Friday, November 15, 2013

When It's Not Easy


So, it's been like a month since I've been here.
I've no clue where to start or what to say, or if anyone is still around to read any of it.

Aaron will be moving back in within a matter of days.
I've been to Missouri and back.
I recovered from the Shingles.
I've been brunette and back to blonde.
Aaron still refuses to give me bangs.
I've just felt quiet.
My soul has been busy growing.
My rear end as well, but that's for another blog, another day.

I'm not sure that there's a point in trying to catch up at this moment, so I'm just going to jump in with both feet here and start talking about today, and,  ok, -  last week and yesterday.

:-)

If you've been a blog reader for any amount of time - you know the following about me:

I contradict myself often - because I change my mind like the wind, 
which makes me seem a little nuts.
I share my life openly.
I try to do too much.
I think too much.
I'm enthusiastic.
I start things and don't finish them.
I fly by the seat of my pants.
I'm driven largely by whim.
I'm obsessed with self improvement.

And this might be a good time to interject that I'm thinking about and sort of planning on joining the community theater here because it's on my bucket list.

You also know that I've lost over 100lbs and I struggle to keep it off.
You also know I want to live a very simple, debt free life.
You also know that I adore home and family above all, and want to stay home and embrace minimalism.

It all sounds so good doesn't it?
Sometimes you wish you were me, don't you?

Hold that thought.

It's not always pretty, and it's not always easy.

Last week was particularly hard.  I had moments of such self doubt.  I had moments of looking at the bank account and realizing I really couldn't afford to stay home.  I thought that I had to be positively mad to even think that I had such a luxury.  Surely - we've come accustomed to a certain level of comfort - like eating - and unless I hightailed it to town and got me a proper job - we might not do that in the upcoming weeks.

What is enough?
What is financially comfortable?
What is normal?
What is security?

Why do we constantly compare ourselves to others?
Why don't we live in this moment and not waste this moment fearing the next?
Why do we live in a constant state of what if's?
Why don't we realize how precious each moment is?
Why do we oftentimes blur the line between needs and wants?

In my heart of hearts - if I made a list of things that made me feel rich - they would include - 

my faith
good friends
good music
my health
a peaceful heart
nature
my garden
my chickens

I can't shake the feeling that we are getting it all wrong in this country.  I can't shake the feeling that we think it's normal to work and stress ourselves half to death to make ends meet, or try to 'get ahead' or have everything that everyone else has.  I think the world needs more people that will grow a garden, raise a chicken, be a real neighbor, and stay home and raise their children.  I can't shake the feeling that most people don't even really know what it is that makes them happy.  I feel that so many of us have just lost ourselves in the "American Dream".

My heart's desire, my dream, and how I want to, and try to live - is to let money flow through me.  I get - I give.  I want to give my last dollar to someone who needs it more than I do.
 But why, at times, does it seems so scary to live by faith that there will be enough left for me?  

Last night, as I was sewing at the sewing machine - I looked out the window, just as the moon was coming up - dinner was simmering on the stove, candles were burning about the house making it smell like autumn tied up with a bow, and Beethoven was playing on the CD player. 
 The moment just stopped me in my tracks.  I just stared at that moon, and listened to the music, and enjoyed the incredible peaceful moment of the home I've created.

That moon, that beautiful, faithful moon.  Always there, even though we can't see it at times.  It just reminded me so of the presence of God in our lives - always there, even though we don't feel it at times.

My faith grew leaps and bounds last night, and as I turned my attention back to the quilts I was sewing.  I realized I had more than enough, and that I always, always would have.

There is nothing to fear my friends.
Find your joy.



PS  - I seriously adore you all!

102 comments:

  1. Applause, applause, applause....bravo!!!! Couldn't agree more...:) It seems so simple and we make it so hard. The merry go round is spinning so fast that it makes it hard to jump off......but I'm trying....although one hand is still holding on and one leg is dragging.....but I'm closer. Thanks for the wonderful post Jayme!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lisa, thank YOU - it was so great to see your name here again. Thanks for sticking around. : 0)

      Delete
  2. Jayme, the only reason you are/were struggling is because what you are wanting for your life is against what the world says we should want. Simplicity, love, faith, good honest work and good health are treasures. Listen to your heart; God is speaking to you and through you. You are a great encourager and so very real and funny and we need your voice in this crazy world.
    Love from Mississippi,
    Susan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Susan, you are so kind. I've read your comment about four times, and each time, it encourages me. Thank you!!

