Crickets

It's what I hear every time I sit down to blog lately.

Crickets.

I was going to post a picture of a cricket - and then when I Googled crickets, I almost fell out the chair with the heebie jeebies when I saw them.

Crickets freak me out more than mustard does.

And that's a lot my friends.

They crunch.

Law, I'm covered in the chills thinking about it.

Seems that there's so much I want to tell you, and yet nothing in particular.

This could possibly be a 'kitchen junk drawer' type of post.

A little bit of everything.

I've always envied the bloggers than can stick to one subject during a post.

I just simply can't blog about birds and pie crusts when there is so much stirring in my soul.

Sorry to keep you hanging since the last post.

I've been weird.

I'm very introspective at the moment, and for now it's a good thing.

If I get any worse, I'm sure Glenco will splash me with cold water.

Aaron is in this building as I type.

It's ok.

He started yesterday.

I cried like a baby when I left the school.

Cried like a baby when I got home.

The house is so quiet now that all I hear are my ears ringing.

I know there are some of you that would love to have silence so loud that your ears ring.

Be careful what you wish for!

I miss him.

Law, how I miss that boy child.

But he is happy. For now. And that is enough.

Now, if that's all ya'll have popped over to find out - that yes, Aaron is in school, and it's ok - please feel free to click on over to one of < ------- those blogs where there is something really interesting going on.

Or -

read this.

I keep meanin' to tell you that out of the six bantam baby chicks I got - four are dudes.

Beautiful, cocky, funny dudes.

I've never seen the show 'Jersey Shores' and yet, I've named them all from the show -

Vinnie.

Paulie.

The Situation.

Tony.

I may possibly rename my sweet hen Sissy, Snooki, but I just can't bring myself to do it yet.

They just seem Italian to me - I have no idea why.

They delight me endlessly - and I hope to keep them all, or most of them.

They haven't started fighting 'too' bad yet.

I wanted to tell you about my darling friend Renee that popped over here on August 21st - which is National Cupcake Day.

This girl is too much.

She even had Cupcake wine!

Maude has been giving Mocha the cat 'the eye'. They've been dining together and spending entirely too much time together. I've hooked Maude up on MatchDuck.com and she is perusing some profiles. A duck and a cat? It's just not natural Maude. What would the neighbors think?

Speaking of the neighbors. Remember the brawling neighbors? During the Garden Walk?

Up and gone.

House is up for sale yet again.

Won't ya please, please won't ya be my neighbor?

Been playing with the bees again.

Not sure about my honey situation.

But I must say, I love those little bugs. I feel confident with my gloves and suit on, and those little buzzing beauties mesmerize me.

It's Zenlike even.

Speaking of Zen like things -

I saw the movie Eat, Pray, Love.

I hadn't read the book, and now I want to but doubt that I will.

I liked the movie.

It was slow moving.

I liked the clothes Julie Roberts wore.

Nothing boob inappropriate like I always choose.

I need good egg carrying access in a shirt.

She wore all these nice flowing things that made it looked like she just finished Downward Facing Dog or Tree Pose.

Sigh.

I told Glen that I was taking an oath of silence for a week, staying upstairs where there was no air conditioning and living on green tea. I saw the glimmer of hope in his eye that I was telling the truth. Can you imagine? Me? Silent?

I am reading a book presently, that was referred to me from one of ya'll -

Women, God and Food, by Geneen Roth.

I've also spent some time on the Weigh Down Workshop website.

Good stuff. Very good stuff.

Want to cut your grocery bill in half? Eat half as much ! Ha! That's not in the book, that's my pearl of wisdom - no charge.

I'm down 8#.

I'm happy.

I'm feeling emotions.

I'm scared.

I could blog on that all day, but I don't want to bore you with the details.

Let's just say, it's freeing - it's frightening - it's illogical and madness all rolled into one.

I'll never diet again.

I wanted to tell you about the wedding that Aaron photographed!

Yep, he took pictures for a real wedding.

It was a lovely, casual, country wedding, and he did a great job.

I'm sure he'll be sharing photos soon.

So here I sit, tapping my fingernails on the desk, staring out the window.

This is my life now.

I just am.

I'm not a 'homeschooler' anymore.

I'm not an 'employee' some where.

I'm a wife, an aunt, a friend.

