The Hardest Post I Ever Did Write

The scene -

I came home from a detox class at my local health food store an hour ago.

I still have on my Martha Stewart-like quilted jacket.

I'm on my couch covered in an afghan that I made for my mom in 1983.

I'm chilled.

It's my comfort blanket.  

I take it to the dentist with me often, for reals.

The laptop is almost burning my legs, and the tears are about to burn my eyes.

It's time.

The.

Story.

If you only know how badly I really wanted to just sweep this under the rug - but I feel that I'm supposed to share this journey - this brokenness - lest anyone else is going through it and feels alone.

With a buildup like that - you may be disappointed by the time you finish reading this.

Similar to a movie that ends is a most ridiculous way after you've invested one and a half hours of your life into it!

Before I delve into it - I just wanted to thank you for all the lovely comments from my last post!  I really am having the time of my life - being stretched in so many ways - using all of my talents, honing new ones, and learning to ask for help for the things I just can't figure out!

Aaron IS moving to Chicago in 21 days, and I'm totally fine with that, and I'm so happy for him!

Please check back in 22 days.

Many of you still here reading all of this drivel may remember that Effexor nightmare that I went through nearly two years ago.  I never really shared the full horror of it.

I want to do that now. 

 I want to explain myself.

  I want to, hopefully, be an arm reaching out to a drowning soul.

There is hope.

It's a very difficult journey for me to share with you, not only for the vulnerability it will take to share it, but for the sheer fact that I have had some serious memory loss because of it all, and it's almost physically draining to try to remember things.  At this point, much, if not most of my life seems as if it were a dream - or that I've watched a movie of someone else's life.

I'm not sure when it all started - but it seems I've always had some issues with anxiety, racing thoughts, hypomania, ADHD and mild depression.  Of course, I did my best to hide these things, especially the depression - because somewhere, somehow - I'd deemed depression a disease of the weak.

Life seemed a struggle for me.   A struggle to finish things, a struggle to decide, a struggle to calm down.  A struggle. I felt as if I were always fighting the good fight, starting over, changing my mind - over and over.  And yet many times I got more done, and was more focused than anyone I knew.

It was quite exhausting.

This wasn't a daily struggle - it's not like I was always struggling - but it was just a common thread that tied my years together.

But - I was always pretty happy.  I really was.  I've always enjoyed life.  I love learning.  I love doing. I love people. I love love.  

I can assure you that I am and always have been the very person that has been portrayed here on my blog.

I can assure my 'real life' friends that I am that person they know - I am not someone else behind closed doors.

I'm not an angry person, I'm not an argumentative person.  There is peace in my home.

Anytime I sought help from Dr's, it was always the same answer - 'try this pill'.

So I did.

I tried Sarafem at one time - which was just Prozac renamed with flowers on the package for us gals to take a couple of weeks out of the month when we were hormonally out of sorts.

It seemed that it initially helped and then of course, I'd go off.

Fast forward to August of 2012.

I'm doing great - I've lost so much weight it's not funny - Aaron is grown, finishing high school and is readying himself to move to Chicago to go to Paul Mitchell.

I felt that life couldn't get much better - I was fit, happy, life was just great.

But.

But - my ovaries hurt like crazy during ovulation.

But - 

I had off the charts anxiety right before my periods.

One or the other I could take - but not both...something had to be done...

Again, I went to the Dr, and wanted relief.

Birth control pills or antidepressants were the options given to me.

Oh how I wish I would have just come home and talked to friends first, or thought about it some - or researched something.

But I didn't.

In our 'quick fix' world, I took the pill.

I chose the Effexor because I feared the birth control pill would cause weight gain, and I'd never taken them before - but I felt that I didn't want my hormones played with.  

So I chose my brain.

I started taking Effexor in late August of 2012.

It worked great - 

but what I didn't realize is that by September of 2012, I was pretty much in a hypomanic state.

This is where it gets fuzzy you guys - I sort of don't remember the year 2013 and the first half of 2014.  It's truly a blur.  I almost feel that I will be telling falsehoods if I try to be detailed here.

