Saturday, December 11, 2010

Now Taking Applications for Nanny Position


Originally posted in January of 2009 - Just letting you know I'm accepting applications again.

 
47 year old Northwest Indiana woman now accepting applications for Nanny.

Immediate opening for highly motivated, organized individuals.

Duties include, but not limited to:

Promptly removing JoAnn's, Micheal's and Hobby Lobby ads from
newspaper before client can read them.

Reviewing all seed orders before placing them, deleting items if necessary.

Administering vitamins daily.

Advising the client that it's bedtime, time to eat, time to exercise, etc.

Advising the client as to which project, out of the twenty she's started, is a priority.

Knowledge of anti-anxiety pharmaceuticals helpful, but not necessary.

Knowledge of Blogger.com a bonus.

You will need a firm, but compassionate hand.

Scenarios like this are to be avoided at all costs.



Client is not to be left alone for long periods of time, or allowed to stop at any residences that display signs bearing words like 'Garage Sale', 'Yard Sale' or 'Free Kittens'. Any more animals allowed in clients home will result in immediate termination of your position.



When client has that far away scheming look in her eyes, she must be distracted immediately with freshly brewed coffee, or freshly baked scones.


Applicant may also have to deal with 14 year old boys wanting to bring live poultry in the house. This behavior should be highly discouraged.

Experience preferred, but not necessary.
Applicants with English accents are given preference.
Salary negotiable.

52 comments:

  1. lol...I will interview the left overs...I can only offer room and borad though..but we do live in the beautiful warm desert which might be a selling point right now..

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  2. Deah Ms Coop Keepah,
    I am a 50-something fahm gihl from the English side of Southehn Indianah.

    I have multiple talents that would impeccably fulfill your qualification list.

    I have Yeahs and Yeahs experience at brewing coffee and baking scones, slathering them with low- cal clotted cream of couhse.

    I have scolded many a 14 yeah old boy into submission and then gently sung them into taking that spoon full of sugah. And of couhse they learn to feed the birds for just tuppence a bag.

    I will most indubitably be willing to drop in with my talking bumbershoot and interview for this most challenging position at any given moment.
    After I finish my dance lessons with Dick Van Dyke.

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  3. Too funny. Love it! Especially no more animals in the house. If you find the Nanny, see if she has a sister looking for work, too!!

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  4. NO! A thousand times, NO!
    I fear, if such a person is found and hired, that our dear Jayme, the Coop Keeper, shall wither up and die.
    And THAT, would never do!

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  5. How funny. At first I thought you were wanting a Nannie Goat. What's one more animal on the farm?

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  6. I will come and be your nanny if you will make me scones!

    I have a very thick Southern accent though. Will that do? I also have very good Southern manners and say "Bless your heart" a lot. I promise to remind you to put on your lipstick and to keep your toenails painted at all times. You never know when you might have a car accident and when they take you to the hospital you will want your toenails to be painted.

    One time I hurt my arm very badly and I knew I was going to have to go to the hospital and I made Mark paint my toenails before we went. Its a sickness really.

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  7. Oh Mama Hen, my stomach hurts from laughing so hard!

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  8. Let me know how the search unfolds, I'll be needing a "bottle washing,coop cleaning, dog walking, litter box cleaning, house watcher,come spring. Mary Poppins are you out there?

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  9. I have to ask what breed is the pretty black and white hen. I used to raise english game hens and reading your blog really makes me miss my chickens.

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  10. I can fake an English accent and I'd be happy to drink coffee and eat scones with ya...but that's all I got! sorry...you're in it with the rest of us...so hitch up your knickers and get on out in the snow and water those birds! ;)

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  11. Hope ya find someone Jayme but I don't think they're out there. Just keeping up with you physically let alone adding the mental part is way too much for the average gal. And then you want an English accent??? Just pull your boots up and keep-a-steppin'...

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  12. : ) You're killin' me, how I do love your humour!

    What I really want to know is, how close can a cat really get to a member of the cluck cluck clan? I mean, was someone treading on thin ice there?

    ~Andrea~

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  13. Jayme.. just one question here..

    do I need to wear a 'french maid' uniform???

    If so, then I'll pass.. thank you kindly.

    Kiss kiss.. with love

    ~Olivia

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  14. Top 5 reasons WHY I do not qualify:

    1. Those ads from Michaels, JoAnns, and Hobby Lobby are just too valuable.
    2. I have the same issues with 20 projects waiting to be finished or started.
    3. How could I let you pass up signs bearing "sales"? You find the best stuff.
    4. I like your scheming look...it keeps me intrigued and entertained.
    5. I have never tasted a scone let alone baked one.

    Good Luck in filling this Nanny position (~~) Julie

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  15. Sounds "practically perfect in every way."

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  16. When you find one, send me his/her sister, K?

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  17. Oh, I'll take one of those too! My hubby knows when I get that far away scheming look that trouble lies ahead.

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  18. oh no, i will sabatoge anyone on earth who would stop your shenanagans. i look forward to them so eagerly!!!!! where else would i get all my crazy schemes from?!?!?!?!?!

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  19. That sounds like a job for...
    Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's ... never mind it's a chicken being chased by a cat...

    Thanks for my motivating my smile!

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  20. You guys crack me up so much! I'll be calling a few of you for an interview. I seriously need a baby sitter!

    1axe...Helen is a Silver Laced Wyandotte...welcome to my blog!

    Welcome DogTrot!