      Delete
  3. Amen, Jayme. You expressed exactly what I too feel. To quote Coach, "there is a big difference between what is important and what is most important". You are so on the right path to what is most important. At the end of our lives, it is our relationships that count. You inspire to travel this journey with you. You lift me up and make me want to be a better person. Please continue to post here and and on Facebook. I need you in my life. Michle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Michle - a balm to my soul sister, a balm I say! Thank you!

      Delete
  4. I think you are on to something here. ;) So so true!! I'm glad God is growing you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm so glad your back ! I am actually glad you had a break blogging as I think I read every post now you've written :) Beautiful thoughts today . I adore you , too :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awe - thanks Shelley! So you've read the whole blog? Oh dear. You know way too much. : -)

      Delete
  6. I must thank you for this beautiful post reminding me what should be making me happy. I have been struggling with this and wondered what could bring me happiness. You just reminded me....sometimes I just don't get it. I get enmeshed in all the stuff...it's gets overwhelming, and I don't mean material things. It just makes me want to stop and really breathe. Thanks so much. You are very special and yes, I do miss your regular posts but when I read ones like this....I am more than willing to wait....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Karen, I hear you. I'd like pulling yourself out of quicksand sometimes. So easy to compare and want what everyone else wants - but get this - everyone wants to be happy, content and peaceful. I've got that. : -) (well...getting really danged close...lol) Thanks for stopping by and being so kind.

      Delete
  7. I've been praying for you, my friend. Glad to see you sharing your heart again. :) xo

    ReplyDelete
  8. Jayme, You know you just sound human to me. We all worry. I wish you much luck with your choices. Don't you wish you could maintain that wonderful feeling, the one where you were looking at the moon and enjoying the music...all was right in your world. If our lifes seem heavy, we are to pray and hand it over to God. It's hard sometimes to remember that. xoxo,Susie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Susie - yes I DO wish I could maintain that. I've thought about that moon several times in moments of doubt and fear in the last few days. I have to say - it really put things back into perspective. "There will always be more than enough" - it's my new mantra.

      Delete
  9. Oh you make a difference Jayme . . . a beautiful post. I love that I read you today!

    ReplyDelete
  10. A beautiful post. I am also afraid that we are not living in the moment and often we don't even see those moments. Just like if you hadn't been in that sewing room, you would not have seen the grandeur of that moon in all its beautifulness. Thanks for sharing and I thoroughly enjoy reading your posts and hope that you will continue. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Joani - thank you. You are such a dear. I don't feel that I have a choice to continue or not. I got drivel, and I gotta write it out...: -)

      Delete
  11. Yes yes you hit life on the head! You nailed it girl! You put words together wonderfully to express what most of feel and have loss of words. Inspiring post dear lady.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THANK YOU Nancy! And a very happy birthday to you as well!

      Delete
  12. Bless you JAYME...you are a wonderful person. We all do worry. Just have to take it one day at a time and try to find balance. For me, that is going for walks..but for the past two weeks, the doctor has said NO...waiting for an MRI to see if have a stress fracture...so then I turn to reading and hand stitching.

    Glad that The Boy Child is moving home. School must be done....and listen to him..YOU can get away with not having bangs...enjoy it. :o)...Me, not so much. lol

    Enjoy the day and weekend.

    Michelle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Michelle - did you get the MRI? I hope all is ok. School is done in a day or two, then he'll be here as long as it takes for him to rest up a bit and find an apartment in Chicago - or get a job on a cruise ship. The punk is only 17 - so much life yet ahead for him. Thanks so much for stopping by.

      Delete
  13. So good to hear from you again...I've missed you! You are so insightful...I just love reading your posts! Your analogy of the moon and God...is awesome!! I will use it too if you don't mind!
    Sharon

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't mind at all Sharon! Thanks SO much for stopping by and reading my thoughts. It means a lot to me.

      Delete
  14. Do you know one thing you do? You remind the rest of us to stop and take inventory of our lives. So in that, you are a huge success!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Miss Jean - y'all just have no idea how much you bless me with these comments!! Thank you!

      Delete
  15. oh...and I forgot to ask you....what did you decide about the curtains...you left us all hanging on that one?
    Sharon

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh the curtains!!! So get this - I left one hanging on the window while I was gone in Missouri - and when I came back home after being gone over a week - when I came in - I looked at them and it just seemed too busy for sure - the decision was made. I've already returned the fabric. : -)

      Delete
  16. Your words below are about as beautiful as I've ever heard:

    "... I think the world needs more people that will grow a garden, raise a chicken, be a real neighbor, and stay home and raise their children."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. : -) Thanks Dakota (is this you Marianne?) Isn't it time we all just calmed the heck down?

