A Marshmallow World Update

Hi again.

I'm stunned that I had comments - ha!  Amazing.  Thank you for still being about the world wide web and clicking here when you saw that I posted.

I'm here- once again.

I really, truly, have missed blogging.

What about it did I miss?

You guys.

The laughs.

The belly gazings.

The drivel.

Documenting my life.

Let's begin.

It's been a loooonnng time since I've blogged, as you know - and it's hard to just jump back in.

So much has happened.

I'm just slapping some photos on here to give you an idea of what we've been doing.

Glenco did indeed quit his job on March 15th of this year.

It was all sorts of scary.

Mallow money is our only income.

People keep asking Glen how he likes retirement - we both look at each other and chuckle a bit thinking 'they don't get it, do they?'

We've never worked so hard in all our born days.

We do take the Squirrel out for many shows.  In fact, just this month we gutted the poor thing.  I found taking a crowbar to the Squirrel more emotional than I thought I would - tearing out the benches that Aaron and I had our 'Lattes and Literature' at.

I'll talk more about that later.

Remember my cousin Jimmy?  From Missouri?

This was last summer, he came up again this summer and helped us too.

This was last winter at the grand opening of an ice skating rink.  See allllll those people?  They were in a line to get s'mores.  We roasted 400 s'mores in two hours.  I.am.not.kidding.

Our work table looked like a crime scene - except it wasn't blood - it was chocolate!

I've had the logo redesigned somewhat - changed from red and yellow to blue and cream.

Of course, true Jayme-style - I question this decision on a weekly basis, and still wonder why I'm using a chicken in my logo.

I applied for, and was accepted by the Indiana Artisan organization as a food artisan.  It's rather a big deal!  They only accepted two food artisans this year, out of eighty applications, and I was one of them.

In the midst of the marshmallow mania - I felt the need to nurture SOMETHING.  I adopted a pregnant cat.  : -)  She had five babies, which I then had to bottle feed after two weeks.  We ended up keeping one of them. 

I have no chickens, for now.

I re-homed them - just trying to keep life as simple as possible at the moment.

"Is that why you adopted a pregnant cat?"

Don't judge.

:-)

I also got zebra finches and a canary.

So there.

We do, many, many vintage markets.  It's what seems to be our 'vibe'.  I did a few festivals this past summer, but don't really cotton to people spillin' their beers upon my Waverly tablecloths.

There are so many vintage markets in the area - almost too many.  It's hard to choose which one to do.  I've been blessed with so many opportunities. 

Just because I didn't think we had quite enough going on with our booth - marshmallows, s'mores, and a frozen hot chocolate drink - I up and made a Frosted Lemonade.  It was an instant hit.

The Indiana Board of Tourism stopped at my booth and took some shots - I thought this montage turned out swell.

Just because s'mores, and s'mores on a stick weren't enough - I upped and made s'mores in a jar.

Again, and instant hit.  Sold them like hotcakes.  Then - we were doing a BIG show in South Bend, so I made 50 of them - and sold 3.  For real.

I can't look at these anymore without feeling nauseated. 

I hear that's what happens when you overeat something.

Not that I'd know a thing about that!

Fourth of July Mallow Kabobs!

Blueberry, Vanilla and Cherry.

Up in New Buffalo MI.

More adorable customers.  These gals are the best.  One of them drove three hours to get marshmallows.  I'm totally serious. 

I have groupies.

After burning out four- count them - four - KitchenAid mixers, I bought this.

I also bought a giant convection oven that I refer to as 'the beast'. 

I can bake 125 cookies in the time it will take you to read this post.

Wedding favors?

Of course I do that.

Mallows.

Many, many mallows.

Aaron - I couldn't give an update without talking about him. 

Have you seen this photo? 

Gah.  He's a gorgeous boy.

I have more 'real' photos of him on my phone, but that would require too much computer work to transfer them..ha..maybe next time.

He's well.

He's just so danged grown up.

Today I unpacked the fall décor - better late than never - and found the little construction paper pumpkin cutouts we did years ago.  I immediately choked up.  It just all went so fast.  I want a do over!  What a gift it would be if just for ONE day -we could go back in time - knowing full well that it was just for that one day - how we would leave our phones be, and be so fully present with our loved ones - wouldn't we?  

