I just wanted to pop in and update y'all -
thank you so much for your concern, support and advice!
I've been taking the Effexor again, and well - all is well.
Does this mean I need it, or does this mean that I was just going through a horrible withdrawal?
I think it was the withdrawal.
My thoughts?
Get off of it - see how I feel - I am literally going to take one tiny grain out the capsule daily - the second day two, the third three, etc...until finally in about 50 days I'm taking one minuscule grain, and then hopefully I'm done. I've been feeling rather ambivalent of late, and I'm thinking that it's the Effexor. I truly don't know what to do at this point.
Glenco wants me off of it. Aaron claims I was more fun off of it. Many of my friends see a remarkable difference in me, saying I'm sitting still and being focused for the first time.
Other friends worry about the toxicity of chemicals, as I do too.
Anyhoo....
Let's talk about turkeys.
Behold the power of Playtex! The chilled, wet, under the weather poult is fine.
However, something - not sure what did get one of the turkey babies.
And then there were three.
Picked up two - week old Rhode Island Reds at the feed store. That was all that was left, and they just looked so lonely and homeless....
Finally processed the seven gallons of sour cherries we picked.
Made juice, cherry fruit roll ups, and jam.
Anyhow...this is my thought for the day. Actually, there was a point to this post - but I did want to update you and thank you...
As I lie in bed the other night, in a sleepless, sweaty stupor - I began to think about a lot of things.
How profound things seem at 1:11am.
I began to think about rejection, fear, lack - all really fear based when you think of it.
I started to think - what if I lived completely free of these things. How would I be different?
What if I decided I would live in abundant love, free from the fear of lack or rejection?
What if I didn't care if someone loved me or liked me? Is it really any of my business what they think of me?
I say nay.
It was right then that I decided that I would love with everything I had - and not worry about it being returned in the same amount, or returned at all.
It was right there that I decided I'd wave and smile to everyone I meet - try to make eye contact and not give a hoot if I got a smile back.
It was right there on that Beautyrest mattress at 1:21 am on an average weekday morning - that I realized that I had nothing to fear - that God, life and the Universe itself was extravagantly, ridiculously, almost embarrassingly abundant.
How dare I think, and yet worse talk and act differently.
This fact of abundance is played out daily in all of it's glory here on these few acres.
A dandelion.
One hen - giving me 300ish eggs a year.
The spewing of maple seeds every spring.
The rapid multiplication of bees in the hives.
One pumpkin, thrown on the compost pile.
It's a beautiful thing.
Til soon...
I agree 100%. I was just thinking of John 10:10 this week, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." Loving abundantly will lead to an abundant life. Think of how satan robs us with fear. I am determined to live the abundant life Jesus came and died for. And we both know this has nothing to do with material possessions. :)
ReplyDeleteIt truly is!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, live a fear free life knowing GOD loves you, He is there for you and you can cast your worries on Him. I learned this 2 years ago and I am better for it. Take each day... day by day. When I gave my life to GOD, the material things of this world seem to fade from me, the only person I cared to please was GOD and my husband. If you then are happy with yourself pleasing those two, then you feel better about yourself and then you do not care what others think about you. I then added family to the mix and a few friends. Close ones that care about me as much as I care about them. That is the key, not to try and please everyone, it will never work, and you will lose YOU in the process.
ReplyDeleteYou may find you do not need the Effexor once you find you dont need to please everyone. I know I am much better for it. I use to try and be all to everyone and give of myself till I had no more to give.
If you look it up, you will see sweating is one adverse reaction to Effexor, once you get off of it, you will see a difference. But if you are menopausal, then you are in that age where those dreaded hot flashes are a part of life, I did find if I took regular tylenol before bed, I did sleep better. Maybe your dr could start you on some hormones, just a low dose to help with osteoporosis that I now have.
Just know many in your life care about you no matter how you act, those are the ones you keep in your life, the others...kick them to the curb.
GOD bless and help ease your cares.
One last thing about the effexor - you really should check with your doc about how to go off of it.