I'm a Coopkeeper, a beekeeper, a gardener.

I like bacon and squirrels.

I still hanker to work at Starbucks during the holidays.

I'm sure I'd be known as the Singing Barista.

I have a bad case of musical Tourettes.

Today I pruned bushes.

I'm going to Home Depot for Ornamental Millet.

I'm making smoked sausage for supper.

I'll watch a little tv tonight and read.

I'll feed chickens and collect eggs.

Riveting isn't it?

Aren't ya glad you stopped by?

I'm fighting the urge to throw myself into something big.

A new job.

A new hobby (yes, Deborah, a new hobby!)

Volunteer work.

I'm just being for the moment.

I'm just doing all the little things around here that need doing.

Pruning, painting, decluttering, etc.

I'm trying to be keenly aware of each day.

Cause what is life, if it's not this?

Each day.

Lived.

I want to be alive in each moment.

It seems that in some odd way, I've spent my life fearing feeling - and now I'm craving it.

I want to feel it all.

The good, the bad and the ugly.

I think that when we fear to feel - it is a true sign that we are in control - we are fighting to maintain control - but when we no longer fear to feel - we have truly let go.

When Life Changes Overnight....

Thanks so much for helping me love my office a little more! I think this comment really hit the nail on the head for me:

Holly said...

I think we just get tired of our own stuff...I'd take yours in a heartbeat!!!!

Isn't that true? It boggles my mind how I can spend my hard earned money on something - loving it when I buy it, only to want to get rid of it in a year or two. Thanks for all the offers to take the lamp, but I reckon I'll keep it for now!

I should have elaborated on the desk story a bit. It was quite funny. You see - I didn't take anything off the desk before I moved it. I know - I know. Oh gosh, if Glenco saw me doing this - he'd have a fit. So I'm scooting this fully loaded desk, an inch at time, going back and forth from side to side, and the corner leg of the desk pops off the heating vent cover, and the desk leg falls down in the vent hole. The top of the desk wedged itself under the windowsill. Everything that is on the desk is now sliding off. The desk wouldn't budge. I crawled under the desk and emerged from the other side. I couldn't budge it. All I could think of was Glenco coming home and finding the desk like that. It would give him MUCH too much ammunition to use against me in the future - so that desk had to me moved, and now. I didn't have the cellphone ON me, since my flimsy nightgown hasn't a pocket, but it was laying on the desk. How convenient.

I have big news today.

Aaron has decided to go to Highschool.

Real Highschool.

With principals, and band, and bells, and teams.

I had a feeling it was coming.

I saw him look wistfully at the highschool a few times as we drove by.

He's mentioned it before.

He decided he'd like to see what it's like.

He said he'd rather go and not like it and come back to homeschooling than to not know what it's like at all.

He didn't want to have any regrets.

I felt that was a very mature decision on his part.

I felt proud of him.

I feel fortunate that he even has a choice in the matter.

Even though I had to sweep my heart up off the floor when he told me, I encouraged him and supported his decision 100%. I think it could be good for him. *gulp*. He wants to join the Yearbook Committee and take pictures. He wants to join the Gymnastics team. He wants to see what it's like to ride the bus and go from class to class.

When I decided to 'let go' a few weeks ago, I had no idea that it would get this personal.

I had no idea I'd have to let go of Aaron.

When I felt a change coming, I had no idea it would be such a big change.

Overnight.

I told Aaron to follow his peace, not to let fear stop him from anything.

We are in the process of registering him for school now.

There's parts of me that want to say no.

No, you can't go.

You have to stay here, and feed the chickens and I have to teach you about the War of 1812.

You have to sit under a cozy afghan where it's safe and do your Language Arts.

You have to eat my homemade lunch food, and not the processed pizza at Highschool.

No, absolutely not.

You have to stay in this cocoon.

You aren't ready to emerge just yet.

It's not safe out there.

What if they tease you? What if they are mean to you?

What if you can't focus with all the noise?

What if you fail?

What if ?

What will I do now?

Never in my born days have I had a life of leisure.

If I'm not homeschooling - what will I be doing?

Lunch at the Country Club?

Hair appointments?

My heart is ACHING. Oh my goodness, my buddy - my goofball buddy isn't going to be here.

Who will I laugh with all day?

Who will I talk to in silly voices?

Who will be my partner in shenanigans!?