Oh, if I could just have Aaron ONE MORE DAY as a baby - or a toddler - or five, or ten years old.

Sigh.

A cute caricature a very talented artist/vendor/friend did of me.

I got a bit misty when I saw it - to see me through someone else's eyes - you know?

She didn't draw bucked teeth or anything!

Our signature hot cocoa.

Salted Caramel mallow.

 

So this month marks two years since I started whipping sugar up into cubes.

It's by far the hardest thing I have ever done.

It has taxed me in every way possible.

Physically - it's exhausting.  I have stood some, if not most - for the last two years - for 14 hours a day.  My legs bear the tale.  My feet sing the song nightly.  I've been so cold at markets I've nearly cried.  I've been so hot at markets I've nearly fainted.  I've been swarmed by wasps.  I've been in torrential downpours.  I've had the wind nearly take the whole display. 

Mentally - Lord have mercy - it's like juggling 59 balls in the air at once. I think there's a reason many businesses fail in the first couple of years.  I just don't think some people are willing to give so much of themselves.  It's funny - cause I think - it's MARSHMALLOWS for the love of God.  But that's just the tip of the iceberg.  It's paperwork.  Finances. Developing recipes, perfecting recipes.  Setting up a commercial kitchen.  Dealing with the health department.  Display.  Graphic design.  It goes on and on and on. 

Emotionally - well, this is me you are reading about - so of course - I've been all over the board.  At times, I feel dramatic and think 'I've ruined our lives!' - and then there are the times - like yesterday - 2pm in the afternoon - and we are swimming at the Y, or it's 7:15 in the morning, and the house is quiet, and Glenco is still wrapped in blankets, sleeping - not up and out at 3am driving a truck - and I think 'alright, alright, alright'.

:-)

I still fight fear.  A lot.  I'm learning.  I'm growing. I'm letting go more.

I've met the most fantastic people, a few I consider dear friends now.  I've seen people work HARD.  I admire that.  I always have.  I've seen the comradery of generous, hard working people.  I see that more than anything - and perhaps it's because I am reaping what I sow - I'm not sure - but I encounter kindness and love 99% of the time, from 99% of the people I meet.

Perhaps it's because I sell marshmallows - I mean - how can you NOT be happy?

If I'm honest - I have to say, things are starting to settle down, even if this IS the last day I have off until mid-December.  Perhaps it's my mind that has settled down.  I have a good kitchen routine - I have my shows booked for the rest of the year - I know what to expect. 

The chaos seems to be ending.

:-)

Hope to see more of you!

Hello!

I live!

Do you?

Just popping in...missing 'this' oh so much tonight. 

Things are awesome. Exhausting. Still scary. 

I'm glad I took the plunge. 

More soon. 

I'm Still Scared

Let's be honest here. 

I'm still scared.

It's safe here at home. 

It's cozy. 

There's furry things to pet, books to read and tea to drink. 

I can talk a big talk. I can post inspirational memes all day. 

But when you get right to it, I'm a big fat 

You see, right now I'm on the cusp of going all in. 

Full time commercial kitchen of my own.

Commercial mixers and what not. 

Glenco retiring. 

Wholesale. Retail. Corporations. 

The 'you know what' is getting real. 

What if I fail? 

What if I don't?

Will I ever have another moment of life for me?

Shall I work my fingers to the bone?

Is this what I REALLY want?

Can you share a story with me of you doing something that 

scared the bejeebes out of you?

Did you live to tell the tale?

I keep "worst case scenario-ing" this. 

I sell all my equipment and work at Whole Foods. 

Someone has pity on me and starts a "GoFundMe" page for the poor ole Coopkeeper. 

Why am I so scared??

It's a Good Day to Talk About Fear

Good news!

I woke up today!

If you've been around here long enough - you are familiar with my irrational fear of the number 53.

What started as a thought (read that again!) - turned into a belief - grew into a fear - 

I had some notion that I wouldn't live past 53.

Completely unfounded.

But I thought it enough - that it became real to me.

I fought it often, and really had thought that I'd conquered it for the most part, until this past week.

As we were on our way to South Bend last weekend, I thought - is this it?  A car accident?

