Coop Keeper Lingo

I'm home.

Coffee in hand.

Kitty cats and chicken birds.

It's all good.

I know y'all are waiting for some great fun stories from my road trip, but I'm sorry to report that I have none!  I didn't rip any gas hoses off the pumps, nor did have a sugar-free salt water taffy laxative incident as I have in the past.  It was a quiet trip.

I walked in the woods, went to a football game, ate pork, visited with my sister, went to the cemetery, drank coffee, knitted and slept like a fool.  I swam solo in my cousin's king size bed.  Sleeping in my shared full sized antique bed last night felt like trying to sleep on a tongue depressor in comparison.

The only photo I even took of my time in Missouri was of my cousin's table.  His house reflects his bachelorhood, and I feel the need to cozy things up a bit while I'm there.  And do laundry.  One of the first things I did when I got there was clean the kitchen table off and commence with the cozification.

I found a cute turkey statute in his office, the oil lamp was already there.  The walk in the woods produced some buck brush, and the Walmarts had a few gourds that I put in a basket that I made out of willow branches. 

Tada!

Cozification complete.

Now I could relax.

I decided since there were no fun stories to share with you from this gallivant - I would share with you a few words in the Coop Keeper vocabulary pertaining to road trips.

Hell Run

A hell run is a long road trip that you try to make in half the time.  A hell run involves stopping only once every five or six hours, come hell or high water.  It involves trying to break your previous record of 4.5 hours to St. Louis, and your overall time of 9.4 hours to Monett, MO.  There is no tolerance for weak bladders or sky bugging.  Git and go. Constant calculations are made of the ETA during the trip based upon miles per hour driven, and miles left to drive.  Breaking the law is inevitable.  Side effects may include - road tongue, slight bladder leakage, dangerously low fuel and blood sugar levels.  Dehydration may occur.  Please talk to your physician before embarking on a hell run.

Sky Bugging

An impulsive decision to stop more than once during a hell run.  Passengers in the vehicle ofttimes like the looks of a souvenir shop on the road side, or a super convenience store that promises pecan logs.  Passengers may want to take a little too long in the gas station perusing treats.  None of this is allowed since we are in hell run mode.  Don't even mention 'walnut bowl'.  Don't.

Road Tongue

Road tongue is a condition of the mouth caused from eating nothing but gas station food for nine or more hours.  Symptoms include, but are not limited to: losing all sense of taste, a glue-like substance coating your tongue and an inability to smile.  God forbid that the driver on the hell run would stop at a food establishment to procure decent victuals for the hell run.  To do so would fall under the 'sky bugging' category, therefore, it's strictly prohibited.  Cheddar Chex Mix and salt water taffy are staples.  Gas station coffee is a leading cause of road tongue, and it's diuretic effect should be avoided at all costs.  Road tongue may or may not be relieved by drinking a 32 oz. fountain Dr. Pepper.  Timing of this drink is crucial since the only time your bladder is emptied is when the car needs a a fill up, and this only happens once during the hell run. 


Now, who'd like to go on a road trip with me?