Thursday, February 18, 2016

I'm Still Scared




Let's be honest here. 
I'm still scared.
It's safe here at home. 
It's cozy. 
There's furry things to pet, books to read and tea to drink. 

I can talk a big talk. I can post inspirational memes all day. 

But when you get right to it, I'm a big fat 


You see, right now I'm on the cusp of going all in. 
Full time commercial kitchen of my own.
Commercial mixers and what not. 
Glenco retiring. 
Wholesale. Retail. Corporations. 

The 'you know what' is getting real. 

What if I fail? 
What if I don't?
Will I ever have another moment of life for me?
Shall I work my fingers to the bone?

Is this what I REALLY want?

Can you share a story with me of you doing something that 
scared the bejeebes out of you?
Did you live to tell the tale?

I keep "worst case scenario-ing" this. 
I sell all my equipment and work at Whole Foods. 
Someone has pity on me and starts a "GoFundMe" page for the poor ole Coopkeeper. 

Why am I so scared??

35 comments:

  1. You CAN do this- AND you are asking all the right questions. It WILL consume you in the beginning- already has, but only you know if it has also helped you reach goals and dreams and created happiness…
    I left my job that I thought I would retire from- great wages and benefit package- to escape the mental, professional and emotional abuse being thrown at me by one of the partners. I now have NO benefits, work for $7 LESS per hour- am much busier, and having fun and ENJOY my job. Scared- heck yes! Was it worth it- AMEN!!!!!!!!

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  2. It's a leap of faith...You will be fine. You worked hard to free yourself of debt so go in slow and pay off what you can as you go, then if you want to scale back you can. Keep it more on the fun side so it doesn't seem like a job.

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  3. Jayme, the possibility of your business growing doesn't surprise me at all! I can understand your fear though. I guarantee every successful person felt it too before they made the leap. I thought of the quote, "What if I fall? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?” I don't have a story to tell of my own experience, but I'm excited to see what you decide and as a long time reader I'll be praying for you and cheering you on. I can tell you to go for it and give you a pep talk, but seek the Lord in your decision. He won't lead you astray!! :)

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  4. Hmmmm... is that really the life you want for yourself? That .. is.. the real question. Sounds to me like it will be a HUGE time commitment. I almost want to say Time Suck... but I don't want to say that if it's a rewarding and soulfully beneficial journey for you. Do you know what the commitment will entail, truly and fully? What does that say to you?.... is it all good? Or are you hesitating?... Therein.. lies the answer. We have several companies, no need to tell you what they are because that doesn't matter. The Time Suck.. is what does matter. We're scaling down so that my husband can actually -live- I get to do more of it than he does right now... but life is short, friend. What do you really want your roadmap to look like, how do you WANT to spend your brief time on this earth... what feeds your soul?

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  5. And I should have added... don't worry about failing. I doubt you will, but even if you did, so what? You surely give everything your all - That shouldn't stop you - I think your biggest question is what I asked above.

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  6. Do what you love. If you love making marshmallows every day, then do it. Just know that a business is your baby and it is always there. You have to weigh whether have more money outweighs your love of home and hearth. We had a business for ten years and it took all our time. The fact that I got to sew while working was a plus, but I did miss being at home.

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  7. You are spot on to question all this. I started Crazy as a Loom many years ago. I thought I wanted it to be a huge success, but when it finally was, I found that it was making me crazy. I found that it really wasn't what I wanted at all. Not that this is your answer, but it was mine. I am just saying that you are not crazy to question this, you need to dig deep and decide if a full time, all consuming business is what you want from your very precious life.

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  8. I can relate. At almost 62 I am taking the leap to work at my own sewing workshop here at the farm. I have done industrial/commercial sewing for nearly 40 years for others but now I am going to be doing it all on my own. Absolutly scary. Do wonder if I will ever have time to do creative/artistic sewing for my self. Scared as heck of failing. But the workforce is not what it use to be and I don't want to keep doing the low standard work that others feel is "good enough". So....here I go into "retirement".
    Truly enjoy reading your blog. Hang in there.

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  9. I think the question to ask sometimes when we are standing on the tip of that cliff, considering making the "leap", is "What will I need to sacrifice to make this happen well?" And if what you have to leave behind, or put on hold indefinitely, or maybe let go in its entirety leaves you soul-sad, then it's not worth it! Our culture says to go ALL IN, to NOT TURN BACK, GO BIG or go home... but really- what does God want for you Jayme? What makes your soul happy? Your mind spin with excitement? What hugs you about your life right now? Sometimes it takes just as much boldness and bravery to say "No" to a good thing than to say "Yes" to it. I've jumped in before to a very scary thing--going back to work nearly full time. And I think blessings were in store for me, but it did take a lot of sacrificing along the way. I'm still weighing it all. But one thing (and really one thing only) that has made it worth it- is my job has eternal value. Working with the hearts and lives of children. So it is worth it right now for me and my family! Prayers for you!

