Wednesday, January 13, 2010

FREEDOM!!!!!!



Remember the movie Braveheart? Remember when Mel Gibson screams 'ffffrrrreeeedddooommm'?

I have chills.

That's how I feel today.

Free.
Light as a feather
(which is saying a lot for someone that weighs as much as an adult gorilla)
Joy.
Pure, unabashed Joy.
I'm gonna burst.

Why?
It's not cause I've lost a few more pounds this week.
Honestly, I'd have to go back and look at last week's post to even know what I weighed. I just don't really care anymore.

I've broken free from the chains of calories, charts, restriction and beating myself up.

Something to think about.
Ask your naturally thin friend (you know we all have them, the ones we secretly hate and wish would get fat one day so 'they could see what's it's like')
Ask them if they know what their weight was on their wedding day.
Ask them how many calories are in cheesecake.
Ask them how they stay thin.

Chances are, they don't know.
I'm not saying skinny people are stupid. :-D
I'm saying, they probably don't care.
They haven't spent the better part of their adult life studying calories and fat grams and charting their life by what their weight was on any given day.

My life on the other hand has been charted by my size.
Oh, remember when Aaron was born?
Oh do I. I was almost 300 lbs that day. I was a size 26.
Remember your wedding day?
Ohhhh, yess.....size 14 wedding dress, 183 on the scale.
Remember when we went to Florida?
Let me think....oh yes, I was about 220 then....


I kept my socks on this week. I like chippy, rough rustic things.
Just not when I'm talking about my feet.
Mama Hen would gasp. I didn't want to upset her so early in the morning.

I'm continuing to wait for hunger. I'm continuing to stop when I feel the least bit satisfied.
I've eaten past the point of satisfied once this week, and I didn't beat myself up. I simply thought 'Well, it's gonna be a while before I feel hungry again'.
Food tastes REALLY good when you are REALLY hungry.
I've very picky with my food now.
I will not eat anything 'mediocre', cause I feel it's such a waste of a good hungry growl.
Am I scared? A little bit.
Scared that this won't last.
Scared that I won't 'get what I want' - meaning, endless food.

I made the most delicious and beautiful Lemon Meringue Pie on Monday.
(yes, Martha DOES live here - Ha!)
The fresh eggs and lemons, oh girls, it was a beauty.

Last night, before bed, as I was crocheting, I started thinking about that pie.
Imagine that, there was some actually left. Normally, it wouldn't have lasted about 30 minutes in the house, with Glen getting once slice.

I started thinking about that pie like a secret lover.
Glen was already in bed.
Ohhh, I could slip in the kitchen and have a little rendezvous with that pie.
Just me, a fork and that luscious lemon pie.

I stopped.
I thought 'Food, ya ain't my lover, and if you were, you'd be a bad one'.
I didn't have pie. I wasn't hungry.

I had lunch at 'Noodles & Co' yesterday while I was waiting for Jinksie to be done on the Neuter Scooter (it's a mobile spay/neuter thing).

I got a small plate.
It's looked ridiculously small.
I ate it slowly, it was the perfect amount.
I had to fight the feelings of fear a little....fear that..."well, wait a minute there partner, when are you gonna have a chance to eat something again? You are gonna be out all day, maybe ya just better fill up to make it til dinner".
Preposterous thinking.
Me? Starve to death?
I think not.

I hope that in some way, my journey here can help someone. Time will be the proof if this 'works'. Truth of the matter, I'd rather be chubby and happy, than chubby and miserable.

Please be kind to yourself today.
You are where you are. You can't go back and change a darn thing.
Walk forward from this moment.
Be conscious.
Settle yourself down so you can hear yourself.
Don't get overwhelmed and run to the next diet to lose weight.
Don't run to the refrigerator either!
Be still.
You know what to do.

35 comments:

  1. Our church had a diet program called out of egypt it costs $100.
    the whole idea was just what you found out on your own. Dont eat if you are not hungery etc. I have the knowlage but willpower is my main struggle.
    Jenny

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  2. That is exactly what I am doing! I am learning to appreciate what hungry really feels like. It is not a bad thing after all! In 6 weeks I have lost 8 lbs, I have about 22 to go before I reach what I am calling my target weight.
    It is good to find someone else who is walking this road.

