My Judgement is Cluttered

 

I had to giggle at how many of you mentioned you had old Mary Kay Satin Hands.

Loved the stuff, but how many of us are going to go through all those steps?

I would if my hands were not going into water about 4,283 times a day.

Ma Kettle Burlap Hands.

That's what I've got.

 

Wow.

55 comments so far on "I'm Stufficating"

I think I hit a hot topic.

 

I only had about ten minutes to work on my declutter project today, but in that short time - this is what I pulled out of the office/sewing room/pantry/everything room.

 

 

 

If one of my local friends sees something that they gave me here - I apologize.

You know me well enough understand.

I hope.

 

Four empty glass bottles

Two tablecloths

Large blood pressure cuff

Ear piece for telephone (never used)

Trackball mouse

Cellphone case (it's Aaron's - I hope to God he isn't reading this)

Pillow

Two bottles of wine (We don't drink anymore)

Three books behind the pillow

Asst. Cookie Cutters

Wooden Painted Box

DVDs

CDs

Recipe Booklets

 

I should add the total of this up together and see what it comes to, I bet it's a few hundred bucks.

It all went to a good home.

I toyed around with the idea of having a yard sale.

I started freaking out a little over the money that was spent on all of this stuff that I was now basically 'throwing away'. 

I thought - wait - let me pile all of this on the front porch, start pricing it - and....

and then I realized that I would doubtfully have it this fall, and then it would sit there all winter taunting me - and then I would work my fool head off for the sale and make a couple of hundred dollars if I were lucky.

 

It didn't seem worth it to me.

I want it gone now.

 

I wanted to talk about the cookie cutters for a sec.

Let me preface by saying that the few times that I've watched 'Hoarders' - I usually gasp in disbelief, and I think 'oh man, I just don't get it - how could ANYONE live like THAT!?'

 

Today, when I pulled the cookie cutters out - I had SUCH an emotional attachment to them.

I actually had a bit of a pain in my stomach - and it dawned on me - "So this is what THEY feel like when asked to throw away a broken hanger?"

 

I still don't really understand it.

But I get it now - I can sympathize.

 

If you are wondering WHY I got rid of the cookie cutters - I'll tell ya.  I just don't bake anymore - well, hardly ever - and if I do - it's gluten free, and semi-healthy.  I don't see myself making rolled sugar cookies for every Holiday anymore - just Christmas.  I just saved a few back.  I still struggle at times with the whole baking/cooking thing being my very identity.

Truth is, I just really don't want to feed my family and the people I love all of that unhealthy food anymore.

 

 

 

One of the questions recently that my therapist asked me -

"You seem to judge yourself so harshly - do you judge others as harshly?"

 

My first reaction was 'oh goodness no - I'm seriously like the nicest, most tolerant, understanding person in the Universe'.

 

She just asked me to watch for judgemental thoughts towards others.

So I did.

 

In the course of 24 hours, I felt that I judged people three separate times, quite harshly.

 

While Aaron was testing for his GED, I sat and waited in the school hallway.  There was a woman there preparing for a big school Open House the next day - and she was running around like a headless chicken - and she seemed to be in pain, and have a hard time walking.  She was quite overweight.  I offered to help her - and ended up folding some brochures and ironing tablecloths while I waited on Aaron.  See, I am nice.

 

I had thoughts like this - 'well, girl - if you'd get some of that weight off, you could probably get around much better.'  At the end of the night, she told me she'd had a double knee replacement 8 weeks ago.  All of the sudden, I thought she was getting around famously.

 

I'm not really sure how this all ties in with the decluttering - but I noticed in many of your comments, you seemed to be upset with yourself, or shaming yourselves for your mess.  Do you feel judged for your mess?

 

Don't do that.

It's not helping anything.

Be kind to yourself.

 

Let's pare down and spruce up!

I'm Stufficating

It's been a couple of years ago now that I started my life transformation.

Many of you have been with me through the whole blasted thing.

It really wasn't a conscious 'I'm starting Monday' type of a transformation - it was more of a 'this ain't working for me anymore' kinda thing.

I started with the house.

Clutter.

Stuff.

Too many hobbies.

Overly decorated.

I was stufficating.

