Thursday, August 20, 2015

A Little Sumpin' Sumpin'



The autumn winds are blowing up in here today - and it's got me half crazy feeling with the thoughts of apple butter, mums and pumpkins.  I know, I know - it's August 20th - but I'm hankering for a Pumpkin Spice Latte like nobody's business.

What is it that creates such a frenzy in my heart for fall?
I'm literally aching to get my hands on yarn...

But...alas...this is the Year of the Mallow.

Take a gander here - 


I reckon the editor of the paper had a s'more at one of the markets, and I got a call...
how fun is this?

I feel really humbled, and oh so grateful today.
I'm doing a couple of markets in Fort Wayne and South Bend, and I heard from a couple of you darlings - so excited that I'm coming that way - and it just warmed my heart SO much - and it made me remember the days that I sat here pecking away at these very keys - sharing my heart and soul with y'all, and oh how I remember those days with such fondness! I just know in my knower those days will be here again, sooner than later.

But for now - I check the weather, make mallows, load up the Heep and do markets.
I'm up to five markets a week now.
I know.
It's utter ridiculousness - but it's just for a few more weeks, and then the markets start dropping off.
My next real day off is Dec. 15th, and I'm okay with that. 
I dog-eared this year for all of this - and I will finish what I started. 
I'm enjoying it all as much as I am not - if that makes any sense at all.
For every achy tired bone - there is a blessing.
My heart is filled with wonder at the people I've met.  
I hope that I can write all the stories out sometime this winter.

At times I question myself, and wonder if I've gone completely batty - by doing this - but then I remember 'the goal'.  The goal of debt free living.  It's been so elusive for us since Glenco's hours were cut a few years back.  Oh - and don't it just be figuring that he's been doing overtime since I started all of this mallow madness?

And so that just proves my theory.
I have absolutely no control over anything but my thoughts, actions, attitudes and reactions.

I saw this and thought it was awesome...

Money won't make you happy quotes

I still have a very unrealistic image in my head of life - of a time in my life when I can say 'I'm done'.
I'm done with the house.
I'm done with the garden.
I'm out of debt.
I'm done working on myself.
I'm done.

I think the light is finally turning on in my brain that the day I'm done is the day I enter eternal rest - and will I?  For those of you that really know me - you laugh at the thought - me, resting....I'll get to heaven with me sleeves rolled up looking for something to do I will!

As it is now - I long, and I do mean long - I LONG to clean the house!  I look at my stove and refrigerator with a lustful feeling inside - imagining the day I have the time to give them a proper deep cleaning.   I long to restore order.  I long to simmer soup and press pillow cases again.

It's hard to believe it's nearing September - and I'm welcoming it with open arms.  
Live life open my friends.
Open arms.
Open hearts.
Open minds.
Forgive yourself - over and over.
Stay present - find something beautiful in the ordinary - 

and realize the absolute truth of this statement:

If you want to be happy.
Be.

I miss you all!  I responded to all of your comments from the last post - in the comment section...

Til soon..

Jayme
MallowMaster
(and slave)


Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Things I Miss Today


 I'm up way late in the night - and I'm not sure why - I'm most definitely ready to sleep - but I just wanted some me time me thinks.

I've been finding myself quite nostalgic today.
Missing many things.
Life is so different this year - and that's okay - but I'm seeing more and more clearly that I really had the life I wanted - and dadgum it, I want it back!

I miss you guys.  I miss my drivel.
I miss sharing my life with you.
I miss sharing my trials, my triumphs, my conclusions, and just my little corner of the world in general.

I really, really, really miss my garden.
I'm shocked at how left untended for such a short period of time, things quickly go south.
This applies to many areas - our relationships, our health, our homes, and our gardens!

All the following pictures were taken when the garden was tended regularly.





I miss having time to sit in the garden and read - and have my hair arranged so nicely with baby birds in it!  I miss nurturing things.  People, plants, animals....
 


I miss telling you things like 'oh, I have 19 chickens now - two roo's - one Copper Maran - who rules the roost - a fine proud bird that is kind-ish to the other  rooster - a Black Barred - who is so lovely and gentle...

I've so wanted to tell you about HopSing - the crippled bird that I have - and the lesson that I learned from her - that sometimes helping hurts - and some people and things are just better left alone.



I really, really miss knitting, and yarn, and needles.
I also miss this scarf.
I lost it this Spring!  It was so much friggin' work too.
: -)
 


I miss having time to be ridiculous...

 

I miss having time to wash my dishes and meditate whilst I do.

 

I miss this...



Oh and I miss these pants!
They were some of my favorite pants, but now - well - let's not talk about it!
 



I miss my bees - they just all up and left a couple of months ago - the yard seems quiet without them.
I'm certain I'll get them again...


 I miss my sister - nearly gone a year now - the reality is impossible to grasp, she doesn't seem gone to me - and really she isn't...til soon Vivvie...


 I miss outside.  I miss taking the time to gaze upon the outdoors.


I freaking miss my ducks.  Maude and Claude.
I know Claude has gone on to the great big pond in the sky - but Maude?  Where she be?  There's a nesting pair of mallards that return every Spring now - and they come oddly close to the house - I believe it could be her.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UxIXpkPpM3I/TBL_ixWm5RI/AAAAAAAADQs/GShYZYdr0i4/s1600/IMG_7029.JPG
 

I miss hours spent meandering greenhouses...



