Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Behold - the Mighty Vacuum



It's the only thing in your life that should suck.
Amen.

See, now - if I could just stop right there.  Wouldn't that be a cute little post?
Witty - smart - cute.
Drivel-less.
I am going to stop saying drivel, cause I'm sure it's getting old.

But I can't stop there.
I have to tell you why I started vacuuming to the point of obsession.
I have to tell you what kind of vacuum I have, and why I like it, ad nauseum.

I know a lot of you chuckle at my vacuum fetish.
Y'all even make fun of me over it.
Yes, y'all. 
I think I have to spell it right.
I'm a conformist.
I'm sorry Shannan.

First, I must address something.  Did I spell gallivant wrong?  I originally spelled it galivant, which looks right to me, and spell check changed it to gallivant.  Why do these things bother me so?  Misspelled words prick my brain like an insect bite.

My obsession with vacuuming started when I found myself with a houseful of cats and fleas.
I kept getting bitten.
I was freaking out.
The thought of bugs in my house flips me out.
The whole bed bug scare has me flipped right out, especially knowing that on November 12th I'll be sleeping in a Holiday Inn bed in Columbus, Ohio.
My skin is crawling thinking about it.
When I know there is something in my house that shouldn't be there - law, there is no rest to be had for anyone.  I talk about it non-stop, and think about it constantly.

I began my attack.  I really didn't want to bomb the house, or use strong chemicals.  So I used me vacuum and borax.  I would walk in my living room with white socks on and stand there for a minute.  Within that minute, I would see the dreaded black seed on me sock.  I would get the vacuum out and vacuum wildly.
Numerous times a day I would do this.  White sock, stand there, vacuum.  I did this until I no longer saw any black dots on me sock after five minutes. It took a little over a week.

I'm embarrassed to tell you how many times a day I vacuumed back then.
For me to do it once a day right now is so totally normal, you have no idea.

I have an Oreck XL2 vacuum, and I love it.
If I had unlimited funds, I would probably have a much different vacuum, but this one serves my purpose.
I paid around $300 for this one.
It's lightweight enough for me to carry upstairs without clunking it all around.
It has a hypo allergenic cover, and I go the extra step and use the hypo allergenic bags as well.
They are rather costly, but I think my health is worth it.
Dreaded dust allergy.

The feeling that vacuuming gives me is a feeling of order.
It's the finishing touch to my chores for the day.
As I'm taking it out of the cabinet that I keep it in, I have a sense of accomplishment that the house chores are about done.
I don't like seeing giblets on the floor.
I don't know how y'all with kids do it.
Do you ever make peace with the giblets?

34 comments:

  1. Jayme you are wacky in a good way.
    Nothing wrong with a super vacuumed, super clean house. Better that than the opposite.
    I have a built in and I love it.
    Have a great day!

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  2. I understand. We believe it (the vacuuming obsession) is a recessive trait carried on the maternal X chromosome that has been passed on in our family for 3 generations now..... I don't see any signs of it in my children, though.
    kim
    p.s. I love hearing about ( and talking about) vacuum cleaners. Gonna go dance with Mr. Dyson right now.

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  3. Oh Jayme BLESS YOU! I thought I was the only woman in the world who blogged about her love affair with her vacuume!
    I moved into a house built in the 1970's and my kitchen floor is DARK RED! I am married to a farmer and I have two young kids with one on the way. This kitchen floor shows every "giblet" in the world and I sweep daily and mop several times a week.
    Makes my skin crawl just looking at my kitchen floor now!

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  4. I, too, am a vacuum aficionado. I instilled that little bit of craziness in my youngest son. We love shopping for vacuums, using vacuums at home, at other's homes, etc. When I have a bad day at the office, I go home and vacuum. It is mindless and I love those little tracks in the carpeting. When I lived in Seattle I had a "whole house" vacuum system. I thought I had died and gone straight to heaven! I vacuumed every single day.

    And don't even get me started on attachments!! I LOVE the crevice tool. All those little bits of thread, dust or whatever that end up next to the baseboard gone in moments with a crevice tool. Mercy.

    I think I need to fire up the Fantom and get some cleaning done!!

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  5. I use a shop vac in my house!!
    Crazy huh??
    I have one just for the house..not to be used anywhere else.. and I love it!!
    I can get everything with it..floors baseboards blinds..legos you name it!!! Plus it has all of the cool attachments and I can take it totally apart and bleach the hoses out canister etc.! (I am a recovering bleach queen)
    Girl it sucks!! But good!
    I am on my third one!!
    Oh and the bedbugs creep me out too..my Hubby used to travel and I would go meet him and always carried my Bengel spray to the hotel and sprayed everythang..behind the headboard,behind paintings on the wall..all of the crevices..haha and I took my clorox spray and lysol too and hit that bathroom good and every surface in the room too!! I watched one too many Dateline episodes on nasty rooms~
    It aint a vacation if you have to share it with germs and bugs!!
    Well I have probably totally creeped you out so tata for now!
    Blessings~

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  6. OMG! I absolutely love to vacuum and do so every single morning before I leave for wrok! It gives me such a sense of accomplishment and instant gratification - dirt was there, now it isn't.