I gave the whole place a clean sweep. After I finished the house - I worked on my body - decluttering that - then my mind - decluttering that.

It's been an incredibly journey of priorities changing, shining light into mental blind spots, realizing that less is truly more and learning that a bank account full of happiness and peace is more satisfying to me than money.

Guess what?

It's time for Phase 2.

I still feel like I'm stufficating.

I still have too much 'stuff', and yet I have less than most people I know - but it still seems like too much.

I'm determined to die with next to nothing...ha!  I don't want to be one of those old ladies that passes away and the family has to come in with a dumpster and deal with all of my stuff.

This time - I'm being brutal.  Nothing is safe.  Yesterday, I opened my Tupperware cabinet and it all tumbled down on me.  Girls - no one needs 38 plastic containers.

No one.

They shall disappear very soon.

The garden is over stuffed, I've been digging things out and simplifying it.

Thanks to thrift stores and yard sales, I have way too many clothes.  I bought things that I liked but didn't love, just because they were in good condition and cheap - it's still a waste of money if you don't wear them.

It's a little (a lot) overwhelming to think of where to start, isn't it?

I started in the bathroom yesterday - cause I knew I could just finish it up quick and it would feel like I finished something.

I ended up with a garbage can full of old products, expired antibiotics and allergy meds and my extra large blood pressure cuff that I no longer need since I've lost weight.

When I realized all the money spent on lotions and tinctures that I never ended up fully using, it frustrated me so much!  I had some Mary Kay Satin Hand stuff that was at least 7 years old.  Two years ago when I did my decluttering I vowed to use it - and I never did.

It actually felt really good to just throw it away.

My ultimate dream - although I know Glenco would never go for it : -)

I've decided that Pinterest, magazines and other blogs are pornography for housewives.  I think at times, if we aren't careful - it truly promotes 'more is better' and we will constantly feel that we are less than because we don't have everything we need to set an elaborate table setting for every season and holiday.  It takes a LOT of stuff to do that. 

Am I the only one that lived for years in a state of discontent whilst reading Martha Stewart magazines?

Am I the only one that was a raging lunatic that my family didn't want to be around on Thanksgiving because I was trying to make everything 'perfect'?

Oftentimes, I think we focus on our homes being perfectly decorated at the expense of our hearts and relationships being cluttered, or bare and poorly 'decorated'.

A tidy home filled with love and laughter is the coziest of all, if you ask me.

I'm determined to only keep those things that I find useful, necessary and beautiful.  

I want to find the balance of being deliberately simple, yet cozy and warm.

Who's with me?

What are you gonna get rid of today?

She Lives....

 

I'm alive!

I'm here, I'm here.

 

 

 

In a very quiet mood lately - and there ain't nothing wrong with that.

We've been quite busy - here and there.

 

Found out that my B12 levels were rock bottom.  My legs had been going numb on me and I was getting severe Charlie horses in my calves.  I've been getting B12 shots weekly for a month, and now just a got a prescription to give them to myself.  *gulp*.  It's funny - fatigue is a big symptom of low B12 - and it's funny - cause I didn't feel tired until I found I had low B12.  I know.  It's psychosomatic or something, eh?  I'm thinking that I never allowed myself to feel tired - I just kept pushing.

I'm tired y'all.

I can tell the B12 shots are helping....and I'm taking like 5mg sublingually as well.

 

Aaron did take the GED, and feels confident in the outcome.

We have to wait a few weeks for the results.

He's vacationing now in the Smokies with his parents.

I will never get tired of saying 'parents'.

So glad my sister found someone to share her life with.

 

 

 

We've gone camping a time or two -

In the process of finding a place for Aaron to live while schooling in Chicago - trying to work out the financial end of school as well - grants, scholarships, financial aid.

I'm a fish out of water here girls.

 

I don't feel like I have anything important to say - so I'll say no more -

not that it's every stopped me before.

: -)

 

Life is good.

 

Romancing the Coop

It dawned on me for the 694th time, that I romanticize life way too much.

Meet Clarence.

Some of you know that I'm raising birds for meat this summer - well, I'm trying to.

It's a long story, but rest assured that I shan't be posting pictures of headless birds and sharing gory details.