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  3. There are so many that don't know what real hunger feels like any more. We've been used to munching any time we feel the urge, any time something looks good, any time things are offered to us - and for whatever reason, we fail to be able to say "No thank you" or look the other way. Encouraging post today.

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  4. "Please be kind to yourself today.
    You are where you are. You can't go back and change a darn thing.
    Walk forward from this moment.
    Be conscious." Love that!!!

    I'm sorry Jayme, I am probably one of those skinny girls you hate. I was born that way-please don't hate on me;) I am also only a little over 5 foot tall and I hate being so short..so there ya go. Wish I could stretch myself but I don't see that happening. Ha Ha Ha
    I had a post on facebook yesterday
    that I think fits here today-~
    “You can't be envious and happy at the same time” Frank Tyger
    Think that is going to be my motto for a bit. Take Care (~~) Julie

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  5. Settle down, be still...good advice! You are doing great Jayme. I started the day with a piece of wheat toast (my day starts early, 5AM) but Dr. Oz says we need to eat about 500 calories per meal plus a 300 calorie snack(1800 calories for women) to keep our bodies burning at top efficiency. That just didn't make sense when I heard him say it last week. But you know, I've done the no breakfast, little lunch and then Katy Bar the Door Dinner to Bedtime thing for a 20 years and it's put a lot of weight on me. I think he's right...

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  6. Yeah for You!! It IS like having new found freedom. I made a change in my life about 11 years ago when I decided to view food differently (and as a result lost 30 lbs.). I decided to start looking at vegetables and fruits as wonderful things for my body, and I could eat my fill of them. Sugar, white grains, etc. were poison. These would hurt my body. I could only eat at treat like this once a week. Worked for me!

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  7. You and I are living the same life only in different parts of the country. Do you recall a sister that might have mysteriously disappeared from your life? I found your wonderful blog not to long ago and it amazes me how much our thoughts and activites are alike. This is my first day leaving the homestead in seven days (the chickens need cracked corn, their winter treat). It is so nice to know there are others in this world who live and enjoy the same things in life as you do. I love this blogging world and am so happy to have found yours.

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  8. Congrats. I like your philosophy about eating and life in general.

    We all forget to be kind to ourselves and it is so important.

    Have a peaceful day.

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  9. Your last paragraph should be etched in stone somewhere. It's perfect for all of us -- no matter what our size is!

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  10. You are awesome Jayme!

    And I don't think you could ever upset me!

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  11. Bravo! Stands and applauds. Whistles. Tosses la fleur at the podium.

    You got it.

    On another note, I thought that was a picture of you taken after announcing you don't wear underwear.
    Yes I am laughing. Hard.

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  12. What a great post! (as always!!) You are an inspiration and I love your philosophy. I shall try so very hard to "be kind to myself today"...

    Congratulations! Well done!

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  13. Thanks Jayme. You are: "encouragement" on a blog page. :-) You go!

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  14. Way to go Jayme. So glad someone else is on this journey of health and losing weight. It sounds like you are on Weigh Down. I did that and lost all my excess and kept it off for many years.
    This time after trying a few others in my "menopausal midlife crisis" I am trying something new, but very similar stuff.
    Keep at it. You will do fine. Can't wait till we both can celebrate together when we reach our goal.
    Thanks again for the inspiration.
    Mari
    marilarkin.blogspot.com

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  15. By the way, Jayme, I'm originally from Indiana too...Goshen in fact. My folks still live there.

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  16. Jayme, You are doing GREAT! Thanks for the encouragement and shared education. Just what I needed.
    Your Wednesday's Post is a blessing to many.
    Susan

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  17. Good work Jayme! Be proud. :) Thanks for sharing your insights - I do find them very helpful and encouraging.

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  18. Good job, YOU! No...wait a minute...GREAT job, YOU!

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  19. Love it!! Don't you just get so sick of thinking about your weight, and food, and calories, and all of it.
    Way to go.

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  20. Good Lord woman. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes, sniffling. You weigh just what I weigh, I bet I'm shorter than you though. I'm always shorter than everyone else. But that is EXACTLY how I chart my life too. By what I weighted and when. Amazing.... Do you have kids??

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  21. It will work Jayme. It's the way God designed our bodies to function, so I think you're on the absolute right path!

