Friday, August 27, 2010

When Life Changes Overnight....

Thanks so much for helping me love my office a little more! I think this comment really hit the nail on the head for me:

Holly said...

I think we just get tired of our own stuff...I'd take yours in a heartbeat!!!!

Isn't that true? It boggles my mind how I can spend my hard earned money on something - loving it when I buy it, only to want to get rid of it in a year or two. Thanks for all the offers to take the lamp, but I reckon I'll keep it for now!

I should have elaborated on the desk story a bit. It was quite funny. You see - I didn't take anything off the desk before I moved it. I know - I know. Oh gosh, if Glenco saw me doing this - he'd have a fit. So I'm scooting this fully loaded desk, an inch at time, going back and forth from side to side, and the corner leg of the desk pops off the heating vent cover, and the desk leg falls down in the vent hole. The top of the desk wedged itself under the windowsill. Everything that is on the desk is now sliding off. The desk wouldn't budge. I crawled under the desk and emerged from the other side. I couldn't budge it. All I could think of was Glenco coming home and finding the desk like that. It would give him MUCH too much ammunition to use against me in the future - so that desk had to me moved, and now. I didn't have the cellphone ON me, since my flimsy nightgown hasn't a pocket, but it was laying on the desk. How convenient.

I have big news today.

Aaron has decided to go to Highschool.

Real Highschool.

With principals, and band, and bells, and teams.

I had a feeling it was coming.

I saw him look wistfully at the highschool a few times as we drove by.

He's mentioned it before.

He decided he'd like to see what it's like.

He said he'd rather go and not like it and come back to homeschooling than to not know what it's like at all.

He didn't want to have any regrets.

I felt that was a very mature decision on his part.

I felt proud of him.

I feel fortunate that he even has a choice in the matter.

Even though I had to sweep my heart up off the floor when he told me, I encouraged him and supported his decision 100%. I think it could be good for him. *gulp*. He wants to join the Yearbook Committee and take pictures. He wants to join the Gymnastics team. He wants to see what it's like to ride the bus and go from class to class.

When I decided to 'let go' a few weeks ago, I had no idea that it would get this personal.
I had no idea I'd have to let go of Aaron.
When I felt a change coming, I had no idea it would be such a big change.
I told Aaron to follow his peace, not to let fear stop him from anything.
We are in the process of registering him for school now.

There's parts of me that want to say no.
No, you can't go.
You have to stay here, and feed the chickens and I have to teach you about the War of 1812.
You have to sit under a cozy afghan where it's safe and do your Language Arts.
You have to eat my homemade lunch food, and not the processed pizza at Highschool.
No, absolutely not.
You have to stay in this cocoon.
You aren't ready to emerge just yet.
It's not safe out there.
What if they tease you? What if they are mean to you?
What if you can't focus with all the noise?
What if you fail?
What if ?

What will I do now?
Never in my born days have I had a life of leisure.
If I'm not homeschooling - what will I be doing?
Lunch at the Country Club?
Hair appointments?
My heart is ACHING. Oh my goodness, my buddy - my goofball buddy isn't going to be here.
Who will I laugh with all day?
Who will I talk to in silly voices?
Who will be my partner in shenanigans!?

You see, I've never been comfortable with unfilled time.
I've never had it.
I've had Aaron full time for the last 12 years.
During that time, I also had two ill parents and a mentally handicapped sister to tend.
I worked full time - or part time - or a home business since I was 14.
Time has always been filled.
Over filled.


I will get up and do my chores.
I will cook.
I will?


Yesterday - while this news was still all fresh and had the umbilical cord attached to it I decided I'd get a job. I've always wanted to be a Barista. I'll get a job at Starbucks. I already could see myself there in the dark green apron, which I must admit would go great with my coloring - I would be serving lattes with a smile, and Christmas at Starbucks? I ask you - could it get any better? Snow flying as I frothed milk in a cozy retail environment. It still warms the cockles of my heart thinking about it.