I do remember that the Spring of 2013 was an especially hard time - I got a bad case of poison ivy, and had to take steroids.  I believe it was sometime in there I got the shingles.  I remember that summer stepping on a rusty nail and having to go get a tetanus shot, and it was during that Dr's visit they told me my blood pressure was high - and it was a side effect of the Effexor - so I decided to wean myself off the Effexor.

And you guys went through that with me - and I thank you for it.

The things that happened from May to November of 2013 are quite a blur - my brain was not right.

I was hypomanic or depressed.  I was not myself, and it was frightening.  

Withdrawal from Effexor has been likened to heroin withdrawal.

The after effects of taking Effexor have been equally as devastating.  I fell into a serious depression and was suicidal.  

I hit an all time low around Thanksgiving of 2013 and suffered a nervous breakdown.

Aaron tried his best to get me out of bed at times.

I was a ghost, I was completely empty inside.

Upon the insistence of my dear friend Gina, who would bring me Starbucks and let me cry - I went back to the Dr.  

I finally stopped trying to be strong - I simply couldn't.

I cried freely and often.

I didn't bathe or dress.

I was broken.

My cousin drove up from Missouri to watch me so Glen could work.

For the first time in my life, I was truly worried about myself.

At the Dr's office I sat and cried for an hour and explained everything.

She sent me to a wonderful therapist who've I've been seeing on a monthly basis since.

She initially diagnosed me as Bipolar II.

Perhaps this comes as much of a shock to you as finding out Liberace was gay.

The diagnosis was as devastating to me as the symptoms of bipolar were.

I felt labeled, crazy, broken, and I would say things like 'I HAVE bipolar, I'M not bipolar'.

I felt that if anyone knew, they would shun me like a leper, or they would talk about me saying 'I knew it all along' - or just treat me differently.

And here I am announcing it on the world wide web.

Nice knowing you!

:)

It's been a lllooonnggg, hard road - but I am well.

I've read about bipolar disorder until my eyeballs have fallen out.

I've taken webinars - the best one being 'Bipolar INorder' by Tom Wooten.

I'm not on any medication at all, and in fact I refuse to take anything, not even an allergy pill.

I'd have to be in some kind of pain to take even ibuprofen.

I've found out that my brain chemistry is so incredibly sensitive, that I cannot even have a cortisone shot without suffering a mood swing.  

I'm not willing to take chances anymore.

I've set my mind on treating it naturally with nutrition, lifestyle changes, exercise and mindfulness.  I've been very successful, although it hasn't been easy.  I reach out now.  My therapist tells me I'm a poster child, and in fact has just recently removed the 'label' of bipolar from me, taking the diagnosis down to Cyclothymic Disorder.

Hypomanic phase of cyclothymia

The highs (hypomania) of cyclothymia meet the same diagnostic definition of hypomania for type II bipolar disorder. Signs and symptoms may include:

• An exaggerated feeling of happiness or well-being (euphoria)
• Extreme optimism
• Inflated self-esteem
• Poor judgment
• Rapid speech
• Racing thoughts
• Aggressive or hostile behavior
• Being inconsiderate of others
• Agitation
• Excessive physical activity
• Risky behavior
• Spending sprees
• Increased drive to perform or achieve goals
• Increased sexual drive
• Decreased need for sleep
• Tendency to be easily distracted
• Inability to concentrate

Depressive phase of cyclothymia

Depressive episodes of cyclothymia may include a combination of these signs and symptoms:

• Sadness
• Hopelessness
• Suicidal thoughts or behavior
• Anxiety
• Guilt
• Sleep problems
• Appetite problems
• Fatigue
• Loss of interest in activities once considered enjoyable
• Decreased sex drive
• Problems concentrating
• Irritability
• Chronic pain without a known cause

But this I'll always know - I'm genetically prone to it.

I believe without a shadow of a doubt that genetics has loaded the gun, but my lifestyle will pull the trigger.

I have to be extremely careful with what I eat, my sleep schedule, monitoring stress, vitamin and mineral supplementation.  I do Tapping, I pray, I meditate, I practice mindfulness and gratitude.

  I have the most incredible support system known to man - Glenco, Aaron, my cousin Jim, my friends, my blog readers - I'm blessed beyond measure.