 I miss the smell of my camper - The Squirrel - I miss padding out there barefoot on a gorgeous night like this one - sleeping out under the stars with the frogs singing and the fireflies flitting -


 I miss typing here and figuring out what I think and I believe as the cursor blinks on - 
I miss you guys.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-N5elW2zbRmE/TH5_-bSLQDI/AAAAAAAAG7g/ivg2icQFvq8/s1600/i-have-nothing-to-say.gif

I cannot say it enough - I miss my garden!

 

Don't hate - but I'm almost hoping that this comes sooner than later...

Snow.  Frost.
At least then the garden and it's demise will be out of my control...

 

Now it's not all gloom and doom - nay - it's actually all very good.
I've set a goal for this year - and I do believe I'll reach it - and then I am scaling WAY WAY back - no more three and four markets a week - no more every week - nope - just here and there - and whatever makes me happy.  It's just this year that I'm sacrificing so much.  I've met the most incredible people and I'm learning so much.  Learning what is truly important to me - learning what hard work really is. 

You know - I've never really had much in the way of material wealth - but looking back at my old blog posts from years past, I realize I was the richest girl in the world.
What an enormous blessing to realize that.

Til soon...


Monday, July 6, 2015

Life






My life is marshmallows.
I make marshmallows.
I check the weather.
I make marshmallows.
I check the weather.

Three outdoor markets a week - and now heading to Chicago once a month for the Randolph Street Market.

I'm happy - tired - excited - tired - driven -tired - grateful - tired
and missing all of you.

I have a goal in sight, and it looks like I'm going to make it!

Do you know that sometimes I just log on here and read your old comments from a year ago?

I do.

I miss y'all - until I have time to write again you can find me here...


Have a wonderful summer!

xo

Sunday, May 10, 2015

On Mothering

I awoke this morning in an off mood.
Nothing in particular - more tired than anything.

Two Farmer's Markets a week - the struggle is real y'all.
I'm a tired (but very happy!) girl.



I have to keep reminding myself that I'm my own boss - and I can arrange my schedule anyway I'd like to - but apparently I'm 'that' boss - and choose to work myself to a nub on a regular basis.

So this morning comes, and it's Mother's Day - I'm fraught with several emotions.
My mother is gone.
I'm not a real mother.

Or - at least that's what my brain wanted to inform my heart of  at 7:02 this morning.

So let's sort out the truth.

My mother indeed did pass away nearly 15 years ago - or 12 years ago - or?
(I think - see, this is the memory loss I told you about.  
I can't remember - I'd have to look it up to know)

But is she gone?
No.
She is not.

Case in point - look at this photo:



She is right here, with me always.
Her smile.
Her hair.
Her love of holding livestock.
:-)
She's here.
Her generous spirit still guides me, gives me strength and hope.

And then there's that whole 'see you on the other side' kind of promise we have here that takes the whole sting out of death.

As far as my brain telling me I'm not a mother?
Poppycock!

I am too - heck, my business is even named Mother Wilma's!

I've had the most high honor of sharing in the mothering of this young man:




And if THIS isn't mothering....




I don't know what is!

In fact, I mother everything and everyone.
Except Glenco.
Be careful not to mother your husbands ladies.

I really do hope you know you don't have to accept every thought that your brain tries to tell you.
You could live a pretty crappy life if you allow those shenanigans.

Once my heart told my brain what to think - I was in just a fine mood.
Realizing I'm blessed beyond measure, I thought I might just take a moment to think about what kind of 'mother' I really am.  

I have absolutely no expectations on Aaron today for Mother's Day.  I expect no gifts, no attention.  I want him to do what would make him happy today.  I want him to know that I think the world of him - I want him to know that I'm so danged proud of him.  I want him to know that I try not to worry about him, but instead trust that he can take care of himself, and trust his decisions - and know that I've been loving and supportive enough that he knows I'm always here for him if he needs me.

I want to be the kind of mother that is gentle with her words.  Not critical.  Always loving.  I want to plant seeds in his heart of joy, hope, love, wonder, caring, abundance and peace.  I don't ever want him to feel the obligation to call me, visit me, or spend time with me.  I want him to want to do that.  I'm over the moon that he does want that.

So, on a day that honors mothers, my heart seeks to be honorable.
I hope you seek that too.



Tuesday, April 28, 2015

This



Today Aaron was here for a bit, pulling some things out of storage - and this picture was one of them.  I still believe this is one of the best photos I've ever taken - it was a little point and shoot camera.  It was the best camera I ever did have.
It was a complete fluke - I just saw those corkscrew curls and captured them.

Aaron.

Three days from the big move.
To Chicago.
His own apartment.
Lease signing.
U-Haul renting.
Couch shopping.
Grown up stuff.

Wasn't this photo taken just last week?


I'll spare you the 'oh how time flies' schtick.

But I will tell you - these were, and remain some of the best days of my life.
The BoyChild.
Homeschooling.
  Blogging.




Pouring my life into his.
He's been the greatest gift to me.
Like.
Ever.


 This morning he got up for work - went and vacuumed his car out - came home and sewed a button on his shirt and ironed it.
I still remember the day that he came in for school and I cut all the buttons off of 
his shirt and taught him how to sew them back on.  
And iron.
And cook.

I'm so glad I've taught him all these things.
He talks about having me over for dinner now, and growing herbs on his patio.
He's 19.
I'm so proud of him, I can barely stand it.


As much as I miss these days, and look back on them with such great fondness, hope holds me prisoner as I believe that even greater days await!
I'm loving the adult relationship that we share now.

He's moving out in three days.
I'm really - really okay with it.
Really.
:-)