As I tripped a little going down the basement stairs - is this it?  An unfortunate accident with the laundry basket?

Yesterday - I didn't leave the house.

Last night - I said a silent prayer that I'd wake up today.

I think I'm safe - I'm 54 today.

Thankyaverymuch.

Most people that know me, would consider me quite fearless.

Go into the beehive without protection?  I'm your girl.

Get 25 chickens on a whim when you know nothing about tending them?

Why the heck not!

Drive cross country without a cell phone?  

What's wrong with that?

I could go on - 

On a day to day basis - some of the things that I SHOULD have a second thought about - I don't - 

yet fear has had a hold on me for as long as I can remember.

I had a very clear picture recently of 'eggsactly' what I was doing.  It was if I had an idea - and thought 'well let's see what my counselor has to say about this' - and off I went to Dr. Fear - laid on his couch - and let him counsel me of all the things that could go wrong, and why I should fear this situation.  He was quite thorough and even thought of scenarios I never would have dreamed of.

Dr. Fear suggests that I completely book myself with events to sell marshmallows so that there isn't a smidge of time left for myself.

He asks questions like 'well, if this is your income - don't you think you'd better get after it? I mean - a weekend free is lost wages!'.

So - I heed his counsel and I book.  And I book.  And all the while I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach of 'how in the Sam hill?' - but I continue to heed the counsel of this scoundrel - and the next thing I know - my joy is drained. 

 And that's the co-pay of his counsel.  

You pay with joy.

You pay with the very essence that is your life.

Your soul starts to wither up into a dark ball and you've nothing left to give anyone else - you've given it all to fear.

A very toxic relationship.

Most of our fears never come to fruition.

The fact that I'm still breathing and sitting on my couch typing this - proves that.

So what do I do today - what action do I take today that can sever this toxic thinking?

Today there will be teeth kicking.

Today I'm pulling out my planner and pulling out of some of the shows I've booked.

I have to.

I will pray for a heart and mind that is quick to recognize fear and all of it's faces.

I will meditate on the lilies of the field and the birds of the air.

I will breathe.

And - 

I will eat cake.

The end.

It Doesn't Take a Brain Surgeon

What?  Two days in a row?

I'm trying to develop a habit here...

My trip to Whole Foods yesterday was fab.

We've finally got one in our area - it's still a bit out of the way - but much better than crossing the state line to get the organic kale contraband.

I've started juicing.  The amount of organic carrots I consume is borderline ridiculous - but I tell you what - I feel rejuvenated! 

I went with my old pal Donna and her 24 year old son Kyle.

As I was talking to Kyle about work and school - I mentioned to Donna -

'24!  What would you do if you were 24, knowing what you know now?'

When I was asked the question, I think I surprised them both when I said 'I'd  do something in the field of neuroscience'.  I really think they thought I was joking.  I think that because Donna laughed.

Me?  A scientist? 

See, I'm absolutely smitten with the brain.  

Mainly the actual physical organ.

Also -

The mind.  

The brain/mind/body connection.

Fascinating!

Just this morning I was reading about increasing GABA production.

I've been reading books by Dr. Carolyn Leaf, Dr. Daniel Amen.

Brain health.

Amazing.

But.

Math.

Word on the street you gotta know your multiplication tables and then some to call yo'self a neuroscientist.

So.

I make marshmallows.  

Then - I thought - well, since I can't do maths - what other path would I have chosen?

Do you need the maths for to be a Functional Doctor?

Dang it.

So then I decided I would be a hippie of sorts, living in a tiny house somewhere Northwest - running a microbakery in a cool Portland town, and commuting on my Honda Metropolitan scooter.

And I'd dabble in neuroscience.

Which really isn't too far off of my life at the moment.

Then end.

What about you?

Alive

Guess who's still alive?

I've been thinking about you all so much lately - 

Remembering the days of sitting here clicking away - feeling so connected to you all.

I've just logged back in for the first time since Oct. 7th.  I'm just seeing all the messages you've sent me saying you've missed me.

Thank you.

It seems my life holds daily reminders of all the love that has been shown here.

Every day I stand on the rag rug that was made for me by my blog friend Linda - or I'm wearing an apron, or a using a hand towel that one of you have gifted me  - or just the memories - so many memories of all y'all.  I'm blessed beyond measure to call some of you my true friends.

