Wellness Wednesday - Food Addiction

Onward, and downward.

The scale is moving in the right direction, I see muscles popping out in fun places.

I'm pretty much right on track to meet my January 2012 goal.

Am I perfect?

Law.

Far from it.

Am I working on it?

Yeppers.

I was called 'skinny' by two different people yesterday.

Trust me - I'm far from it - but compared to a year ago?  Ya - I'm skinny.

Aaron wanted to take my picture to show me how skinny I was...ha.

Love that BoyChild.

He keeps looking at me and asking me 'where did you go?'.

Within this post are some pics - I need you guys to vote on my hair color.

I've been a blond for a long time, and everyone tells me I look best as a blond - I feel the most like myself as a blond - if that makes a lick of sense - but here are a few pics of other hair colors I've had - interspersed with the text.

me with flaming red hair - very hard to maintain!

So here it is already - Wednesday.

And that means it's Wellness Wednesday.

Today I wanted to talk about food addiction.

This will be a rather short post - cause I'm no expert, I'm just a food addict - in recovery.

If you want to delve more into it - all ya'd have to do is Google it.

I still fight that title at times, I think they call that denial.

I'm coming to terms with it - some days better than others, some days - not at all.

I no longer hide to eat.

That was a big one for me.

Hiding in the corner of the pantry - stuffing my face with whatever came loose.

Baking chips, coconut, peanut butter, crackers, etc.

Going through drive-thrus alone - where the only people that knew of my devilment were me and 'Trish' at the DQ drive-thru - all evidence destroyed before I ever got home.

Now - if I do eat - I do it openly.

I ate nearly a half a bag of marshmallows on Saturday night.
I struggled to eat them openly - everything in me wanted to hide.

Why did I eat the marshmallows?

Well - it was the only thing in the house that would give me that feeling I was looking for.

An apple wouldn't have cut it.

My beloved broccoli (I made a special trip to the grocery store today cause I was out of broccoli - and I kissed it as I put it in the fridge - I've plum lost my mind.) wouldn't have cut it.

I needed sugar mainlined into my veins.

I needed bacon.

I needed pizza and bowls of ice cream.

I needed a feeling.

I needed a warm hug.

I needed chocolate and butter.

I?

Or 'it'?

The addiction.

I think 'it' needed it.

I try to separate myself from the addiction - because "I" want to be healthy, make healthy choices, and break free from the pull of food.

"It" doesn't.

It wants to be soothed like a baby when I'm feeling down.
It wants what it wants when it wants it.

It would have me sitting in a size 20 jeans again.

Blond hair gone wrong -

One of the things that helps me the most is to see myself in third person when I'm about ready to make a stupid move - like go to the Tastee Top and order a large cone dipped in Cotton Candy crunch topping.

It's almost like I'm watching a hidden video camera - of someone that's an addict - and I'm shouting 'no!  don't do it!'

There are still places that are hard for me to be alone.

Walgreen's is one.

Alllllll thaaatttt cannnndddyyy!

Driving alone - seeing McDonald's signs that say

"try our new mango smoothie" - I hear a voice in my head say 'Ok!'.

I still at times envision myself on an LSD type high - floating through space where food, especially pulled pork sandwiches float with me and I'm just eating and eating.

I still dream of swimming in the nude in pools filled with Sugar Babies and battered, deep fried cauliflower.

Brunette Jayme - weird huh? Rather hankering for dark hair again - maybe it's the weather...

But it's getting so much better - and the cleaner I stay, the quieter the voice in my head gets, and the calmer the cravings are.

It's not just about being a size 8 to me - it's about being free.

It's about nothing holding me back from being who I was created to be.

It's about not tripping over the same old tangled up roots in the yard of my life, but continuing on - growing, changing, evolving into the best Jayme there is.

It's about not digging my own grave with my fork.

It's about choosing foods that promote life and vitality.

I don't know what color this is!

It's about living for God's sake.

Food addiction is real.

I do believe that the very nature of foods most people consume on a regular basis are addictive.

Sugar, wheat, preservatives, etc.

If you, your true self really doesn't want to do something - something that you know is detrimental to your health - and you hear yourself saying 'I really shouldn't' - and you do it anyway -

wouldn't you call that addiction?