Friday, April 11, 2014

A Fly By Post

I believe this with all my heart - and my heart, as most of you know - is so deeply planted in home.
I find it a spiritual practice to mop, wash windows and prepare meals.
These are important things - things that bring order and routine into our lives.
Things that bring comfort and security to our family.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

It's been challenging for me to be as occupied (I avoid the B word at all costs) with all the things I find myself occupied with - and the fact that my pea seeds are still resting somewhat comfortably on my desk fills my chest with a tightness that only getting my hands in the soil will ease.

Now is the time to prioritize and discipline myself - and neither of those have been strong points in my life - I live by the winds of moods baby - and sometimes it serves me quite well.
And at other times - it certainly does not.
Today I ache to eat cheeseccake for lunch, and scrape and paint the eaves.
Not a very good plan.

Working away from home for the better part of four days a week, at this time of the year - along with the extraction plan for my sister, and the installation of the bees, and the garden beds just begging to be tended - let's just say has been slightly trying.  To those of you that work away from the home 8 hours or more a day, come home and cook, clean, wipe fevered brows, love your husbands, and find time for yourself - you are my hero.

Today is my day off and my hair is haphazardly tied on the top of my head, my breasts are free wheeling it, and I'm still in my pjs.  My housework is done, the clothesline is full, and I'm as happy as a glamper outside washing windows and setting up the back porch with high hopes of ridiculous amounts of flowers filling the containers very soon.  The bees have been checking me out, the frogs are singing a song of joy in the pond, the grass has decided to green up, the girls are proudly proclaiming the laying of eggs - and I - I am in my glory.

I just wanted to stop by and say hi.
I ran in for the pea seeds.

: -)

Friday, April 4, 2014

The Last Word

I really, really dislike the word 'busy'.
It's a word I used to hide behind a lot.
It's the new 'I'm fine'.
How are you?
If we aren't careful - we find our worth in that four letter word.

With that being said....
This might be it for a bit.

The train is about to leave the station.

I'm not sure how much time I'll have for blogging for the next few months, but if I know myself at all - I'm sure I'll be here more than I think I will - it's a place of solace for me.

Recently, I've had thoughts about 'the last word'.
I live with an 18 year old boy that really likes having it.
: -)
And he happens to live with a 52 year old woman that has grown quite fond of having it.

I realize now that the one that is silent is truly the one that has the last word.
Think about it.

The bees arrive tomorrow.  I can't believe it - the weather isn't optimal at all.

I have 100 heirloom tomatoes plants growing in my basement.
The spring rains have begun and the basement is, shall we say 'compromised'.

Glenda, Me, Cindy (Aaron's mom)
I'm moving my sister (not Aaron's mom) and her husband from an apartment in 
Chicago to an apartment here in 
Crown Point, IN.
They are walking out with the clothes on their backs.
I hesitated to tell you why - but I'll just say it - 
bed bugs.
They've been in what I call a 'Ralph Cramden' apartment for years.
My brother in law is disabled, and neither of them drive - so they have stayed in a very poor area of Chicago far too long.  They've been fighting bed bugs for 8 mos, and it's not getting better
The apartment building is infested.

I've been busy as a one armed wallpaper hanger accumulating everything you could possibly need to live.
Soup to nuts.  Oh if I'd only known this would be happening when I started decluttering!
My beloved enclosed front porch is a storage pod at the moment. 
 Mattresses, dishes, you name it, it's out there.
I found them a nice place here in Crown Point where she can be pretty self sufficient - walking a block or two to whatever it is she'll need.

She has no idea I'm planning of working her like a rented mule in the garden this summer.

Because my sister has been in a bad, sad situation for so long, my goal is to set her entire apartment up for her, have chili simmerin' on the stove, cornbread baking in the oven - and she comes 'home'. 
You don't need a thing - here it is - you are home.
I want the apartment completely cleaned, set up and decorated.
If I'm honest - I have to tell you - I'm having an absolute ball doing it!
My friends have been so generous to me, I can't get over how quickly it's all coming together.

I'll be honest in saying that I'm flat freaked out even to go into her apartment to collect her. 
I actually bought a disposable painter's outfit.
We have to empty her old apartment to the dumpster.
Help me.

The chickens are laying eggs like nobody's business.
I've begun selling them, and I'm proud to say that I've made a whopping $4.00 profit this month.