    Blessings to you...

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  7. I love that you use the word "gallivant" or however you spell it. Grandma always uses that word..."Oh, she's out gallivantin' around somewhere."

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  8. I have worn out so many vacuum cleaners you would not believe! I dream of a Dyson. Carry on!

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  9. Don't you dare stop using the word: Drivel. It's one thing that drew me to you...your blog and all.

    lol. Seriously. You remind me so much of one of my dear friends.

    It makes me laugh. I need to laugh and you've become one of those little moments in my day to that regard. :)

    Ok... now back really reading your post. I just needed to get that off my chest.

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  10. Oreck Sisters UNIT!! Am I weird enough to think that because you love your Oreck like I love mine, that we have some strange inseparable bond? YES...YES I do! I was a little worried you were a "Dyson" girl. I have a friend that's a Dyson lover. Never liked the canister vacs myself. This house is vacuum daily but I have 3 teenagers that take on that chore. We've had a bout with the fleas this spring. The thought of it makes my skin crawl. I think I've sprayed enough chemicals on this house to kill all of the fleas in the county. I'm quite obsessive about it too. Everything in my house was torn apart, sprayed, vacuumed, washed, powdered, shaved etc. about three times. I had Mr. D hose down the yard about 4 times and I feel like I want to do it again just for fun. No, really...the thought of those little crazies coming back...well, I don't need to tell you. Poor dogs still get a hose down with some spray before they go outside just in case! Now that I've successfully got myself itching and twitching...it may be a good day to shave the dogs!

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  11. the comment about sucking cracked me up:) Will you come to my house vaccuum??

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  12. You're too funny. Gosh, I don't know if people who have kids--and have some of the same quirks ever make peace with giblets and such. My mom was a vacuum fiend, just like you. I shouldn't saw was, I guess she is. She had a big ol fern plant in her living room and it drove her nuts if the tiniest little leaf fell on the floor. She just looooved the look of the vacuum lines on the floor. We would love to drive our little tractors in the carpet making fields and Mom would immediately vacuum them up. I guess she passed it down a bit when I told my husband to walk up the side of the stairs because I had just vacuumed them and company was coming. He just laughed and asked me I wanted him to levitate up the stairs.

    Lady, I have a thirteen month old daughter and am not sure how I'm going to do this---make peace with the giblets and all! :)

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  13. I laughed out loud at your 'white sock' flea test ... I used to do the very same thing!! I wish more people would go about flea erradication in a more responsible manner like you are. There's no short cut, and vacuuming is the best way to stir up the little boogers to get rid of them. Bombs don't work, they just spew messy poison, and never in the places where the varmints are hiding. I just found out last week that they make Frontline for cats, and all five of mine got a dose this morning. We'll see how it works.

    Connie

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  14. Us people with kids vacuum ATLEAST once a day and there's still grub to be found. I like the idea of a shop vac though..... I also mop atleast once a day, because floors are a fetish of mine too.

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  15. I had a big heavy,duty,Mother of all vacuum. One year for Christmas I asked for an Oreck! The kids all thought I was nuts..(I am but that's a different story). I LOVE my Oreck. I have had it for 10 years and still love it. When we moved into this house and rebuilt it we put in Central Vac...but I still drag my little Oreck out and use it. It's the best! Smiles- Diana

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  16. I have a pet series IROBOT and my puppy doesn't shed. But I get so excited when I empty it, I yell to my husband to "come see what the vacuum picked up" isn't that sick.

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  17. My sister wore out her carpeting with excessive vacuuming (as much as 4 times daily). Our 7 year old grandson LOVES vacuums & loves using them. He actually looks for ads in the newspaper in case vacuums are on sale! I own 2 shop vacs, 2 cannisters with floor attachments (one for each level) 1 handheld (small job) @ 1 rechargeable (giblets). LOL

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  18. Amid all the other hilarious topics in your post, may I ask what you will be doing in Columbus, Ohio? Am I missing something fabulous that would bring you all the way to Ohio? Auction? Country Fair? Flea Market? Why yes, I am a Buckeye!

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  19. Oh girl you are ah hoot!
    If I may leave ah witty silly here...
    I dream of jist opening the door and having a giant leaf type blower and blow all the cooties out the door. Jist sayin is all.

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  20. Funny! I really think you should do a commercial for that company. Why not take the vacumn to the Holiday Inn and vacumn before you even get settled in the room. I am a home-body and as much as I like to travel, I like my own bed. Vacumn and smile.