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  10. Jayme..I so agree with Karen Ann. You are enjoying what you are doing. Do you really want this to consume you? What about life at home, with Glenco....the flowers, outdoors, the chickens. What about feeding your soul. No doubt you can do it.....but. What do you want for Jayme? Life is short...you've already proved your success, you're out of debt....time to enjoy and not stress . Best of luck with your decision....only you can decide whats best. Dig deep!

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  11. Only do it if it feels like a 'Hell yes!' And only answer that question when you're in a really emotionally good place.

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  12. Just work at it long enough to put a little nest egg away, then if you want to quit and work for someone else you can and still have the things you love at home.

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  13. You're scared because it's unknown. But you will make your way - choose your own path. And create your own story. :)

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  14. Shark Tank always says not to have kitchen of your own but instead have a kitchen/company do cooking for you. There is a term for it, but it escapes me. (I would binge watch Shark Tank and After the Tank if I were you.)

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  15. What do your "guts" tell you? Rely on your little voice, your intuition, how it makes you feel. -Jenn

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  16. Hello, Jayme!!! Thank you for coming to visit and I have now signed up for your blog via email.
    The scariest thing I ever did was not in business but in ending a 41 year marriage. I had never worked, had only an elementary level education, was in bad health and deathly afraid. God spoke to me clear as day to trust him. I truly felt as if I was stepping out on a thin sheet of ice. It was the best decision I could have made and has resulted in so much happiness for me and my family!! If you feel in your spirit that it is the right thing to do - God will see you through!!! Several of my friends told me that after watching how God provided for the change in my life - that they, too, learned to trust him. And can you live with the regret of not trying??

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  17. If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough.
    Life begins outside your comfort zone.
    Change is growth.

    Do what you love and love what you do.

    I say go for it..get enough healthy help and support and pace yourself.
    Find a middle ground with it...

    Don't live with regrets and nothing is permanent nothing stays the same.
    List the pros and cons..you already have some experience in it, learn from that.

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  18. I can't totally relate to having the time to THINK and DECIDE . . .
    but I can relate to having been forced into "what to do"
    because of a sudden death . . .
    I guess the answers will come to you, in a personal, eye opening way . . .
    "What is it that you truly want . . ."
    I like what babs said . . ."dig deep"
    (Something wonderful to be said for time, relaxation, playing, quiet, rest, joy.)

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  19. Have you looked into shared kitchen spaces to rent? It will avoid the large up front expense.

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  20. Every comment is a nugget of wisdom. I only have one thought to add: How does Glenco feel about this endeavor? Sure, it's YOURS, but, most certainly will affect him and your relationship-especially if he's retiring. Good long talks and prayers will light the path you take! Hugs!

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  21. I left a job after 23.2 years to open up a bridal boutique. I had it for 10 years. 10 years I tried to make it work, worked 7 days a week and never paid myself a salary. In the end, it took about 100k of my/our money. Just poof. Gone. I found the business took on a life of it's own and I had to dig into my 401K to keep it going...still thinking I could make it work. At this stage of in your life, ask yourself if you have money you can just let go? If the answer is no...keep doing what you are doing. Where is your husband in all of this...sure he wants to be supportive. My cousin's husband kept saying that to her when she opened her business. They are in their 70s and still working to pay off the debt. You WILL be a slave with no days off and soon the fun part of it will turn into resentment. I do not want to tell you it won't work, but please be smart. Now is the time in your life when most people are slowing down. I wish you well. Listen to that little voice in your head. If it felt right, then you would not be so scared. Peace sister and please go slow.

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  22. I too, agree with Karen and you......very well said!

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  23. Jamie.....ask yourself these questions.....

    Do we have enough in savings to retire living in modest comfort?

    How badly do we need the money and are we willing to do all the hard work we will be doing for it as we get older?

    Do you miss home keeping, your slipper and housecoat days, your girls, the gardens, snowed in soup making days?

    Could you continue making your product on a smaller scale.....say more of a hobby than a business plus the bonus of a little pocket money?

    Are you prepared for the time consuming effort it will take?

    I don't mean to sound negative but deep in your woman's intuition you know the answer......you know that funny feeling we get in our tummies!
    But first......take a pencil and paper. On one side you and Glenco list all the positive things about the business. On the other side, list all the negative things about it. Put your heads together and think of everything you possibly can. When finished you will be able to make your decision much easier.

