Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Chicken Sponsors Needed


Dear Readers
As you know - some chickens are horribly mistreated.
Deplorable conditions.
No love.
No human contact.
Sadness.

Many meet their demise in ways I shant describe in detail.

Enough said.

Here at the Coop - we nurture our birds, and shower them with treats and loving kindness.
You can be assured that we house some rather pampered fowl.


Due to recent additions of Mallard ducks, assorted Bantams and a half dozen or so new layers -
things are becoming a tad over crowded.
I find it difficult to give each bird the attention it deserves.
Ducks are forced to cohabitate with felines.


This taint natural.
Some birds are left in solitary confinement much too long.


The diaper costs alone have been breaking the Coop Keeper's budget.


Friends, it's in a true spirit of humility - I ask for your help.
For a generous donation of $39 a month -
you can assure that these fine fowl are given the best treatment.
The treatment they deserve.

Wouldn't you sleep a little better every night knowing that you helped?
Your sponsorship helps fund these chicken activities, and more...

Physical therapy...


Proper hygiene...


 Prompt medical care...
Weekly Sunday drives in the country...

Anger management courses...


Daily exercise classes led by certified chickens...


Interpretative dance classes...


Beauty pageants...


Art classes...



And of course -


Food and clothing...


Included in your sponsorship of only $39 a month:
Photos of your sponsored bird, as well as daily egg reports, delicious recipes (for eggs!) and correspondence from your chicken.



  Can you find it in your heart to help? 




I dream of a world where chickens roam free - and their motive to cross the road is not questioned.
Be a part of the solution my friends.
Sponsor a chicken today.


 The end. 

53 comments:

  1. I was at the library reading this, they might throw me out if I can't stop laughing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sending my check today to help those poor deprived chickens live a full life. This is a 501c charitable organization, right? :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. I may have wet my pants whilst giggling.

    I want to claim Henrietta.

    Surely, you have a chicken named Henrietta.

    Surely.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey, what am I talking about?!! My chickens don't have any of those things! Forget it, I'm putting my money where my mouth is!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Jayme,

    I thought you were announcing that your husband turned you in to Animal Hoarders and you were looking for new homes. I LOVE the picture of the chick being dipped. Priceless - You and your chickens.

    Your Friend,
    Deborah

    ReplyDelete
  7. Joy, I have a chicken named Henrietta and she gladly takes checks AND money orders! :D

    ReplyDelete
  8. Are these birds living in Ethiopia, China or Haiti?

    Di

    ReplyDelete
  9. You are hilarious. I would help, but I just added 8 more chicks to my flock.

    ReplyDelete
  10. So sweet and silly and oh how I enjoy your wit. I might just sign up if I weren't a fledgling pink chicken!

    ReplyDelete
  11. This might be your funniest post to date, Jayme. HILARIOUS!! And since I'm a mean, ornery, chicken-eatin' cuss, NO, I won't help.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Great sales pitch - but I'm too chicken. ;)

    Love your house up there in the header photo(s). So charming.

    ReplyDelete
  13. You have made my day Jayme ! I am laughing so hard. If my chicken writes to me, will I be able to read the Chicken Scratch? lol

    ReplyDelete
  14. I love it! And just so you know all of our hens are back under one roof and doing just fine! Thanks for your advice!!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. "where their motive to cross the road isn't questioned" Now that's funny stuff right there!!
    Renee
    Austin, TX

    ReplyDelete
  16. ROTFLOL!!!!
    You made my day with laughter.

    ReplyDelete
  17. It's a rainy, dreary day here---this is JUST what I needed to make it bright. I needed a laugh!! Thank you for your creative take on life!!
    Do you have any coop chicken serum left?
    Jennifer

    ReplyDelete
  18. your too brilliant and what a good post for me to read at the end of a really nasty workday!! Perfect!
    and glad your back and WHAT?? 30lbs...I can only hope I make it that far...dieting is HARD!!!
    Glad to see you back and I applaud your skeleton frame. Thank You!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I just started a small flock a few weeks ago. I am thinking they have a pretty nice home & are loved. I spend quite a bit of time with them each day. I am getting two more chicks from a farmer soon. i may need sponsers myself. LOL! Blessings!
    Lara

    ReplyDelete
  20. Gosh, I have a backyard full of homeless roosters. Maybe they could get some sponsors too?
    LOL

    ReplyDelete
  21. So hilarious....but I have adopted three of my own and they are just 3 weeks old, so all the big expenses are yet to come....tomorrow the coop is coming....a large shed that cost me a fortune. Oh, and then there is the chandelier all bejeweled. Just so I could have a few fresh eggs!!!! Yikes!