      Delete
  17. Welcome back. I truly missed you. I would check in every few days, hoping for a new post, wondering if you were ok. I missed your humor, beauty and truth.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm here I'm here! Thanks for your patience, and continuing to check on me. I hope to be more regular in the future..time will tell. You know me. : -)

      Delete
  18. You know I am right here, my old chicken-keeping friend. We all have moments like that Jayme. Ones of intense self-doubt-moments that make us feel like we are not enough. And, those times are sometimes followed by moments of blinding clarity-days when we know we are where we are supposed to be at the time we are supposed to be there. You are okay- You are on the right path.

    Why is Aaron coming home? Just for Christmas break? He can't be done with school already? xo Diana

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Sweetie! Aaron is coming home to stay here for a bit when school is done, until he can get himself together and get an apartment with some friends of his. Of course, I shan't mind this one bit! HE IS DONE WITH SCHOOL GIRL! Time flies!!!

      Delete
  19. You know, I was looking at that same moon last night over a lavender evening sky in the fields behind this old house, and I thought...we all gaze out over that same moon, which for me has been like an old friend, standing up there in the sky like a sentinal for all time and all people -

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Karen, it was so great to see you here. : -) Ya. That wonderful moon. I watched it set this morning - a beacon in the sky - so bright. My what people miss sleeping in...lol.

      Delete
  20. Wondering if you were ok. Was going to email you soon, and just be nosy......like are YOU OK?
    I'm glad to hear that you are, and whatever you are dealing with, remember, you can handle it.
    Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Hilary! Thanks for missing me. That means a LOT. All is well girl - all is well. Paycheck to paycheck - day to day - life is beauty full. xo

      Delete
  21. Finding strength and peace in your words. Keep it simple, keep it real! You were on a needed sabbatical.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I did need that break PJ. : -) thanks for still being here. xo

      Delete
  22. You know what it's like when the phone rings and on the other end is the voice of someone you've been waiting to hear from OR when an unexpected knock on the door finds a dear pal's long-awaited arrival...well Jayme......your fabulous "word vist" was just like THAT tonight!! I must admit that more than a few times I have trudged the journey from one end of the screen to this little spot seeking some great lines, stories, humour and comfort.........long winded, but, I just wanted to put that out there for you to know Jayme......you've been missed. Today's post of wisdom did not disappoint and didn't take me any distance from my own heart's cry......it's a restful spot to plant yourself at this life of knowing where your treasure lies and just exactly 'what' that treasure 'is'......you're speaking to the choir Jayme ~ Thank you for a whole lotta 'good' to chew & ponder as I move away from your little blog of a nest Jayme.........you're just a cuppa refreshment Jayme.
    God Bless,
    Barbara

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Barbara - you are so lovely in every way. Thank YOU! It's comments like these that just infuse me with strength and courage. Thank you so much. xo

      Delete
  23. I just finished the book Saved by Ben Hewitt. You can get it at the library, I'm sure. About our relationship with money....I think you would enjoy it. The last two chapters describe how I feel exactly....I am done accumulating anything.....money, stuff, no more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm going to look for that book tomorrow at the library. Thank you! I am so done accumulating things too! DONE!

      Delete
  24. Oh bangs. I will never have them again. Growing them out is just torture to me. Aarons probably saving you! Thanks for your post. It certainly is a lot to think about. Ive never been money motivated, though I do stress at times when looking at a low balance. I know that the womans movement was needed on some things but I really feel it made working for women a requirement not a choice, and I resent it completely.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So funny about the bangs. : -) I've threatened him that I'll cut them myself. I really like your comment, it gave me a lot to think about. Thank you!

      Delete
  25. AMEN. I have been struggling with exactly the same thing lately, and it helped me to write it down too. You're one of my favorite peoples. Just throwing that out there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh JoAnn! Thank you so much girl. You are so sweet. Why do we all struggle alone? I don't get that. BIG HUGS.

      Delete
  26. YAY !!!!! Your back and from the 26 comments in one day, it looks like I'm not the only one trolling your blog hoping for a post. Missed you girl. :) Nothing wrong with you. We have just gotten old enough to see past the hype and realize what it truly means to live. To see what is important instead of the consumerism that is shoved down our throats by corporations via TV... I love my life now that I have slown the wheel down and take time for the truly important stuff.... PS. That striped material you gave me.... I found two foot stools from the 50's and recovered them in that fabric. They look awesome !!!!!! I will have pics next time I visit. Thank you.