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  21. Yes, I can relate. I have an Oreck & I dearly love it. I've also done the sock test a few times, I hate those fleas. You also use terms I'm familiar with - gallavantin, aye law, all those good ones.

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  22. I so know what you are talking about! I "have to" vacuum every day or the house just feels dirty to me. With two kids, two dogs, guinea pig and birds there is lots of hair, shavings and feathers to be sucked up... Not to long my precious dyson died on me and we went and got a new one the very next day. He's almost part of the family. ;-)

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  23. Chris is officially jealous of your $300 vacuum. Since he is the official sweeper in our house, our piddly $100 junker is the bane of his existence...as is having girls with long hair, a dog with black hair, and boys who leave schnivelies all over the ding dang place.

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  24. I agree with the whole vacuum putting things in order business! Thanks for the info about feeding the chickens umm chicken, totally worked, getting eggs again!

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  25. Love my "central vac system!" Amen!!! Okay, that AND my instant hot by the sink... I'm with ya on vacuum vacuum vacuum, but we STILL got giblets everywhere - ICK! One Farmer/construction guy, two wee country kids, one hay covered horse trainer, one ground draggin' Beagle, one sheddin' mess o Shepherd cross pupster, one (supposed to be outside but so sweet despite our allergies) cat... GIBLETS GIBLETS GIBLETS! WAR not peace.
    Re bedbugs- leave your suitcases in the car = no hitch hikers.
    hugs,
    Leslie
    BTW, still waiting for news of the travelling squirrel cooking classes
    PPS hope all my typos here n on my blog don't overload you. I try but I'm old n tired w/a slow Mac...

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  26. I've shared many things with you Jayme, but I don't think you know the real me. The one who has 4 vacumns, 5 if you count the handheld. It came on late in life, the first 19 years I just had one vacumn, a wonderful Hoover, may she rest in peace! So, I think you are NORMAL!

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  27. Oh yeah, the vacuum, over the past eighteen years I've have one or two pets or another, first a golden, she passed after twelve years, a month later two cats, now this past month a golden puppy who has turned our lives sideways. And the hair, that fine puppy hair, rolls along the floor when you walk by like tumbleweeds in the desert. After six years with no dog I forgot what it was like to have one that sheds and brings in little bits of leaves and other outdoor garden tidbits in between her paws. So I pay homage to my vacuum, and so does Madigan, the puppy. Every time I bring it out she wags her tail like a propeller and loves it up. I even have it on video, it's a hoot. But I'm like you Jaymie when I am finished vacuuming I feel satisfied, complete somehow that my house is also in order.
    Donna

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  28. I want and NEED a new sucker in my house. I want to be able to say, 'BEHOLD' when I take it from it's closet. I want to love my vacuum cleaner.

    And about those fleas, I have one word.

    FRONTLINE. Works great. Rowdy had fleas when we brought him home to live with us. He is now on Frontline. Itch be gone!

    DI

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  29. Did I tell you I have that exact model? I think I'm going to run it by the repair shop and see if it's worth fixing, otherwise it's a new vacuum for moi. Might as well get another Orek as I have a bunch of bags and belts for it already and it served me well for many years and many miles.
    Could this possibly be a more boring comment?
    I think not.

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  30. I am actually in the market for a new vaccuum. So, thanks for the suggestion. There is nothing wrong with the vaccuum I have now. It's just bagless, and it makes little sense to me why anyone would want a bagless. You filter out all of the alergens only to dump them into the garbage, beat out the filter and have them all end right back up in your face.

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  31. I have a 10-room house, with hardwood floors throughout (even the bathrooms.) I have just 4 area rugs, no bigger than 5' x 7.' I prefer to see, and walk on, the unadorned hardwood floors. And we have no pets and no kids. So there just ain't a lot of vacuumin' goin' on over here. But brooms and dustmops? I got lots to say about those....it's mighty hard -mighty hard- to find a good dustmop.

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  32. I am one with the giblets. It's just easier.

    I have the same vacuum (spelled wrong?). What do you use to suck around the baseboards and the couch? I just "inherited" this vacuum when we moved.

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  33. Awww I love a good vacuum! I have all wood floors with some area rugs and wall-to wall (do people still say that)in my bedroom. I vacuum every day but I have two pugs.... little old ladies that have become floor pillows. They take care of the giblets, but it just doesn't feel clean if I don't do it.
    I have two Dysons but I have shared that drivel with you before I think. Goes back to the shoulder deal. BTW, I love me some drivel. Some days I think ...do I just love to hear myself talk?- or do I really have a lot of interesting things to share! I am afraid to ask anyone else ;)

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  34. Oh and don't you love the marks on the carpet... I hate then to walk across. Gotta have them going a certain way.... gotta run -and get a life!!

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