Monday, February 17, 2014

This Should Make Me Happy


I should be so happy right now - 
Aaron just pulled out of the driveway, heading to work - his very first day of his very first 'real job'.  
And you know nothing good can come of a job.
You get a job, you get a car - next thing you know you are in a relationship and well - you are all flipping grown up.


He's got a job at the Vanis Salon here - and for those of you not familiar with this area -
 it's one of the top salons, and might even be the top.
Go big or go home.


I should be happy that he's 18 years old and he's working, and he's happy, and beautiful.
He's not only working, but he's doing what he's always wanted to do.
I am happy.
I mean, I am - really - sorta kinda.

How Aaron still seems in my mind.

I made breakfast for him today and we sat at the island eating together.
I refrained from giving him advice.
I filled his to go mug with Zen tea.
I didn't want to embarrass him with a home packed lunch with love notes and such - so I gave him my debit card and told him that lunch was on me today.


I sit here now in my worn out Life is Good hoodie, clutching my heavily sugared Tazo Awake tea, feeling.
Feeling.
Feeling, what?

A little lost.

Left behind.
Again.

Luckily, I've more shenanigans planned than I can shake a stick at, and only plan on giving myself an hour this morning to drink tea in my pjs, stare out the window at the snow and ruminate over my heartache of Aaron growing up without my permission.


Perhaps we'll have days like this again.

It's the natural order of life - for it to go on - for the young to grow, and flourish, and struggle, and thrive.
For the old to get older - and grow, and flourish, and struggle and thrive.
For the young to get old, for the old to pass.
But that doesn't mean I have to like it!



And so here I sit again, with a lukewarm cup of tea, a worn hoodie and a heart and mind full of memories. 
A heart full.  Pride, heartache, sadness, anticipation, and joy.

Memories of...

Legos and laughter.
School work.
Tears over scraped knees.
Missing teeth.
Arthur.
Sponge Bob.
Shenanigans.

I want a do over.







30 comments:

  1. Yes I get it. I cried when my son moved out at 20. Never did I count the days until he could move out. Now I have my girls 11 and 9 so I have a little while to hold off the day when I say goodbye through tears. I support people that never felt the need to parent but that wouldn't have made my life as happy as it's been.

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  2. Don't let your sorrow at him growing up overshadow the great job you did at helping to make him the kind of grown up that he has become... Be Proud of Him and of You!
    Barb

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  3. I too want a do over. My son is 18 - 4 months left of school and then off to college...The kids just don't understand.....yet....but they will if they have kids....that we as moms or "Marmies", put all of our beings into them and having fun with them, raising them and then what are we left with? Tears...and more tears and trying to "find" ourselves again.

    Hugs go to you Jayme..I know exactly what you are going through.

    I wish Aaron all the best in doing what he loves..he will do GREAT!!!

    Michelle

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  4. Oh Jayme, try to fly high with him. He is spreading his wings, and is succeeding at what he loves. He is so young to already know his life's work, for that he is so fortunate. May God bless you both as you grow more together.
    Susan

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  5. Another wonderful milestone in the path of life. You must be so proud. :)

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  6. I share your sentiments, Jayme. My eldest daughter has just gone to university. The pride and happiness at their growth and success cannot fill the empty hole they leave behind.

    Darn kids!

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  7. Reading this today brought back memories of my kids fleeing the nest...I do recall that after a period of time of reflection that life does go on. It's okay to take a bit of time to readjust...it is a bittersweet moment (or a million) but eventually we get to the point that we see them so happy doing what they want to do that it gets easier. Hugs, Jayme dear. xo

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  8. The pictures are adorable! How wonderful to see someone raised with love, kindness and positivity. Be proud and know you have someone that will always be in your life for many years to come.

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  9. He will do well... after all, it is you who shaped him. :)

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  10. Mine is a lawyer and she just told me this weekend she is having her first baby ...due in August. Happy days are here again...lol....life is a circle...we have to enjoy the curve!

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  11. Couldn't have said it better myself. I too want a do over!

