Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Cotton Balls, Mustard and Midgets, Oh My!


A Lovely Field of Mustard

In order not to leave you all hanging, I thought I'd just embarrass myself a little further and give full disclosure of my phobias.

  • Little People

  • Cotton Balls

  • Mustard

I know. Trust me. I know.

I don't think that there is much to say about my discomfort when seeing little people. I in NO way want to come across prejudice in any way, shape or form, so I'm not going to say much. Suffice it to say that I've worked in jobs dealing with the public for the last six years. I've had customers that were 'small', and I'm kind and fine, and I look them in the eye. Ok, enough about that!

It's just things like this, this is wrong on so many levels:


Let's talk about cotton balls. Actually, I'd rather not. I'm covered in chills from head to toe at the moment, just thinking about them. It's the sound that they make. I really can't even stand to look at them. I used to keep them in the house for 'other people', but not anymore. They aren't allowed. If I end up buying a bottle of aspirin that has the dreaded cotton wad, I have to have someone else take it out, out of my sight. I'm Maury Povich material.


Now let's talk about mustard. It used to be ketchup, mayonnaise, and mustard. I've never tasted mustard by itself on anything. I've never eaten any a hamburger, or hotdog with ketchup or mustard. I never saw the appeal to condiments. I've just recently started using a miniscule amount of mayo on a sandwich. The idea of biting into a sandwich, and seeing mayonnaise squish out....well, the thought gags me. Why anyone would eat ketchup is beyond me. Mustard, it's just frightening. My phobia is touching it. When I'm preparing a sandwich for a loved one, or cooking something that has mustard as an ingredient, if I happen to get some on my hand, I feel like I'm going to faint. I really don't understand this one at all. I used to feel the same way about mayonnaise and ketchup, but now, I can have a little of that on my hand and be ok. Mustard....good Lord....I run to the sink and have to hold myself up so I don't fall over.

Do you realize how easily I could be tortured? You wouldn't need to remove my fingernails, or drill my teeth...oh no...just put a cotton ball in my lap, or smear mustard on me. I'd tell you everything you wanted to know!

I suppose my personal hell would be a 'little person' playing a saxophone in a room full of mannequins, and someone putting mustard on me with a cotton ball.

What yours?

30 comments:

  1. I was so hoping that you would explain yourself in today's blog about the phobias you mentioned yesterday. OK, here is my weird one: soft foam like inside of chair pads. When I touch it my skin crawls! I do fine when it covered by material. A couple of times I have accidentally walked down the aisle at Jo-Ann's that has all of loose foam and I almost have to run away! So be it foam or mustard, we all have our little weirdnesses! lol

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  2. Snakes are the ONLY thing that gets to me! I would not want to be without my ketchup,mayo and mustard!! :)

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  3. Ok, I'm still on the floor laughing, your a scream, do not open the mail I sent you. Just throw it away. lol My thing as I shared is peaches, I love em but can't touch the skins. and forget velvet. For the love of Pete don't let me hear velvet rub together. Your a dear person and thanks for the laughs, I could see you being tied up and sitting with a cotton ball on your lap. lol

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  4. Well, as someone who grew up just three doors down from you... I'm not surprised by the things that creep you out... Each of our families displayed one type of idosyncratic behavior or other.

    Although she pretends to be 'over it', I still see my sister Ann cringe if someone handles her fork by the tines... As a kid, she would gag and refuse to eat if the food on her plate touched...Who knows where this stuff comes from, ya know?

    Can you pinpoint the genisis of any of your phobic behaviors? Also, I'm curious about the nature of phobias. Are they acquired in a similar fashion as those with a fetish? Or do they always develop after some sort of trauma?

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  5. Oh, my, I adore all kinds of mustard. I can't think of any unusual phobias on my part. I guess I'm kinda boring. I just don't like to touch things like frogs, toads, snakes, lizards or large fish. I will bait the hook with a worm or minnow now. I wouldn't do that as a youngster.
    Blessings,
    Lorilee

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  6. Oh my, I'm laughing but I feel bad. I'm laughing WITH you, k? :) I love toasted, mostly melted marshmallows (ok... torched & black!). If it's not melted all the way through... gag! Just the squishy gross-ness of a 'raw' marshmallow going down... bleccch! -Tammy

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  7. Oh I love that you sharede cuz I was a little bit going to faint if you didn't. I needed to know. I know I have some weirdo phobias but there are just so many. Okay so don't laugh. Here goes. The new grilled chicken at KFC freaks me out. I have not eaten it and never would even consider trying it. There is something very gag-ish about it to me. Just the very thought makes my stomach turn. I hate when they show it on a commercial. It is just odd. Who would eat that? How is that even a good idea? My other weirdness (or at least the one that I can think of now) is milk. Oh gag me. If I drink milk it has to be very very cold or have ice in it. If not I start thinking about a cow udder and I can't drink it. I know it makes no sense. I had farm animals as a kid but an udder is just too much. Thanks for sharing Jayme.

    Dani

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  8. The SOUND COTTON BALLS MAKE??? Are you kidding me! LOL

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  9. Hmm I all I have to say is WOW.. I dont think I have anything that strange or unusual. The only real phobia I have is Claustrophobia and Heights.. To see anyone in tight places or their face covered makes my chest hurt and my knees weak....

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  10. Thanks for another funny and honest post. Love the picture of the field of mustard plants. Oh, that yellow so lovely.

    My phobia is for snakes and spiders along with small spaces. Eeek...just writing about those guys gives me the creeps.

    Have a nice evening.