My last chicken seemed funnier in my head.  
I've begun decluttering and cleaning for people - truly a passion of mine - and now - I'm working four days a week, and turning people down.  Interesting.  
As soon as I let the whole idea of working go - this rather blossomed.
But for now - it's a good thing, and it feels like what I'm supposed to do.
I'm saving one day of the week for me like my life depended on it - cause it rather does!
Friday is soul day.  A day for me.  Hiking, thrifting, napping, reading, whatever my big heart desires.

So I feel a bit busy.
That - and I'm really struggling with the Whole30.
I really can't even talk about that subject at the moment.
I also need to get myself to Missouri to visit my sister - she is ill.
Say a little prayer for Viv.

The lovely thing is that these are all wonderful things to be busy about - passions of my heart - things that make a difference in people's lives.
Ain't get no better.
When a women I'm helping unclutter her home cries and hugs me?
That feels pretty good my friend.

The very bestest news is that even in the flurry I'm keeping my peace, finding my center, breathing and taking time for me.

Aaron is highlighting my hair as I type, and I've got a hot date with Glenco and Kevin Spacey on the couch at 8pm tonight.


Monday, March 31, 2014

March Monday Musings

There's sure signs that a scenario such as this one may be a possibility in the future.
I do declare that this has been the longest winter in the history of time.
It's been the kind of winter that wears your hopes thin.
The kind of winter that beats you down, and  the color green, or any color for that matter is but a faint memory.  You swear you saw it at one time, or maybe it was just all a dream.

Just in the last few days, my hope has been restored.
The cleansing rains are about to begin, and there is a real tangible feel to the air that I will indeed be able to enjoy life outside these four walls once again.

What my mind is most wrestling with now is balancing the excitement of the season without the dread of the physical work. 

 It gets to be a bit much, and if I'm not careful - it all seems like this giant mental boulder that must be picked up at once - instead of a pile of gravel that can be easily managed by one stone at a time.

May is an explosion of activity.
The chickens, the bees, the garden.
Oh. My.

But - it's still technically March - so why is my head in May?

Because May rocks..that's why.
God help me live in the moment.

God help me live in the March and the April, and not
 long for May, nor dread the work that May brings.

God help me be as happy today as I am in May.
God help me not worry about May in March.
God help me not to worry about May in May.

God help me find rest in the midst of the storm of activity.
God help me not miss the beauty of each Spring day.
God help me.
God help.

God help me and my dear blog friends as we struggle with life's uncertainties
God help me and my dear blog friends as we struggle thinking we need to be perfect in every way.

God give us strength as we -much like baby chicks are so fragile, and struggle to find our place in the pecking order.
God give us strength, as we - much like the bees - work so hard, strive so hard - and sometimes it seems that our colony collapses.
God give us strength, as we - much like the garden - work so hard to be beautiful and fruitful in the midst of drought, floods, storms, and the insects of life.

Thank you for the hope of Spring.
Thank you for the hope of fresh starts.
Thank you for do overs.
Thank you that it's never too late.

Thank you for the clean slate of a new season.
A new day.
A new hour.
A new moment.
A new breath.
Thank you.

And thank you blog readers for being here.
You are each such a gift to me.

It's a new dawn, it's a new day -
and I'm feelin' good. 


Monday, March 24, 2014

Don't Dick with the Curry

Good Mornin'!

I've not got a lick of business even being up on the computer.  I'm still in my pj's with rice baking in the oven, laundry going, and Emeril's Vegetarian Chili recipe simmering on the stove - and I only have about 2 hours before I have to get out of here for the day. 

Today is my Cooking Club - the theme is vegetarian, and honestly, I have no idea what, if anything I'm going to eat there.
Meat is ONE thing that I can have right now!

I really don't like that kind of attention drawn to m'self.
I really don't.

Anyhoo - it's been a super busy weekend, and it's going to be a really busy week.
I've got that 'stressed out' feel that I haven't felt in sometime.
I've got new bees coming next week, I have about 200 tomato plants under grow lights that need to be transplanted, and I've said 'yes' about 7 times too many lately to misc. things.
Don't tell anyone around here, cause they might hang me if I said this out loud - I'm a bit glad it's still bone cold out - it gives me more time to get things done inside that I need to do.
: -)
I have hopes of being this great blogger - responding to each and every comment, blogging in a coherent manner - I'm here to tell ya - I don't see that happening anytime soon.
I honestly don't know how people do it.