Then, I found a home down the road that's for sale. I was moving.
Yep. Selling this place and moving down the road where the traffic was quieter, and the trees shaded the property better. A pole barn, a greenhouse. My dreamhouse.
Then I did the virtual tour on line.
Wow - it's gonna need a lot to cozy that place up.
That would keep me all kinds of busy.
I have an appointment to see it at 2pm on Sunday.
I'm not moving ya'll - but do you see how I must fill the hole that Aaron is leaving?

I'm fully aware now, that the greatest change I must make in my life is learning to just be.
Just be.

Although the job would be nice. The extra money would come in handy. I've decided to take the rest of the year off and learn how to be.
Perhaps I'll finally get some much needed projects done around here.
Perhaps I'll write 'that' book - ha!
Perhaps I'll volunteer somewhere.
Perhaps I'll get to know my neighbors.

Aaron may come back to homeschooling next year.
Perhaps not.

It is well with my soul.


  1. Oh Jayme,
    It will be alright, just remember your post about letting go.
    Everything will be O.K.
    You will find use for your extra time, and I am sure you will like it !

  2. I don't know how you do it, but you make me manage to tear up and laugh hysterically in almost every post. He sounds like an amazingly wise kid, there comes a point when we have to realize we did what we could and trust them to do great things. Could you remind me of that in a few yrs??

  3. Great for Aaron. The socialization alone will be worth it. He is going to do great. My oldest is 38 and I am still trying to let go, mind my own business etc.

  4. Jayme, I hope you find peace in this and it all works out OK. I'm thinking of you.

  5. I had such a lump in my throat reading this. Letting your kids go is hard. Your job description changes whether you want it to or not. I am sure this was a huge decision for Aaron too.

    I have also had a secret longing to be a barista at starbucks! I never even thought about the cozy Christmas connection!

  6. This so touched my a home school mom of 22 years and still going, I know God is starting to change our direction...I will put one in a two day program (age 4) for the first time in my 26 years of parenting...I too am having more time...a very different season. I have never had any go to school outside our home...and that may be in the future also
    Your post so spoke to my heart...thank you for sharing

  7. “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).

    ~Sometimes we can fill our lives with so much "stuff" that we can't hear the quiet, gentle whisper of our God. Less our homes and our hearts. Something to think about, eh?

  8. I know that it must be so hard to let go, but think of how well you've done with him that he feels comfortable and confident enough to want to follow an unfamiliar path. It can't be easy--it never is, being the new kid.
    My husband and I are both public school teachers in NWI and I promise if Aaron ends up in either of our classes, we'll take good care of him.;)

  9. Oh Jayme...I think we were seperated at birth!!!
    My son has decided to go to the public school in town, after 11 years at the Christian school...I wasn't ready for this. No graduation in the blue gown, no chapel, no more LC sports. I only know a handful of teachers. I've been sick to my stomach all summer.

    But...after going to orientation...I feel good, maybe this is meant to be. It's so hard to let go and I don't want too!!!

    He'll do've prepared him well and he knows that you're going to be there for him no matter what. What a safe place to be.

    Forget Starbucks: the pressure, the weekends, the schedule!!! Maybe you could just go and have a coffee once in awhile and call it good!! I know you won't be idle for long! I have to take a nap every time I read your blog...I'm worn out just hearing about all that you accomplish!!!!

    You are a wonderful Auntie!!! Best wishes to Aaron...he'll do great!

    Off to the Buggy Barn Quilt show, The Farmchick's new store and Hurd Merchantile...Whoo Hoo!!!!!

    See you later!

  10. I feel you...this raising kids gig is just one little letting go after another. It is tough!

  11. Oh Jayme, I know that this is a big switch for you but I am sure you have loads to do to fill your time. Your son will enjoy his time at LHS (?) There is so much to do there. I have one of my kiddos at that school and he loves it.

