Valentine's Day Indeed

Last year, I was all up in Valentine's grill.

Flour was flying, chocolate was drizzling and romance was in the air.

This Valentine's Day?

Eh.

I'm mopping floors and making Stuffed Cabbage.

Does Stuffed Cabbage sound romantic?

I didn't think so either.

I'm dark and twisty - or trying to be.

I used to try so hard to be 'angsty' as a young girl.

I wore thick black eyeliner.

My hair was pink and green at times.

(yes, I even had hair issues then!)

I walked alone with my Sony Walkman near the frozen lakeshore in Chicago with 'Love Reign O'er Me' by The Who on the highest volume.

Probably why I'm hard of hearing today.

I tried to be moody and sad.

It seemed romantic to me.

I read sad poems, and listened to sad music and bought small bottles of rum at a liquor store that wouldn't card a toddler.

I drank alone.

I played the guitar.

Oh...I tried.

I needed a yin to my yang.

A bitter to my sweet.

Truth be told - I just couldn't do it.

I just couldn't conjure consistent angst.

I saw too much beauty about.

I loved daisies.

And sunshine.

And being happy felt much better.

But I was a teenager.
And being angsty was cooler.

I was doomed to be a nerd.

This past week, I've been revisiting my 'angstwannabe'.

I want to sip wine and look out the window and listen to songs that make me cry.

I want to feel loss and pain and heartache.

Why in the world?

I haven't a clue.

I've been much too happy lately, and it's annoying.

I see hope everywhere and it's getting on my nerves.

So this Valentine's Day - I'm boycotting love.

Oh yes.

I am.

It only seems fitting.

Like wearing jeans to church on Easter.

I'm a rebel.

With a cause.

Glen's getting Stuffed Cabbage.

There shall be no chocolate going on around here today.

I'm wearing blue.

There's nothing heartshaped in the house.

I shant allow it.

And yet, all the while as I type this - I'm smiling.

Ding dang it.