I just wanted to check in and let you know - 

Day 6-bring it.
I'm still Whole 30'n it.
Dashed are my hopes of taking photos of all my food - I really should have known better.
I've gotten myself way too busy again, and I can't imagine having the time to do something like that.

Here's someone that has though -

Yesterday was tough, and in fact - I needed reinforcements with me at the grocery story.
Glenco had to go with me to make sure I didn't rape the Easter candy aisle.
I felt weak yesterday - started another menstrual cycle.
I'm getting them every two weeks now - is that the way it gets near the end?

I kept thinking of how fabulous it would feel for sugar to bathe my brain.
Peeps would soothe my soul, and jelly beans would calm the anxiety.
If I had Cadbury eggs I could breeze through my to do list with a smile on my face.

I know some of y'all think I'm a bit off my noodle for doing this - that I just need to moderate, yadda yadda.

I'm not going to eat 'this way' forever - but I'm just ding dong determined to eat this way for 30 days.
I highly doubt I'll go back to grains or dairy - maybe on occassion - and I'll be putting honey in my tea, and I'm hoping against hope that after 30 days somehow my brain and my relationship with food is reset in a way that I CAN just let intuition be my guide when it comes to food.

Right now my intuition is held hostage by sugar, much like Captain Phillips was on the Maersk Alabama.

Honestly - I'm getting mighty tired of it even being an issue in my life.
30 days.
I can do this.

Here's a recipe for you today - it's been a favorite of mine for a while - and it's Whole30 compliant - everyone that I've served this loves it!

~taco bowl

I'll leave you with this - a Facebook status from Thursday when I picked up Aaron from the airport.
(there's talk around the homestead of him moving to Houston by year's end - I don't want to talk about it)

Have a wonderful day - and please let me know if you are still Whole30'n it.  I'm sorry I can't be more present at the moment - but rest assured I think of you all as I fight through the cravings.  Truly, knowing you are doing the same, gives me strength.

Working on not letting things ruffle me - but staying in a state of peace at all times. 

Today - when I dumped a gallon sized Ziploc of frozen blueberries on the kitchen floor minutes before I needed to leave - I kept my peace.

As I cleaned them up with a gimp arm, and they were - I kept my peace.

When I was approached by a policeman with his sirens on at O'Hare Airport for being parked where I shouldn't be - I kept my peace.

When I couldn't find my nephew at said airport - I kept my peace.

When I accidentally took I 90 from the airport because I was distracted talking to said nephew - and snaked all.the.way through Chicago going 6 miles an hour - I kept my peace (for the most part)

When I came home ravenous and realized I didn't have the diced tomatoes for the recipe I was making - I kept my peace.

When I opened my spice drawers and found that someone was dicking around and misfiled the curry - I no longer kept my peace.

There's only so much a girl can take in one day. : -)

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Choose Your Hard

Just a quick check in for today - I have quite a few things to do before my day is done today.
Aaron's been in Houston for a few days and I have to leave soon to pick him up from the airport - and my shoulder bursitis/tendonitis flared up again (interesting, isn't it?  It hadn't given me a BIT of grief when I ate clean, and now - doing nothing out of the ordinary - I had a terrible flare up) and I literally haven't been able to move my arm - and have even needed assistance in the potty.  This morning - it's 50% better so the last thing I feel like doing at the moment is being on the computer.  I can move my arm again!

I have to say - after the last couple of blogs - I've felt so vulnerable and just wanted to crawl in the corner and hide.  My finger hovered over 'delete blog' a few times.  
But naked I came into the world, and naked I'll go out - so I might as well remain naked while I'm here.

Day 1.
Who's still with me?

I had three slices of local bacon, two eggs scrambled with some peppers, onion and spinach - and a cup of black tea for breakfast.  I put a touch of coconut milk in my tea - and well - I'm not sure what I think of that.

Dinner tonight will be the Pakistani Kima that I rave about all the time, and lunch is going to be a grilled chicken salad.  

I needed to keep today easy.

What are you having?

Have you gotten the book yet?
Have you been on the Whole 30 website?
The Whole 30 Facebook page?
All great resources.

We can do this.
Here's a timeline of what to expect.
: -)

Photo: #Whole30'er @finallyaliveafter25 finds motivation in the most often-quoted line of the entire program.

As my Coach David Greenwalt always said - 'Choose Your Hard' - ya, this is kinda tough - especially at first - but you know what else is tough?  Feeling miserable.  Not living up to your potential.  
I'm choosing my hard.