Saturday, April 3, 2010

It Really is a Wonderful Life - An Update on Aaron

One of my all time favorite movies is "It's a Wonderful Life".
I know almost every line by heart.
It's perfection.

One of my favorite parts in the movie is the very beginning, where they are just showing the angels talking, and you see the stars blinking in the sky.

Joseph is telling Clarence how desperately George Bailey needs their help.
Clarence asks 'Is he sick?'
Joseph replies, 'No, it's much worse, he's discouraged'.

Just think about that for a minute.

When I posted my 'Trouble in Paradise' post the other day, this is what I felt like inside.

Friends, I can't believe the outpouring of love, encouragement and advice you've given me.
I wish I had the time to answer each comment and email.
I have read them over and over.
I've shared them with my sister.
I jotted down all the book recommendations.

My sister said to me yesterday, 'Someone must be praying for us'.

We are so encouraged.

Remember the end scene where all of George's friends come in and drop money on the table?
I felt that you all came here and 'dropped' comments and prayers.
I feel the sense of the wonder and disbelief that George Bailey felt at that moment.
The unspeakable gratitude.

Clarence Oddbody wrote in George's book -
'Remember, no man is a failure, who has friends'.
I feel like the most successful woman in the world!

And before I get off of my "It's a Wonderful Life" soapbox, can we just talk about Donna Reed for a moment?

Look at this face.

Isn't that the most perfect face you've ever seen?
Don't you love how she fixes up the old house, mothers the children, and wears those little aprons?

Now look at this face.

Isn't this the most perfect face you've ever seen? :-)

I don't know where to begin on the 'update'.

I got home from Missouri on Tuesday night.

Wednesday night I talked to Aaron on the phone for a moment, and he called my sister a 'total a**hole'. I told him I wouldn't listen to him speak that way, and I'm not sure if I hung up on him, or he hung up on me....but we just hung up.

I drove over there.

By the time I got there, I could tell he'd been crying - a lot.

I took him in his bedroom and talked to him a very long time.
Let me just tell you that I've only raised my voice at Aaron one time in his entire life.
We talk.
We really talk, and really communicate.
He talks to me. He tells me how he feels, he tells me what he thinks.
We have a really good relationship.

In one part of our conversation, I asked him why he never spoke to me the way he speaks to his mother.

He said it was because he knew better.
He knew I wouldn't tolerate it.

I asked him why he spoke to his mother the way he did....
'because she let's me'.

Oh boy.

After Aaron and I talked for nearly an hour alone, I went out and talked with my sister and Aaron together.

Aaron confessed that he knew that if he acted terrible long enough, he'd get his way.

We calmly explained to him that it was no longer going to work that way.

I used this analogy. It's a sorry forgive me...but it got the point across.

I told him that he was like a dog that lived in a house where he chewed the furniture, pooped in the floor and barked constantly, and got treats for doing it.

This time, he wasn't getting any treats, so he barked louder, pooped more, and chewed up more things, hoping that behavior would work.

I've come to the realization that I really can't do anything to correct this behavior, because it's all directed toward my sister.

He's really great with me, and give me no grief.
How he treats my sister gives me a lot of grief.

That night, I really believe that we got through to him.
We all had such an open, honest conversation.

My sister said he's been a model child since.

I'm not silly enough to believe that this will be the end of it....but I do believe it's a great first step.

I believe in Aaron.
I believe he'll make the right choices in life.
I believe 'God knew we needed him' - another great line, from another great movie
"Anne of Green Gables"
I believe that Aaron will grow and continue to be one of the biggest blessings in my life.
I believe there will be more hard times to come.
I believe God will give us the wisdom.

I ended my 'Trouble in Paradise' asking if there was hope.
Today I feel incredibly hopeful.

Isn't that what Easter is all about?


  1. I think that is wonderful that you all talked about it. Your analogy sounds pretty good to me. Your sister, although it may be hard, needs to demand respect. She deserves respect..she's his mother for pete's sake. It is always hard to be the "bad guy". They will love you in the end for it even though they won't like it so much now.
    That is what life's about and Easter :D

  2. Yes Sweetheart that's exactly what Easter is about, well that and eternal life. I'm glad things are moving in a good direction, stand strong and when more dog doo comes, don't freak, doing all that you know to do...stand, believing God is willing and able to do His perfect will in all our lives. I so love all of you and can't wait to see you guys as soon as I can. This and Fiddler are my fav movies well, Anne and Sensibility too, but I love the pics you posted, I 've told Jess that my hearts name is George Bailey, many a times, my life is so like his. Come to find out, God intended me to be Mary Bailey. Go figure, aprons and all. lol You wonder why your one of my besties, you sweet girl, He knew I and so many others needed you in our lives,esp. Aaron. God is so good all the time! I'm so glad for you and I love the dog story, so love it. Call me when you get a chance. Smooches, Ra

  3. Anger and disrespect almost always means something more. I'm glad you hung in there and worked your way down to the bottom. KUDOS. You've yet again shown him he CAN count on you. And he will never ever forget that part.