I'm well.  I'm really well.  

If you've gotten this far, thank you - you deserve a chicken picture.

: -)

The Happiest of Happys

I'm sitting up in here, my living room, wrapped in afghans, too tired to move.

I thought it a good time to check in here.

I've been feeling a blog post stirring for a while.

It's hard to describe the rhythm that you get when you blog often, and it's no more apparent than when you don't blog often - you feel stumbly and awkward, as I do now.

A first date.

A job interview.

Stuff like that there.

I've been working 14-16 hour days for quite some time with the the marshmallow venture.

We've up'd and re-named the business...cause everyone thought I was selling soap at the shows!

Hopefully there's no misunderstanding now.

And how fun is this?

We took the Squirrel (our vintage camper) to a recent show - Glenco made this Mother Wilma figurine out of one of my exercise balls.  May I just interject here that Glenco has been my right hand, left arm, right foot man?  I couldn't do this without him. 

Period.

I'm kind of having a ball.

Yes, I'm working 14 hour days - being stretched in every way - but I feel like I'm living a dream.

I love, love, love meeting all the customers and other vendors.

There was one point where I was roasting a marshmallow for a customer, and the sun was coming in the window at the venue at the loveliest angle - where it just cast a warm glow on everyone and everything - there was some jazz music playing in the background - and I just thought

"this is my life?"

Boom.

Love it.

We will be doing the Chesterton European Market in Chesterton IN on Saturdays May -Oct.

The Griffith Central Market on Friday nights in Griffith, IN May - Oct.

The Pedlar's Market in Whiting, IN the 3rd Thurs of every month - May - Sept.

Hunt & Gather - Crown Point - June & November

AND

The Blue Moon Vintage Market - Three Oaks MI - the last weekend of every month - starting this weekend!

And I have to make everything in between!

This little business venture was just what the Dr. ordered.

I've been able to quit my last cleaning job.

Glenco and I work together all the time.

I'm too busy to be so introspective.  

:-)

Oh, did I mention Aaron got an apartment in the city?

Ya.

I'm okay.

Actually, I've almost never been better.

Life feels as if it's got a whole new start to it.

I feel like a kid on his way to the first day of school with fresh pencils.

I feel ready to share my story with you. 

 The story that I like to call

"The Dark Years"

You know how transparent I am here - why, I'll never know - but it's time to share what's been happening behind the scenes here at the Coop.

I'm not divorcing.

I don't have cancer.

Calm your nerves.

I didn't share all the ugliness of what I went through from July - December of 2013.

I almost didn't survive it - and that's a true story - and I'm not even being dramatic.

In fact, the repercussions of those six months were felt until just recently.

When I scold myself over gaining some of my weight back - I remember to be happy to be alive.

I lived to tell the tale - and tell the tale I will.

That's why my life today seems so much sweeter.

I made it.

I didn't let it destroy me.

I hope my story will help someone - for that's truly my reason for sharing it.

Not to be dramatic or anything...

stay tuned.

: -)

Love Does Laundry

I was just up on the stove dropping in some carrots and onions into yet another pot of bone broth.

Oh, I'm not leaving today!
It's like 4,389 degrees below zero.

Uh uh.

Today has been working on the mallow business, making sure I'm ready for a show this Saturday.

Alsip Nursery, in St. John - 10 to 4 - for all you locals.

As I was dropping the carrots in, I looked at the laundry basket I retrieved from Aaron's room today and realized that I'm doing something I said I'd never do.

Aaron's laundry after he turned 18.

I have no idea where I got the notion that the BoyNowManChild should just be doing up his own briefs by that age - and that I would be promoting an irresponsible lifestyle if I did his laundry - where do these notions come from?

My mom was still doing my laundry until I got married.  

For reals.

Have I turned out to be an irresponsible oaf?

I don't think so.

Truth is, BNMChild is here maybe a day a week.  

When he is here, I like smashing him, laughing with him, kissing him, 

talking with him and feeding him.

Laundry schmaundry.

So I'm doing it.

The way I see it - he's got a good 70 years to do his own laundry, and there will come a day when I'm no longer able to do it for him.

So for now - I love.

And I separate colors from whites.

