Friday, November 5, 2010

All That and a Bag of Cat Chow


This morning I awoke at 4:30 am in a wonderful non-hormonal mood.
Got Glenco off to work, and then attempted to lay back down for an hour before I really had to get up and get ready for a 7:30am meeting at the school for Aaron.
There was no more sleep to be had.  I tossed and turned and sang songs in my head.
"I'm alright - don't nobody worry 'bout me" - where did that song come from!?
Perhaps I am still hormonal.
I kept looking out the window cause it seemed like there was a light on in the camper.
I oftentimes think a bum will take up residence in The Squirrel unbeknownst to me.

After attending the meeting, I took off to Menard's, our local big box home improvement store.
I'm more of a Home Depot/Lowe's kinda girl, but today, I needed my Menard's fix.
Furnace filters and toilet seats were on the list.

Glenco is going to fuss at me for getting a new toilet seat, the one we have now is just fine, except for the fact that the little clippy things that hold the danged seat on won't stay down.  I've even tried hot glue. It feels dirty and weird, and I wanted a new seat.  $20.

Furnace filters were next - $20 for the best filter there.  I wanted the best filter there cause of dust allergies and touch of asthma I have.

Passing the cat and dog food, I decided to get a large bag of each and take to the Animal Shelter here in town.  $40


Y'all don't know that I found a huge German Shepard dog abandoned at the Jewel store in Chicago a couple of weeks ago.  I brought that stinkin' dog home in my lap while my sister drove.  She was gorgeous and the kind of dog that would be your best friend for the rest of it's life, or yours, which ever came first.  I wanted to keep her, I did - but it's just not conducive to my lifestyle.  Please don't hate.  I took her to the shelter, since it's a no kill facility. I felt that if Animal Control in Chicago had been called, she would have been put down.  I kept up on her progress at the shelter, and don't you know within two days she'd found a home.  That dog still tugs at my heart strings.  I can barely look at the photo.  Law.
*after the first couple of comments, I'm amending this to add that dog was indeed abandoned.  No collar, emaciated, matted fur and long nails - if she'd looked well cared for I would have acted differently*

Anyhow, all of that to say this.  When I got to the shelter I didn't want to give them the cat food.  I kept reasoning to myself that the dog food was enough, that I was low on cat food myself and I should keep it. I mean I'd just spent $40 on toilet seats and furnace filters.  I'm a frugal girl - yes, I am, I'm on a budget and I have financial goals. The more I thought about it, the more frustrated I became with myself that I was being so greedy.  All those poor little cats at the shelter.  I was determined to give that flippin' cat food no matter how much it hurt me.
And it did hurt me.
And I'm ashamed to say that.
I keep thinking about this, and realized that I must be afraid.
Afraid of not enough.
I scolded myself for having such little faith in a loving God that would surely continue to provide for me, and my cats, even if I had 30, and trust me - I could - it's not that far fetched.

Then I came home and read Shannan's post from last night.
More heart pricking.
More realizing that it's not all about me.

And so often, all I do is think about me.
What do I want to do?
What is my destiny?

Yesterday I decided that my destiny was to be broken and poured out for others.
To be available.
Maybe it's not being a missionary to the world, but to my family and friends.
Maybe it's not feeding the hungry in city shelters, but it's feeding the hungry on my own street, in the shelters of their own lives.  Hungry for food, hungry for love, hungry for acceptance and assurance.
I'm always waiting for the Aha! moment where I'm going to no longer want a new toilet seat and feel absolutely willing to give endlessly without fear - sometimes I'm there, and sometimes I'm not.

And that's OK.
Because I want to be there.
And I think that pleases the heart of God.
Amen.

41 comments:

  1. Did you consider putting a "found dog" ad in the newspaper in Chicago? I hate to think there's someone looking and looking for that dog. Probably not, but just in case. Of course, without a collar or chip they're an irresponsible owner but still........At least you could tell them what happened to it.

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  2. I love you for this post. I think it's very nice what you done. And I think there is a special place in Heaven for animal lovers. :)

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  3. And if the people were so concerned about their dog, I think they would put a "lost dog" ad in the paper. Atleast it's in good hands and somebody is taking good care of it.