    I still have 2 at home that I am homeschooling and I am not looking forward to the day one of them decides they want in the Tri system here it will break my heart.

    Enjoy your down time and good luck looking at this other house.



  12. Oh Lucy!! Where is Ethel when you need her?!
    The thought of you stuck with a sinking desk in your nightie is SUCH great fun!!! Thank you!
    On letting Aaron go...
    The spawn of Satan probably doesn't go to that school. He'll be o.k.
    I think it's wonderful that he has 2 great choices and that you have made him feel so confident in making a decision.
    On learning "to be"...
    It's not always easy at first
    (personal experience this year), but after a while, you will really start to enjoy the fact that you're NOT committed every single moment of every single day.
    Slowing down and freeing up IS good for the soul.

  13. Dear Jayme, Just wanted you to know that your office redo inspired me. I am in a state of flux myself. My middle son recently left home, and the truth is, I've been pretty blue about it. So, I've taken over his room, the one with the most natural light in the whole house and I am making it my own. I'm using only things I already have, like you did. It's helping me to appreciate the change as a good thing. We can approach change kicking and screaming or with grace. I've done a little of both. Thanks Jayme for your honesty. Wishing you more grace, less fuss. Love, Penny

  14. Hey Jayme,

    I think one of the hardest things in this life is "letting go"...letting go into the unknown and understanding that we are no longer in complete control-as if we ever were~

    My heart aches for you-it is hard to go from being the mainstay in someone's life and realizing that they are moving on-and growing...a good thing...because YOU have given him the ability to be brave enough to do that! YOU have given him the confidence to reach beyond his comfortable known world.

    YOU did good, girl! Diana

  15. My own boy decided to go to high school and I understand completely how you feel. He is doing wonderfully there by the way. However, there are still days where I wish he were home. But as they say, if you love something set it free...

  16. I am beaming with pride over Aaron's decision. I think it's a very good thing that he is going to expose himself to new people and surroundings.... WONDERFUL!

    May I say that I love your office. I have a dedicated room in the house for my office, but otherwise it's a very cobbled together room as well. Wish it looked like something out of a Pottery Barn catalogue, but that's an expensive dream.

    Sorry I haven't been here every day to comment... very busy with puppy schtuff.


  17. Wow. Well so long as he has an 'out' (his mama will let him come back home if he needs to????) I think he'll be fine.

    Take heart....the chickens will forever be homeschooled.

    Want me to send Jason over? After our first week, I'm 'bout ready to head to the funny farm. Not sure I can do this, and I'm pretty dang envious of your free time, girlie.

    And anyway, now you have more time to come see me, right?

    love you.

  18. Jayme, we're all rooting for you. Just you wait, something will be sure to pop up for you to get busy with. It's all in God's plan.

  19. Your soon to be "free" days will fill up, and watch out, I bet with something you never planned on! So leave them open so the powers that be can fill it for you more perfectly than you can yourself.

    And I can always come and visit you...I'd be happy to learn about 1812, over a starbucks with you!

  20. Oh Jayme, sending hugs! It will be tough for awhile, but hopefully you and Aaron will both thrive and grow in this new situation. In fact, I'm sure of it ;) -Tammy

  21. I've enjoyed your blog for a while now! "It is well with my soul." There is no better peace. When you listen to "that still small voice, you will know what to do- one duty at a time. As my favorite author George MacDonald says doing your duty leads to more light and truth for the next step. One days duty at a time! Bless you on your journey. Beth K.