I decided early on that I would choose one bird to grant pardon to.  There was an Araucana rooster that was an early favorite.  Beautiful bird.  Too pretty to eat I thought.

Then this nut bird keeps getting picked on - almost to the point of death, and the soft spot in my heart knew he was my bird.

I had romantic visions of a pet rooster, hanging out with me on the swing whilst I embroidered dishtowels in my apron - a cool summer breeze blowing through the yard - my fat furry black cat Mocha at my feet. 

Clarence would be preening, Mocha would be purring, I would be stitching, my perfectly manicured perennial garden basking in the summer sunshine - and I'm sure there would be some perfectly brewed iced tea in a lovely vintage glass somewhere nearby, gathering condensation from the humid summer weather.

Reality check.

Yesterday, when I gave Clarence clemency, the fool bird was so shocked and happy to be out of harms way that he DID seem to want to hang out with me, and let me pick him up readily, and stroke his glossy neck feathers and play with his flaps and in general, give him some lovin'.

An hour later - he would attack me any time I got near him - relentlessly biting my hands, trying to pull chunks of flesh off.   It was open season on my calves, and I've got the bruises to prove it.  The cat wasn't safe either - Clarence chased both cats around the yard, fur and feathers flying.

My sun scorched perennials were fair game as well - nice big holes where there were some flowers.

Call me stubborn or stupid, I'm determined to have my bucolic view of life left intact.

In honor of my fantasy world - let's share some Instagram photos.

There's nothing like Instagram to fancy up a picture of a sandwich, a cup of coffee, or even a chicken dropping, I'm sure.  Let's compare fantasy and reality for a moment.

I got my new bifocals.  I love them.  Super cute.  You can't even see the sides here, and they are super cuter.  Don't I look cute here?  Notice the offset head - adds such an artsy touch?

Reality - I just paid $308 for these glasses and that was after insurance.  One minute after I snapped this picture, I recieved a frantic phone call from my sister and Aaron.  If I didn't get the the DMV and straighten out some paperwork for Aaron's driving permit - I think there would have been bloodshed.

It doesn't get much sweeter and cuter than this, does it?  A kitten on a quilt.  I mean COME ON.

Reality - this kitten should be named Damien, not Jax.  He's destroying that quilt with his claws.  The only time I can get a photo of him is when he is sound asleep, otherwise he is a blur.  I'm anxious to neuter him to see if it calms him down.  The house is in shambles from his shenanigans.

For all my friends that love that old fashioned, peeling paint look, like I do - you'll love these two pictures.

My front door.

We never do use the front door - so I've decided to let the Virginia Creeper and Morning Glories have it.  It's incredibly romantic isn't it?  Doesn't it just make your stomach ache you love it so?

Yep.  Until it's actually on YOUR house, and then you feel like a complete slacker that hasn't painted your house in years.

Sunflowers and zinnias frolicking happily along my driveway.

Don't hate.  Isn't it fabulous?

It is.

Reality.  It was all supposed to be zinnias - just like last year.  But, I, the Master Gardener - planted the spot halfway full of sunflowers before I realized they were sunflower seeds and not zinnia seeds.

Lord knows I know the difference, in fact, I'm sure you could blindfold me and I could tell by feel alone.  So, when "I" see this lovely sight, I worry about early dementia.

Enjoy.

 

This is just a picture of a rebel sunflower.  It refuses to look at the sun.  Cracks me flat up.

My first pair of size 6 pants were purchased this week.

I'm over the moon with joy of course.

Had my first friend seriously worried that I was becoming anorexic.

The reality of these size sixes is that I've worked incredibly hard and put in most of my life looking like this -

I deserve those size sixes, ya think?

 

Isn't this cute?  Me eating ribs.  You might be thinking 'wow, she has so much fun - she takes rides in the country to BBQ stands and eats fun things and enjoys life so much'.  You'd be right - but - reality - I went to bed with a killer stomach ache.  There was something in that rub mix that ailed me - I'm thinking it was the yeast extract.

Aaron and I picked 48lbs of tomatoes off of my plants.  I have 8 tomato plants that are going gangbusters.  Isn't that awesome?

Reality - I did not expect to spend my entire day yesterday processing tomatoes - but that's what happens on Monday's in August when you go out to the garden - what you also don't know is how I've been nagged to water said tomato plants by Glenco.  You also don't know how many tomatoes the banty hens have eaten before I got to them - probably this many.

