Saturday, August 16, 2014

A Hair Past Six




It was just a hair past 6:00AM when I seated myself in my sister's Ford Explorer - put my coffee in the drink holder and buckled myself in.

We were headed to Missouri.
My haphazardly packed vintage suitcase was in the back, and I wondered if I'd packed a hairbrush.

My oldest sister Vivian had taken ill, and the Pastor was summoning the family to come.

At a few hairs past 6:00AM my sister's cell phone rang with the news that Vivian had been unable to wait for us, and decided to go on home.

I've never lost a sibling before.
It's a different genre of grief.



It's losing a partner in crime - childhood memories - it's squinting at the horizon line of life and seeing something that you couldn't quite make out before - and now it's coming into view more clearly.
Your own mortality.

I just wanted to share one quick thing - and honestly, I just don't have it in me right now to say anymore.



In the final two days of my sister's life - she kept talking about a black cat. 
She wanted a black cat - a stuffed one - a real one - a black cat.
None of us knew where this was coming from.
My sister bought a little black stuffed cat for her, and was bringing it to her.
One of her caretakers had a black cat, and was bringing it by for a visit.
We were all perplexed.

Until today - going through photos - I found this.


My sweet sister Vivian as a child with a black cat.

This photo just tore me up.

I found this sweater today when shopping for an outfit for the services:


I do believe it's 95 degrees in Missouri, but I'm wearing this to the funeral.

I'll be gone the better part of a week - I'm so not looking forward to all of this - 
if I cross your mind this week - do say a prayer.
My mind is aflutter with thoughts like 'is she whole now?' 'is her mind working fully?' and 'why is it that we consider her abnormal?'

My prayer for us is that we'd really really realize how brief our time is here, and that we'd begin to be kinder to each other.  We'd be more understanding, patient, accepting.  We'd put our phones down and look into each other's eyes and have deep conversations.  We'd listen more than talk.  We'd cherish each other. We'd take our eyes off of Facebook long enough to enjoy the sunset.  We'd spend more time with friends and family.  We'd take better care of ourselves.  We'd slow down.  We'd even stop more often.

It's over in a blink.



48 comments:

  1. First of all her pictures with the curly hair and smiling face are adorable. When someone passes, suddenly it all becomes so real. Life after death that is. To answer your question, she still has her personality and remembers all of you, but her mind is working perfectly now! She is with your Mom and Dad, and possibly a black cat. Love you and your sisters and I will be praying for you.

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  2. Oh Jayme, I am so sorry for your loss. To lose a sibling must be heart-breaking. My deepest sympathy to you and your family. Hugs, Deb

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  3. You and your family are definitely in my prayers for days to come that GOD will give you strength and keep you safe while on the road. MY heart goes out to you in this time and I pray GOD will ease your pain. HUGS to you and yours.

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  4. Great memories and a lovely tribute and reflection. Praying for you as you spend time with family saying good-bye to sweet Viv!!

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  5. So sorry for your loss.............

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  6. Praying for your family. So sorry for your loss. I'm in Missouri too and it has been hot but you wear the sweater for your sister and enjoy every sunset and every sunrise!

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  7. I'm hurting for you but the thought that she is whole now, brings great joy to me and I know it will you to in the months to come. As you know I lost my brother 7 years ago, it wasn't til this year that I actually dealt with it. I'm so glad you have more siblings, it has to help. From what you've told me about Viv, she was like you in the sense of being so unique, living life her way. The fact that everyone around her loved her so means she was alot like you. I know I missed out by not knowing her personally, but I always enjoy you sharing stories with me about her. Those pictures are just gorgeous. I'll be here when ya get back, I'm a phone call away, much love to you and Cindy and Glenda. xoxo

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  8. I am so sorry you lost your sister. Big hugs.

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  9. Jayme, I am sorry for your loss. Love, Thoughts, Prayers, and Peace . . . <3

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  10. Heartfelt sympathy.....very heart felt.

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  11. Jayme,
    So sorry for the loss of your beloved sister, Vivian. May the happy memories carry you through.
    <3
    Julie

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  12. Jayme,

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I have lost both my younger brothers. You never get over it, but I can tell you that with time it gets easier. Sending so many blessings to you and your family at this time.

    Be safe in your travels.

    Love to you,
    Lynda

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  13. May your memories bring you comfort and your prayers give you strength. May Vivian rest in sweet peace. I am so sorry for the sorrow you are feeling; you and your family. Time to celebrate her life.

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  14. She is beautiful! Hugs.
    jan

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  15. I am so very sorry for your loss Jayme.

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  16. I'm so sorry to read about the loss of your sister. It was wonderful to see the old photos.

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  17. Praying for you, Jayme! So very sorry for your family's loss...
    Kate

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  18. Bless your sister on her journey to her next life. Keep strong, you will make it through this rough time. Love your prayer, I have often wished people would look up from their phones. Be well.

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  19. I love listening to you Jayme . . .
    such heart and a love you have about you . . .
    it gives me goose bumps . . .
    Love that you are wearing
    a black cat for sis . . .
    Loved this post and your grief truths . . .
    My caring . . .

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  20. Feeling so honored that you share your life's ups and downs with us, as we feel like your sisters in a different way. I will think of you and your family as you grieve and as you celebrate Viv. It always helps me to pray in a constant whisper, "Your Presence is my Peace". Hugs to you sister.

