|Old abandoned homes remain one of my favorite things.|
The lights are on - but ain't nobody home.
I bet that's what y'all have been thinkin' up around here.
I have the shingles. True story. Found out Wednesday - caught them SUPER early, so I think I may live.
Last night a big hunk of an upper molar fell off.
I'm starting to wonder if I should just put myself into a medically induced coma until next year to avoid anymore ailments.
I know in my knower that there is a lesson to be learned in all of this.
What it is - well, I think it's just coming to light.
You know - I've just been restless since Aaron left a year ago. I find my days lacking purpose at times, and I'm just not ok with that. I'm not ok with spending myself on myself.
I've become a whiney blogger, and that's not ok either, so I refrain from blogging.
SO many people are going through much rougher stuff than my little summer of discomfort.
And therein I believe lies most of my problem. I can't seem to stand discomfort. I eat over it, I shop over it, I 'get busy' over it. I look for a job to quiet it. I don't sit with it and let it teach me it's lesson.
And therefore, I never learn the lesson, or hear it's voice of wisdom.
Rinse and repeat sisters.
I know that I still compare myself to other people too much and all the wonderful things that they are doing and making and achieving, and I'm all like 'should I throw out this old blue paint?' as I work on decluttering this old place, or wonder if I should make the Chicken Tikka Masala or the Pakistani Kima for dinner.
I feel half hearted about everything.
I think I'm just tired, and that's ok. It's ok to let life pass on sometimes while you just watch. It's ok to watch all of your friends doing things that you've always wanted to do - going fabulous places while you sit - laughing, when you feel like smirking.
Life ain't no race, and if it is - I never got a bib number.
So for now, I'm going to sit with that discomfort, and hear what it has to say.
I so hope it tells me to have some cheesecake.