  22. Oh Jayme you do my heart good! I have went from wonder mom, decoratind diva and wife to divorced and single all in one year and it seems like I don't know what to do with myself. Granted my kids were grown the youngest had just left for college when I went through the divorce so the empty nest was coming no matter what. I to have had to learn to just be and not always doing something or starting a new project just because.It is very difficult to jusy be I agree but we will figure it out I'm sure of that! Love your blog! I too had one but given the fact I had to give up the beautiful house I loved I couldn't do it anymore. (Cottagewiththereddoor) Maybe some day soon I will find something once again to give me inspiration to start a new one!Be patient with youraself! I look forward to reading more about how you do deal with this. Traci

  23. holy moley Jayme life changes for you in a split second huh? Okay we need to know about learning to be we need to know what that boy Aaron is up to in the foreign place called high school. Darn kid will probably stand out and be just fine after all look at the start he has had because he has YOU. Lucky Duck kid. Hey thats an idea take the ducks, the chickens make them wear uniforms and set them at desks and take pictures of them, we then can see what you learned them real good.
    Starbucks would be fun for about a few weeks but you know what they want you to work and get the stuff out not see how everyone is doing and if Mrs. so and so needs something besides coffee and then where would you be? You would be driving her all over the state if she needed something you would be re-aranging stuff which let me tell you corporate just dosen't like it when you have ideas, take it from me I know you are to go to these places completely empty headed and stay that way. You will figure it all out and then we shall hear about it, but until then can we get together and have fun? We could be like Lucy and Ethel. nancy settel

  24. You will find something to occupy your time, then you'll wonder where the time goes...

    I know, what you mean about keeping busy, I always tell my friends if my feet stop moving, I fall asleep... I kid you not!


  25. There should be a book on how to be an empty nester. Don't you think you should write it? I usually have grandchildren one and sometimes two weekends a month. But since I have THE room emptied and their beds disassembled I have given daughters notice that I am not having grandchildren until the room is put back together. Here is the thing. It has been over 3 weeks and I am missing having someone to take care of. I drove 45 minutes last week to watch the two granddaughters while daughter went to a church meeting. I am not thinking I will have the room put back together but put the blowup mattress in the middle of the living room floor very soon. You will be fine. You will get a lot done after the gardens have went to rest. Knit, crochet I think you do one of those. Make Christmas presents. Go on girlfriend trips. That is a new one for me in the last year. You can do it!

  26. I love this saying..."Your wings already exist-all you have to do is FLY." This is a hard part for us grown-up..we have two adult children one lives on the east coast and the other on the west coast...they flew and are loving it. MJ

  27. Jayme: How lucky for both you and Aaron. You're both about to find out that it's a great big, brand new world out there!!!! (Sounds to me like you will have a lot more fun things to talk about than the War of 1812)

    all the best,

  28. Hi Jayme, Aaron is such a lucky boy.

    I know how you must have felt. We have three boys and two had married off and left home. But now they come back every now and then with our grandchildren!

    And I am very lucky to have come accross your blog. Thanks Christine!

  29. Aaron will be just fine..he's got you in his life!!

    Starbucks does sound cool...I have said I should get a job there many beats the bank! :)

    I can't wait to see what fills this "hole" soon. I know it won't take long for you to find something!

    Love ya.

  30. Wow. Be there for him! Such a big step! You could go out and help others decorate/put together yards/houses!! You are great. jan

  31. Maybe you should just get a hobby (I cannot type this with a straight face.)
    Your Friend,

  32. Why do I feel a trip to the baby bird/duck/chicken/goose/ostrich store is right around the corner?!
    I have to say I can totally picture you as a barista! Does Starbucks let you spontaneously break out in song for the customers?

  33. Jayms, Just remember I'm available for girlfriend trips and such. Aaron will be fine, you taught him well. See ya soon.:)Cyn

  34. Jayme, I'm excited and nervous for both of you! It's a new stage and I'm sure it will take some time to figure out. I went through a lot of this when Emma started school. I didn't quite know what to do with myself and so I started a blog. My life was forever changed. By the way, I don't even drink coffee but if you were the barista I reckon I would have to learn to like it just to see every day.

  35. In all that I have read here, Aaron will be fine. You have provided him with the proper tools and he knows you are there to support him if need be. I understand your son is a sophmore and my youngest just began kindergarten...what to do with myself is a question I ask every morning, but it all seems to work itself out.