You see, I've never been comfortable with unfilled time.

I've never had it.

I've had Aaron full time for the last 12 years.

During that time, I also had two ill parents and a mentally handicapped sister to tend.

I worked full time - or part time - or a home business since I was 14.

Time has always been filled.

Over filled.

Now.

What?

I will get up and do my chores.

I will cook.

I will?

?

Yesterday - while this news was still all fresh and had the umbilical cord attached to it I decided I'd get a job. I've always wanted to be a Barista. I'll get a job at Starbucks. I already could see myself there in the dark green apron, which I must admit would go great with my coloring - I would be serving lattes with a smile, and Christmas at Starbucks? I ask you - could it get any better? Snow flying as I frothed milk in a cozy retail environment. It still warms the cockles of my heart thinking about it.

Then, I found a home down the road that's for sale. I was moving.

Yep. Selling this place and moving down the road where the traffic was quieter, and the trees shaded the property better. A pole barn, a greenhouse. My dreamhouse.

Then I did the virtual tour on line.

Wow - it's gonna need a lot to cozy that place up.

That would keep me all kinds of busy.

I have an appointment to see it at 2pm on Sunday.

I'm not moving ya'll - but do you see how I must fill the hole that Aaron is leaving?

I'm fully aware now, that the greatest change I must make in my life is learning to just be.

Just be.

Although the job would be nice. The extra money would come in handy. I've decided to take the rest of the year off and learn how to be.

Perhaps I'll finally get some much needed projects done around here.

Perhaps I'll write 'that' book - ha!

Perhaps I'll volunteer somewhere.

Perhaps I'll get to know my neighbors.

Aaron may come back to homeschooling next year.

Perhaps not.

It is well with my soul.

My No Cost Office Renovation

This office makes me all kinds of happy.

It's warm, it's organized and well merchandised.

A gal can dream.

My office has been a pin in my ass for twenty years.

I'm sorry to swear - I am - but in this situation, there is no other word for it.

A pin my friends.

It's always been half done - haphazard, piled.

It's the place to put something when there is no other place to put it.

One of the many joys of an old home is the lack of storage.

Guess what? I reckon they didn't need so much back then.

We could perhaps learn a lesson here.

My office is my pantry.

It's my utility room.

It's Aaron's school room.

It's my sewing room.

Here's a candid picture of it last week.

Nothing was removed to portray a blog fantasy world.

Not too shabby.

But wait - it gets better.

Here's what it looked like when you first walked in.

An old chimney cupboard I bought for $50 ages ago.

My vacuum, sewing machine and all of Aaron's schoolbooks are housed in here.

Landsakes, I really hate for you to see this.

But here it is.

Some built in shelves that were here when we moved in. They don''t look too bad until I go grocery shopping, and then it gets out of control. I try, most times to keep it tidy. Then I go through a spell where I don't care.

Obviously.

An old chair I picked up a month or so ago at a yard sale for $4.

Nice and sturdy.

There was just 'something about it' that I liked.

For about two days I thought - OK - I'm redoing this hole of a room. It's so uninspiring. It's so dark. I'm going to repaint and get a new desk. I'm going to make a desk. I'm going to cobble things and make a huge project out of all this.

Then I realized that I didn't want to spend any money.

Hmmm.

Then I realized that I'd decided in January not to buy anything new - 'member?

(there will be updates to my Quest for a Simple Life very soon)

So - I did my best and this is what I came up with.

I repurposed what I had.

Did I get you?

Any of you!?

Probably not.

This is the view going in the office now.

I moved the desk.

That is a story in and of itself.

Most people would disassemble the L shaped desk.

Most people would wait until they had help in the house to move the L shaped desk.

I ain't most people.

Bugs get up my butt and I can't wait for help or take the time to disassemble.

I'll spare you the details, but thankfully I had my cell phone on me, and my neighbor was home to help me. I got caught behind the desk, in the corner, in my nightgown.

Let's move on.

It was very hard for me to keep this desk.

I'm so over it.

But guess what? There's nothing wrong with it, other than my hormonal finicky fit.

I stole the rug off the front porch.

I didn't paint.

Again - I need to stop the madness.

I moved the cabinet over to the other side of the room. It's much easier to access it.

I'm not IN LOVE with all my white boxes, but it is what it is.

I feel whiney.

