Happy Birthday Pam in Colorado!!

I've just got a minute before I grab me mops and me brushes and head off to my cleaning job - so I'll have to answer your comments later....but I couldn't let the day pass without wishing a 

Happy Birthday to Pam in Colorado!!!

Girl, you just can't leave a comment here like this and get away with it.

First of all: Happy Birthday! It sounded like a good birthday, all in all. My birthday is this Thursday. I never celebrate my birthday because as a child, everyone always forgot it was my birthday. Everyone else in the family's is in August and somehow I always got overlooked. Never had a party, never got a cake. So, I just stopped hoping. This year will be different. For the first time in 56 years I will be celebrating my birthday. Wish me luck. I decided it was time. I am nervous...

And now: Aaron is so doggone cute! He will go far just on that beautiful smile of his.

I am glad you are well. Pam from Colorado.

I so hope that you are going to celebrate yourself today!!!

If I could I'd hop on a plane and we'd do it in style - but from the barren cornfields of Indiana this is the best I can do.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAM!!!!

Please join me in leaving a comment for Pam - wishing her a most wonderful day!

God Knew I Needed Her

Do you remember the part in Anne of Green Gables where Matthew and Marilla are talking about Anne Shirley - and the stoic Marilla Cuthbert says

"God knew we needed her"?

Wait, what?

You've never seen Anne of Green Gables?

Although this photo makes it look like Anne is an amputee - she is not.

Please get off the computer now, and don't come back until you do!!!

I'm beginning to think the same thing about this stinking little kitten that I got on my birthday.

She's attached to me like glue. She sleeps with me, sits with me, follows me and tolerates my affection.

Jax - a most fabulous cat - that I love dearly - he doesn't tolerate my affection.  He balks at my kisses, pulls away from my hugs, and doesn't sit or sleep with me.

Homeboy ain't no lap cat.

Aaron took this picture, can you tell?  : -)

And that's ok - cause we are all different, and it doesn't make him any less of a spectacular cat - and his little funny quirks more than make up for his lack of affection.  And he is a sight to behold, such a beautiful cat.  I still hold out hope that as he ages, he'll take to my lap.

But this one...this one is what my heart needed.  I really needed something to love and hug and kiss and squeeze..and.....

I wish I could get some better pictures - perhaps if I actually got the camera out, I could.

Ain't nobody got time for that.

The life lesson that this little gal has taught me already is this - the human heart apparently has no limit on the capacity to love.  Just when you think you can't love anymore - along comes another pet, another friend, another child, and your heart is more than ready to love it - and there seems to be plenty of room.  Where there's room in the heart - there's room in the house.

Unfortunately she's already to big too put in my brassiere like a baby chicken, but I'm thinking of making a little papoose so that I can carry her all day.

: -)

Not really - but it sure has crossed my mind.

Open your heart, you'll be amazed at how much love there is inside.

Live your life with reckless abandonment - free from the fear of rejection, hurt, ridicule or jealousy - 

adopt a cat, have another baby, friend another person.

The only thing you can take with you - is what you give away.

It's My Party

First things first...

Downton Abbey.

Lord have mercy.

I don't want to spoil it for those that haven't seen it yet, but can you guys believe it!?

The guilt that Lord Grantham shall carry now will be heavy for sure.

And Thomas - did you see the softer side of Thomas? Yes you did.

Mark my words - there is more to come.

Second things second..

The BoyChild.

He was home this weekend, because it was a very special weekend indeed.

M'birthday.

The big 51.

We'll get to that in a minute.

I finally got all the details of LasVegas.

He stayed in Caesar's Palace.

Look at this child.

Is it me, or is he the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?

I'm sure it's just not me.

He's so danged happy, and exhausted.

It's so cute how he gets here, eats and within a half an hour, he's sawing logs.

Luckily we get to jabber jaw the whole way home on the just over an hour trip.

OK...now the post.  I just had to get that off my chest.

I turned 51 on Saturday.

It's most ridiculous because wasn't it just a couple of months ago that I posted saying I was fifty?

I had a ridiculously nice birthday - it was more of a birthday month actually.  Gifts and wishes kept rolling in.  Doesn't that sound funny?

For some reason, it does to me.

It felt that way, but actually it was only a few.

A fabulous aqua blue Life is Good hoodie.

My dear, dear friend Gina - get a load of this gift - a month's membership to CrossFit.  If you've never heard of it - well, it's like this hardcore gym, I do mean hardcore.  I've determined that they call it CrossFit because you will pray to the one that hung on the cross while you are there, and for the days that follow your visit. 