Isn't this a cool picture of beeswax?  I love it.  Smells so good too.  I keep bees.  Yes, I am very cool.

Romantic visions of me in my bee suit - smoker smoldering - bees quietly buzzing about thanking me for planting all these awesome flowers - ya, that's what I thought too.

Reality?

By the time I harvest the honey, I'm stung, suffering from heat exhaustion and usually decide that I don't like honey that much after all.

(speaking of honey - for those of you that have emailed me that you want some - I'm planning on shipping this week - and there was SOMEONE that wanted some - needed it for medicinal purposes, and I'll be darned if I haven't deleted your email somehow - please email again!)

Reality aside - I like living in my fantasy world - where my kitty is beyond adorable, my chickens adore me, the garden blesses me with it's bounty and I pretend that all the peeling paint on the house is exactly what I intended.

World's Worst Blogger Award

I've come to realize that I'm the world's worst blogger.

It's ok.

I really am ok with it.

Is there an award for that?

I'm giving it to myself.

I mean - I start a story - and never finish it -

I start things like the "Pink Chicken Revolution" and then never speak of it for a year -

I have the best of intentions, I truly do.

Life just keeps getting in the way.

Love me.

:-)

We came home from camping a day early.

It was HOT.  Like 102 with a heat index of 110.

 There was no sleeping to be had.

I tried to sleep the second night out on a vintage chaise lounge, right outside of the camper.

It didn't work.

MY towels were disheveled on the line and I just didn't care.

Bring on the foil.

I couldn't care.

I wouldn't.

Camping is a fall activity.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

It's Monday am at 5:53am and I have 19 roosters serenading me, and the entire neighborhood.

I may also be the world's worst neighbor.

Today's blog will be short and pointless.

Please reference the first sentence of this post.

At "Art in the Garden" at Gardens on the Prairie yesterday with my friend Laura Snyder.
I just bought that super cute hat!

I feel like the old Jayme is rearing her lovely head again.

I have a list.

It's now 5:55am and I'm heading out to the garden as soon as I hang the sheets on the line.

I have to say - I think I'm more comfortable with this Jayme.  I have to blend the two - the new carefree Jayme - and the old Nazi Jayme.

I'm completely renovating the garden.

I gave away two trunkloads of perennials yesterday.

I sold my loom.

I feel driven.

I got the cutest new pair of glasses you ever did see - pick them up in a week.

Aaron shan't be testing for the GED until August 15th and 16th - so please adjust your prayer and fasting schedules.

It's too light out to be up and on the Interweb.

"Ve must get to vork!"

Happy Monday!

The Boy We Call Aaron

Hi Dee Ho!

Me again.

It's 6:43 in the pm on Friday.

I have Paula Deen's basic meatloaf up in the oven with 23 minutes left to bake.

Brussels Sprouts are co-roasting with aforementioned meatloaf.

Aaron requested them.

How many 16 year olds do you know that request Brussels Sprouts?

Reason # 3,456,563,454,524,212 why I love that child.

I truly have no excuse why dinner is so late tonight.

Well, maybe it had something to do with me roaming the dark house up in the middle of the night, nude, having a hot flash. I was gone all day until 4pm, and then when I got home - I just felt the need to rest a spell.

I thought I'd give you an update on the child, it's been a while.

Today we figured out that he has 59 days before he gets his driver's license.

My eyes and nose started burning on the announcement of this news.

I was determined not to cry.

Lord have mercy friends - come the end of September - you will all be hearing earfuls of drivel.  I mean the first time he pulls up and out of the driveway on his own?

Pharmaceuticals will be involved.

On my end.

Aaron is ready for his GED testing.  If all goes the way we have it planned, we will be testing on August 1st and 2nd.

Please mark it on your calendars as a day of fasting and prayer.

Considering that his mom doesn't know where his birth certificate and or Social Security card are since the move, I'm not holding my breath - but I sure hope we do test on those days.

He continues to delight me to no end, and our days are filled with laughter and love.

He's such a flippin' great kid.  He really is.

 

I'm racking my brain making sure I've taught Aaron all that I want to teach him before he goes out among the English on his own and for good.

