My Heart is a Wreck

Let me preface this post by saying -

I think I have PMS, and I ate a little wheat and dairy yesterday.

(one day soon I'll tell you my wheat and dairy woes)

That could be the reason my heart feels so raw -

or

it could be due to the fact that day before yesterday, in the wee hours of the garden work I completely surrendered my heart to the working of the One greater than us.

"Have at it" might have been my exact words.

If you think those 5am times of yard work are all about beating the heat, you'd be mostly right, but I find as I dig in the dirt, in the quiet cool hours of the morning, there's often a lot of digging going on in the garden of my very own soul.

Aaron spent the night last night, as he usually does on Wednesdays, and I tell you I just couldn't give him enough love or acceptance.  I just couldn't cuddle him enough or encourage him enough, or kiss him hard enough, all the while telling him how great his life was going to be, and how the world was his oyster.

The love I feel for him has absolutely no end.

When I was making the bed this morning, I realized that it would indeed have an end one day- that there will be a day when I will no longer be here for him, and by God you'd better believe I'm going to use everyday that I have here now, loving on him and letting him know he's the greatest thing in the world.

I dropped him off at school, and headed to the post office to ship a batch of serum orders (thank you!).

I stopped at a yard sale - where there was this boy - this sweet boy with big brown eyes, about Aaron's age.  I'm assuming he was home schooled because he wasn't in school, but here having a yard sale to raise money for a teen camp he wanted to go to.

There was absolutely nothing that I wanted at the sale, but I overheard a woman not much older than me haggling with the child over the price of a DVD.  I guess she wanted a 'lot' price.

In the sweetest voice, he said 'Well, what would you be willing to pay?" as he looked over her pile of books and that blasted DVD.

"a dollar?", was her reply.

I left.

I cried.

I kept thinking how the child would never raise enough money for camp, and how discouraged he could become.

I went back.

I gave the boy with the big brown eyes a $10 bill for nothing.

I told him to have fun at camp.

The look on his face was worth at least $20, but I had just given my last $20 to the postman.

I wish I had a million dollars.

Today, I really want to encourage you to give hope.

There's a desperate shortage at the moment.

Be generous.

Love ridiculously.

Make a fool of yourself.

Be kinder than anyone you know.

Why?

Because it feels good, and it feels right.

And Lord knows we can all use a little more of it in the world.