I brought up some stuff I had in the basement, and cozied it up a little.

I used to decorate very primitive, very 'clutterery'. I got away from that, and now I'm feeling the need for a little more clutter than usual.

I call it 'merchandising'.

Must be from my Pier One days.

I'm really not sure what I'm doing with hanging pictures under the map.

Really, I don't - not sure if that will stay, or I'll add to it. I got that picture for fifty cents at a yard sale, and my cousin painted the one sitting on the floor. I just like them.

I framed one of my old Woman's World magazines. I have one for each of the seasons, and I'll change them out accordingly.

I recovered the chair with fabric I had.

Another hard one.

I really wanted new fabric.

But I had this - but I wanted new - but I had this -

For some silly reason, the lamp is driving me crazy.

Loved it when I bought it - ten years ago - and now - not so in love with it - but I have it.

Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.

That's my motto, and I'm sticking with it.

No, really. I am.

Really.

Lazy Sunday

I woke up this morning determined not to spend the day working.

I don't get it.

It seems that it's all I do.

And no matter how much I do - there's more to do.

Whateva!

I packed a picnic lunch, loaded up the bikes and we drove to

Willow Slough FIsh and Wildlife Area in Morocco, Indiana.

We had a picnic lunch by the lake.

Took a nature walk.

Rode our bikes around and explored.

My bike doesn't have a kickstand.

Long story.

I don't know what these berries are called. Pokeberries come to mind, and I have no idea why.

Equisetum fluviatale

This I remember - and the botanical name to boot.

I used to want to be a botanist - and a park ranger - and an actress - and an underwater biologist - need I go on?

We started exploring the backroads.

And landsakes all mighty - they were some backroads.

Hopkins Park, Illinois

Never heard of it, let alone been up in it.

Out of no where, and I do mean no where - pops this place.

I was being shy with the camera.

He really didn't have anything laid out for sale, but would go PICK you anything you wanted.

It kinda broke my heart, I'm not sure why.

Here he is picking baby greens for me.

I bought a nice large watermelon, and he gave me two small ones - the yellow flesh kind. I bought three of the sweetest, tiniest little yellow squash you'd ever seen. They almost melted up in my hand they were so tender. Even though I'm sick to death of cucumbers right now, I bought three. I also got a gallon sized Ziploc bag chock full of baby kale, turnip and mustard greens. The price for all of this? $5. Seriously. Break my heart some more. I thought it might offend him if I gave him more.

I have a feeling I'm going to see Roy Thurman again in the great by and by.

He was a special, kind, spiritual kind of man.

I'll tell him how great his greens were, how sweet his melons, and how tender his squash.

This is what life is made of people.

I had the windows rolled all the way down, my feet stuck out the window.

I've decided to relish the last bit of summer, instead of wishing it away.

Then - I was surrounded by the scent of basil

I've never before seen a field of basil.

Intoxicating!

But mainly - it was all corn.

Everywhere.

Corn.

I came home and savored a delicious chocolate cupcake.

I took a nap.

I finished tweaking my office re-do - my no cost - rearrange some stuff redo.

I'll blog about it next.

I need more days like this!

Thanks for all of your wonderful comments and support from my last post.

I swear, you all are the best cheerleaders anyone could ask for!

I let go of a few more things today - and it wasn't easy.

The way Glenco drives - can I get an amen for that one!?

The the blinds in the livingroom.

Seriously - a whole post will be done about those!

Hope your Sunday was wonderful too.

On Letting Go

A funny thing happened today as I decided to clean out the basement.

No, I didn't fall down the stairs.

Another hot day here in Indiana has me sequestered in the house.

I decided I'd get down in the basement and try to make some sense of it all.

I'm wanting to paint the walls and make it a little less dark and dank.

I became a tad overwhelmed at the project.

Piles.

Stuff.

Things I felt so desperate to have at one time, and to hold on to.

Great treasures to me in the past, now in a box in the basement.

I organized it by theme.

When you love junkin' as much as I do, you tend to accumulate - well - junk.

"I might need this one day"

"Oh, I plan on doing _____ with that one day"

One day.

One year.

A lifetime.

That one day never comes.

I've decided to get rid of the whole lot of it.

Not a whole lot of it.

The whole lot of it.

I was going to Ebay it - I still might a little of it.