    Wishing you the best in whatever you decide!



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  24. Just stumbled on your blog...really enjoyed the read. I will be back! I'm a chicken lady too...aren't they fun! Best, Vicki

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  25. Tales from the Coop Keeper has been included in our A Sunday Drive for this week. Be assured that we hope this helps to point even more new visitors in your direction.

    http://asthecrackerheadcrumbles.blogspot.com/2016/03/a-sunday-drive.html

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  26. I left a 40,000 a year job and my husband left and even bigger salary to start a self-sufficient farm. We love it. We are always amazed at what we can do. It's so much more than you think you can, always.

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  27. I had a dream ever since I was just out of high school (think early 70's) to go to art school and be an artist. Instead I wondered from job to job then went into the Navy on a lost bet with a girl friend. I went back to college, while in the Navy, and when I got out. I decided to be a special ed teacher. Something in me was still unsettled though. When ever I met with a certain friend, who happens to be retiring this year, the conversation always meandered to our dreams. Even though I loved my job, in my heart of hearts, wanted to go back to art school. She told me to stop talking about it and go. Thing is I would have to reduce my work hours by half, yep part time. I was too hesitant and scared for many years to take the plunge and reduce my income by half. I saved up lot of money, found better and lower home/car insurance rates, and did every thing I could possible do to reduce my monthly expenditures. And then one day, in the mid 2000's, I went to my principal and asked her if I could reduce my position to half time. She said yes. I filled out the paperwork, she and I signed it, and the next school year I went part time. I also set up an appointment for an informal portfolio review at a private art college, one very much like the one I attended after high school. The person reviewing my portfolio told me, based on what she was seeing I would be accepted to their studio arts program. I left crying all the way home. I called my mother, and then my friend elated that I was gong to live my dream, at my age (think 40's)!! My other reason for going back to art school was to fulfill my studio art credits so that I could apply to an art therapy graduate program. Art and psychology were my intellectual loves and to be able to combine them and parlay them into a potential retirement career. What a dream job. Deciding to take that scary leap of reducing my teaching to part time opened doors I did not even know I would stand in front of. During one of my internships I began working with clients 65 and older. I loved it and after completing my internship hours and graduating I still volunteer there every Friday morning, teaching Mon-Thur. This year will be 9 years. I've made some wonderful friends, and clients, who at their age continue to teach me about life and aging. I never would have had these experiences if I had not followed my dream, as scary as it was at the time. Well, I retire in from teaching in 2 years and can't wait to increase my one day a week into 2 or 3 days a week, even though it is not a paid position, yet. I'm working on that. I say go for it. All those years I delayed my dream I felt as though I kept disappointing myself. I did not want to do that anymore. Staying home, yes it's safe and predictable, but "going all in" think of the wonderful possibilities that are still unknown that may make you smile each day. Yep, there's failure but there is also success. Be afraid, that's healthy but take that fear on the journey with you. You just never know.

    Donna.

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  28. Where are you Jayme? I miss you!!!!

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  29. I miss your crazy pants self!

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  30. Jayme, I agree with Catherine B! When are you going to blog again? We miss you and want to hear how you are and how your marshmallow business is going. Please give us an update:)

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  31. Paper with line from top to bottom...pro one one side, con on the other.
    When I was 6 years old, my dream was to live on a farm, have animals and while I was too young to think "husband" that was icing on the cake.
    In my early 40's, after a 6 year courtship, my Beloved and I moved to a run down poster farm for Appalachia in the southwest mountains of Virginia. We spent from 1995 to 2011 being married, restoring the house, the land, the buildings; I raised colored, gaited American Curly horses, rare breed sheep, alpacas, hogs, cattle and goats. Dave and I traveled the world and when he very suddenly, very unexpectedly died in 11/11, my world was over. It's taken me this long...almost 5 years...to even think about having another dream but now I'm dreaming again. Just got home from an Irish holiday, am prepping the farm, house, animals, me for winter while dreams are floating around in my head.
    YES to having a dream/vision...without it, we perish...and YES to living that dream! You HAVE to do this...for yourself, for others who are watching...you HAVE t live your dream. It's why God gave it to you...to LIVE.
    God bless you, yours and the work of your hands and heart...forever.

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  32. Without a job, I purchased a commercial serger, knowing for a fact it would pay for itself. It did and supported me. Then, I purchased a more expensive commercial machine, knowing once again that it would pay for itself. It did. I was determined.
    pparsimony

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