It continues.
Life - you win.
I broke a molar in half - or quarters. It's hard to tell.
Tomorrow I see the dentist.
Which is ok - cause there's gas there, and for a few precious moments I'll be high as a kite.
Today, the Dr. called with the results of my pap smear.
Endometrial cells were found.
I have to go back and have another probing.
I must say - this last pap smear - done by my Nurse Practitioner - who I feel is like a friend to me - has made me a bit awkward feeling.
I feel like we got drunk and acted in appropriately.
I can't make eye contact.
She gave me a rectal exam.
She assured me today that endometrial cells usually do not mean cancer.
It's just - ugh - the biopsies and the ultrasounds.
Anyhow - the pap smear she gave me was so vigorous, I am surprised it wasn't lung cells instead of endometrial cells.
I'm sure it's nothing - I mean - it has to be nothing.
That's what we always say to ourselves, and yet - I find myself wistfully looking out the window thinking -
What if?
What if it's me this time - not a friend of a friend, or a distant cousin, or the next door neighbor?
But - I'm sure it's nothing.
Here's a baby turkey to take our mind off such things...
Baby chicks for good measure.
: -)
I just wanted to say - that with all of this going on, and the Effexor withdrawal, I'm just not sure when I'm going to be back here -
Summer is just flying by isn't it?
I want to go to the beach.
I want to hike.
I want to sleep in the camper and read books and eat blueberries.
I want to snap beans and watch chickens peck.
I want my ovaries to stop hurting and my brain to re-attach itself to the spinal cord.
(my brain feels loose from Effexor withdrawals.)
Until later my dear, dear friends...
Follow me on Facebook if you want -
Jayme Dorsey
To be continued...
Good grief. I'd have just shot myself by now!
ReplyDeleteGood luck, Jayme. Oh, and have fun at the beach!!
Ugh, my heart goes out to you. This can't be easy. I will keep up with you on FB and will say a prayer (or two!) for you as well. Hang in there kiddo... I'm sure it's nothing.
ReplyDeleteThe chicks and turkey are SO cute! They made me smile!
Thinking good thoughts your way Jayme :) You always lift my spirits wishing I could lift yours. Just know there are a ton of us out here in blog land wishing for you to feel whole again. YOu are worth it Feel Better:)
ReplyDeleteJayme, I am praying for you. Please be strong and positive. Lots of us care about you. xoxo,Susie
ReplyDeleteMy caring Jayme . . . Good gracious, too much for one person . . . No more, no more . . . Only good, great, wonderful days from now on!
ReplyDeleteWow Jayme, when it rains it pours... So sorry you are going through all of this right now - I'm sending good thoughts your way!!
ReplyDeleteThere are times like that in life, who knows why? Things just get piled on until you just feel it's way more than enough. And then, one day, it gets easier again. That will happen for you too. I just know it.
ReplyDeleteAnd may I just say, CUTE turkey!!!!
Hugs!
ReplyDeleteOh gracious, that little turkey.....so unexpected it made me laugh!! Hang in there jayme.....getting old is the pits. i kind of know what you're feeling, had to go through a "closer look" mammogram earlier this year and tons of dental work that was unexpected. will send prayers your way to stay strong through all of this.
ReplyDeleteMust be hard... I totally get how you want to "do stuff", do some living, and just "be".... I wish for you that tranquility of heart and mind.... Peace and love to you.....
ReplyDeleteWhat Kathi said!
ReplyDeleteI never knew a turkey could look intelligent until I saw this photo of your turkey!
Sending peace and love...
Stay positive! You are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteOh goodness Jayme!
ReplyDeleteStill, the baby turkey IS gorgeous!
Take care girl x
I feel for you, I really do. Last year was one of those years to me, the kind never to be repeated and hurts to even look back on. This year not so great but it will never be like last year. So hide and relax in your squirrel, watch your chickens peck and omg love on those baby turkeys because gosh they just are too cute!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you my friend!
ReplyDeletejan
First this "I feel like we got drunk and acted in appropriately.
ReplyDeleteI can't make eye contact". That cracked me up. Now on the serious side I am thinking about you and sending good vibes your way.
Miss Jayme, that list of "want to do's" is a fantastic way to take care of yourself... the ovaries and withdrawal portion will come. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteJayme --- Thank you for making the effort to write this post. Bodies get scary as we get older, don't they? But with age, we also find the rhythm of things... things get tough, but then some easier times come along.