I'm asking him things like - 'ok, you know how to do laundry right?  Cooking - you've got that down, and grocery shopping...what else do I need to teach you?'

He claims he's good. 

Yesterday, I had to clean an efficiency apartment that had recently been vacated.

I took Aaron with me to show him what life on drugs is like.

Ha!

Yep, I'm all like 'OK, so if you ever decide to do drugs, I want you to know what your life will be like - you will be eating food out of a bug infested fridge!'

I made him help me clean the apartment and count his blessings.

That's not entirely true - he seemed happy (although grossed out) to help me.

Yesterday it dawned on me that I'm quite the control freak.

Does this come as a surprise?

I decided that I could never be a rental property owner.  There is much I wouldn't allow.

"Excuse me - you think you are hanging THOSE curtains?  I don't think so!"

I can see myself driving slowly past the property - pointing and shaking my finger - "Move those bikes!"

I'm beginning to think my OCD is hormonally charged.  I'm so 'hormony' at the moment that camping this weekend should be interesting. 

I swear - if I see a picnic table with an over usage of foil - I'm going to lose it!

Disheveled towels on a line?

I'm calling the DNR.

Speaking of camping - we leave soon and I haven't lifted a finger to get ready to go.

The timer just beeped on the meatloaf -

So I reckon I'll take my leave for now.

Thanks for all of your fun, sweet, encouraging comments on the last post!

I'm not closing up the blog - I need my drivel release.

I just thank you for sticking with me - for real.

Someone's Gone Broody

It's me.

I'm just in a mood.

RIP Sweet FiFi 2010

Not a bad mood, not a good mood.

Not an 'eh' mood - just a mood.

It's 100 degrees outside.

It's been unseasonably warm for quite some time now - and there's a drought up here in Indiana.

One match could eliminate the entire garden at this point.

I can guarantee you that the garden does not look like this, and yet I keep posting this picture - much like a woman would do on Match.com - take the best photo from a few years ago - and keep posting it like it's current.
Mmmhmmm.

Uncle Joe is moving kinda slow.

I do declare I nearly fainted dead away by the time I hung up an entire load of delicates on the clothesline.

I do believe it was dry by the time I finished hanging it.

A year without Roundup is visibly evident now, and the weeds have won the war my friend.

I'm about ready to put little white flags all over the yard.

The zinnias surrender!

I think Scarlett and Aunt Jemima were trying to break it to Buddy gently, that they just 'aren't in the mood' in this hot weather - and would appreciate being left alone.

The chickens are cranky.

One hen was so irritated that she attacked me when I went to take her egg.

Whenever a hen gets agitated and I'm near by - Buddy, the rooster takes it personally and comes to show me who's boss.

Sadly, he is always reminded that I'm the boss.

You can't let roosters sense fear.

They will hunt you down and peck your eyes out.

Not really, but it sure seems like it sometimes.

I did not, and do not cotton to this behavior - and I gave them all a loud lecture threatening to 'put their asses on Craig's List' or in the next pen over where the meat birds are housed,  that I call "Aushwitz'.

"Well maybe I'll just leave the roost door open tonight!  Take your chances with the coons!"

Is this menopause?

The carrying on of the hens when they lay an egg is normally music to my ears - but it's been annoying me lately.

Menopause?

"Shut up already!  So you laid an egg!  Whooptie do!"

Then I realized if I gave birth to something bigger than my head on a daily basis, I suppose I should have some bragging rights as well.

I want to sell everything.

I mean everything.

I want a microhouse and three hens and one beehive.

Maybe two tomato plants.

And a bicycle.

Well, OK - one rooster.

That's it.

I've become obsessed with yard sales.

More so than I was before.

I'm buying up clothes like I'm related to the Duggar's.

This goes against everything I just mentioned in the last paragraph.

I cobbled up a list the other day and felt better, more in control.

Then I took a nap.

I don't know if I'm coming or going.

I am going.

Camping - this weekend.

Returning The Squirrel to it's natural habitat.

Severe storms predicted for our first day there.

Of course there are.

Sunday on the way to get my BBQ splurge meal I lost my $500 trifocals.

We were on the motorcycle and I had my prescription sunglasses on my face, and my trifocals in my shirt.