And I tumble dry, and press things.

And I fold them.

And if I'm honest, I will tell you that I kiss his clothes and sometimes hug them.

I'm so grateful for him in my life that it's impossible to contain.

Love does.

Laundry.

Love Changes Everything

It's me.

Again!

I wanted to share my Tuesday with you.

It was an interesting - lesson filled day.

I still clean houses, well house.

One house, every other Tuesday.

An absolutely lovely family - very clean, uncluttered home.

It's quite an easy job, and I enjoy the people as well.

This particular Tuesday it was literally painful to leave the house to go - not because it was cold, not because I had to put on a bra, not for any other reason than I flat out didn't want to go.

It's three hours.

In a lovely home.

With lovely people.

Making good money.

I decided I needed a swift kick for even THINKING of complaining, so off I went.

Before I left - I topped off the water on my bone broth.

Oh, I'm all about the broth these days.  All about gut health.

I had no idea that 'bone broth' was any different than making stock.

Guess what?  You've got to cook that stuff for between 24 and 48 hours!

I had a turkey carcass.

It had been cooking for approximately 14 hours.

I've left soup simmering before, and there was no issue.

Like I said, I topped it off with water, double checked to make sure the flame was low - and went on my merry, non complaining way.

As I was getting home from my cleaning job, Glenco was pulling into the driveway as well.

I was beyond giddy because I was home - but even seeing Glenco, I knew that he was a bit off. 

We both walked into the house together, and talk about something being off - there was the worst smell you can imagine, and a bit of a black cloud in the kitchen.

My bone broth was charred. 

I've never seen anything so burnt.

 The carcass could have only been identified by dental remains, but that's just the kicker - the head was missing, and hen's have no teeth anyhow.

I was flabbergasted, and didn't understand how, after almost four hours, it could have done that after simmering all night long and being fine!

I got the biggest kick out of it after I was over the disappointment of losing a

broth I'd been babying for 14 hours.

Glenco - not so much.  

In his defense - the poor man had gotten up at 3am for work.

He was starving.

He just needed to get in, get something to eat, and rest a spell.

I'm going to admit something to you - this is going to SO burst your bubble of me...

Sometimes when he's crabby, I get a little mad about it, and tend to clam up and pout.

Sometimes I take it personally.

I decided that since I was on a roll of going to work without complaining, and burning a broth and laughing about it - that maybe this time I could manage to be mature about my husband being overtired and hungry - and being a bit grumpy.

So I left.

: -)

He was napping, and I decided to go out on a 'let's bless the man' mission.

I filled up the gas tank, I had the car washed.

I took care of some bills, and even took the car in for emissions testing.

Then I went to the grocery store and went on a shopping spree for him.

I even bought shrimp.

Girls, I haven't bought shrimp in about 20 years.

I find it to be Fear Factor food - I wouldn't eat it if you paid me.

Plus, I'm allergic to it.

But I bought it to make him a shrimp dinner.

Polish sausage, butter pecan ice cream, assorted mustards and sauerkraut.

I spared no expense!

And then I had another test....

As I was checking out.  I realized I was missing one of my gloves.

Not just any glove.

The hand knit, finger-less glove, that I had just finished knitting the week before.

I was tired.  I was hungry. 

Sound familiar?

Now my beloved glove was missing, and I had to retrace my steps to try to find it.

Back to produce, back to the meat department. 

I scanned every aisle.

No glove.

I found myself thinking that this was one of the worst things that could have ever happened to me.

I truly believed in my heart of hearts that a king-sized Snickers bar would help.

I felt that I deserved it at this point.

The worst thing.

A lost glove.

Really?

I collected myself and just told myself I'd have to make another.

And I smiled.

I talked to the cashier, and helped bag my groceries, and decided to be happy.

And I didn't get the candy bar.

I stopped at the Customer Service booth, and there, right next to a happy, smiling woman, sat my other glove.

Glory!

I left the store and met a very kind woman on the way to my car.

When I got home - Glenco came out and carried all the groceries in, and was in the sweetest mood.

"I didn't know you left!  I would have gone with you."

When we came in the house, he had Jackie Gleason Orchestra music playing, and he grabbed me and twirled me around the kitchen.