    Answered prayers is a beautiful thing. All the best Jayme, this fine Easter weekend!


  4. Dearest Jayme...praising God for answered prayer. He is good, all the time.

  5. What a wonderful and very endearing sister and aunt you are to Aaron and his mom, Jayme. I so appreciate you taking time of this day before Easter to share the answered prayers with us. We will all continue to pray along with you. I'm learning so quickly what a wonderful community Blogland truly is.

  6. Communication. That is the number one problem solver in many situations. It is not always easy but it sure does open up for feelings to be expressed. I am proud of the three of you.

    I have always been a fan of Aaron and will continue to be as he growns and learns. I have total confidence in him. He will have his up and downs but he does need to know the time and place for being respectful.

    Have a great day. Smile and hug yourself for being such a wonderful person to your Sissy and Aaron.

    Hugs, Dogwood/Cory

  7. My heart rejoices with your sister! Amen. I can feel your joy and hopefulness.
    Hey...that's what friends are for. They've helped me too through some tough discouraging dark days.
    I am happy for you all..and agree with you that God has BIG plans for Aaron's life.
    Thanks so much for sharing.
    Have a Blessed Easter.

  8. Jayme, I'm so glad things are going well. Communication is the key isn't it?
    Happy Easter my dear and God's blessings to you and your family!


  9. Healing begins with communication but then you already knew that.

    Happy Easter form Di
    The Blue Ridge Gal

  10. I will continue to pray AND to praise the good Lord for looking out for you 3!

  11. Hi Jayme,

    I didn't comment on the "Trouble in Paradise", post, but I read it and identified with it, and prayed for you. My situation is a little different, as it's a brother, who disrespects my mother, he's 50, she's 82.

    Your response to your nephew and sister, have been the answer to a prayer that I have been seeking answers to for a very long time . . . don't blessings come in the most unsuspecting ways? Thank you.

    Warm hugs,

  12. Jayme, I'm so glad you guys had such a wonderful talk. Aaron seems like a smart and wonderful boy and I'm sure if you guys stick together and talk about everything it will work out in the end. I do have to say, I love my girls more than my life, but I will not tolerate disrespect. My first job is to be their mom, not their friend and I do expect them to show us the same respect we show them.
    May the Easter season bring you peace and happiness always!

  13. Start taking notes, cause mine is about to turn 12! I may need to call upon your wisdom :).

    Hope you and all of your family has a blessed Easter.

  14. Had lunch today with my mother, my grown daughter and my two grandchildren.
    While waiting for lunch, they were sucking down their chocolate milk.
    I reminded them that they needed to save some for their meal.
    I told my daughter that when I take them out, and they finish their drink, they get water.
    She said, "Oh, Mimi is mean!" Meaning me.
    My grandson piped up and said, "No she's not. Water is good for you".
    I said, "Mimi just has rules, right Logan?"
    He piped up, smiling, "Right, Mimi."
    Nuff said.

  15. Had lunch today with my mother, my grown daughter and my two grandchildren.
    While waiting for lunch, they were sucking down their chocolate milk.
    I reminded them that they needed to save some for their meal.
    I told my daughter that when I take them out, and they finish their drink, they get water.
    She said, "Oh, Mimi is mean!" Meaning me.
    My grandson piped up and said, "No she's not. Water is good for you".
    I said, "Mimi just has rules, right Logan?"
    He piped up, smiling, "Right, Mimi."
    Nuff said.

  16. Dr. Dobson said years ago, "Children need to know that you love them enough to give them boundaries". I've been encouraged by that line for the 29 years I've been raising children and also as a teacher. Aaron is very blessed to be loved by you.

  17. I was so happy to read this. Somehow, I knew it would all work out. You're right. There will be more hard times, but I believe in Aaron. I know he has a good heart. Growing up is tough, but I believe he will be okay.

    I mean really, just look at those kind eyes :) Happy Easter, Jayme and family! -Tammy

  18. Jayme, so HAPPY to see you've had a breakthrough! There will be many more, but that's the secret, just keep strong. Do you ever watch the Dog Whisperer (Cesar Milan)? I love that show and am amazed at the the quick turnaround he makes with "impossible" dogs. Dogs who bite, dogs who destroy, dogs who poop in the house. He just says "No, we don't that." And magically the dogs obey. Was the firmness in his voice? He says it's his body language, and often proves it by sayin nothing at all. He tells the owners to expect the behavior they want and with discipline they will overcome bad habits. I tell Hubby "This could work with kids!" I know you are onto something and you and your sister have taken the first step, actually you've both put your foot down and said "No more." Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. And for Arron, he's going to grow in the loving family and realize that following rules is the first step on a long happy life. Good job Mommies!