Doesn't my grape salad look like a monkey face?  Or maybe it does to me cause I can't see anything since I've lost my trifocals.

After I ate, I realized I didn't have them anymore.

We retraced our steps and drove slowly but didn't see them.

Even took the car out - driving ten miles an hour all the way there with the flashers on and me hanging out of the passenger side door looking for them - but no luck.

All I got was car sick.

I would have walked the whole thing - but it's 100 degrees out and it was 10 miles.

There's a possum some where out there rejoicing that he can finally see.

 

I tried in vain to get this picture to fit right. : -/

Summer honey extraction is complete - email me if you are interested!  I have a few pints extra.

I got stung in the ankle, took two Benadryl and slept for 10 hours while Glenco cleaned honey off of the cat's head and kitchen light fixtures.

I keep thinking I should close the blog up for good, that I've plum run out of things to talk about.

But now, after ranting - I feel better.

So, now I'll go put away the groceries that I brought in an hour ago when I decided to sit down and do this blog post.

Amen.

Burgers, Freakouts and Meditation - Oh My!

It's been six months y'all - and the burger looks just the same.

In fact - it's looked like this since day five - and I hesitate to keep it.

I will though - it's been amazing people that visit.

In fact, one friend called me recently and said 'since I saw that burger at your house I haven't gone to McDonalds and I've lost 26lbs'.

Success.

It's also kept Aaron out of the fast food, and that makes me happy.  So much better just leading by example, ya know?

I actually ate a portion of a DQ Cheeseburger yesterday.

In a moment of 'what am I missing?' I ordered one whilst in town grocery shopping.

My first bite experience - after 17 months without a burger?

I was surprised at how tasteless it was.

Then I saw big brown cow eyes looking at me from the overcrowded feed lot.

Then I thought of pink slime.

Then I wrapped it up and threw it out.

Blech.

Uh oh - this is weight loss drivel on the wrong blog.

:-)

I did want you guys to know that I shared the program that I did - on my other blog - in case you are interested and wanted to have a look see.

Click here

I  know many of you have emailed me - and I just haven't had the time to sit and answer, and I apologize. 

That link up there will take you to the answers to most, if not all of your questions, and if you still have any - please feel free to call me.  The number is in the blog post there. 

 Yesterday - I had a mini meltdown - and felt so danged overwhelmed by all that needs to be done around here right now. The house felt like a mess. I am seriously so behind with the bees - Lord only knows what shenanigans they are up to in those blasted boxes.  The garden is entering the pitiful zone.  There wasn't a lick of food up in the house - my mind started going like a runaway freight train with thoughts like "'oh man!  Summer is almost over!  This isn't how I wanted it to go!  Why can't I ever get anything done?  It seems no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep it all together!  What's wrong with me!  I'm Roundup-ing this whole garden!  I think I'll give my beehives away!" and on and on I went - flipping the heck out.

You guys know - you know those days when you just feel like you'll never.ever.ever have another moment's rest?

Now - the old Jayme would have continued to freak out - made some espresso - stuffed herself with cookies - and made everyone else in the house miserable for the entire day while I stomped around freaking out and working.

Wait - did I just type that out loud?

The new improved, more in control of herself Jayme quickly calmed herself.

There is ALWAYS enough time to do the most important.

Can I get an amen?

After I did my workout, I meditated for about five minutes.  It wasn't anything super spiritual or anything - I just sit quietly, focus on my breathing and repeat 'it's OK - everything is gonna be ok'.

I'm a regular guru, aren't I?

I realized that the sister wives weren't coming and it was all up to me.

I calmed myself and purposely did the work at hand slowly - making sure I was present in each task.

When it was time for Glen to go to the dentist, I went with him.

Spending time with him seemed more important than weeding.

I gave Aaron my full attention when he spoke to me.

At the grocery store, I was kind, calm and friendly to all I encountered.

I let people merge in front of me on the road.

I waved people on at four way stops.

I took a thirty minute nap.

I played with the cat.

I decided that getting what I could get done, and being happy while I was doing it was WAY more important to me than finishing everything that I felt needed to be done.

Cause no one likes living with a bitch, let alone being one.

And that's your lesson for the day.

:-)