When Life Changes Overnight....

Thanks so much for helping me love my office a little more! I think this comment really hit the nail on the head for me:

Holly said...

I think we just get tired of our own stuff...I'd take yours in a heartbeat!!!!

Isn't that true? It boggles my mind how I can spend my hard earned money on something - loving it when I buy it, only to want to get rid of it in a year or two. Thanks for all the offers to take the lamp, but I reckon I'll keep it for now!

I should have elaborated on the desk story a bit. It was quite funny. You see - I didn't take anything off the desk before I moved it. I know - I know. Oh gosh, if Glenco saw me doing this - he'd have a fit. So I'm scooting this fully loaded desk, an inch at time, going back and forth from side to side, and the corner leg of the desk pops off the heating vent cover, and the desk leg falls down in the vent hole. The top of the desk wedged itself under the windowsill. Everything that is on the desk is now sliding off. The desk wouldn't budge. I crawled under the desk and emerged from the other side. I couldn't budge it. All I could think of was Glenco coming home and finding the desk like that. It would give him MUCH too much ammunition to use against me in the future - so that desk had to me moved, and now. I didn't have the cellphone ON me, since my flimsy nightgown hasn't a pocket, but it was laying on the desk. How convenient.

I have big news today.

Aaron has decided to go to Highschool.

Real Highschool.

With principals, and band, and bells, and teams.

I had a feeling it was coming.

I saw him look wistfully at the highschool a few times as we drove by.

He's mentioned it before.

He decided he'd like to see what it's like.

He said he'd rather go and not like it and come back to homeschooling than to not know what it's like at all.

He didn't want to have any regrets.

I felt that was a very mature decision on his part.

I felt proud of him.

I feel fortunate that he even has a choice in the matter.

Even though I had to sweep my heart up off the floor when he told me, I encouraged him and supported his decision 100%. I think it could be good for him. *gulp*. He wants to join the Yearbook Committee and take pictures. He wants to join the Gymnastics team. He wants to see what it's like to ride the bus and go from class to class.

When I decided to 'let go' a few weeks ago, I had no idea that it would get this personal.

I had no idea I'd have to let go of Aaron.

When I felt a change coming, I had no idea it would be such a big change.

Overnight.

I told Aaron to follow his peace, not to let fear stop him from anything.

We are in the process of registering him for school now.

There's parts of me that want to say no.

No, you can't go.

You have to stay here, and feed the chickens and I have to teach you about the War of 1812.

You have to sit under a cozy afghan where it's safe and do your Language Arts.

You have to eat my homemade lunch food, and not the processed pizza at Highschool.

No, absolutely not.

You have to stay in this cocoon.

You aren't ready to emerge just yet.

It's not safe out there.

What if they tease you? What if they are mean to you?

What if you can't focus with all the noise?

What if you fail?

What if ?

What will I do now?

Never in my born days have I had a life of leisure.

If I'm not homeschooling - what will I be doing?

Lunch at the Country Club?

Hair appointments?

My heart is ACHING. Oh my goodness, my buddy - my goofball buddy isn't going to be here.

Who will I laugh with all day?

Who will I talk to in silly voices?

Who will be my partner in shenanigans!?

You see, I've never been comfortable with unfilled time.

I've never had it.

I've had Aaron full time for the last 12 years.

During that time, I also had two ill parents and a mentally handicapped sister to tend.

I worked full time - or part time - or a home business since I was 14.

Time has always been filled.

Over filled.

Now.

What?

I will get up and do my chores.

I will cook.

I will?

?

Yesterday - while this news was still all fresh and had the umbilical cord attached to it I decided I'd get a job. I've always wanted to be a Barista. I'll get a job at Starbucks. I already could see myself there in the dark green apron, which I must admit would go great with my coloring - I would be serving lattes with a smile, and Christmas at Starbucks? I ask you - could it get any better? Snow flying as I frothed milk in a cozy retail environment. It still warms the cockles of my heart thinking about it.

Then, I found a home down the road that's for sale. I was moving.

Yep. Selling this place and moving down the road where the traffic was quieter, and the trees shaded the property better. A pole barn, a greenhouse. My dreamhouse.

Then I did the virtual tour on line.

Wow - it's gonna need a lot to cozy that place up.

That would keep me all kinds of busy.

I have an appointment to see it at 2pm on Sunday.

I'm not moving ya'll - but do you see how I must fill the hole that Aaron is leaving?

I'm fully aware now, that the greatest change I must make in my life is learning to just be.

Just be.

Although the job would be nice. The extra money would come in handy. I've decided to take the rest of the year off and learn how to be.

Perhaps I'll finally get some much needed projects done around here.

Perhaps I'll write 'that' book - ha!

Perhaps I'll volunteer somewhere.

Perhaps I'll get to know my neighbors.

Aaron may come back to homeschooling next year.

Perhaps not.

It is well with my soul.