 I never knew I was capable of the things I'm doing now.  I'm not entirely sure I am.  Yesterday my glasses were completely fogged from sweating, and I felt that I would surely faint a couple of times.  As well as the one month membership to hell, she bought me an entire workout outfit, and took me to a session at a Reiki master, followed by a fabulous lunch.

I knew nothing of Reiki, and I'm still not entirely sure I believe it to be anything - but I did find the woman that did it an absolute doll and a very sincere, loving person.

Apparently my chakras are all high frequency, in line and I'm balanced.

I'm assuming it's a good thing since she teared up and told me that I had a lot of work to do, that the world needed me.  

Interesting.

I got a fabulous red Vitamix mixer for my birthday, a gift from Glenco, which I ordered.  Glenco never knows what to get me.

I've been drinking green smoothies like nobody's business.

My sister gave me a JoAnn fabrics gift card.

Yay!

My friend Renee stopped over with two large bags of gifts.

I'm so blessed!  Not only did I get gifts, but she also brought gifts for the camper as well.

She's my vintage camper buddy - this is what I made for her birthday a couple of weeks ago.

I also found gifts placed at the back door a couple of times, and got cards in the mail - so exciting to get real paper mail, isn't it?

Interesting enough - with all of this fantastic stuff going on - the morning of my birthday I found myself feeling a little down and sorry for myself.  I know!  Ridiculous, but true.  I'm not even sure why - and it's difficult for me to admit that I was down - I still struggle with admitting that - it seems like a sign of weakness to me - and I don't like to appear weak.  I'm working on it.

Glenco planned on going to a gun show with a friend of his - and we were to meet up later in the early afternoon and hang.  We were going to pick up Aaron in the evening, so there really was no plan for the day - just letting it unfold.  No worries.  The comical thing is that Glenco has never gone to a gun show, and really isn't interested in guns - but he needed some guy time, and I get that. 

So here I sat, all alone on the morning of my 51st birthday, and I was feeling sorry for myself.

It's like eating your Thanksgiving dinner on the Wednesday before - it's just not quite the same if all of the festivities don't actually take place on the day, or is that just me?

So I sat here for a moment and realized that life was what you make it.  I decided that I'd do whatever made me happy - and off I went.

First stop...thrift stores.  (it's becoming a bit of an addiction, and well, a job - I'm an officially picker.)

Thrift stores make me really happy, the thrill of the hunt.

I went to a bunch - all over tar-nation.

I passed an old bakery and noticed how old the sign was, and I thought - golly, that's gotta be a good bakery - look how old it is, and it's still in business - then I noticed a little old babushka'd lady emerging, and that sealed the deal.  I u-turned it and stopped there.

I got myself a birthday cake.

Doesn't that sound sad?

: -)

It was an atomic cake and I even had them put my name on it.

It was right there in the HiWay Bakery in So. Chicago Heights, Illinois that I realized that I had the power to be happy today or not.  It was all a matter of what I thought.

Life is what you make of it.

I wanted a cake, so I got one.

I was going to have a happy day - and I did.

(The cake was delicious, but due to eating wheat, my joints are killing me right now!)

What else makes me happy?

Starbucks.

I went there.

Triple shot vanilla latte is my weapon of choice.

As I sat there sipping that, I thought about what else would make me happy on this first day of my 51st year.

Cats.

Cats would make me happy.

I'm going to go to the shelter and play with cats.

The nearby shelter was under renovation, and I had to go to Petco to see the cats that were up for adoption.

This is why I should never be left alone - especially on my birthday.

For a brief moment I felt incredibly sad thinking - it's my birthday, I'm alone, I got my own cake and now I'm looking at cats.

Then, I thought it was funnier than heck.

I'm sure you realize by now that I brought one of those cats home, don't you?

I felt it my civic duty to give a cat a good home on my birthday.

This is where it gets a little creepy.

This kitty that I brought home, a six month old little girl - is the splitting image of my Jinxie that passed away last Christmas.

I feel like in someway I've married the twin brother of my dead husband.

She's a fabulous little kitten that is a lap cat extraordinaire, and I'm in love.

She slept in my arms all the night long.

Glenco loves her too, and laughs that he'll never leave me alone again on my birthday.

Amen. 

DIY Ovary Removal - A Tutorial

Back in the day when I worked at the local DMV, I had a list of questions I'd have to ask when someone was getting or renewing a driver's license.

"Would you like to be an organ donor?" was among them.

One elderly lady responded - "Well, I really don't have the time today."

"We don't actually collect them today" was my response.

This morning when I awoke with ovaries the size of bowling balls, or so it felt, I thought of stopping by the DMV to donate them.  

This will be my last-ish post on menopause for at least a week - I promise.

Being the DIY'r that I am - I Googled 'home ovary removal' this morning, and to my surprise, I didn't find a single thing about it.

