Wed - Part Two

Healthy Pizza - Fast

Still can't believe I made the goal. I seriously drug my heels to the scale this morning.

I really hate the way the scale can dictate your day.

I'm working on it not being that way.

As Helen so wisely pointed out, an all or nothing attitude will sabotage you.

So it is with 'diets'.

It's a word I won't be using here. I won't tell you the 'diet' I'm following, but I will tell you what I'm incorporating into my life.

If you want me to.

I figure I'd spill the whole beans next Wednesday.

Promise me this.

You aren't going to 'start your diet' on January 1st.

You aren't going to 'start' on Monday.

You won't have 'your last supper' before you do 'start'.

Has that EVER worked?

Now, please, if you've left me a comment about 'starting' or 'dieting', please don't feel bad!

What I wanted to talk about today is 'why'.

Why do you want to lose weight/make life changes/etc?

As you've come to know me on the blog here (or if you do in real life) you will realize that I'm kinda a 'tell it all' kinda girl.

I'm going to share my 'Why' with you.

It's very personal, but here it goes:

It's now time to put in elusive words the feeling in my heart and spirit about my body transformation. Why do I want to do it? The reasons are many, some pure vanity, some you could say are almost 'spiritual' reasons. Many are based on the knowledge of being at a 'healthy' weight and eating good whole foods will prolong my days, and the life in those days. Some of the reasons are to make a few people jealous! There I said it. :-)

I want to wear my Banana Republic Green Corduroy Pants! When I look at those pants, that fit me so well a couple of short years ago, there are many emotional ties to those pants. I bought those pants in Branson MO. ME in a Banana Republic? It felt so good to be 'normal' and to shop and find clothes that fit. I have so many happy memories of those pants. I know I looked good in them! I loved how my stomach looked. I remember that trip to MO, when my aunt was so proud of my accomplishments, and beamed with pride for me. When my cousin Jim was able to pick me up and carry me around. I'd never been picked up by ANYONE since I was a child. That was a crazy good feeling! I felt light on the inside as well. Lightened from the burden of failure and shame and self loathing, old friends that have come to visit again in the last year. I have those pants hanging in the bedroom now, with that little orange shirt that I used to wear with it, that I swear would fit a preteen girl now. It seems so far away, so long ago in the past, yet I KNOW in less than a year, I could be wearing my Banana Republic Pants AGAIN. :-) That thought makes me smile. I associate being happy and carefree when I see those pants.

I want to lose weight so I can move around the garden again and not feel old and sore and stiff and achy. I want to dream of the gardens I can plant and tend, and not think 'oh, I just couldn't handle that'. I want my vegetable garden to brim with organic veggies, and all the while, there I am, in my tanned toned glory, beaming in the garden, working the soil, working my soul.

I want to lose weight so I don't see the looks on my friends faces, almost apologetic that I've gained the weight back 'again'. It seems like the same looks those friends give to other friends whose husband has left them, or some other 'unmentionable' tragedy has befallen them.

I want to lose weight so that I will see my beloved nephew grow to be the man that he is, and to bear children, and I want to see his children's children. I want to be there for him, and be a blessing to him and his children, not the sick 'old Marmie' that they need to take care of, because I was never able to tame the demons that plague me, my addictions to food, be they for emotional reasons, or purely because I'm a spoiled brat that wants her cake and to eat it to. LITERALLY!

I want to lose weight so that I feel that the outside that the world sees will reflect what I feel inside. Strong, beautiful, caring, compassionate, funny, intelligent. I don't want to 'hide' anymore behind this curtain of fat.

I want to lose weight so that my example will hopefully encourage my sisters to start a path towards a healthier and happier lifestyle.

I want to live. To the fullest. I want to be full and fat on life, and joy, and friendship, and all that life has to offer.

To think that my fork and my hand are keeping me from experiencing all the above, quite frankly angers me, saddens me, and puts a fire in my belly that right now seems that it won't ever be quenched, but history has proven that it is quenched, and at times often.

My goal now, to learn to keep that fire burning.

I do believe if you will think about 'your why', it will help you to make the daily choices you need to make. It helps me, most oftentimes. Sometimes I'm beyond help!

The pizza pictured above is one of my favorite lunches. It's not gourmet, or anything fancy, but it tastes good and it's good for you! I take a whole wheat pita bread and slice it half, so I have two whole rounds. Then I 'smear' (proper culinary term) some canned pizza sauce on that pita (my favorite brand is Pastorelli). I put on about 4 oz. of cooked chicken (I like sauteing it the least bit of olive oil you can manage, and adding some italian seasonings.) Then I top it with a half of a cup of fat free mozzarella plastic cheese. :-) Bake it until it resembles a pizza. This is also delicious when fresh tomatoes and basil are available from the garden. I sometimes load it up with veggies too.

This is getting to be an incredibly loooong post.....

Here's Aaron's review of 'Pioneer Woman's Marmalade Muffins'

I just loved how he had all the ingredients ready to go. My little chef.

So Aaron? Thumbs up or down? Did you like them? Would you make them again?

Ease of instructions?

"Thumbs up. I would make them again. I still can't get used to the directions (pictures) going up and down (vertically) instead of side to side (horizontally). The glaze was slightly grainy, but I'm not sure if it was my error or not."