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  12. Jamie, The kids just won't stop growing, no matter how tightly we squeeze them to keep them small. I always tell my daughter, squeeze your kids, they are growing too fast :):) We joke about this. If I dwelled on how fast it all ready went by, I would not be able to stop crying. I feel my heart is broken because of it.....but it's the way things are meant to be. Hugs to you....Aaron's your baby, no matter how old he gets. xoxox, Susie

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  13. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! This is SO tender. It's "Empty Nest" and I can relate to it so well with you right now. I have my own just turned 18 year old ready to fly away.... we will survive we women, we are strong and we are determined and we will do it. But darn it all, sometimes we just need an hour or two to sit and think back on where the years went, don't we! Someone once told me, the sign of a job well done with child rearing was when your 18 year old does not want to stick around but go out and do things in the world. Well done to you!
    P.S. That picture of Aaron and the chicken on the couch cracks me up!

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  14. Oh my... I, and no doubt so many others, know exactly what you are feeling. My daughter left for college and never looked back, came back and even contemplated coming back. She was so focused on moving forward. And so is doing so much more in life since graduating 2.5 years ago that I have in the 32 years since I graduated. Sigh. Doggone them anyway. I miss her every day. And my son is on his way out as well. And then what? Thank goodness for my dog... she loves me and adores me... and promises to never leave for college!

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  15. Oh- I hear you, Jayme, girl! I get my "do-over' through my grand kids. It is wonderful and exhilarating and sad and scary to watch them grow...to become the ages their parents used to be when I called them my own.
    The thing about loving someone like that though is that no matter how far they go they always come back to the love....and I think you have a pretty secure place in Aaron's heart. Geez- I wish he could get his hands on my hair! lol xo Diana

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  16. I totally know your woe. *sigh*

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  17. I sure do like the way you say things just the way they need to be said.

    wonderful photos
    good looking chap . . . very
    happy eyes and smile
    doing what he wants to do
    being who he wants to be
    can we ask for anything more
    one thing
    why does it happen so fast
    before we are ready
    to let go
    look at less full days
    with him doing his thing
    and left drinking tea and wishing

    a best ever
    special person
    in this young mans life . . .
    YOU ARE

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  18. Ahhhh, I've felt those feelings x 2. Once you get over the initial shock, you settle into a new normal.

    ~Laurie

    P.S. So far, I love the Spring Chicken Serum.

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  19. Jayme, I feel your pain. Brian moved out two weeks ago and I still have tears. We will get through this. Hugs. Cynthia

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  20. .....Aww Jayme, this sisterhood totally understands your heart 'ache' over the changes painfully felt -- nothing about love needs to be explained when it comes to our sweet darlings. Something tells me that on the other side of this life change will come some fabulous 'photo freeze' experiences to add to your album.

    ......children and butterflies are meant to spread their wings......love how you ended with this "pictured thought" Jayme.

    Blessings,
    Barbara

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  21. I have avoided Vanis like the plague as Ive heard stylists like to take creative license with your hair there, and I want what I want. Hopefully Aaron will succeed and Ive no doubt that he will. I felt the same way you do now when my son abandoned me for friends when he was about 12 and he was gone all the time. I learned then to ease the ache and feelings of abandonment by doing what hes doing, branching out, learning new things, making new friends. Children teach us as much as we teach them, but because they rarely speak these things out, you have to learn by example.

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  22. Girl..... relish the fact that you have taught that butterfly to fly... and fly well. :)

    Tammy
    Cedar Lake

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  23. Thank you for putting into words and pictures how so many of us feel! We are all proud of YOU and Aaron and your ability to create beauty!

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  24. You have not been left behind, even though it feels like that. You have helped mold a self sufficient human being who adores you...ya done good, Miss Jayme.

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  25. You did a fine job Jayme!!! You gave him wings to fly and that he did! Congratulations to both of you for all the hard work! xo

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  27. Awww. It's so hard to let go, even though that's what we've groomed them for!

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  28. If you're building your own chicken coop, you might feel a little intimidated. Don't. With some basic woodworking skills and a lot of patience, you can build a great coop that will house your girls comfortably for years to come.Just check this link chicken coops you will learn how to built a good chicken coop..

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  29. Congratulations to Aaron! How exciting. All those beautiful pictures just show how much care and love you gave and it continues... I still have two of my four at home and my son is our youngest. I do still make him a lunch to help him, as buying lunches out is so expensive. He truly loves my effort and "Momma love" I put into them. Unfortunately, our daughter loves fast food and Starbucks too much...I'm still working on her. My husband and I will both miss these last two when they finally venture out. Their schedules are such, that we are semi/empty nesters. Can't imagine what it will feel like. Well, until then, we will enjoy as you do too. I feel your heart Jayme. :)

    Debra

    Debra

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