This could go viral.  I'm about to give you a tutorial on how to do it.  As with anything I've done up in here, I dive right in - learning as I go.  I would have never gotten bees or chickens if I knew everything.

Ignorance = bliss.

The first thing you are going to need to do is to stop at your local liquor store and stock up.  I suggest the hard stuff.  Menopause ain't for sissies so don't be bringing home wine coolers.  Puh-leeze.

I also suggest copious amounts of chocolate for after the home surgery, and perhaps a Tylenol or two - or Vicodin if you are lucky enough to have a few lying about.  It would also be advisable to scour your bathroom cabinets for a rogue antibiotic or two.  Keep a glass of ice water handy - you'll see why.

Collect your utensils.  I'm sure you may have what you need in your kitchen drawers already.  Ideally - grill tools would work the best since they are long - and well - I think the ovaries are really up there.  Perhaps I should Google some anatomy photos for reference.  

After you are comfortably inebriated, I suggest sterilizing your tools, and giving your hoo-ha a good going over with some rubbing alcohol.  Now - if you are an overachiever like I am, and you've just shaved in prep for this surgery - good luck with the alcohol.  Perhaps you've ingested enough alcohol that you won't feel it.

(Dear FlowerPatchFarmGirl's dad - I am sorry - you might want to skip today's blog - I'm beginning to think I should have told you that a while ago.)

Get comfortable.  Put on some Kenny G.  Light a few candles.  It's about to get real up in here.

You might want to put a few towels down to catch any mess.

I do believe that canning tongs could work well to hold the hoo-ha open long enough to perform the surgery.  Get creative!  You might want to see what your husband has in the garage as well.

Grilling tongs will come in handy here as you enter and explore.  I think it will be easy to find the suckers - you should know when you hit them.  I have a feeling it will smart.

With one deliberate, firm motion of twisting and pulling at the same time - yank that sucker out.  At this time you might be tempted to pass out - but try and resist that urge - this is where the ice water could come in handy - to give yourself a dousing - hold on to that ovary - you don't want it free floating about your abdomen.

With any luck - it's out.

Now - what to do with it?

"I told you I needed the SUPER absorbent Playtex UNSCENTED tampons!  What's with this Light Days baloney!  You never listen to me!!"

I don't suggest you compost it - it could attract unwanted varmits.  The last thing you want around your property is a menopausal raccoon.

There might be something creative on Pinterest that you could find to do with it, or in some cultures it could be considered a culinary delicacy - I'm planning on just flushing mine.  

So long sista!

I think I need to add a disclaimer here - I am in no way responsible for any botched home surgeries - accidental spleen removals, infections, loss of blood, or mental breakdowns associated with this procedure. As with any medical procedures performed at home, there are inherent risks that need to be considered before you inebriate yourself for this, or any other home procedure.

Embracing Thomas

I just had to blog.

Right. now.

The scenario:

I just took a hot soak in the bathtub with a mug of chamomile tea. 

Jax the cat got locked in the bathroom with me, and pulled at the door the whole time I was trying to relax.

It almost frustrated me.

 My hair is deep conditioning as I type.

All I'm wearing is a towel and an afghan.  

I'm up on the davenport in the living room, or front room - whichever you prefer - and my hair is dripping on my nekkid shoulders.

It's 6:19 in the pm on a Wednesday night.

You guys have given a gift to my soul with all of the comments and emails you have sent.  I'm in process of answering them.  Bless your hearts.  For real.

Truth is -  I'm OK.  I'm super hormonal.  I miss Aaron terribly.  I've had three periods in the last six weeks, my breasts are always hurting, and the hormonal headaches are ridiculous.

I've stocked up on feminine products, ergo ...my vagina having it's own drawer.

Pads, tampons, tinctures, powders and Pamprin.

One word of advice - do not buy off brand cheap tampons.

That is NOT where you want to cut corners in your budget my friends.

They hurt.

I'm a bit discombulated, I feel bloated and tired - unfocused and unenergized.

It's near 9am before I get my head screwed on straight anymore.

I have been on the fence for quite sometime about quitting blogging - to the point that it's been a joke with some of my friends.  I guess I just needed to make a decision, and then as soon as I did make the decision, I realized it was the wrong one.

Go figure.

I have decided to continue blogging - and I'm going to rename the blog 'The Bipolar Blogger'.

: -)

Bob Mackie is designing my gowns as I type this.

I have no grand illusions about blogging - I'm not trying to make a business out of it - or just use it to promote Etsy, or become the next Pioneer Woman, I just like to yak my thoughts out - it's rather selfish of me actually - cause it just helps me to think 'out loud' sorta kinda.

