Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Chicken Sponsors Needed


Dear Readers
As you know - some chickens are horribly mistreated.
Deplorable conditions.
No love.
No human contact.
Sadness.

Many meet their demise in ways I shant describe in detail.

Enough said.

Here at the Coop - we nurture our birds, and shower them with treats and loving kindness.
You can be assured that we house some rather pampered fowl.


Due to recent additions of Mallard ducks, assorted Bantams and a half dozen or so new layers -
things are becoming a tad over crowded.
I find it difficult to give each bird the attention it deserves.
Ducks are forced to cohabitate with felines.


This taint natural.
Some birds are left in solitary confinement much too long.


The diaper costs alone have been breaking the Coop Keeper's budget.


Friends, it's in a true spirit of humility - I ask for your help.
For a generous donation of $39 a month -
you can assure that these fine fowl are given the best treatment.
The treatment they deserve.

Wouldn't you sleep a little better every night knowing that you helped?
Your sponsorship helps fund these chicken activities, and more...

Physical therapy...


Proper hygiene...


 Prompt medical care...
Weekly Sunday drives in the country...

Anger management courses...


Daily exercise classes led by certified chickens...


Interpretative dance classes...


Beauty pageants...


Art classes...



And of course -


Food and clothing...


Included in your sponsorship of only $39 a month:
Photos of your sponsored bird, as well as daily egg reports, delicious recipes (for eggs!) and correspondence from your chicken.



  Can you find it in your heart to help? 




I dream of a world where chickens roam free - and their motive to cross the road is not questioned.
Be a part of the solution my friends.
Sponsor a chicken today.


 The end. 

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52 comments:

  1. StephaneMay 3, 2011 at 2:01 PM

    I was at the library reading this, they might throw me out if I can't stop laughing.

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  2. JoyMay 3, 2011 at 2:11 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. SusanMay 3, 2011 at 2:12 PM

    Sending my check today to help those poor deprived chickens live a full life. This is a 501c charitable organization, right? :D

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  4. JoyMay 3, 2011 at 2:13 PM

    I may have wet my pants whilst giggling.

    I want to claim Henrietta.

    Surely, you have a chicken named Henrietta.

    Surely.

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  5. SusanMay 3, 2011 at 2:13 PM

    Hey, what am I talking about?!! My chickens don't have any of those things! Forget it, I'm putting my money where my mouth is!

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  6. Fairfield HouseMay 3, 2011 at 2:13 PM

    Jayme,

    I thought you were announcing that your husband turned you in to Animal Hoarders and you were looking for new homes. I LOVE the picture of the chick being dipped. Priceless - You and your chickens.

    Your Friend,
    Deborah

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  7. SusanMay 3, 2011 at 2:14 PM

    Joy, I have a chicken named Henrietta and she gladly takes checks AND money orders! :D

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  8. AnonymousMay 3, 2011 at 2:16 PM

    Are these birds living in Ethiopia, China or Haiti?

    Di

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  9. Denise at Autumn SkyMay 3, 2011 at 2:33 PM

    You are hilarious. I would help, but I just added 8 more chicks to my flock.

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  10. Book of RuthMay 3, 2011 at 2:35 PM

    So sweet and silly and oh how I enjoy your wit. I might just sign up if I weren't a fledgling pink chicken!

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  11. CathyMay 3, 2011 at 2:38 PM

    Thanks for the laugh. :)

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  12. SparkyMay 3, 2011 at 2:52 PM

    This might be your funniest post to date, Jayme. HILARIOUS!! And since I'm a mean, ornery, chicken-eatin' cuss, NO, I won't help.

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  13. Lisa MartinMay 3, 2011 at 2:55 PM

    Where is the Paypal button?

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  14. Bevy @ Treasured Up and PonderedMay 3, 2011 at 3:24 PM

    Great sales pitch - but I'm too chicken. ;)

    Love your house up there in the header photo(s). So charming.

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  15. aprilmecheelesdulllifeMay 3, 2011 at 3:31 PM

    You have made my day Jayme ! I am laughing so hard. If my chicken writes to me, will I be able to read the Chicken Scratch? lol

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  16. JulieMay 3, 2011 at 3:51 PM

    I love it! And just so you know all of our hens are back under one roof and doing just fine! Thanks for your advice!!!

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  17. Renee WheelerMay 3, 2011 at 4:15 PM

    "where their motive to cross the road isn't questioned" Now that's funny stuff right there!!
    Renee
    Austin, TX

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  18. UnknownMay 3, 2011 at 4:36 PM

    ROTFLOL!!!!
    You made my day with laughter.

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  19. AnonymousMay 3, 2011 at 4:37 PM

    It's a rainy, dreary day here---this is JUST what I needed to make it bright. I needed a laugh!! Thank you for your creative take on life!!
    Do you have any coop chicken serum left?
    Jennifer

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  20. DebHMay 3, 2011 at 4:50 PM

    your too brilliant and what a good post for me to read at the end of a really nasty workday!! Perfect!
    and glad your back and WHAT?? 30lbs...I can only hope I make it that far...dieting is HARD!!!
    Glad to see you back and I applaud your skeleton frame. Thank You!

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  21. A Primitive HomesteadMay 3, 2011 at 5:05 PM

    I just started a small flock a few weeks ago. I am thinking they have a pretty nice home & are loved. I spend quite a bit of time with them each day. I am getting two more chicks from a farmer soon. i may need sponsers myself. LOL! Blessings!
    Lara

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  22. Wonky GirlMay 3, 2011 at 5:19 PM

    Gosh, I have a backyard full of homeless roosters. Maybe they could get some sponsors too?
    LOL

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  23. kellyMay 3, 2011 at 6:19 PM

    Could we be related???

