Romancing the Coop

It dawned on me for the 694th time, that I romanticize life way too much.

Meet Clarence.

Some of you know that I'm raising birds for meat this summer - well, I'm trying to.

It's a long story, but rest assured that I shan't be posting pictures of headless birds and sharing gory details.

I decided early on that I would choose one bird to grant pardon to.  There was an Araucana rooster that was an early favorite.  Beautiful bird.  Too pretty to eat I thought.

Then this nut bird keeps getting picked on - almost to the point of death, and the soft spot in my heart knew he was my bird.

I had romantic visions of a pet rooster, hanging out with me on the swing whilst I embroidered dishtowels in my apron - a cool summer breeze blowing through the yard - my fat furry black cat Mocha at my feet. 

Clarence would be preening, Mocha would be purring, I would be stitching, my perfectly manicured perennial garden basking in the summer sunshine - and I'm sure there would be some perfectly brewed iced tea in a lovely vintage glass somewhere nearby, gathering condensation from the humid summer weather.

Reality check.

Yesterday, when I gave Clarence clemency, the fool bird was so shocked and happy to be out of harms way that he DID seem to want to hang out with me, and let me pick him up readily, and stroke his glossy neck feathers and play with his flaps and in general, give him some lovin'.

An hour later - he would attack me any time I got near him - relentlessly biting my hands, trying to pull chunks of flesh off.   It was open season on my calves, and I've got the bruises to prove it.  The cat wasn't safe either - Clarence chased both cats around the yard, fur and feathers flying.

My sun scorched perennials were fair game as well - nice big holes where there were some flowers.

Call me stubborn or stupid, I'm determined to have my bucolic view of life left intact.

In honor of my fantasy world - let's share some Instagram photos.

There's nothing like Instagram to fancy up a picture of a sandwich, a cup of coffee, or even a chicken dropping, I'm sure.  Let's compare fantasy and reality for a moment.

I got my new bifocals.  I love them.  Super cute.  You can't even see the sides here, and they are super cuter.  Don't I look cute here?  Notice the offset head - adds such an artsy touch?

Reality - I just paid $308 for these glasses and that was after insurance.  One minute after I snapped this picture, I recieved a frantic phone call from my sister and Aaron.  If I didn't get the the DMV and straighten out some paperwork for Aaron's driving permit - I think there would have been bloodshed.

It doesn't get much sweeter and cuter than this, does it?  A kitten on a quilt.  I mean COME ON.

Reality - this kitten should be named Damien, not Jax.  He's destroying that quilt with his claws.  The only time I can get a photo of him is when he is sound asleep, otherwise he is a blur.  I'm anxious to neuter him to see if it calms him down.  The house is in shambles from his shenanigans.

For all my friends that love that old fashioned, peeling paint look, like I do - you'll love these two pictures.

My front door.

We never do use the front door - so I've decided to let the Virginia Creeper and Morning Glories have it.  It's incredibly romantic isn't it?  Doesn't it just make your stomach ache you love it so?

Yep.  Until it's actually on YOUR house, and then you feel like a complete slacker that hasn't painted your house in years.

Sunflowers and zinnias frolicking happily along my driveway.

Don't hate.  Isn't it fabulous?

It is.

Reality.  It was all supposed to be zinnias - just like last year.  But, I, the Master Gardener - planted the spot halfway full of sunflowers before I realized they were sunflower seeds and not zinnia seeds.

Lord knows I know the difference, in fact, I'm sure you could blindfold me and I could tell by feel alone.  So, when "I" see this lovely sight, I worry about early dementia.

Enjoy.

 

This is just a picture of a rebel sunflower.  It refuses to look at the sun.  Cracks me flat up.

My first pair of size 6 pants were purchased this week.

I'm over the moon with joy of course.

Had my first friend seriously worried that I was becoming anorexic.

The reality of these size sixes is that I've worked incredibly hard and put in most of my life looking like this -

I deserve those size sixes, ya think?

 

Isn't this cute?  Me eating ribs.  You might be thinking 'wow, she has so much fun - she takes rides in the country to BBQ stands and eats fun things and enjoys life so much'.  You'd be right - but - reality - I went to bed with a killer stomach ache.  There was something in that rub mix that ailed me - I'm thinking it was the yeast extract.

Aaron and I picked 48lbs of tomatoes off of my plants.  I have 8 tomato plants that are going gangbusters.  Isn't that awesome?

Reality - I did not expect to spend my entire day yesterday processing tomatoes - but that's what happens on Monday's in August when you go out to the garden - what you also don't know is how I've been nagged to water said tomato plants by Glenco.  You also don't know how many tomatoes the banty hens have eaten before I got to them - probably this many.

Isn't this a cool picture of beeswax?  I love it.  Smells so good too.  I keep bees.  Yes, I am very cool.

Romantic visions of me in my bee suit - smoker smoldering - bees quietly buzzing about thanking me for planting all these awesome flowers - ya, that's what I thought too.

Reality?

By the time I harvest the honey, I'm stung, suffering from heat exhaustion and usually decide that I don't like honey that much after all.

(speaking of honey - for those of you that have emailed me that you want some - I'm planning on shipping this week - and there was SOMEONE that wanted some - needed it for medicinal purposes, and I'll be darned if I haven't deleted your email somehow - please email again!)

Reality aside - I like living in my fantasy world - where my kitty is beyond adorable, my chickens adore me, the garden blesses me with it's bounty and I pretend that all the peeling paint on the house is exactly what I intended.