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  22. When you eat too much, drink a couple of glasses of water and say to yourself: Well, now I just did something good by hydrating my body, and let it go. You won't think about food endlessly when it stops having such a devilish hold on you. You will be able to have some, go on about your business and think about better things to do. I'm telling you, these exercise rituals are hell on earth and put together by mega publishers praying on us fool women. Just go ask Helen. She'll tell you. (Hey, I lost a couple pounds too!)
    Brenda

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  23. Hey girl! I'm surprised at how much we still have in common after all these years. I'm really trying not to obsess about eating and what I weigh. I'm just happy that I've lost six pounds so far and I will continue on this journey grateful that I'm not alone. Thanks for still being the great person I remember. Love ya. Cynthia

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  24. Isn't it a beautiful thing when we realize that we don't HAVE to eat 3 meals a day plus a couple of snacks? Intentionally drinking more water and waiting to FEEL hungry works best for me. Then...EAT SLOWLY so my brain is on the same track as my fork! {all the while eating NORMAL foods!}

    I'm headin' in the same direction too Jayme...just think how much better we're gonna feel! I truly think our bodies will adjust to the weight we are supposed to be when we just THINK before we do.

    Good advice for all other areas of my life too!

    You're an inspiration, galpal!

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  25. Although I don't struggle with too much extra weight, one thing I KNOW for sure...the only times I have really packed on the pounds ( except for pregnancy) were when I was dieting. Yes, dieting! I have also noted that I forget to eat often, and sometimes when I am very busy or stressed lose enough weight to concern my husband....but when I again concentrate on eating...or losing weight, I eat more, and more frequently.So I decided a few years ago on the very plan you are talking about. And I don't waste any time or appetite at all on food that does not appeal to me!

    My husband has a bit of excess weight he has had to deal with, having been a former skinny kid who did not even think about excess weight...I noticed when he is supposed to be watching his weight he eats more and is always looking forward to his next meal. I don't even bother him with discussing this or nagging. I keep his special cupboard supplied with the very best chocolates because I discovered 2 or 3 chocolates make him happy and satisfy him immensely , thus negating the need for a big "diet" snack or two.And we all know a happy spouse is a spouse we can live with quite well.

    I enjoy reading your blog.Hope this plan works for you, or this non-plan. Either way, you will enjoy the life God has given you without the false guilt. Take joy!

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  26. You're amazing. I like your thinking.

    Blessings Gail

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  27. Hi Jayme!
    In honesty I really only should worry about losing 15 lbs not the 20 I think I need to lose, but my struggles with my mind, not the food, are the same as yours. Just to give you another bit of a lift up...I WAS that naturally thin friend that is now not naturally thin...hopefully you wouldn't have hated me...but I'm with you now and rooting for you. Being happy IS the most important thing and with that happiness brings a whole new world of success. Take one day at a time, continue to not beat yourself up and I love reading the humor that is naturally yours. Good luck and keep inspiring!

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  28. First congrats on the weight loss!!!
    2nd, I just found your blog this week and I LOVE IT!!! I use to raise chickens, but when we began to have snake problems in the chicken lot, I had to get rid of them. I hate snakes!

    Cathy

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  29. Yes!!!!!!!!!You said it all and that is how it should be exactly.

    Don't feel guilty when you eat is the number one thing.

    You have everything figured out Jayme, so I know you will be successful this time..; )).

    You are right, skinny people don't count calories or think about it all the time, maybe that is the secret?

    Good luck to you with everything.

    Love,
    Mirjana

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  30. Thanks for your words of wisdom.

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  31. Just logging on and catching up. Great post and I agree. I never thought about my weight or what I ate, until I had a life change, went back to school and became a chef. Then I began to worry I would gain weight from being around food all the time. Well you get what you think about! In two years I have gained a whooping 45 pounds. I realized at about the same time you did, that it was the constant thinking about it that did me in.
    Your doing great!

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  32. I am emailing you again right now.

    Help!

    L-

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  33. You are such an inspiration to so many in so many ways. I love what you are doing and it has made me stop and thing before I eat something. I'm so excited for you. You are doing great!

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  34. Oh, Jayme! This post is both hilarious and touching and so moving. It's the sort of writing that comes from the heart and is genuine and doesn't fear what others will think or say. I so admire you girlfriend! Thank you! I too feel liberated with your words. thank you thank you!

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