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  24. UnknownMay 3, 2011 at 7:23 PM

    So hilarious....but I have adopted three of my own and they are just 3 weeks old, so all the big expenses are yet to come....tomorrow the coop is coming....a large shed that cost me a fortune. Oh, and then there is the chandelier all bejeweled. Just so I could have a few fresh eggs!!!! Yikes!

    Loved the post....as always!

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  25. AnonymousMay 3, 2011 at 8:03 PM

    I can't afford to help, but I will spread the word about your blog and your needs! I was laughing my butt off reading this by the way!

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  26. MichaeleMay 3, 2011 at 8:31 PM

    This is the BEST POST EVER!!! Loved it! I want to give you money! You have found your calling.

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  27. Janie FoxMay 3, 2011 at 8:38 PM

    I adore you and I want to be in the mission field with you.

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  28. Farmgirl CynMay 3, 2011 at 9:48 PM

    Jayme, Jayme, Jayme,
    You are too marvelous for words...

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  29. Darby & SheriMay 3, 2011 at 9:53 PM

    Oh my goodness this was the most ridiculously wonderful thing I have read all day....I'm with Janie I would love to join you in your mission! I don't think I have ever seen a chicken getting a bath before...HA-LARIOUS!

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  30. Hood Canal GalMay 4, 2011 at 12:58 AM

    Hilarious! Do you ever find time to sleep;)???

    Megan

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  31. AnonymousMay 4, 2011 at 6:11 AM

    LOL!!!

    jan

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  32. Jensamom23May 4, 2011 at 6:44 AM

    Too Much Funny!

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  33. DawnMay 4, 2011 at 6:47 AM

    Ok, I think you are hilarious and so witty, I can't wait to read a new post from you, however, my 16 yr. old daughter questions your insanity as I often have her come to the computer to review one of your post with me. OMG! I was laughing so hardy, she wondered what was going on in here. I will be sharing this post as well with the girls at work!! Keep it up Coop Keeper!!!!!

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  34. Holly RMay 4, 2011 at 7:59 AM

    OMG!! hahahahahahahahahaha! I bet you get some takers too!!

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  35. Jen KershnerMay 4, 2011 at 8:58 AM

    Oh Jayme! You are a riot. I think that $39 is a bargain for all you are getting for your money. I wish someone would sponsor me. I want the life of one of your chickens.

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  36. TeresaMay 4, 2011 at 9:12 AM

    I'm pretty sure this is your funniest post to date. And that's saying something!
    Truly inspired, Coopster.

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  37. DebMay 4, 2011 at 12:06 PM

    You nut!!!

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  38. Elizabeth BellerMay 4, 2011 at 1:18 PM

    Hysterical post, and I love your blog! Very cleverly written and gorgeous photos of your birds. :) I just signed in to follow your blog. Would love it if you followed mine as well!

    Thanks,

    Liz
    simplyschicks.blogspot.com

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  39. AnonymousMay 4, 2011 at 2:27 PM

    DITTO all the above!!! Had to keep it under control as I work at a CPA firm (you know, those reserved types...)
    Pics are great- thanks for making my day a little brighter!

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  40. DelenaMay 4, 2011 at 4:47 PM

    Imagine if you were a chicken and were lucky to land at your chicken coop. Best kept chickens in the world.!

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  41. CindyMay 5, 2011 at 9:23 AM

    It is so hard to stay quiet at work while reading your blog. Muffling my laughter is not easy to do! LOVE this post, the photos and captions are so great!

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  42. CyberSybMay 5, 2011 at 8:35 PM

    Okay, that's it. This blog entry went online via my Facebook - I have too many friends who will fall over laughing as they read it.
    What a hoot, Jayme!

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  43. Miss CharmingMay 6, 2011 at 1:16 PM

    I haven't laughed out loud over something I read in a long time. Thanks so much for the humor!

    Your chickies are adorable!

    (Newest follower.)

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  44. Tammy@Simple Southern HappinessMay 7, 2011 at 7:40 AM

    I should know by now to be prepared with Depends and not have a mouth full of coffee when I come visit. THIS post had me in stitches. I LOVE the chicken diaper.... For some reason that floored me. YOU have such a talent for making folks laugh and after all, laughter is perfect medicine.

    God richly bless and keep you and yours.

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  45. Tammy@Simple Southern HappinessMay 7, 2011 at 7:46 AM

    Duh... I wish blogspot would allow us to edit our comment after we have posted...

    I wanted to say I love your new blog look!! Way to go gal!!!

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  46. UnknownMay 8, 2011 at 11:12 PM

    truly hilarious. You're a funny cluck.

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  47. MitziMay 9, 2011 at 12:04 PM

    Too funny!

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  48. NancyMay 9, 2011 at 12:09 PM

    I'm glad your chickens have art classes. I'm a firm believer in art education. What's with that red and white outfit with the zipper? Chicken wear? Nancy

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  49. MichelleMay 10, 2011 at 9:49 PM

    We are laughing out loud!

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  50. GeorgiaJune 22, 2011 at 11:56 PM

    this has to be the besy post i've ever read on a blog. it needs to be published in a book. the photos are great too!!!!!!

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  51. TonitaOctober 8, 2011 at 10:19 PM

    This is so funny. I am still laughing. And like you I completely spoil my chickens. I am a brand new chicken keeper but I have gone above and beyond to provide them with the very best. They even have a chandelier in their coop. I just started a blog and I am going to link to this fantastic post.

    Blessings,
    Tonita

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  52. debbyroseSeptember 7, 2012 at 12:03 PM

    OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!! Thank you for completely tickling my funny bone this morning, I SO needed it. I am so grateful that you share your wonderfully God given sense of humor with us on a regular basis. Don't ever change!

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