Vintage camper parts that I took off The Squirrel.

An industrial sewing machine.

Vintage cuteness that I haven't used in years.

I've come to the point in my life where I realize if I haven't even seen it in a year, let alone used it - chances are I don't really need it.

In the past when I would think of letting go - I would get an image in my head of someone letting go because they didn't have the strength any longer to hold on.

I now believe that letting go requires more strength.

It's what I'm doing in the realm of food as well.

Glenco tells me I'm eating like a bird.

I sure hope not - I read somewhere they eat three times their weight in food a day!

Aaron is constantly asking me now -

"Are you hungry, or are you eating that cause you want it?"

I enjoy the check.

I snapped this picture of my meal the other night. Now, usually I would eat two meatballs, a couple of potatoes, a pile of green beans, the whole ear of corn, and a much, much larger hunk of blueberry bar.

(This is also a great time I could use 'aye law, I can't have anything' - see the chicken eating the watermelon? Glenco was pecking at the melon with my chicken figure)

I have to admit - I felt a little scared when I saw how little food I had, and how small my plate was. I didn't even finish it! I ate slowly, enjoyed each bite, and felt quite satisfied. I saved my watermelon and blueberry bar for the next time I felt hunger. Seems so simple doesn't it?

It's not.

It's simple for a day or two. Then you just want to chew. You just want to grab a handful of something. You want to calm your nerves. You want to eat cause everyone else is eating. You want to eat cause it tastes good.

Something happened today.

I let go.

I let go of food.

It's ok to feel a little hungry.

Food is mighty tasty then.

There's plenty of it here - I don't need to overeat out of fear.

Something happened today.

I let go of stuff.

It's ok not to have so much stuff.

It's ok to have only the things you really use and enjoy.

There's plenty of stuff - I don't need to hoard out of fear.

Something happened today.

I let go of control.

It's ok not to be in control.

It's ok to let someone else live their life without your consent.

I don't need to control anyone or thing - just me.

It's ok.

I feel good.

I feel right.

I feel free.

Lived to Tell the Tale

I'm happy to report that I didn't end up in the ditch.

I have no idea why I pump my bike tires in the kitchen, nor do I have any idea why Aaron finds it photo worthy.

I kept thinking of ways to get out of it.

Aaron thought it was a bad idea - reminding me of how long it's been since I'd been on me bike, and how many inclines were along the way.

I didn't need too much convincing.

Every cell of my body was telling me to

and then I'd think of this

I had no idea how hilly it was around here.

It took about 15 minutes to get to the Tastee Top.

Four miles down the road a piece.

I went with my new 'met-ya-on-the-INterNET' friend, Cheryl.

She's the one that gave me pickled 'sparagus, 'member?

We were both so ding danged proud of ourselves!

So busy being proud that we parked the bikes right up in the drive thru.

If you look real close like, you can see that I have shorts on.

People - this is huge - huge I tell ya.

I'm livin' my life.

Throwin' caution to the wind.

Airing me limbs.

We ordered one cheeseburger and then quickly got in a fight over who would cut it.

Then we decided we'd cut it together, kinda like a wedding cake.

But that Cheryl kept pushing the knife in her favor.

Then finally, we decided we'd do the 'I cut, you choose' system.

Worked like a charm.

I actually only ate half of my half. I couldn't believe how quickly I became satisfied.

I ate about a quarter of the cheese fries.

You know, eating the way I am now, I fear the Tastee Top may go out of business.

Rumor is they are laying off.

(Down four pounds so far)

After we ate, we sat and chatted for a good hour.

It started to drizzle, fo schnizzle, so we thought we'd better head on back.

Was it down hill all the way there? Sho nuff seemed up hill all the way back.

At one point, I was going so slow that I actually got three mosquito bites. I had to get off the bike and walk it up the hill.

Aaron took all these pics, by the way.

My boy.

Nice having your own private photographer!

Lest you forget - Cindy at Cottage Instincts has posted two more blogs about her visit here!

She's made the place look so dreamy and nice.

I loved seeing the place through her eyes.

She talks about how much she relaxed while she was here.

The true story is --

I worked her like a rented mule.

See how hungry she got by the time she worked enough to eat?

It's not all smiles and sunshine here folks.

Make sure you check out her side of the story at

Cottage Instincts.

She's got some serious bloggin' skillz.