arms length. Hot flash! Oh girl, this is just the start for you. Peace.


  19. I am so sorry, Jayme! I feel your pain. I had a horrid case of poison ivy early in the Spring and still have the scars. Ugh.. it's a bad place to be, where you are.. completely & utterly overwhelmed. You will rest and heal, inside and out, and regain some peace in your life. Trust me.. it gets better ;) hugs!!! ♥ -Tammy

  20. This is just awful---you seeing your face reminded me of my 9 year old granddaughter having hives. She got up in the night and saw herself in the mirror and cried out, OH NO!!! Usually I am so cute and beautiful!!!!. And so are you dear Jayme, inside always, and soon you will be again on the outside too. It sounds like you are trying to rest and let yourself heal. I know that can be hard--I am ten years older than you and have recently discovered it is really ok to do that! I am praying you get better very soon!

  21. I've got nothing here. Nothing to say to help you feel better or suggestion to offer relief. You poor thing. Hang in there.

  22. sorry!

  23. I'd come by and hug you if I lived in Indiana. I'd also clean your neighbors house and give you the money to help ease your worry. I'd even make you a big pot of mashed potatoes, and then a batch of homemade baked macaroni and cheese, along with a green salad for good measure because those things soothe the soul. Chicken soup? That too. A mason jar full of daisys would be put on your counter...I'm doing it in spirit Jayme. Hope you feel better soon. Prayers from me to you. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX!!!!!!!!! Lisa


  24. (((Jayme Jayme Jayme))). . . I'm so sad you are in such misery, but this too shall pass my friend. . . I know the feeling of wanting to get off, I say it everyday I feel so overwhelmed All The Time, I feel smothered that's why I am looking forward to your cleanse and what's to come. . . I don't have chickens, a garden, or bees to tend to, but my to-do list is endless, the everyday chores, the cooking, my reading pile is never ending, quilts to be finished, taking care of the "moms" and working 3/4 days a week, and the etsy shop OY. . . You're not alone my friend, I want to get off of this merry go round too. . . I think it's a combination of our bodies slowing down, their just tired, no doubt about it, and our minds speeding up, it's just not a good combo! We need to simplify, looking forward to the cleanse, and the de-cluttering. . . we can all do this together, notice in all the craziness of life, we all stop in to visit the crazy coopkeeper lady. . . you make me happy, you make us happy, by sharing your world, makes us all realize our's isn't so off the wall Ü Just keep singing "Yes Jesus Loves me. . . Yes Jesus Loves me, Yes Jesus Loves me, cause the Bible tells me sooo. . . " cause with a face like that honey child, ain't no body lovin that lol thanks for sparing us Ü(((jamster))

  25. Jayme, I just found your blog when I was at Hartwood Roses. You poor thing! I used to get PI bad like that and it is so miserable. I pray your steriods kick in quickly. I will be back to check on you!

  26. saturate a towel, throw it in the freezer, apply towel-sicle to neck ~ wear it like a scarf when those power surges AKA hot flashes appear....tea and sympathy for the poison ivy!


  27. I can sympathize with your poison ivy problems as I get it just as badly. My son-in-law who is allergic to everything, is NOT allergic to poison ivy. So he pulls it up with his bare hands while I watch from ten feet away!

  28. Jayme, I usually get the poison so bad I have to go on steroids or get a shot. But I have learned Ivy Dry is my friend. I apply it nearly every day as it seems I have some stage of the poison on my forearms or my knee or ankle.
    I'm reading after the fact so hopefully you are all well and rarin' to go. Oh the price we pay for being Lord and Master of the earth.
    Love, Cheryl


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