So here was my thoughts today.

I made a Pinterest board called 'Addicted to Downton Abbey'.

For those of you that aren't watchers - law girls - Netflix it up.

I'll try not to give too many spoilers, but oh didn't we love it when his black market rations turned out to be plaster dust?  Or when we thought that he in fact had lost Lord Grantham's dog.

This might get long - I suggest you pee and get a drink.  Or vise versa.

Thomas.   Let's talk about him.

He's a stinking scoundrel, isn't he?  You just love hating him - he's so sneaky and manipulative.

You can imagine him spanking puppies and drowning kittens.

But.

There's something about Thomas - especially this season, that is just flat out breaking my heart - and I'm beginning to embrace Thomas.

It doesn't hurt that he's a beautiful man out of character.

He reminds me of the three hooligans that tormented my mother in the summer of 1984.

Scenario:

The lower southeast side of Chicago.

A perfect postage stamp sized yard - tended by my fabulous mother - she worked hard in her polyester pants with the sewn in crease and the elastic waist - her tanned arms toiling in her cotton smocks, with a king-sized Kool cigarette perfectly balanced on her lips.

Her yard was her fifth child - her pride and joy.

Along came the hooligans that summer in 1984.

Three motherless rascals moved in next door - ages 7-10.

They peed on her flowers through the chain link fence.

They ripped the green beans right off the vines.

Shenanigans a plenty.

Malarkey galore.

They would taunt her, throw things in the yard - you get the picture.

You don't mess with my momma.

No amount of threatening worked.  The more I yelled, the worse they got.

I decided to love on them.  I took them to the zoo.  I talked to them all the time and bought them presents.

They turned out to be the sweetest little things, starving for love and affection, starving for a mom.

And so it is with this thought that I embrace poor Thomas.

He's needing some love, just like we all do.

Why is it so easy to be kind to others, and yet so hard on ourselves?

So tonight - I'm going to take it easy on myself.  I'm going to pajama up and curl up on the couch with endless cups of tea.  I'm going to rest and realize that I'm just not at my best right now - and that's OK.

This too shall pass...why not let it pass in peace and understanding, instead of beating myself up for not being full of energy and getting a million things done a day.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

Love yourself.

You're Killin' Me

Landsakes alive.

Law and mercy.

You guys are killin' me with the comments.

I started laughing today thinking I should just say my blog was hacked, or I needed a good ego stroking.

: -)

And then I started rrrrreeeaalllly missing you guys and feeling sad over stopping.

So this is what I've been thinking.

I've become boring.

I'm not funny anymore.

I have nothing to say.

Bleh.

Life is ever evolving.  No one is always funny, no one is always insightful, etc.  

I'm seriously going through a bad case of the empty nest - and I was/am concerned that I might end up spending way too much time online.  It concerned me, because I really don't want to do that - and yet - last week I had planned on completely redesigning the blog and blogging everyday.

Can you hear the pendulum swinging?

Am I nuts, or what?

I started feeling concerned that it wasn't real life - and yet Janie Fox, whom I met via the blog is up here on my couch.  That's pretty real.  I felt like I didn't spend enough time with my sisters and 'real' friends, but took the time to be here.

Get what I saying?

I'm sighing deeply over here - for real.

Janie Fox and I got the flipping mother lode at the thrift stores today and we are completely revamping the upstairs bedroom.  I felt sad that I couldn't share that with you.

Aaron called me from 'Veh-gus' and told me all about his haircut by 'Fern the Barber' - inspired by a skyline - and how he got to meet and  assist Robert Cromeans- and I thought - dang it - you guys would want to know.

So here I sit blogging again, eh?

So where are we?  Is Carol singing and tuggin' on her ear, or is she coming out in her fabulous Bob Mackie dress and starting the monologue?

I haven't a clue.

The Winter of my Disconnect

I've been feeling it coming for sometime.

The end of blogging.

I've mentioned it several times.

Now - it's time.

There is no particular rhyme or reason for it - it just feels like the right thing for me to do.

I'm filled with such emotions of gratitude, thankfulness and happiness.

I've met the most incredible people via this olde blog - and one of them just happens to be sitting here right next to me.

Please know how much I appreciate the friendship, care and support you've shown me over the years.

It is and will always be considered one of my life's greatest gifts.

Please know that you can email me anytime, and I will answer.

I've left Facebook, Twitter - and now blogging.  I'm still on Pinterest a couple of minutes a day, but I haven't a clue how to tell you to find me!

If there is anything I can leave you with - it would be to encourage you to:

follow your dreams

don't take no for an answer

realize that you are worth more than you could ever imagine

anything is possible

get out

see things

do things

life is beauty full.