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  4. OH, ME TOO!! My prayer, too! I give, but how often is it with reservation and lack of faith? How often is it without a cheerful heart? With all that has gone on in my life the past month and a half (you know...) I've come to realize two things about myself... my pride is abominable and my selfishness is abhorring! I can't tell you how much I've prayed that God would soften my hard heart and just wipe these two sins from my life once and for all. But alas, it seems He wishes for me to learn it nice and slow so that I won't forget it...EVER.

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  5. Toot toot Tootsie YOU ARE A GOOD GIRL...Most people don't even want to put a dirty stray dog in their car, (much less a wet one..which I have done on a rainy day...yah!)
    You Da WO-Man.... LOVE You...come over here. I'm gonna give you a HUGE HUG...for rescuing an animal who needed a new warm loving place to call home...with people who really wanted him. Rockin' Rescue Gal. Chicken Whisperer...Cat Cuddler...Bee Keeper...Animal Lover
    Another one of my Best Girlfriends. And as for the heart part. I always tell my kids that the Bible says God's eyes are going to and fro across the earth to see whose hearts are perfect towards HIM, and we all know our hearts are NOT...not EVER...perfect on this side of Heaven...just saved and forgiven by precious Jesus! So what is God looking for???? The heart that SEEKS to be that perfect heart...the one that always stays BENT in His direction...even when we fall down, and get back up, we start walking right back in the same direction, bent towards God's love and desire to see us trying hard!!
    woot. keep it up....God loves a cheerful hard-working "heart"...
    Hugs !

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  6. marytylermotorheadNovember 5, 2010 at 2:15 PM

    I don't mind songs playing in my head. As long as they're songs that I like. Running out the door to work this a.m., I had something playing (can't remember now, thankfully) but I immediately shut it off. And Mun of all people had "Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves" dancing in his head, whilst trying to get shut-eye a few days ago. Just to let you know, yer not alone...:)

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  7. I have had that "not enough" feeling too...Its normal...

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  8. Beauty full! Thanks Jayme for giving a voice to what we all feel inside.

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  9. this post is hilarious and graceful.
    I doubt that you will reach a point where you will no longer want a new toilet seat. It seems to be one of those things that the good Lord is alright with us desiring. That, and toilet paper. Have I told you the story about me being mad at God for years because I thought surely his goal for my life was to be a missionary in a bug ridden place without toilet paper?
    Now I realize that maybe I was being to big for my britches. Maybe he just wanted me to start by being faithful about not lying before He'd ask me to give up TP.

    Not that you are too big for your britches.

    I'm just saying, enjoy that seat. It's a gift.

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  10. You did something very kind for that poor dog. That dog is beautiful, I wish I could of had her.

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  11. You did something very kind for that poor dog. That dog is beautiful, I wish I could of had her.

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  12. You spoke the words that are in my head most days ... the drivel and the desire to be more Christ-like. It is safe to say I am a work in progress, but hey, I am working on it! Bless you - you bless me with your blog! I feel the love.

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  13. Sometimes it is hard to give with a happy heart. But it grows on you it does. You did good Jayme! My hubs parents are givers. They give and give and I wonder where it all comes from. But Gods word says if you give with a happy heart you will receive it back 10 fold. Well if says something quite like that. I am not a Biblical scholar. But he will take care of you and yours, not to worry.

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  14. "To be available". Law, Min. You hit the nail on the head, there.

    We are sharing some of these struggles, and it fills my heart up, knowing I'm not alone.

    I'm proud of you and your cat chow. And I know I shouldn't be saying "I'm proud of you", but it's just the truth. And I think God knows what I mean. ;)

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  15. Wonderful post and thoughts, Jayme. You have me examining some things I need to think about also. I love it that you cared enough to save that poor abandoned dog, and also give to the shelter. Bless you for your giving heart! -Tammy

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  16. I love you, Jayme, you old coop keeper...you are my kinda real! Hugs- Diana

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  17. Interesting - I just read Shannon's post before yours. I want to give you both a hug.

