Worry

We are supposed to get nine inches of glorious snow today.

I'm having breakfast with a dear friend and marketing guru.

We are going to talk about bring Spring Chicken Serum to the masses.

After that - I'm coming home to hunker in my chair with Acai Berry tea and answer emails.

I'll watch the snow fall from my western window.

I can think of nothing that will give me greater pleasure!

Hot tea, snow, quilts and cats - and a clean inbox.

Amen.

In case I computer myself out today and don't blog for a few days - I wanted to tell you - the burger remains the same.  It's harder - but there are no signs of mold or spoilage.

The scariest part to me is that there is absolutely no odor.

No odor. 

Nada. 

It doesn't smell like anything.

Today's post is about worry.

I don't do it anymore.

I gave it up in December of 2010.

I made up the acronym:

W hen

O bstacles

R eally

R uffle

Y ou

I was a champion worrier - and in fact, one of my very first blog posts were written about how much I worry.

I felt like being a worrier was being a responsible adult.

I worried about money, the lack of it, the health of my loved ones, what I'd make for supper, what I'd eat for supper, what I'd wear.

Are the chickens cold?  What if the bees don't overwinter?  What if Aaron grows up to be a bum?  What if Glen dies before me?  What if I get cancer?

What if I never find the right fabric for those curtains I want?

Who's going to take care of us when we are old?

You get the idea.

I realized that I was spending all of today's energy on tomorrow's fears.

And strangely enough - those fears never really materialized.

What pushed me over the edge worrying was when Aaron - a straight A home school student went to high school and nearly flunked out.

I was on his school web account numerous times a day.

Emailing his teachers.

Sending Aaron messages about missing assignments.

Talking to Aaron everyday -

"I see you are missing three Algebra assignments - make sure you catch up on them".

I was driving myself insane as well as him!

On December 2, 2010 - I was physically sick with worry.

Doubled over - I'm being honest.

I felt completely out of control.

I put my foot down and decided to never worry again.

I realized that if I were truly minding my own danged business - I'd have precious little to actually worry about.

For three months I fought thoughts on a minute by minute basis.

I imagined a bouncer being at the door of my brain - he was a big beefy fellow too - and I'd think something - and he'd have to see if 'it was on the list' of acceptable thoughts.

The dude was working overtime.

Some thoughts tried over and over and over to get in.

They finally gave up.

Once in a while - they come around again - but are quickly 'bounced'.

I have to say I'm pretty carefree.

I haven't looked at Aaron's grades in over a year.

You know what?

I don't care.

This may come as a terrible shock to many of you - and many of you may think I'm completely wrong - but it's what I had to do.

I ask him things like -

"Are you doing your best?"

"Do you need any help with anything?"

"Have you been suspended?"

And if he's NOT doing his best?

How in the sam hill can I do anything about that?

Can I force his hand to his paper?

Can I force him to study?

That's the thing - what can you truly control?

You.

You can control what you eat - when you go to bed - how you spend your time, and you can control your thoughts.

And I'm tellin' ya sister - you start getting your thoughts under control - you are going to cultivate one beautiful life for yourself!

I tell myself what I'm going to think now - I don't let random, negative thoughts fall from the sky and control me. 

Thoughts control emotions, and thoughts will eventually become your actions.

The  MOMENT I start to lose my peace anymore - it alerts me that I'm thinking something I shouldn't be.

And doesn't life continually dole out situations that make you lose your peace?

Amen.

The last 'test' I had was right after Christmas.

I had bought a rug for the living room - it was on clearance and I adored it.

Thought it was going to be perfect.

I used some Christmas money I had received as a gift.

Opened a store credit card to purchase the rug because I would save even more, with the plan on closing the account the moment I got the bill and paid it.

Just wanted to interject this here -

I had a huge spending problem in years past.

I overate - I overspent.

I hid credit card bills.

What do I have to show for it?

Nothing.

I have no idea where the money went.

Are you surprised?

I bet you are.

Y'all thought I was so perfect.

I'm sorry.

I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it.

I paid all credit cards off - and cut them all to bits.

I have no credit cards.

At all.

None.

Not even 'an emergency' card.

I found it so easy to 'trust' in those credit cards - you know?

Oh, we are short on money this month - no worries - we have credit darling!

Pfft.

I live on a cash only basis now.

Anyhow - the rug wasn't 'right' and I wanted to return it.

It was $150 rug.

When I got to the store to return it - I didn't have the receipt.  I had the 'opened a charge account receipt thing' - and I was denied returning the rug.

I could feel my peace leaving.

: -)

I was also denied returning it for a store credit - I was quite perplexed about that one.

I left with the rug - and very little peace.

I sat in the Heep for a few moments - and tried to find a way of thinking that brought my peace back.

I decided to think this 'Well Jayme - you lost the receipt - you have to keep the rug - looks like you are going to have to redecorate a room in order to use the rug."

That was the ONLY way that I had peace.

Isn't that crazy?

I truly adored the rug.

It was a $300 rug that I got for a good price.

I had to keep telling myself that over and over again.

Then I decided to try one more time to return the rug.

The next time I went to the store, there was a different associate that looked up my receipt - returned the full price of the rug back onto my store card, and did the whole thing with a smile.

And ain't it the way that most things go?

It seems that things always work out.

And if they don't - and you really have no control over the situation?

Let it go.

Let.

It.

Go.

You are only hurting yourself.

You have to find your peace girls.

You can find it - you can keep it - you can live a beauty full life.

I guarantee.