    Tammy
    Cedar Lake

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey girl! (somehow I've lost your phone number!) SO happy to see you here. xo

      Delete
  27. Oh.... and it is awesome that Aaron is coming back for awhile. Now you are truly blesed. :)

    Tammy
    CL

    ReplyDelete
  28. Jayme, Jayme. It's been forever since I've commented or we've chatted. But I still adore you 100%. Blessings~

    ReplyDelete
  29. Blessings prayed for you dear Jayme! This post is why I always return to check on you. I couldn't agree more and it's so nice to find a comfortable place to visit where my "bloggy buds" can understand my choices and share my values. I laughed at your self description as it sounds so much like ME. ALthough I know we are actually very different, I feel like you are distant kin!
    xoxo
    Leslie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Leslie - I think we are distant kin too! : -) Thanks SO much for coming on by.

      Delete
  30. Missed you but I am not one to nag...;) Oddly, just the other day while I was in the shower (I do some powerful thinking and praying in there) I thought about the fact that there is just too much "noise" in my life. I would like to unplug for just a bit. I think January will be the perfect month to do just that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, I'm anxious to hear about your plans for unplugging! Keep me posted. : -)

      Delete
  31. girl date soon, love rho

    ReplyDelete
  32. I have spoken to several women our 'age' and it seems to be an epidemic this quest to be a minimalist. We all are clearing away all the stuff we have accumulated through the years in hopes of a more uncluttered life.
    I think once we've succeeded in clearing our homes of stuff we don't need we will start on all the stuff in our heads that we don't need there too. LOL!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a shame that we wait until our lives our half over before we 'get it', isn't it?

      Delete
  33. I was worried Jayme. That minimalist post had me picturing you buried in boxes, neck deep and even the computer possibly in one of them.. Phew, your back. Your thoughts are our thoughts. Its so nice to be in the same company. Aaron back will be heart warming and what, a theatre group consideration? Well, since no Marmie routines of late, I could see this group benefiting from your gift to portray. Gotta confess, I miss the Marmie episodes. Give us one soon, for ol" time sake?

    Debra

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Debra...you cracked me up! I tell ya, sometimes I'm ready to throw this thing right out the window - but never fear - I'm here. : -) I have so many ideas for videos - just lack the motivation at times. I'll surprise you all soon!

      Delete
  34. This Susan in Texas says "ditto" to the words of Susan in Mississippi. I also believe God is speaking to you and through you.
    I have been missing your visits, but I just knew you'd be back when the time was right. SO happy Aaron will be back with you soon. How exciting for you. And how exciting for us: there are sure to be stories here of your upcoming adventures and laughter together. Cant wait!!
    Susan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Susan! Thanks so much for popping in and encouraging me - means the world to me.

      Delete
  35. Beautifully written post!!
    You've Got It Girl!!
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us!
    You're so "Right On"!! (a good "70's" phrase)!!
    So appreciate you!
    Take care!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This post was totally far out wasn't it? LOL Thanks Amy! Always delighted when you stop by.

      Delete
  36. Welcome back! I check every day to make sure you're alive....was beginning to wonder!!!! Keep on keeping on!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Beverly - you are a doll. I'll give you my phone number so you can call! Oh and do be careful with those eyelashes! I've melted mine baking and cooking before...lol.

      Delete
  37. PS....bangs aren't all they are cracked up to be....I just frizzled mine off burning scrap wood yesterday....along with the eyelashes on my right eye!!!

    ReplyDelete
  38. I think you should get more into your blog and make some money off ads and then you won't have to go outside the house for work. You are definitely talented enough. I think you could very easily increase your traffic. Ads are a pain but most people understand if they know you are trying to make a living of your blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for that vote of confidence, but I'm much too scatterbrained for something like that...lol. I've thought of it. I'd rather just make a few things and sell them through Etsy. : -)

      Delete
  39. Amen sister.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Amen! This post is coming at that time of year when we all gear up to buy, buy, buy, and now you've allowed us to stop and question that all-consuming consumer behavior that many of us mistakenly connect to living The American Dream! Thank you, Jayme ~ you are a blessing! My favorite Christmas movie is: The Walton's : The Homecoming, because the theme is all about relationships and not things!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Yes, it's certainly time for a reality check and not get in the momentum of the season, and end up stressed, broke and regretful come the new year!

      Delete
  41. All I can say to this is, "Amen!"

    ReplyDelete
  42. So glad your back and like the others say, your right on your post...