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  21. Jayme I am so sorry to hear the news of your sister, so sad for your and your family's loss. Maybe in her last days she did somehow see that little black cat in the photo........i would like to think so, I have lost many dear pets that i hope to see one day again, if that is true; Grieving for a lost loved one is tough work that one must get through, not over- i am hopeful that in the coming days you will see things or find signs that only your sister could place in front of you, and you will know that she is with you, always. May the peace that passes all understanding help you deal with your feelings and emotions as you deal with your loss, You are in my prayers Jayme....

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  22. So sorry you have lost your Sister. Such a wonderful reflection of how life should be. We should all be so lucky to have that in our hearts.... Prayers for you and your family.. Don't you feel that sweater was meant to be found by you?? I surely do... SANDI R.

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  23. So very sorry for your loss. I am offering prayers of peace and healing for you and your family.

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  24. OH MY. First of all please accept my heart felt condolence on the passing of your sister. What a tender time for you. Second, this post gave me chills. It made me cry. It made me stop and think about life. Really think. And that deal about the little black cat. Wow! Maybe she really did want the comfort and company of her little black cat. I bet now she has it! My prayers are with you at this time.

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  25. Take comfort in knowing that your sister is with her beloved little black cat. The love she shared with the cat came back to her! Sending you prayers. Maddie

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  26. I am so sorry for your loss. I recently lost my mother (1 month ago today); I can just imagine how it feels to lose a sibling.

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  27. Thank you for sharing your stories with us, Jayme. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister. I lost my little brother this summer to suicide. Now it's just my sister and I. I can't bear the thought of losing her. She means everything to me and has known me the longest of anyone else on earth. I'm beginning to understand why the old are happy to go. They are missing all their loved ones!

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  28. .......quietly 'sitting' beside you in prayer and sympathy Jayme.

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  29. I always look forward to your postings and was so excited when I checked tonight and saw a recent post. Didn't expect this, yet it's still the Jayme we love... the one who shares it all, from the heart and soul! Lifting you and your family in prayer for comfort and peace knowing your sweet sister if "home". Take care...Becky

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  30. Deepest condolences Jayme. So sorry to read this and the fact that you were not able to be there at her passing, that had to of been hard. I have lost a niece and sister in law too soon and both my in laws as well. I can't imagine how I will feel when I lose a member of my family. Your right Jayme, life is short. Greet each morning with gratitude and one should try to proceed with more kindness and care. May that little cat sweater bring you comfort, Thinking of you....

    Debra

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  31. I have been praying for you all weekend. I have two sisters, and I love them with all my heart. I cannot imagine losing one of them. Blessings.

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  32. So sorry to hear of your loss. I am thinking and praying for you. Hoping you have peace and find comfort in your precious memories.
    Jennifer

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  33. I'm so sorry for your loss, Jayme! You and your family are in my prayers.
    - Tori

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  34. I'm sorry Jayme. Praying for you and your family.

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  35. I am so sorry to hear about your sister. I lost my brother to cancer 15 months ago. It definitely is a different kind of grief. My prayers with you and your family.
    Melanie M

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  36. Jayme, So very sorry for your loss of sweet Viv. Have memories of her from when you and I were little. I know she is with mamaw and papaw Arp. She will be missed by many. My thoughts and prayers go out to you, Cindy, and Glenda. Love, Cynthia

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  37. So sorry for your loss, Jayme. There is nothing like a sister.

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  38. Oh my sweet friend- I am so sorry for your loss! Here I've been whining over things- and now they seem VERY insignificant- as they truly are. Take care of you- sending love and prayers your way!

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  39. Hugs to you. And prayers for peace.

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  40. So sorry Jayme. Praying God's comfort for you and your family as you go through this sad time. The kitten.....no words... just made me cry. I love your sweater. This was a beautiful tribute to your sis....

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  41. So very special that you found the photo with the black cat. Thinking of you, Jayme. xox

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  42. Oh sweeitie, I'm so sorry. Your post was spot on LOVEly and I appreciate that you share these wise thoughts and feeling while grieving. You were blessed to have each other and I'm sure she adores your special black cat top.
    (((hugs))) and prayers for comfort and joy in the memories,
    Leslie

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  43. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister. Losing a sibling is an awful experience. I lost my only brother, my only sibling, years ago.
    It still feels like yesterday.

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  44. Oh Jayme. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine. Sending love, hugs and peace your way.

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  45. Jayme, I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs....

    Cindy Bee

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  46. I'm so sorry to hear this Jayme.....lifting you up in prayer...Hugs...

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  47. Jayme- I have been away from blogging for the summer. I am so so so sorry for your loss. I understand your pain. I lost my only brother (only sibling period) a year and a half ago. He went quick- 4 days from diagnosis to death. I still feel a sense of shock and still wait for the phone to ring and him to say- Hello, Sister Dearest. It is an ache that is ever-present...the passing of this generation and knowing that WE are now THAT generation-the OLDER ONES.

    Your sister was beautiful. I don't think she was abnormal in God's eyes at all- We are ALL perfect in His eyes----we just don't get it on Earth sometimes.

    God bless you. Drop me a line when/if you can. xo Diana

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