He ate Polish sausages and sauerkraut for supper and I gave him a foot rub on the couch, as we Netflixed the night away.

Love changes everything.

The end.

Jayme's Day of Happiness

I cannot begin to tell you how much I hate Google and all things related to Google, and yet I'd be lost without the Google search bar.

I'm torn.

I don't have the computer knowledge to even begin to explain what happened, 

or what I think happened.

Suffice it to say, for the last couple of months, I thought I'd lost my blog.

Every photo, every bit of drivel, every.thing.

Since this has been more of an online diary rather than a 'blog', I was a bit heartbroken.

I love going back and reading about my adventures with the BoyChild.

All I remember is opening a Gmail account for the marshmallows - and it apparently took over my computer, and truly, that's all I know.  

Blood, sweat and tears my friends.

I'm sure you thought I was gone, but for good.

Up from the grave I arose!

As usual - there's always something going on up in here.

A few of the highlights - I've turned 53.

I can't think of anything clever to go with 53 as I did with fifty-one-derful, and fifty-two-

good to be true.

So far, I have to admit - it may be one of the best years yet.

Why?

Many reasons...not limited to - 

I'm really enjoying my new business venture!

I've added homemade graham crackers to the mix, and ridiculous s'mores.

I'm really loving having something new to throw myself into.

I've just come to the realization that I really do have to have 'something' going in order to be happy, and there's not a thing wrong with that.

I've got shows nearly every weekend for the rest of the year! 

I can't get over the reception it's all had.

I've got my Etsy site up and running too, and a Facebook page.

My Facebook Page

My Etsy Site

Another reason it's been such a happy time - we've got snow!

If it's gonna be January, let's have it then.

I'm about to make a statement that I hope doesn't come back to bite me.

I am about the happiest I've been since Aaron grew up.

I really think I'm through the empty nest.

Deep sigh....

I've started a weight loss/wellness group here at my home every Monday morning.

I have the marshmallows.

Everyone I love is happy and healthy.

Aaron is grown.

He's in a relationship, for a year now!

He's working in Chicago, loving every minute of it.

He's bought himself a bright shiny new Volkswagen.

I feel like we now have an adult relationship - 

that I survived that awkward stage of not quite letting him go.

He treated me to a fabulous restaurant for my birthday - spent a fortune.

It was SO hard to see him spending his money - so hard - I just hugged him and said 'oh honey - you just spent a fortune on me' to which he replied 'well Marmie, you've given up a fortune to raise me'.

Sigh.

He's such a great kid.

I just feel like things are really good right now - and I'm so incredibly grateful for it!

Too Much Fun

Happy Monday Morning!

I've just been having too much fun with these marshmallows.

Thank you for all of your kind, encouraging comments!

My week didn't go as planned - I was unable to take the trip to Missouri because I fell ill on Wednesday night.  Spent all of Thursday/Friday/Saturday up on the couch - coughing, snotting, sleeping and crocheting.  I'm about 89% better today.  I managed to discard the pumpkins and fall decor just yesterday - the Christmas boxes are down from the attic, and I'm ridiculously excited about decorating for Christmas this year.  At this point, I may be celebrating Orthodox Christmas, but we will celebrate, nonetheless.

I also spent a bit of time reading some old blogs.  Goodness gracious, I was flat cracking myself up - also reading some that I sounded bat guano crazy.

Y'all are some good people to stick around for the show.

:-)

I feel like we are through the years of introspection, and sisters, that feels pretty danged good.

I just don't think I realized the heartbreak I had over Aaron growing up and all, the whole empty nest made me feel like I had an empty life.

Au contrare.

Onward....

Meet Mick - 

Even cowboys have a soft spot for marshmallows!

My friend Sue from Bloomington, Indiana ordered some mallows and posted these pics of Facebook - smiled my head right in half when I saw them.

The marshmallows seem to be spreading joy - and it's been so fun.  Glenco is so excited, and is truly a 50/50 partner in all of this as we discuss display ideas and flavors.