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  11. Wait, I'm missing something..... I've never HEARD a cottonball. Ever. What, I've been buying the quiet kind? Now I wanna know how the noisy ones sound.

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  12. I love reading all of your phobias...makes me feel a little more normal. :-) COTTON BALLS MAKE NOISE YA'LL. I'm sitting here covered in the heeby jeebies thinking about it. You have no idea how I can't even think about it. They 'crunch'. HelpmeJesus.

    Rhonda, if you mailed me cotton balls, Lord have mercy on your soul!

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  13. Peggy, I forgot to address your questions. Nope, can't pinpoint the beginning of them. The cotton balls, it's weird, cause I used them regularly as a teenager to take off nail polish. It wasn't until I was about 20 when that happened. Perhaps the manufacturing process was changed. I would think that they are something acquired over time. I can't remember when a midget, a cotton ball or mustard ever really traumatized me. A cotton ball could traumatize me now.

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  14. OMG I guess we are all the same....something bothers all of us.

    Me...I HATE nails....OMG, I can not even eat in restaurants. God help me, I cringe.

    I hate when people don't clean their nails. I HATE when men have long nails....ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

    I hate when something is out of place, I guess I am the original Monk.....my husband calls me Monk all the time, but I can not help myself.

    Snakes comes to mind too. You are all so funny, I love all of you. Just when I need a smile, Jayme comes up with something like cotton balls...hahaha. ; ).

    Thank you Jayme; )).

    Mirjana

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  15. Wow. Now my sister does not like condiments, but I don't think she is afraid of them.

    I can't think of any strange things I am afraid of, (I'm sure there are some, I just can't think of any right now), but there are some words that people say that make me cringe. Like in shivers down my back and want to throw up.

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  16. Wounds on someone I care about. Hearing about wounds on someone I care about. I get a little queasy and one of these days I KNOW I'm going to pass out!
    My adult son posted pictures of his chin that was flayed open by a surfboard incident...oh, I can't even finish that thought!
    Leslie

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  17. Oh Jams!, thankyou for making me smile one more time!! And thanks for being so transparent with us! Brave soul.

    My youngest Sonunit feels the same way about cotton balls! Gets all shivered and creep't out.

    My own personal freak out USED to be fish. Yeah, fish. Swimming, dead,on a plate, pictures, Jauque Cousteo Show(no clue how to spell his name cause even the sound of his name used to creep me out cause I knew FISH were coming). I used to have to avoid pet shops because they would have aquariums everywhere. The family went in one together once and Hubby had to carry me out cause I bit the dust when I turned a corner and came nose to snout with a 6ft eel. Hit the floor and can't remember a thing till I came to outside leaning against a tree. sheesh.I was even on an Oprah show for weirdos with weirdo fears one time!!

    Aren't us humans just the silliest creatures??

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  18. Jayme, Your last statement about your personal hell was hilarious. I just about peed myself on that one. Thanks for all the laughs.

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  19. Cotton balls don't make any sound! I tested it girlfriend! NO SOUND, you are hearing things! I love you anyway but you have serious issues! LOL My phobia-SNAKES and WORMS! (tormented with them as a child)

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  20. I couldn't help it Jaym, I'm not onry typically but the situation got the best of me. I laughed really hard when you said Lord have mercy on my soul. Still laughing. I love you to pieces, soft, white, fuzzy pieces. lol

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  21. I must agree- I have a bit of a fear with midgets too. The problem comes in is that my husband's father is quite short! Even though my husband is 5'10 and me at 5'9 I can't help but wonder when we have kids will they get the mysterious midget gene? I shudder just thinking about it.

    Also- I was reading older posts and it said you quit the trash pick up? Have you gone completely green with a composter?

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  22. Funny! My phobias include spiders and the dark.

    Your condiment phobia is my favorite.

    I will go call Maury for you.

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  23. Oh you girls make me smile and laugh so much! Hmmm....we all seem to have so many little 'things' about us. Mama Hen...when someone says something? Please elaborate on that!

    Welcome Journaling Woman! Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  24. I am here to agree and say that cotton ball make a squeek noise but I kind like it. I have friends who also hate it Jayme so you are not alone.

    Dani

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  25. soft, white fuzzy pieces...Rhonda, you're cracking me up!!

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  26. I love mayonaise, mustard & ketchup, but Miracle Whip? Blech! My fear of heights and bridges is bad. I can't be a passenger in a car while going over a bridge without closing my eyes and praying the whole way. Drives my husband nuts. I also have a hard time watching a TV show when someone is on a ledge or leaning over a rail. I have to get up and leave the room. My other one is watching someone brush their teeth, even on TV. Gives me the willies.

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  27. Clowns!!That's my phobia oh and I'm claustrophobic also. But definately clowns. AHHHHHHH!!!!

    And I take my hotdogs and hamburgs plain thank you very much. No ketchup, no relish and NO MUSTARD!! Like you I only like a minute amount of Miracle Whip on a sandwich.

    And I know exactly what you are talking about when you say that cotton balls make noise. They do make a certain noise when crushed together. But I'm not afraid of them.

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  28. I don't know if it's a phobia but any kind of hair left on a bar of soap..YUCK..especially if it is wrapped around and around. I also do not allow animals to lick me. My poor MR. Kane occasionally catches me off guard but he mostly licks my socks and I'm okay with that heehee.
    And the worst of all is when someone is serving cake/ice cream/desserts, lick their fingers and then continue to push your serving onto the plate with their now germ-i-fied fingers!!!!! GAG.
    Now I can keep thinking of more but I shall stop before I gross myself out.

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  30. Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

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