    I once was running on a trail and a beautiful yellow lab joined me. At the end of my run, the dog just wouldn't leave. I started running in the opposite direction back to the spot where the dog joined me, but she still wouldn't leave my side. Next I borrowed another runner's cell phone, trying to call the dog's owner. No answer. So I did what I had to do. I put that big dog into the passenger seat of my convertible Miata and started driving around the neighborhood. That dog sat in the seat like a person and I kept asking her, "is this your street?" 30 minutes of driving that dog around, all the while falling more and more in love with her. I wanted to take her home so badly. It turned out she was "owned" by a construction worker who was working on a nearby home, and he didn't even know she had wandered. This was 10 years ago and I still can see her beautiful face.

    You're an amazing woman to bring pet food to the shelter...

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  18. Oh Jayme, I love you! Just perfect balance of inspiring and approachable... Please come to MD so that I can find time to drivel on n on to you bout my same struggles while sharing a glass of wine and learning how to cook!
    (((hugs)))
    Leslie

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  19. You have such a gift for writing.
    Without even realizing it you give us that gift by sharing your amazing open heart!

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  20. Let there peace on earth and let it begin with me...I say this to myself and try...a bag of cat food, a smile to a stranger, bring food to the food pantry...any little act of kindness...it all adds up !

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  21. broken and poured out for others...yes...thank you for this reminder of the real priorities of life!

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  22. Jayme,

    Thank you for another, very personal and very real post. You have a way of getting to what's important in your and our lives so well (and so colorfully!) Your best posts (like this one) transcend what you're dealing with and make us ponder our own values and beliefs.

    You are an amazing writer!

    Thank you again,

    Tamarie

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  23. You are a good soul! I know it because you argue with yourself..I do that too. You end up doing exactly as you should, directed by your heart. So Amen, sister, Amen.

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  24. What a lovely heart your have.
    I have bounced around your blog and find it interesting.

    cindy
    treasuresinmyheart.blogspot.com

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  25. ah, the poor dog. so glad it is in a no kill shelter. glad you got her off the road. we lost our dog for almost a month before some kind soul found her and called. so important to give to the shelters. you will be blessed. little kitties need so much help! jill

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  26. I have a stray cat at my house right now! White long haired, with some gold. Very friendly, wants in the house. I hate stray cats. They eat my birds that I feed. I hate even more the lack of concern people have for animals. They get dumped all the time. No one wants a stray cat, even the shelter! Sad...jan

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  27. Jayme you have such a kind loving spirit. Don"t be hard on yourself we all struggle day to day to be a better person.I wish I lived on your street or in your community so I could recieve some of that loving generosity you posess!I too have a soft spot for animals. My ex recently took our family dog the one our kids have had since they were little to the pound as I couldn't take him it broke my heart. I was really down about it yesterday when I found out the truth. I don't see how someone could just turn a family memeber out like that... Traci

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  28. What a lovely and very human post. I have heard it said that giving when it hurts is the most valuable kind of giving. It is easy to give when it doesn't matter to you. It's the times which sting a little that prove your spirit.

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  29. I love your heart, Jaymes. Love. your. heart. And I think it's okay to want the toilet seat as long as you're also paying attention to what God is saying to your heart. And you are.

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  30. Am I being selfish if I say that I love your mission? And can I just say that you are already so good at it. I always feel so taken care of when I'm with you Jayme. Just thinking about it is making me miss you!

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  31. Thanks for the honest post...It is so easy to know what we should do and still not do it. I think we all struggle with really letting go and letting God, although most of us would not be so willing to cop to it as you were. It sounds like you have found a new place to direct your abundance of heart. Blessings, Patty (formerly sewingseeds4U)

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  32. Thanks for the honest post...It is so easy to know what we should do and still not do it. I think we all struggle with really letting go and letting God, although most of us would not be so willing to cop to it as you were. It sounds like you have found a new place to direct your abundance of heart. Blessings, Patty (formerly sewingseeds4U)

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  33. She's a beautiful dog. What a kind heart you have. It's people like you who keep humanity human.

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  34. Sweet sister, the Lord's been working on the two of us! A friend on Facebook found a dog abandoned at a house yesterday and took him HOME. I've been crying off and on since I read it. How can people be so cruel? Tomorrow he's the post, come look at his purty face. So for us girl, it's to serve in all ways, to be a steward and a all around good person. I know we can do it!

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  35. Next time we demand Chicken of the Sea packed in natural spring water.

    >^,,^< meow

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  36. You have such s kind heart. Continued Blessings.

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  37. Amen, indeed... the planet needs more generous souls like yours!

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