ReplyDeleteAnd to look into a young turkey's eye --- makes any day a little more sweet.
Good vibes aimed in your direction .
Lauren
Praying for you!
ReplyDelete-julia (former LLU student) in WA state
Jayme,
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear you're going thru a difficult time. I know that road. Praying for you that all will be well.
Joanie (from Michigan)
You probably have endometriosis, or however it's spelled, which would make sense considering all the period problems your having. That part of your life will all be behind you soon. Jayme, I wish you had a Jayme. (Does that even make sense?) You are an important part of my life, and I'm a happier person because of you. I care about you.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness girl!! Now the tooth thang????
ReplyDeleteI just know that I know, something extraordinarily wonderful
is coming your way.
I'm staying tuned with your posts and awaiting to read all about it.
You're amazing how you get me laughing and then touching me to a verge
of tears with your writings of your posts.
Take care...Hang in there!
Thinking of you, Jayme. It's so hard to wait for answers, I know! xo
ReplyDeleteYou are a strong woman. You will be able to handle whatever comes along. Many of us think you have such a wonderful life. You have so many interests and activities going on all the time. Hope we hear from you again real soon.... and those little chicks and turkeys are absolutely adorable.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to tell you something that may sound drastic, but with your feminine problems this may be the answer. I had a hysterectomy when I was in my forties. They asked me if I wanted my ovaries taken also and I said sure, why not, two for one. I didn't grow hair all over my body, I totally missed menopause and never regretted it. I told everyone I was the poster child for hysterectomies. So, I am telling you just get it all out. Surely at this age you would never even contemplate having a baby and you aren't less feminine because of not having your uterus and ovaries. I felt even more feminine. And NO MORE PERIODS. It's a win, win. Talk to your doctor about it. I don't even take hormones and it's been fourteen years. And I don't worry about getting ovarian cancer which is a leading killer of women. I hope I haven't scared you. Just wanted you to know it's not the end of your womanhood if you get it done.
ReplyDeleteOh Jayme (sad face)..I'm surprised you didn't post a picture of a dark cloud, as it seems like that is what you seem to have over you. Ugh! All this girlie stuff..not fun. Getting older is something I am trying to still embrace daily. Each day is still a blessing I know, but when we have a bit of medical concerns, well, it can get a bit overwhelming. Your chick and turkey pics are wonderful and I am not gonna lie, that last pic is making me drool. The beach? Ugh!! I wish I lived where your at. Its gotta be an easy enough drive over to lower Michigan, to take in a relaxing day at the beach. I'm still trying to convince my husband to bail on this state and retire to lower Michigan when it comes time, who knows. I love the lake. So many wonderful vacations in past years in Michigan. There is nothing more soothing to the soul than to have your toes in the sand, hear the waves and get lost in a good book or just daydreaming. Praying for better days ahead Jaymes.
ReplyDeleteDebra
Tend to little ole you Jayme and take gentle care......when you need a little 'back & forth' conversation this crowd will be a'waiting to share an encouraging word over you. Priority One ='s Y.O.U. Prepare for better days ahead Jayme....we've got your back!!
ReplyDeleteBarbra
I hope you get good news.....I know what it is to have that what if....don't go there unless you have to....
ReplyDeleteWe can't help the "What ifs." I sweated out a breast biopsy after watching a friend die from breast cancer. It is just scary. Positive thoughts for you getting good news!
ReplyDeletePraying all goes well Jaymster. . . the beach, the beach. . . spend as much time there as you can, it's heaven. . . I go every chance I get, you'll find peace there right now. . . I agree with Debra "There is nothing more soothing to the soul than to have your toes in the sand, hear the waves and get lost in a good book or just daydreaming." prayers going up my friend ((((jaymie)))
ReplyDeleteI missed this post- I am praying for you -to have it be "nothing" and to give you peace of mind as you deal with this-xo Diana
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing so openly in doing so you life is encouraging others. You really do have a gift for writing. I would love to follow you on facebook but I can't find you. :(
ReplyDeleteWhen it rains; it pours . . . sorry to hear of your physical "hiccups" :-/. I'm sending prayers your way . . . we've so enjoyed your clever words and thoughts, now your "cyber friends" are surrounding you with our love and concern. Hope every day you feel a little better! We need you, Jayme. Take it easy and don't concentrate on anything but yourself. Let everything else slip a way until you're feeling 100 percent again. {{{hugs}}} ~Patysue
ReplyDelete