  19. Oh Jayme,

    Isn't prayer wonderful. God just put the right words right in your mouth. Happy Easter.

    Blessings Gail.

  20. So, so glad that things are looking up, Jayme. These kids take us on one wild roller coaster ride....exhilarating and exhausting! Oh, boy!

  21. I am glad for the peace you are feeling. And I have to watch that movie every Christmas season and every time I cry when the bell rings and Clarence gets his wings.

  22. Amen for how God is working in this situation and in Aaron's life.

    God bless you all and keep you in His hands. Continue to pray for His wisdom in how to handle this.

  23. Yes,there is hope. I just got a call from my oldest son that I haven't seen in almost three years.
    God answers prayer and he will give you the wisdom you need.

  24. Easter-Eve backflips over here...I'm so glad that you have Aaron, Aaron has you, etc... God does know just what we all need. I'm proud of you, Sister. Good for you for seeing through the fog and talking. And I know exactly what you mean about the outpouring of love. See, just like I said, we played musical chairs and it was your turn. :)

  25. Isn't that what family is all about -- never giving up hope on each other?

    Wishing you a blessed Easter and all the wonders of spring,


  26. what a gift Aaron has in you. jan

  27. Isn't that just like our God?!

    Dogs n kids. Kids n dogs. All working together with loving rules, boundries and limitations. Just like Cesar says!

    Personally think a whack with rolled up newspaper works wonders too. On kids that is.

    Love you, poopsie!

  28. Children, boundaries, and love. Unconditional love.


    Happy Easter!

  29. I love your blog! Not only do I live my chicken keeping dreams vicariously through your blog but I love how you keep it real! I'm so happy that things with your nephew are on the mend. I have two little boys and when I think of the teens yrs to come I shudder. He's blessed to have a wonderful aunt who cares so deeply for him! I hope you have a lovely Easter!

  30. Marilla: "I can't help remembering as a little girl how awful hard I was bewildered trying to manage her."
    Rachel: "Well it's to your credit you changed her as much as you did."
    Marilla: Oh, she hasn't changed that much...not really. It's us that's changed Rachel.

    Jayme, as long as there is love, we all find our way.

    Happy Easter to you all.


  31. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us, sometimes it is easier to show the "good" parts of your life because that is what you wished your life was, but guess is not always sunshine and roses.
    It's a Beautiful Life is also a favorite of mine, I think that is we do not have the "downs" we do not appreciate the "ups". Many tragic things have happened in my life but that is what makes us strong and it also makes us have more empathy and inderstanding in our hearts! Things are not perfect but life is the process, the journey, not just the end result. I know that you have so much love in your heart and that this is be an special Easter for you and your family because of all that has happened. Thank you for taking time to send your kind thoughts to me and I want you to know that you have understanding friends are here for you, isn't that a comfort?

  32. What a blessing to read your update on Aaron! You're right, he'll test the waters again at some point, just as we all do, but each time he is met with firm love that says "no, I love you too much to let you act like that", I choose to hope that he will respond as he did this week. Did I mention that my middle child is nearly 12 and testing some waters, too? This has been a good reminder for me as well. Thanks for sharing with us so that we might all be encouraged!

  33. To quote another old Christmas Movie...
    God Bless us Everyone. :)

  34. That should be a commercial for parents and how to stick with it and do all you can to stay connected to your kids.

  35. Hi Jayme,

    I'm so glad Aaron and your Sis have you! I have a boy who tests my limits too and I know how your sister probably feels. Those boundaries are hard to set and hard to stick to as well. I'm keeping you all in my prayers and I'm so glad you're makes all the difference.


  36. Jayme, in regards to the SATS: Our umbrella school requires the children in 4th, 6th, and 8th grade take the test. I think it is a little much, but its what we have to do. I think most kids start taking the SATS for college in 10th grade and then they can have a couple of years to take it for college if needed.

    If your umbrella school doesn't offer it then you can probably call some private schools or other umbrella schools to see if he can take it just for practice. I personally don't think it is a good indicator of what the child knows, but most colleges require it. He could get some practice anyway before he has to take it for college.

  37. Children used to take the PSAT first as a practice. Just hang in there with Aaron. Being honest with him is the right thing to do. Sometimes it can be hard to get through the shell of indifference.


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