ReplyDeleteblessings
~*~
ps...don't you just love those 1 or 2 am insights?
If you don't like the Effexor, there are many others that might help and yet leave you feeling like yourself. Our brain is based on chemistry and sometimes we are low on something that we need....so keep that in mind.
ReplyDeleteI have been so thrilled this year with growing some fruit on our trees and also a few tomatoes. It's kind of like when I let my broody hens hatch out chicks. Something real and alive springs forth from seemingly nothing....and it's amazing! We're no longer hatching out chicks, but next year I want more of a garden with a variety of veggies. It's a great feeling to grown some food.
Menopause....it's a time when we just may not recognize ourselves and others may not recognize us either. And so just do the best you can.
To titrate off a drug, you usually need to keep at the lower dose for at least a week, but check with your doctor.
ReplyDeletexo
j
Sitting still is highly overrated.
ReplyDeleteI always wake up at 1:11, or if I went to bed early, at 11:11.
I have yet to figure out what it means.
"that God, life and the Universe itself was extravagantly, ridiculously, almost embarrassingly abundant." LOVE IT! And it is absolutely true.
ReplyDeleteI agree, if you haven't talked with the Doc, please do so. We all care about you.
Sending you "Virtual Hugs".
I had a therapist tell me that depression/anxiety could very well be anger directed at oneself. Thanks for sharing yet another inspirational post!
ReplyDeleteYou got it right with this post, Jayme! Your post is honest and real and, ultimately, uplifting. WE are NOT alone is this world- xo Diana
ReplyDeleteWell, hmm...again another post that went right to my heart. I understand your feelings. I have recently found through life that I had the same epiphany. I'm a doer, maybe a bit of a tender heart, and outgoing personality. I give with all my heart and soul. Do we want people to accept, recognize or appreciate us? Of course, we're human and have feelings. We just need not make it our main focus (too self serving). Lately I am humbled by trying to just say hello to a stranger, or maybe for that moment having a quick conversation, or do the smallest good deed for someone. Live your life how it makes you happy, bottomline. I think again, you are going through another new phase in your life and it is daunting at times. Our emotions are definately on a roller coaster ride during this period in our female lives. I don't think too many men feel this as we women do. Try not to overthink things, just take each day as it comes. Sometimes alls I can say is, thank goodness for our little pieces of heaven here on earth. Wherever one finds a place to find peace, meditate and release any burden that might be weighing them. Bottomline, do what makes you happy, I know I would again loved to have been stopping buy to convince you to share a sampling of all that Cherry goodness. You busy bee Jayme! You and the Glenco are so blessed.
ReplyDeleteDebra
Debra
I have been trying to practice the art of loving myself. I came to this thought one day when I asked myself why do I care so much and why am I so sensitive. I feel it's because I truly don't love myself as much as I should. Because if I really did nothing could have that much of an impact.
ReplyDeleteNow having said that hormones to me are like booze you can't be your true self when they get all wonky. I feel like I've been given a hormone roofy sometimes.Truly i feel as if I've been drug-ed when the hormones take over. And When you think about , I have been.Everything is SO much bigger. A lot of women don't understand this but I do for real!!!
You're/we're going to get through this!!! You have done so much to improve your health. i have no doubt that you will find a way to get yourself feeling better. Determination sounds like one of your strongest qualities. So hang in there, enjoy the good days and weather the bad.
I try to recognize when my brain starts telling "the" stories and I feel at least that's a start!!!
Your openness is very much appreciated!!
Karen
I think that you will find that the closer you live to Chicago, that most people do have horse blinders on. I realized this working in the loop in the 90s. People are invisible, and if you wave or smile you will either be glanced at or ignored. I realized I have a guard up as well when I stayed in Kentucky for a year. The people are nicer, kinder, and I feel my walls drop whenever Im there. Nothing against Chicago btw, I just think its city life in general, the more something is around you, the less you notice it, which applies to people too I suppose.
ReplyDeleteJayme, we are all blessed with so much but we don't see it. It is the simple things in life that are the most important. That, and family and friends and you are the richest person in the world.
ReplyDelete