    Thanks to you all for your comments. It truly makes my day.

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  21. I'll bet Calvin would be your nanny. He's got a surprising amount of big person wisdom and enjoys bossing people around. And he would sing for you. But you'd have to play a whole lot of pretend. (Don't worry though - he'll feed you all your lines.)

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  22. Girl, your so crazy, don't change a thing, love you just as you are. I'm thinking you should be writing a book not just a blog. How we would all love it. xoxo Ra

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  23. I can always count on you to make me laugh!!!

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  24. Thank you so much for the info and I just go by axe or Dena if you want real names.

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  25. Did you mention scones? I just followed Dog Trot here, I think. Did I mention how much I love scones?

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  26. Well you know my family all live in Indiana I could stop by on my way to visit and do the nanny thing but I don't do dishes. I would be cheep just as much info on keeping chickens I could store in my brain and I would be good to go. Cannot wait until spring to fill up my hen house.

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  27. :) I'll ave the job, Im English through and through from Southern England.....

    x

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  28. you are PRICELESS!
    uh-hem, i think you'll get lots of applicants. is it important that they show proof of a strong will? i'm thinking because otherwise it could become ugly fast---both of you sitting with 25 kittens crawling on you; 18 chicks running amuck in the house while you and she circle winter garage sales ads. LOL.

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  29. oh I forgot to mention, not only am I english through and through Im a single mum of 4 sons, so your 14 year old would be a doddle LOL...... AND Janet our Chicken all but lives in me kitchen :) - see how well qualified I am...... and an Ofsted'd Childminder to boot LOL

    x

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  30. Sounds like an interesting "position" but I think I will remain a CALIFORNIA GAL.

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  31. By the way, I now know that one would have to be half crazy to apply for that job. That being said, I love you enough to apply. So there.

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  32. This gives me the idea of looking for a long lost identical twin to take my place here until the holidays are over while I go off to someplace snuggly and quiet with some good books and lots of knitting. But that stuff only happens in the movies.
    (If my Family would only respond to "SpitSpot!" or "Step in Time" I might feel differently)
    Have a Jolly Holiday!
    kim

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  33. LOL! LOL!!!

    i say dear, can you tell a fake english accent from a real one, pray tell?

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  34. Watch out! Fake accent lady may show up!

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  35. You do know you have opened yourself up for the fake accent lady to show up with her application!
    If she does... please have someone vidoetape it!

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  36. I need someone to do the opposite of your list--
    someone to show me the sale ads and to find the best sale price--
    someone to help me with those unfinished projects or at least do all other household chores so I can do them--someone to mark and DRIVE me to the sales and auctions ( and if they paid the bill that would be even nicer!!!!lol)
    I do not have the teen, the chicken, or farm animals--just one fur ball---and I will take a cuppa tea with me scone!!! Oh and lastly an Austrian accent for me--
    Hugs,Di

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  37. Well...THERE you are. Ya know I popped in here a couple of times and couldn't find your post...and you said ...SCROLL DOWN..and I did...and I didn't see anything...and lo and behold, by gum...it was down and to the left! Good Lord, Gal! I missed ya...and now I gotta go back and read those other stinking posts I missed! lol

    Nanny? Nana? Maybe? Diana

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  38. When you find the perfect nanny, be sure she has a twin sister and send her my way! Your reference will suffice.

    Cheerio!

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  39. Enjoyed reading this! Can you see the smile on my face.

    p.s. I want a nanny too!

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  40. Now see, clearly I do need meds... I thought *you* were offering your services to *me*! I've heard your brilliant fake accent. You got me down to an exact "T." May I please have some scones with mt meds? I think of you constantly when my huby says "only you would..." Like yesterday, when I was layered in 2" of mud as I planted the very last clearance bulbs in a cold drizzle, before our hard freeze was expected today. And day before that I was nursing a sick chicken in my kitchen. I only wish I had your baking talents. I'm so ashamed that I stoop to package mixes in a pinch. I do make a family poppy seed loaf for everyone on my list tho - hope that wins me points(?). Please come selet/advise on my 20 projects first! I do *believe* that you *ARE* Mary Poppins already! It's your spoon fulls o sugar I find here that make the medicine of my daily life go down... Bless you.
    Wishing you great JOY this Christmas,
    Leslie

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  41. so cute, Happy Holidays, Come visit, Dianne, Kitsch n Stuff

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  42. pick pick me - Ive been a single parent of 4 sons for the past 11 years, said sons are now man/boys with the youngest being 17.... Im also a registered childminder/nanny with 14 nippers in my weekly collection lol.... I have 4 chickens which I love with a passion...... love the woods and mud and trees lol.... and cats and kids

    and of course Im bloody English so you have to pick me :) as long as I can bring Janet me darling one eyed chicken with me.... its settled then, I'll work for board and lodgings and no more :)

    dont make me bleedin beg lol

    nip over to me blob and see how much love is in the air LOL

    x

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  43. dear dog trot farm....... here I am LOL

    x

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  44. oh oh and I live in a little village in a house called Pump Cottage, now that has to amount to something right? lol

    x

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  45. Jaimie, I can always count on you to make me laugh! Very cute post! Never thought about the fact I could have a nanny to help curb my crazinesss! Hugs, Traci

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  46. When you find the perfect Nanny, make sure they have a twin and send them to Oregon. I am needing one too.

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  48. Funny post. What's up? Where are your? You are missed.
    Bridgemor

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