    Loved the post....as always!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I can't afford to help, but I will spread the word about your blog and your needs! I was laughing my butt off reading this by the way!

    ReplyDelete
  23. This is the BEST POST EVER!!! Loved it! I want to give you money! You have found your calling.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I adore you and I want to be in the mission field with you.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Jayme, Jayme, Jayme,
    You are too marvelous for words...

    ReplyDelete
  26. Oh my goodness this was the most ridiculously wonderful thing I have read all day....I'm with Janie I would love to join you in your mission! I don't think I have ever seen a chicken getting a bath before...HA-LARIOUS!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Hilarious! Do you ever find time to sleep;)???

    Megan

    ReplyDelete
  28. Ok, I think you are hilarious and so witty, I can't wait to read a new post from you, however, my 16 yr. old daughter questions your insanity as I often have her come to the computer to review one of your post with me. OMG! I was laughing so hardy, she wondered what was going on in here. I will be sharing this post as well with the girls at work!! Keep it up Coop Keeper!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  29. OMG!! hahahahahahahahahaha! I bet you get some takers too!!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Oh Jayme! You are a riot. I think that $39 is a bargain for all you are getting for your money. I wish someone would sponsor me. I want the life of one of your chickens.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I'm pretty sure this is your funniest post to date. And that's saying something!
    Truly inspired, Coopster.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Hysterical post, and I love your blog! Very cleverly written and gorgeous photos of your birds. :) I just signed in to follow your blog. Would love it if you followed mine as well!

    Thanks,

    Liz
    simplyschicks.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  33. DITTO all the above!!! Had to keep it under control as I work at a CPA firm (you know, those reserved types...)
    Pics are great- thanks for making my day a little brighter!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Imagine if you were a chicken and were lucky to land at your chicken coop. Best kept chickens in the world.!

    ReplyDelete
  35. It is so hard to stay quiet at work while reading your blog. Muffling my laughter is not easy to do! LOVE this post, the photos and captions are so great!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Okay, that's it. This blog entry went online via my Facebook - I have too many friends who will fall over laughing as they read it.
    What a hoot, Jayme!

    ReplyDelete
  37. I haven't laughed out loud over something I read in a long time. Thanks so much for the humor!

    Your chickies are adorable!

    (Newest follower.)

    ReplyDelete
  38. I should know by now to be prepared with Depends and not have a mouth full of coffee when I come visit. THIS post had me in stitches. I LOVE the chicken diaper.... For some reason that floored me. YOU have such a talent for making folks laugh and after all, laughter is perfect medicine.

    God richly bless and keep you and yours.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Duh... I wish blogspot would allow us to edit our comment after we have posted...

    I wanted to say I love your new blog look!! Way to go gal!!!

    ReplyDelete
  40. truly hilarious. You're a funny cluck.

    ReplyDelete
  41. I'm glad your chickens have art classes. I'm a firm believer in art education. What's with that red and white outfit with the zipper? Chicken wear? Nancy

    ReplyDelete
  42. this has to be the besy post i've ever read on a blog. it needs to be published in a book. the photos are great too!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  43. This is so funny. I am still laughing. And like you I completely spoil my chickens. I am a brand new chicken keeper but I have gone above and beyond to provide them with the very best. They even have a chandelier in their coop. I just started a blog and I am going to link to this fantastic post.

    Blessings,
    Tonita

    ReplyDelete
  44. OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!! Thank you for completely tickling my funny bone this morning, I SO needed it. I am so grateful that you share your wonderfully God given sense of humor with us on a regular basis. Don't ever change!

    ReplyDelete

Thanks so much for leaving a comment!