I awoke this morning in an off mood.
Nothing in particular - more tired than anything.
Two Farmer's Markets a week - the struggle is real y'all.
I'm a tired (but very happy!) girl.
I have to keep reminding myself that I'm my own boss - and I can arrange my schedule anyway I'd like to - but apparently I'm 'that' boss - and choose to work myself to a nub on a regular basis.
So this morning comes, and it's Mother's Day - I'm fraught with several emotions.
My mother is gone.
I'm not a real mother.
Or - at least that's what my brain wanted to inform my heart of at 7:02 this morning.
So let's sort out the truth.
My mother indeed did pass away nearly 15 years ago - or 12 years ago - or?
(I think - see, this is the memory loss I told you about.
I can't remember - I'd have to look it up to know)
But is she gone?
She is not.
Case in point - look at this photo:
She is right here, with me always.
Her love of holding livestock.
Her generous spirit still guides me, gives me strength and hope.
And then there's that whole 'see you on the other side' kind of promise we have here that takes the whole sting out of death.
As far as my brain telling me I'm not a mother?
I am too - heck, my business is even named Mother Wilma's!
I've had the most high honor of sharing in the mothering of this young man:
And if THIS isn't mothering....
I don't know what is!
In fact, I mother everything and everyone.
Be careful not to mother your husbands ladies.
I really do hope you know you don't have to accept every thought that your brain tries to tell you.
You could live a pretty crappy life if you allow those shenanigans.
Once my heart told my brain what to think - I was in just a fine mood.
Realizing I'm blessed beyond measure, I thought I might just take a moment to think about what kind of 'mother' I really am.
I have absolutely no expectations on Aaron today for Mother's Day. I expect no gifts, no attention. I want him to do what would make him happy today. I want him to know that I think the world of him - I want him to know that I'm so danged proud of him. I want him to know that I try not to worry about him, but instead trust that he can take care of himself, and trust his decisions - and know that I've been loving and supportive enough that he knows I'm always here for him if he needs me.
I want to be the kind of mother that is gentle with her words. Not critical. Always loving. I want to plant seeds in his heart of joy, hope, love, wonder, caring, abundance and peace. I don't ever want him to feel the obligation to call me, visit me, or spend time with me. I want him to want to do that. I'm over the moon that he does want that.
So, on a day that honors mothers, my heart seeks to be honorable.
I hope you seek that too.