  36. What an exciting time for you both- even if it doesn't feel that way.

    You are so clever and talented, answers will come.

    White Spray Paint

  37. I think Aaron is very courageous to try something new... it sound like he's put a lot of thought into his decision.

    As for you, I can relate. My children are older (20 and 22) but my daughter (the 22) just graduated from University of WA in June and moved to Toronto (yes Ontario) to be with her boyfriend. My son has just one class to finish his degree and is looking at applying for a job in North Dakota!!!

    I find myself floundering a little and it's really hard at times. I never thought I would be one of "those" mothers... after so many years of my children taking up a large chunk of my time, it's been hard to figure out what to do with myself. I've slowly been getting back into hobbies I use to have... gardening, sewing and excercise.

    I know you'll both do fine whatever happens. Best wishes to you both.


    PS... I really like the Starbucks idea, but my luck I'd get the 4:00 am shift :)

  38. This is a wonderful time for Aaron and I am so happy for him to take that big step out into the exciting world of high school. It wasn't your decision, but it is time for you to grow, too. What fun! You will miss him, but there won't be a minute of empty time. After following your blog for some months, I can't imagine you will have trouble overfilling every minute. It will just take a little time to get used to it. Besides, it will prepare you for the day when he goes off to college or to work in the big city. Love and best wishes to you both.

  39. I'm sure it's hard to let go of Aaron, but I think you and he are doing the right thing. He would always wonder what he had missed if he doesn't try it.
    I'm glad you're taking time for yourself instead of hopping right in and filling your time with something else. No telling what will turn up.
    God's blessings on you and Aaron as you start this new chapter.

  40. I've been back to this post about 10 times now, and I just have struggled with what to say because I know this is such a personal decision for you guys. So, here it goes...the big words of wisdom that I've mustered up since Friday...

    He'll be fine!!!! God's got his back!

    We've always given our kids a choice when it's come to High School. But we've always had one basic philosophy with school. "Academically we can always catch up, character will always comes first." It's not how others treat's how they treat others.

    I totally get what you mean about filling your time. Someone just asked me the other day, "What would you do if the kids were in school?" The answer was simple. "Be alone!!!" There really is something sweet about having alone time. And if you ever get bored, I'll sure be happy to send my kiddos your way with books in hand.

    God Bless Ya in the Best-est of Ways!

  41. I'm a NWI girl too and we sure ain't in a Chicago school system! I was a Catholic school girl until 8th grade, then got thrown into a public high school. Our grade school had one person of color, so it was culture shock to go to a public high school with lots of different kinds of kids, but you know what? I survived! Aaron, who has a much better upbringing than I did (so much love in your household) will thrive if he chooses to stay. He sounds like a smart kid with alot of different interests and bravo for him having the will and nerve to try it. High school was a blast, great memories, great friends, the time of my life. My only regret was that school did not offer the life's choices and careers that are available nowdays. Our choices were a nurse, accountant, lawyer, doctor, etc. No baristas, artists, entepeneurs, etc. Good luck - it will be just fine!

  42. Aaron will do fine. You have done a great job teaching him over the years. He definitely has an eye for the arts, photography in particular. Change is good. It's scary though but we all somehow seem to work through it. I don't miss the bmv however I miss the people that we worked with. That was a positive change for the better. Getting married is a big change. I can't believe all the little stuff there is. Yesh! Keep us posted with Aaron's adventures!

  43. Jayme, Yes you should let yourself enjoy your free time - you do deserve it. Here is an idea just to throw out to you though. If you found joy in teaching ( I know a large part of it was the time with Aaron!) maybe you could share that with other children and volunteer at some of the local schools or for a tutoring group. The schools are hurting because of all the horrible budget cuts they have gone through this year. Many districts have cut teacher aides that are sorely needed. Class sizes are up and sometimes teachers need volunteers to read with students one on one or work with small groups. Indiana has taken a big hit to our education budget thanks to those down state.


Thanks so much for leaving a comment!