My friend Sue suggested I have a little fun and offer a free sample box of marshmallows in a little contest.  Send me a picture, or post to my Facebook page - you eating one of my marshmallows - the best photo will win a Spring Sampler box - with flavors like Honey/Lavender, Orange/Chocolate, Very Vanilla, and Simply Strawberry.  Be the first to taste the delights!

I'm going to leave this open until the end of the year - hopefully Mick won't be the only entrant, but I'm sure he hopes he is!

Speaking of fun - I watched this video again whilst I was in a bit of a feverish state.

I laughed until I cried.  Oh my goodness, I've got to dust Helene off and get her back here!

Have a wonderful week!

PS - for mallow ordering info - email me at MeltArtisanMallows@gmail.com

Out on a Whim -

It never ceases to amaze me that y'all are still here.

I blog once in a coon's age, and yet - I see familiar faces commenting, and the balm it is to my soul is hard to put into words.

'Thank you' doesn't cut it.

I thought it high time for another 'check in' and 'what's Jayme up to now?' post.

I would love to tell you that I'm sitting here at 11:31 in the am, nicely dressed, drinking a spot of gingerbread tea, the house bedecked for Christmas.

I'd love to tell you that I thought I'd pop on and blog whilst I waited for the oven timer to ding on my 4th batch of Mexican Wedding Cake cookies that I'll be tinning up and sending overseas to the troops.

I'd love to tell you that I've been busy boxing up gifts for the homeless and 

sewing quilts for neo-natal units.

I'm embarrassed to tell you that I sit here in mismatched pj's and that I had crackers for 

breakfast this morning.

I'm embarrassed to tell you that I have rotting pumpkins and mum skeletons flanking my front door.

In the words of the infamous Janie Fox - 

I can't care.

But I do care, and I'm faking saying I don't care.

What has kept me from decking the halls and cooking meals?

I have a good reason.

Since my last blog post - I haven't had a day off til this very moment...and it's not really a day off.

It's a day of laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning and nesting.

I had to laugh at myself as I was dusting the houseplants this morning in my mis-matched pj's - while the laundry is piled to my thigh.

I.just.needed.to.nest.

I've no idea how to explain this recent development to you - other than to just jump in and tell you.

I started a marshmallow business.

I know.

I'm as shocked as you are.

How did this happen?

I'll tell you.

That girl.

Her name is Carey.  She's the kind of woman you meet, fall in love with, and walk away from feeling like you can conquer the world and have fun while you are doing it. She runs the coolest antique store in town, and organizes these pop up markets here in Crown Point called 'Hunt and Gather'. She was my manager when I worked at Pier One - a lifetime ago.

I attended  'Hunt and Gather' for the first time this past summer - and was electrified by the creativity, originality and the vibe I felt there.  I told her how awesome it was,

 and what a great energy it had to it.

She told me she wanted me as a vendor - to figure it out.

: -)

I hemmed and hawed, and hawed and hemmed, and thought - hmm...what could I do? As we all know, I'm good at many things, but none generate much of an income. I thought I would mainly do it just for the fun of it all, if I broke even, that would even be more fun.

So then I thought, I thought,  'well Jayme, everyone likes the marshmallows you make at Christmas'.

This market was the end of November, so I thought it would be a fitting choice.

So - I began experimenting with my marshmallow recipe, and started coming up with ideas, and the next thing I knew - I had marshmallows in and on every surface of my house.

Because of my 'last minute', over book myself',' this shan't take that long' - kind of attitude, I basically had three days left in my schedule to pull off a vendor booth at this Hunt and Gather.

I worked around the clock for three days, making the product, figuring out a display - etc.

Let me just interject that this entire time the voices in my head were telling me that I was an idiot.

I nearly called Carey on 83 different occasions to tell her I changed my mind, but it was important to me to follow through.

So I did.

Guess what?

I.had.a.flipping.ball.

Flat sold out.

Since November 20th - it has been an absolute blur of marshmallows, the health department, commercial kitchen rentals, and doing two other venues. I've worked 12 to 16 hours a day for the last week.  Glenco took vacation time and helped.  I did two more shows this weekend.

It's fun to see people's eyes roll back in their heads when they taste them.

"I don't even like marshmallows, but these are awesome!"