    ReplyDelete
  43. Jayme,
    Like so many others, I checked back, waiting to hear from you. And see? You're not alone in your thoughts and feelings. Thank you for bringing us together. Joanie in Michigan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Joanie. Hope you were safe in the storms yesterday.

      Delete
  44. Love love LOVE this post!! So very true. So many people struggle with this. I too try to keep my focus on God and not let the "things of this world" get in my way. I want to slow down and ENJOY life and I mean really ENJOY, not just go through the motions. I have a wonderful life. An amazing husband and 2 kids, but, sometimes I wish things would slow down. Blessings to you my friend. Big hug from Missouri!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Keep working on it - it's WORTH it. It's a practice - daily - it starts with a decision - but it's definitely a practice.

      xo

      Delete
  45. You are beautiful. You are enough. And you are such a gift to me and to those who faithfully read your words. Happy mooning over stitches and candles and simmering suppers. I feel like I just received a hug.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my heavens. Didn't this comment just flow over me like those chocolate Dove commercials and the brown silk fabric. : -) Thank you.

      Delete
  46. I hear you sister!!! That last part, under your list, is exactly how I feel! I miss the days of old...my grammy's days. I miss letting your hair gray naturally and expecting to have a fluffy lap by 50. I wonder why my closet is jam packed full of clothes, when people used to have one nice outfit and some work clothes. I wonder why we all have to have a smart phone to make our lives easier, yet we've lost the art of visiting a neighbor face to face. I hate the computer, but I love reading blogs and catching up with family, I wish I could quilt and bake all day and not feel guilty that I didn't get my house cleaned. I wish I could stay home...which I guess I could if we didn't live the life we do. The big house is wonderful! I love it! The acreage divine! The garden and the pond blissful. The mortgage? not so much. I have a board on Pinterest...the Joy of the Simple Life...why is it just a board?
    Please come for tea! Let's have a real visit!!!

    BTW, I work at the library and a wonderful home decor shop in my lovely little town. I really like them both, but I love home the most!!! Today I am taking down fall, listening to Christmas music and getting ready to decorate. I know it's before Thanksgiving, but I love Christmas, love it all, and I want to enjoy Thanksgiving weekend and not be decorating the whole time (it takes me forever!!!)
    Praying and sending hugs your way!!!
    Holly

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Holly - it all starts with a decision. : -) it's a mindset more than anything. I wish you a slow, happy life. : -) LOVED seeing you again. xoxo

      Delete
  47. Last week, after three moves in as many years and no sewing during any of that time (long story, and all for good reasons), I pulled out my sewing machine and called a friend to see if she thought I could get the needle back in the right alignment without spending $80 on a repair. Because I want that simple life, where my expenditures are smaller than my income. And you know what? I got it working again. It was a simple thing after all. And then something just felt right in the world, with the knowledge that I could slow down, create, take time. I can completely relate to all you're expressing about the simple life. My sewing machine moment was a culmination of some of the exact things you were saying, that I've been thinking and praying about for a few months. Having enough, with God always there. Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Gosh I wish we were neighbors! If ever there was someone who could put words to what is in my heart, it's you dear Jayme. God is good, all the time. We just have to open our eyes to see Him.

    Many Blessings,
    Melissa

    ReplyDelete
  49. My heart has been heavy today....with these exact sentiments! I've been struggling, mulling them over in my mind without finding answers. Then I sat down to catch up on some of my favorite blogs. Thank you for sharing....For helping me realize that I'm not alone in my frustrations and desires....that I'm not alone in searching to find peace....that sometimes I just need to sit back and listen/look for God. So...thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  50. What a wonderful heartfelt post. Thanks Jayme!

    ReplyDelete
  51. Oh - sweet moment!! Sewing in moonlight, music playing, dinner simmering and candles... "candles were burning about the house making it smell like autumn tied up with a bow".
    Love that. Love this. Love you!

    Happy Thanksgiving.

    ReplyDelete
  52. I love you Jayme. . .I swear I do and I'm not just saying that to be the 100th comment :::winkwink::: Have a Happy Thanksgiving darlin xo

    ReplyDelete
  53. World Most popular Upcoming Latest cars and vehicles, Latest Mazda Models, Racing Cars, International Sport Cars, Concept Cars, PS-Pod, Strange Vehicles, Nissan, Royce Corniche, Ford Concept Cars, Strange Vehicles, Mercedes and More Sport Cars and Vehicles with Pictures and Info
    WorldLatestVehicles.com

    ReplyDelete
  54. Glad you are back. You will enjoy have Aaron around!

    ReplyDelete

Thanks so much for leaving a comment!