I can honestly say, with my whole heart - I may not have gotten through the last few years without you.

I've had the IMMENSE pleasure of meeting so many of you out at the shows this year - as I travel around and get up in your 'hood.  I'm embarrassed to say, that with the blur this past year was - I don't remember all of your names, and didn't get photos!

(PS - I'll be in So. Bend this Saturday at the Winterfest from 7 til 3 - So. Bend Farmer's Market on Northside Blvd)

One that I did get a photo of was Cindy and her husband Ernie.

It was a cool December day - and I was doing a show in Griffith IN - and it was a show that I almost didn't go to.  I was so, so, so bone tired by December.

But.

I went.

And am I glad I did!  Cindy and Ernie showed up and I guess they drove a couple of hours to come and meet me.

I just have to say - with the way I've shared my heart and life here - it's really an odd feeling when you meet someone that says 'I've been reading your blog for years' - and you are standing there at that moment thinking - 'oh ma ga - they know EVERYTHING!'

I always feel a bit twitchy, and embarrassed - I'm hoping it doesn't show.  I know everyone has a story - dark chapters, happy chapters - and chapters yet unwritten.  Many choose not to share it all on the world wide web.  I do.

: -)

The show was slow, so Cindy and I got to visit for a bit.  I always felt bad when I was too busy to visit you all when you came out.

We shared some laughs, a few tears and a hug.  I'm telling you - you guys are some seriously fabulous people.  The connection we felt just reminded me again - that blogging like this is real - there are real people - with real lives - real struggles - real hopes and dreams - real lives - reading this.  And that's why I've always wanted to make my blog real.  Well, I don't try to make it real - it just is.  It's my life without a soft focus lens on it.  It's not staged, it's not sugar coated.  I've shared just about every ding danged thing here.

Thank you.  Thank you for reading - thank you for loving me, supporting me, encouraging me and laughing at and with me.  : -) 

I survived the year.

I honestly have never worked so hard in my entire life.  Working at the steel mills when I was younger?  Piece of cake.  Moving 10 yards of mulch one wheelbarrow at a time?  Child's play.  Renovating this old farmhouse?  Easy Peasy.

I accomplished the goal I set out to achieve and more.  Debt free living. I was able to help some others as well. It's a great feeling.  I'm now more convinced than ever - that any flipping thing is possible.  That you CAN find a way!

I wasn't sure if I was going to continue the business after making the goal - because when I started - it was a means to an end.  I thought I would just carry on with my quiet life of library books, knitting, gardening and chicken rearing.  I thought maybe I'd apply for a part time job at Whole Foods.  I could see myself scootering back and forth - working in the Juice Bar, or neatly stacking those heads of romaine.

Alas - I kind of like this market madness.  I have a quiver full of new friends.  

My only struggle is - calming the heck down.  I still try to do too much - too many markets.  

So, I'm still the same Jayme that you've come to know.

Chronic Overachiever. Stubborn as a mule. Desperately seeking balance.

But it seems that this Mother Wilma's Marshmallow Factory is here to stay.  I've got me a bona fide business.

I'm really hoping and praying to find the balance in it all, and return to blogging on a regular basis.

Fingers crossed.

I'll be 54 in a week.  Fifty. four.  When?  How?

I have this notion that it's going to be the best year yet.  Like ever.  In the history of Jayme.

One of the things I'm addressing as a priority is my health - unfortunately - it was my sacrifice on the altar of my goal.  Smart?  Nope.  Not very.  Typical all or nothing Jayme?  Yessirree.

With that being said - 

I'm doing the Leanness Lifestyle again.  It really is the only thing that works for me.

It starts the day after my birthday - January 27th, and I'd be tickled pink if some of you joined me.

Click here to change yo life:

http://lluniversity.com/lifestyle180/

He really is the real deal. Really.

Enrollment starts today - and this fills up fast.  

Be spontaneous and impulsive like me!  Click and join!

I'll leave you with this. I have to leave in a few minutes to meet my friend at Whole Foods (I'm not applying for the job yet!)

I found this nugget in a book I'm reading called "You are a BadAss" by Jen Sincero - 

So perhaps it's all perspective?  What we choose to think?

Discuss.