"This is so Shark Tank-able!" one gal exclaimed.

I woke up this morning to emails of people wanting more.

I'm already booked for some shows next year, the first being the end of January.

I have more flavor ideas than I have hairs on my head.

I'm obsessed with display ideas and marketing.

Just this morning, I sent an email to Indianapolis about getting a wholesale permit, as I have shops asking for the mallows.

What in the world?

It's quite possibly the craziest thing I've done.

So that my friends, is why I have no signs of Christmas up here in the house.

It's why my hands are so swollen right now that it's hard to type.

It's why I have on mismatched pajamas at what is now officially the afternoon.

Today I restore the house.

Tomorrow I deliver mallow orders.

Wednesday is a cleaning job.

Thursday I leave for Missouri for a few days to see my sister honored as 'Guardian of the Year' from ARC of the Ozarks, the organization that worked with my sister Vivian.

Life is good.

Aaron got his dream job at a salon in the Lincoln Park area of Chicago.

Glenco is healthy and happy - and so very supportive of the mallow mania.

wouldn't stay still long enough for a photo!

I do believe I will be selling them through Etsy soon - and if you are really really interested in the mallows - what they are all about, flavors and all - you can drop me an email at:

MeltArtisanMallows@gmail.com.

or leave me your email in the comments, and I'll contact you.

I won't be shipping orders after the first of next week.

I reallllllly need to take my fall decor down.

: -)

I didn't want to come back and blog - and make it seem like an advertisement for the mallows - I just wanted to give you all an update.

Please remember - we are all capable of more than we'd ever imagine.

You never know what's waiting around the corner of your life.

Just a Housewife

A friend of mine called me out yesterday on the fact that I haven't

 blogged since Oct. 4th.  

I had no idea that much time had gone by.

I don't understand how time is flying so!

I don't mean this sarcastically at all!  I say 'amen!'.

I've really had no energy flowing toward the blog at all - and I bet it's

 been over a year 

since I've even read another blog.

Sad.

True.

I don't find much use with the Interweb these days, other than finding a good 

recipe, or sending an email here and there.

I'm kind of over it.  

: -)

In the past five weeks, I've been pretty occupied.

I spent a week in Missouri, helping my cousin paint rooms, lay new floors, etc.

Got home and jumped right into a large cleaning project that required barrels of elbow grease.

My friend's father passed, and she's prepping the house for sale.

I'm deep cleaning every square inch.

I've ALWAYS felt that I could be a house flipper - but Lord have mercy, I'm aching all over!

Why is it more fun to clean someone else's house?

This very day is the first day off I've had in the last two weeks I do believe.

I've spent the better part of the day moving the heating pad about my body and catching 

up on phone calls and messages.

I just pulled a batch of these out the oven...

Cranberry Harvest Muffins

It was whilst I was mixing the ginger into the batter that I started realizing the worth of a 'housewife'.

I really do prefer the term 'homemaker'.

I feel incredibly grateful that I'm able to stay home, and just do a couple of cleaning jobs a week, and even more so that I'm the kind of gal willing to make the sacrifices I make in order to that.  

Many people aren't willing to make them.

I think long term - in twenty years I'll be thankful that I had more time with my friends and family -  I don't think I'll mourn the fact that I lived without cable TV and a cell phone.

In the last two-ish weeks that I've been gone all day working, we've suffered.

Our nutrition has been poor.  

Aaron needed me a couple of times, and I was unavailable.

There has been a severe lack of 'cozy' going on here.

Glen's been lonely.

I've been so, so, so tired.

The catboxes were shameful.

Need I go on?

I'm certain that if I worked full time, all of the time, I'd get a rhythm going and be fine.

I'm telling you what though - I like staying home.

I like being on top of things, and preparing good meals, and not being stressed over laundry.

I love being here with Glenco gets home, and offering a warm muffin.

I love being a homemaker.

Please, don't ever underestimate the value of 'us' stay at home'rs.

Whether you are raising little ones, or big ones.

Whether your nest is empty, or overflowing.

It matters.

If you are home, be home.

Be present.

Love your family, love yourself.

Bake some muffins, fluff a pillow, hug a neck.

And, never, ever - forget this....